How to solve this issue with my little girl?

[Guest SUeB]

Well, i really do hope all of that is true, and you are not simply trying to defend her. While i definitely disagree with some points you have made, all i can do is hope the best for you. Just have to say a few more things, lol, before stepping down from my moral standpoint.

You say when she gets upset, all logic goes out of the window, but once she calms down she tries to be more understanding. Understanding of what exactly? Her childish behaviour, or how badly you feel after being treated in such a manner? And does she regularly get upset? And has she ever threatened to dump you over problems she herself caused, other than this time?

With the few details we have, she needs to grow up. Ddlg has nothing to do with this. There is a vast difference between being childLIKE and childISH. Please be careful, and do not allow her to use her lg status as an excuse to treat you like this. She is an adult before all else.

[Guest SUeB]

I’m sure I’ve cut off several years of my life just from the sheer stress from this situation.

You have all you need to know in this one sentence. Take note of your own words. Please.

[daddy_jp]

Well, i really do hope all of that is true, and you are not simply trying to defend her. While i definitely disagree with some points you have made, all i can do is hope the best for you. Just have to say a few more things, lol, before stepping down from my moral standpoint.

You say when she gets upset, all logic goes out of the window, but once she calms down she tries to be more understanding. Understanding of what exactly? Her childish behaviour, or how badly you feel after being treated in such a manner? And does she regularly get upset? And has she ever threatened to dump you over problems she herself caused, other than this time?

With the few details we have, she needs to grow up. Ddlg has nothing to do with this. There is a vast difference between being childLIKE and childISH. Please be careful, and do not allow her to use her lg status as an excuse to treat you like this. She is an adult before all else.

When she calms down she realizes that she has been immature, and she always apologizes for treating me poorly and does what she can to make things right again. She becomes more understanding of my point of view and more willing to work on bettering herself for the sake of her personal growth as well as our relationship. She doesn’t regularly get upset; it’s very rare that we have moments like this.

She hasn’t ever threatened to dump me over anything she’s caused before; this is the first time.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I'm going to try and make this as simple as possible. You have to let her know you have been dating for 2 months and you aren't a mind reader. Texting also doesn't show emotions so she should be more up front with it. As a daddy it's hard to know what is best for your little all the time. We would like to think we know but it is impossible, we are only human. Tell her you messed up and you want to try and fix it. Tell her you will give her some space but would like to talk it over like adults. Tell her that you are there when she is ready to talk about it.

[daddy_jp]

I'm going to try and make this as simple as possible. You have to let her know you have been dating for 2 months and you aren't a mind reader. Texting also doesn't show emotions so she should be more up front with it. As a daddy it's hard to know what is best for your little all the time. We would like to think we know but it is impossible, we are only human. Tell her you messed up and you want to try and fix it. Tell her you will give her some space but would like to talk it over like adults. Tell her that you are there when she is ready to talk about it.

Yes, absolutely; two months isn’t that long and with us only being able to see each other for a few hours once a week and being limited to texting any other time, it’s hard for me to know what’s best for her as well as be able to read her. I wish I could read her mind but of course that’s impossible; I can only hope that as our relationship goes on, we will learn more about how to care for each other properly and I will be able to read her better. I’m constantly trying to better myself and learn from my mistakes so I can become the best daddy that I can be. I care about her so much and I just want to be there for her and support her in every way possible and help her grow and provide her with love and kindness and make her happy.

[daddy_jp]

Update:

She has calmed down, has realized that she was being childish, and apologized multiple times for how she’s acted and how she treated me.

 

Apparently the reason why she was upholding this expectation of me was because she is afraid of showing me how weak she truly is. She thinks that she has to be strong in front of me, so that’s why she hides her feelings when things are wrong. And then in turn, she gets upset that I don’t realize how weak she is. But we’ve worked things out now and she realizes that because we’ve only been together for a short time, I don’t always know what’s going on with her and that she needs to be more open with me, so she’s going to work on letting me see her weakness and be more honest and open.

 

I’ve made it clear to her that my feelings for her won’t change no matter how weak she is, and that i genuinely want to provide her with support and care when she’s having a moment of weakness.

[Persephone_Persephone]

I just want to work things out with her. I just want her to let me take care of her again and I want us to be okay again, and as of right now she doesn’t want that because of how hurt she is that i didn’t take care of her when she needed it most.

I’ve pretty much told her that I’ll give her the space she needs, and that if she really feels like all of this is worth us breaking up over, then there’s nothing I can do about it and I’ll just let her go.

I'm starting to wonder who is the dominant in the relationship.

 

I think walk away then. If you two cant survive a text conversation mix up about who was upset and who read 'signs' wrong you both arent ready for a relationship especially a ddlg one.

You need to go away and think about that care is a two way thing and you deserve more respect then this. She needs to grow up and stop being a brat. Some people survive affairs, step children, illness in their relationships not a squabble over a text message.

[Persephone_Persephone]

Just read the update as it didn't show for some reason.

Ok well hope that works for you both.

[Guest Kaiser]

I don't know how, or if it's even possible, to post pics in the forum ....that being said:

 

 

<insert pic of pilot ejecting from fighter jet here>

 

^There's your resolution to this issue.

[ThePoet]

No one expects you to be a mind reader, but bottling up emotions - while not healthy or helpful - is nothing new. It sounds like you knew something was wrong and you had two options: risk pushing her away by pushing the issue, or risk pushing her away by letting it slide. I would rather lose someone by caring too much than to lose them by seeming indifferent. The fact that you weren't clued in enough to know to act, or weren't strong enough to fight for her, shows your inexperience. This is why amateurs to the dynamic should spend a good amount of time researching and learning before jumping into a DDlg relationship for the first time. It seems like you're a great guy and a decent boyfriend, but your Daddy instincts are still lacking. If your child was pouting, would you let her starve until she told you directly that she was hungry. You have a responsibility and a duty of care and now a poor girl that needed your support has wasted this time on your experimenting with a new kick you read about online. Do your research before you jump in. You're playing with people's lives; people who are particularly vulnerable to your specific brand of ignorance. I don't mean to seem harsh, but you wouldn't try ropeplay, for example, before you knew what you were doing because you might accidentally strangle someone. Read. Be patient.

[Guest Kaiser]

I'm starting to wonder who is the dominant in the relationship.

Nailed it.

[Lilkitten12]

Sometimes when I would have a hard time expressing my emotions or I was being especially irrational when I was upset about something my old Daddy would be really stern with me, kind of a no nonsense tone of voice or even sometimes a spanking and that really helps me get over the mental block quicker- my sub side kicks in and I'm able to power through "not wanting to talk about it" because the physical release of stress helps me to clear my head and have an actual, productive conversation.

Even though I'm not really into mind games where I would tell someone nothing is wrong and then actually get angry at them for believing me. But I do sometimes struggle with expressing myself and putting into words what I'm feeling and even just a change in Daddy's tone would help me to snap out of it. So maybe this could help her too.

[GeekyPastry]

If you asked her what's wrong, and her response was 'nothing', then YOU did nothing wrong. You're not a magician, you're not a mind reader. You did your part by asking what's wrong, and if she didn't want to respond, that's her problem. It's very manipulative to get angry at someone because they didn't 'keep trying' when you tell them what's wrong. The written word can be convey many things, but 'nothing' is an absolute. 

 

My only advice is to talk to her about this. To tell her that, when you ask what's wrong, for her to get to the point and to tell you what's wrong. That you're happy to help her, but she HAS to say something.