So my Daddy wants me to be his Mommy

[PrincessClara]

So yeah...just like the title says. Daddy wants me to be his Mommy sometimes. Not all the time and he doesn't know how often I guess but he has talked about it a few times. I have gone from a hard NO to well...ok...I can try I guess...but I don't want it to be sexual. He's fine with that (though has said he would love for me to Domme him someday)

I am just...not sure...what do I do? I mean I know what I want and need from him when I'm little. I've asked him what he needs from me etc. I am just not sure how to get around the mental thing I have. I mean he's my Dom...and now I'm supposed to be the big one sometimes? How do I even wrap my brain around this? We have only been ddlg for about 2 years, and really only in the last 6 months or so have made really good progress and I am finally becoming a good sub for him as I have struggled with letting go of control and now he's asking me to be in control sometimes? 

 

I find this all very confusing and I don't know if I can do it but I know I want to make an honest effort because I love him and I want him to be happy and feel fulfilled in our marriage too. 

 

I guess I'm just kind of asking for advice? I know being a switch is a thing...but I've worked so hard to be a good sub and submit to him and stop resisting that I'm afraid that really letting myself be Mommy will undo all that hard work. 

 

Anyway... I'm just sort of rambling now I guess. 

[sullenDaddybones]

What's wrong with it? I remember talking with my Subby and her disgust with me about having to to make independent decisions and I was really upset about this. I found it close minded. She had too much pride to ever admit I was her true Master anyway unless I was being overly dominating and that further irritated me. Keep open communication and keep an open mind. Perhaps you should tell him your fears rather than us. Tell them you're willing to try it on a trial basis so long as it doesn't tarnish what you treasure as a wonderful relationship. 

[Wolfycheeks]

I don't see how this is hard work really.. I mean, some people are switches, other people are just submissive. If you really wanna try because you love him.. well, being a Mommy is not hard. You're a little so you know what a little would want. You could share his excitement about little things with him. You understand him, right? This is kinda hard for me because I'm a switch and it comes naturally to me.. and I thought it did for everyone.. I don't know how you can go about trying. If I feel submissive I really wouldn't be able to be a Domme too, I have to be in the right .. mindset? mood? and I think you need to be too. I don't know how you could be a Domme if you're so focused on being a submissive.

 

About the Mommy thing, I'm sure it's in you. If it's not sexual, it's just about caring, nurturing, and being excited about little stuff right? or being there for him? I'm sure you can do that. Whether you feel comfortable enough to do it, is your call. I think you can do it just fine. You don't have to be 'the big one', it's really not that hard..

 

Also you won't let go of your progress if you suddenly switch things up. If being a sub is what you really want, why would you suddenly forget everything you've learned? You'll do okay! Look up some ideas on tumblr/google on how to approach being a Domme/Mommy. And most importantly, have fun and be yourself. ^^

[Little Illy]

This is in no way close minded - everyone has their preference and that is OKAY. IF you cannot wrap your head around being a Domme, this is NOT something you should feel guilty about. Not everyone is a switch. End of discussion.

 

However, how you treat the proposal of switching is another idea - just remember, just because you may not like the idea, that doesn't mean its disgusting or a bad thing. No one should be grossly offensive because they may not like something. Just be mindful of your presentation.

 

Anyways, as for advice.

 

This kind of thing takes time. It sounds like you've been a sub for a long time, and now you've been requested to do something that is completely opposite to that nature. It will take some time to grasp this concept. And the fact you've already went from a hard no to asking for advice, that shows your willingness to try this new thing. Most people wouldn't even go that far.

 

If you really want to try this for him, start with baby steps. Daddy and I have a thing when we both want something but is hard for us (most of the time its because I feel stupid regressing, even though I want to), we script it. So maybe plan a day where you aren't little and pick out a more Domme title for you and a more sub name for him. Maybe even something as simple as "Miss" and for him adding a younger ending to his name (Joe - Joey, Ken - Kenny, Tim - Timmy, Jack - Jacky, etc). Just try that out while you make the decisions for the day; decide what you're going to have for lunch, what afternoon activity, dinner, etc. They don't have to be little things (walk in the park, go carting, movie, etc). But you making the decision with the titles (even subtle) will give you a better understanding on how you could possibly handle the role reversal. Saying that goes well, take it a step further. Plan another day where you enforce a role; He must say please and thank you with every reference, etc. Baby steps.

 

By slowly, slowly introducing this, it should help reduce the anxiety. With baby steps it has officially gone from "Omigod I am a little and now my Daddy wants me to Domme him" to "Im a little who is just trying out different nick names." "I am a little who is making the decisions for our day today," etc. This will also show you are trying and validate his needs, all the while being considerate of yours.

 

Long story short - Baby steps. And COMMUNICATION! Make sure to make you two keep each other informed of how you feel. No matter what it may be. Even if he doesn't like the outcome, let him know. And make sure he does the same. Doing something so strange requires substantial communication so the other person doesn't feel resented or gross or judged, etc.

 

Anyways, I hope it all works out for the best!

[meows kohai]

Do you actually want it though?

This sounds like total whiplash. 

Switching is hard.

[LittleKitten13]

I understand....

I'm not sexually submissive--quite the opposite--but when it comes to every day life, I'm much more submissive and little.  I CAN be a mommy, because I do have mommyish tendencies, even when I'm little, kind of like a child mothering their dolly, if that makes sense.  My papa is also a little, and it can be very rough when we're both in little space, especially if it's needy type of little space (I'm sorry if that didn't make sense).  Neither of us is sexual in little space, and it's more in our personalities, and such.

I really like what Littlelly said, about taking baby steps.  That's a fantastic idea.

Also, be sure you keep communicating with each other.  I'm sometimes afraid to tell papa things because I don't want to hurt or upset him, but one fear I finally was able to voice to him was that I was scared little cub (his name when he's little) would always want Mommy and kitten would never get papa.  He assured me that that wasn't the case, and it hasn't been, and it made me feel a lot better to be open with him about that fear.

[PrincessClara]

What's wrong with it? I remember talking with my Subby and her disgust with me about having to to make independent decisions and I was really upset about this. I found it close minded. She had too much pride to ever admit I was her true Master anyway unless I was being overly dominating and that further irritated me. Keep open communication and keep an open mind. Perhaps you should tell him your fears rather than us. Tell them you're willing to try it on a trial basis so long as it doesn't tarnish what you treasure as a wonderful relationship. 

 

Absolutely nothing is wrong with it. I never said it was disgusting or anything like that... I simply said I'm not sure how I'm supposed to switch as I am a submissive. I even said I went from a hard no to being willing to explore it etc because I love him and want him to be happy. 

[PrincessClara]

This is in no way close minded - everyone has their preference and that is OKAY. IF you cannot wrap your head around being a Domme, this is NOT something you should feel guilty about. Not everyone is a switch. End of discussion.

 

However, how you treat the proposal of switching is another idea - just remember, just because you may not like the idea, that doesn't mean its disgusting or a bad thing. No one should be grossly offensive because they may not like something. Just be mindful of your presentation.

 

Anyways, as for advice.

 

This kind of thing takes time. It sounds like you've been a sub for a long time, and now you've been requested to do something that is completely opposite to that nature. It will take some time to grasp this concept. And the fact you've already went from a hard no to asking for advice, that shows your willingness to try this new thing. Most people wouldn't even go that far.

 

If you really want to try this for him, start with baby steps. Daddy and I have a thing when we both want something but is hard for us (most of the time its because I feel stupid regressing, even though I want to), we script it. So maybe plan a day where you aren't little and pick out a more Domme title for you and a more sub name for him. Maybe even something as simple as "Miss" and for him adding a younger ending to his name (Joe - Joey, Ken - Kenny, Tim - Timmy, Jack - Jacky, etc). Just try that out while you make the decisions for the day; decide what you're going to have for lunch, what afternoon activity, dinner, etc. They don't have to be little things (walk in the park, go carting, movie, etc). But you making the decision with the titles (even subtle) will give you a better understanding on how you could possibly handle the role reversal. Saying that goes well, take it a step further. Plan another day where you enforce a role; He must say please and thank you with every reference, etc. Baby steps.

 

By slowly, slowly introducing this, it should help reduce the anxiety. With baby steps it has officially gone from "Omigod I am a little and now my Daddy wants me to Domme him" to "Im a little who is just trying out different nick names." "I am a little who is making the decisions for our day today," etc. This will also show you are trying and validate his needs, all the while being considerate of yours.

 

Long story short - Baby steps. And COMMUNICATION! Make sure to make you two keep each other informed of how you feel. No matter what it may be. Even if he doesn't like the outcome, let him know. And make sure he does the same. Doing something so strange requires substantial communication so the other person doesn't feel resented or gross or judged, etc.

 

Anyways, I hope it all works out for the best!

 

 

THANK YOU!! I was really discouraged by the first couple of responses... I was like WOW...maybe I'm wrong and should just be able to do this so something is wrong with me. I really appreciate that you seem to get where I'm coming from. 

 

He and I have really good communication skills so we talk through everything. He knows where my trepidation is at and he understands. He is fine with things being non sexual when I am Mommy. He just needs the emotional support part I guess? We are working through things and will continue to have discussions about where we are with it etc. 

 

I think my main issue is I feel like I need to mentally prepare to be in BIG mode, and I don't think he can tell me ahead of time when he will need it. Maybe we need to set up a certain day of the week for now and that will be our switch day? 

 

This is all just very confusing for me. As I stated earlier I have really just started to be good at submitting to him and now he wants me to be Domme for him and it's just a hard change. 

[Little Illy]

THANK YOU!! I was really discouraged by the first couple of responses... I was like WOW...maybe I'm wrong and should just be able to do this so something is wrong with me. I really appreciate that you seem to get where I'm coming from. 

 

He and I have really good communication skills so we talk through everything. He knows where my trepidation is at and he understands. He is fine with things being non sexual when I am Mommy. He just needs the emotional support part I guess? We are working through things and will continue to have discussions about where we are with it etc. 

 

I think my main issue is I feel like I need to mentally prepare to be in BIG mode, and I don't think he can tell me ahead of time when he will need it. Maybe we need to set up a certain day of the week for now and that will be our switch day? 

 

This is all just very confusing for me. As I stated earlier I have really just started to be good at submitting to him and now he wants me to be Domme for him and it's just a hard change. 

 

Maybe take the baby steps in a different direction? What if instead of baby steps towards you being a Domme, you all take baby steps with you getting used to him being little? What if you all set up a play date where both of you are little and just go from there. That lets him be little and you used to the idea of him in that head space. Playing with him while you are both little will also give him reassurance that you accept this side of him, while giving you time to adjust.

 

Have a few play dates and then maybe take another couple steps towards you trying out Big mode. The biggest thing to remember is that there is no time line - you BOTH need to go and respect each other's paces. Whomever is adjusting the slowest (WHICH IS NOT A BAD THING) should really be the time line you follow. It sounds like he is ready to dive into the switch, so going at your comfort pace is ideal. That way you don't get spooked by it all and shut it down, etc.

 

I am very happy to hear you two have great communication - that is honestly the biggest issues in any case, but especially something like this. Keep up the communication and I feel like you both should be fine. Even if you ultimately cannot be a Mommy/Domme for him, open communication will bring about compromises and middle grounds so you both feel validated, understand and fulfilled.