Wife is leaving me for her daddy

[Lonely_middle]

I first tried to embrace my wife’s little side by buying her stuffies and a tent. That seem to work for a short time. After her first daddy left I was there to comfort her and be whatever she needed. A few months ago she found another daddy who was an hour away. Needless to say he twisted her thoughts and emotions and now promised to take care of her forever and be a better father to our kids. She is leaving me for him and he has no remorse about doing it. Why does this lifestyle have to ruin marriages.

[Guest pacibrat]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but your wife is to blame not the Daddy.  Your wife is the one who is married and who sought out a Daddy and is choosing to leave your marriage for him.  Don't say he has "twisted her thoughts".  He's only done what she's allowed him to do.  She's an ADULT and is making very adult decisions.  I hope that things are okay for your kids and that this man is a decent man since it sounds like they will be living with him.

 

I'm sorry, but it just irks me when a partner puts the blame on the other person for "stealing away their spouse", when in reality it is the SPOUSE who should have been loyal from the beginning.

 

Also, many marriages, and relationships, are ruined by cheating not just DDlg relationships.  

[Guest Zephy]

I understand you are feeling all kind of emotions right now and trying to direct that anger to the closest thing that made your wife leave you for, but regardless, please understand it's not fair to blame this on the lifestyle. No one is to blame here. Your wife simply fell out in love with you and told you she was leaving you. Some don't even do this unless they are caught in the act of cheating. This could've happened to anyone as you may never know how things could pan out in the future. Stay strong and all the best wishes to you!

[meows kohai]

Yo that's pretty messed up. 

[Princess-P]

Unfortunately it sounds like your wife wasn't happy with you as a partner. It sounds like you agreed to let her see someone else with the understanding that she needed a Daddy figure, when in reality many littles are happy without their partner being a Daddy or being involved in the dynamic.

 

It sounds to me that your troubles started long before this guy and your marriage probably should have ended then but you were both scared and hung on.

 

Never blame the person your partner leaves you for. Blame the people who couldn't make it work. In this case you both probably had some things to work on... And communication was lacking.

 

She's doing what she feels is best, its her choice not his. No one can MAKE her leave you. She just wants to.

 

If this is a total surprise and you thought you were both in a happy open relationship that was satisfying and going well, then its pretty crappy to just up and leave with no discussion. But it doesn't sound like this was the case.

 

The dynamic isn't to blame, this happens in even the most vanilla relationships. People just aren't always meant to be.

[MeowShy]

Princess-P hit the nail on the head, I completely agree with what's she saying, I couldn't have worded it better myself. 

[Guest SUeB]

Her utter disloyalty and remorseless cheating ruined your marriage. Nothing whatsoever to do with this lifestyle.

[Guest Mister Grey]

Actually I think all three of you are to blame.

 

Your Wife:  She made a decision.  Actually a few of them.  

 

She decided to get together with someone regardless of the fact that this person was not part of a lifestyle that apparently she required in her life (this has been talked about on this forum and probably every forum that deals with an alternative lifestyle, you cannot make someone into something they are not).  

 

She then, being married, allowed for a 3rd party into her life despite her marriage.  

 

She unburdened herself on the holes unfilled in her married relationship, despite knowing what dynamics existed or did not exist before she got married.  

 

Lastly she has decided to leave her marriage and take the children into a new relationship, regardless of the cost.  

 

Those are all decisions by a person, not by a lifestyle.

 

The Daddy:  It appears he knew she was married or in some type of relationship.  He made a choice to pursue her and pull her from her marriage.  

 

Regardless of weather he feels that he can’t do better by her. 

 

ultimately most of the fault falls on your wife, but the Daddy is not without blame, regardless of how small that blame might be.

 

You:  I hate to turn on you really, but by your statement I wonder about what you did or did not do in relationship that has put her into this.  

 

Why is he so sure he can do better than you?  what have you done or not done?  

 

When there is a disconnect it is possible that the blame falls all on one side, but more often then not, there is blame on both sides.  

 

You immediately blamed the lifestyle, which really is ridiculous.  I believe your wife may carry most of the blame, but just for the sake of making you a a stronger and more insightful person going forward, maybe you need to stop and think about your part, what you did and did not do, the decisions you made, the things you allowed…what you did to contribute to this instead of blaming a lifestyle.

 

I’m sorry about all this, especially since there are children involved.  Speaking of which, she’s the mother, but your the father.  Don’t forget that you have rights as a father and that she cannot exactly just take away your children.  It’s up to you to find out what your rights are and then try and work out an amicable solution that is in the best interest of your children.

 

 

Good luck to you.