Feelings

[Sleepless]

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party by creating this post or anything, simply looking for a way to improve myself. ***

 

Lately on this site I have been noticing an abundance of littles and caregivers with amazing confidence and extremely high self worth. It may not be that they are exactly what they are saying that leads me to believe that they love themselves, but instead how they say it that leads me to believe this. I'm envious. I want to love myself and feel truly confident in myself, like so many of you. I don't know how though, so I was wondering if anyone had any tips on self-acceptance and self-loving?

 

Physically, I can only see myself in a negative light lately. I want this to change, but I'm unsure of how to bring about change in this department. I'm slightly overweight, chubby, not obese. While I see nothing wrong with being chubby, and actually think chubbier folks like myself tend to be cute, I do not like it on myself. So I have been changing my diet and trying to exercise more. Side note: any tips on dieting and on exercise routines for when you're at the gym by yourself would be much appreciated. I also dislike my face (it's too chubby and too pale), but I don't know how to do makeup. I never really had anyone to teach me how to do makeup growing up. I can do the basics like mascara and some light eye-lining (barely can do that though), but I can't even apply lipstick properly. If anyone has makeup tips on things like contouring, lipstick, eyebrows, eyeliner, or anything really I would definitely appreciate that. 

 

I also feel negative about my way of thinking and feeling, if that even makes sense. I feel like everything I say is dumb, doesn't make sense, and/or ends up embarrassing me sooner or later. My feelings upset me because I believe that I am too sensitive and overly emotional. I don't even know if this is something that can be changed but deep down I feel like my sensitivity pushes the people I care most about away. 

 

Honestly maybe this post was just me throwing myself a pity party..None the less I'd really appreciate any advice on improving my confidence and self-worth. Thanks a bunch.

[Persephone_Persephone]

 

Nobody is 100% happy. And nobody is 100%  content with their body, intelligence or lives in general. But the thing that sets some people apart I believe is two things experience/age and attitude.

 

I'm nearly ten yrs older then you, when I was your age I did things I'm not proud of because like you I had poor self esteem. And Ive spent these past 8 yrs or so building on me. When you get abit older all the shit you are talking about wont matter half as much because hopefully you will have grown and matured abit. Life will have taught you some lessons and you will possibly have a career, family alsorts of things that keep you so busy these major things now will become less important. So firstly give yourself some time.

 

Secondly, you need to think of your body, mind and life as a work in process (and it will always be one). The things you dont like, set goals. Blow the godam excuses out the water before someone else does. I will be most likely crucified for what I'm about to say but hear goes.

Weight. It matters. It matters becuase it is an out ward reflection on how your body is working. Being under or over weight by a small amount does affect your mood, energy and how you function. I have a medical condition which causes extreme nutrional issues and weighloss. I have worked on this for 7yrs now to get stronger, bigger and healthier. And ive messed up alot and been ill. Being underweight is not healthy and dangerous. Being overweight or whatver cute word you want to call it is not cute. It will eventually ruin you too. So well done for making a start on healthier choices (I'm sure loads of ppl can help you on here).

 

The other things, make up, clothing, hair whatever can be easily fixed by watching tutorials. And having fun experimenting (you 20 live a little, try new things out).

 

This whole thing about you feeling not worthy and dumb. You just expressed youself beautiful and eloquently. You are not dumb. Maybe look at things you find interesting and read up on them, meet people differnt to you and push you boundaries a little by getting into new hobbies etc.

 

I can't wave a magic wand, but I can promise you the fact you I have identified your flaws is a great step and the hardest. Now go change them if you want to.

 

You will fuck up. And you have to constantly get back on your feet and try again. And in a small amount of time enjoy your small victories. And in 10yrs time, you maybe something you never thought you would be. Confident.

 

Oh and if anyone tells you differnt, that your not smart, pretty or whatever enough. Remember people are like sandpaper they can scratch and hurt you but you will become polished and they will become used up and useless.

 

So in short. Identify what needs to change. Drop the excuse and set small goals. Then clap for you damn self when you achieve each step. And have some fun, your 20 its time to live alittle.

 

I hope this helped abit.

[Guest pacibrat]

 

 

Like Poppins said, Youtube tutorials would be great for learning makeup application. It's just a skill that takes a little practice and finding the right makeup for you. You might have to go through a few products to find the products that work with your skin and skin type (for foundation, concealer, etc. depending on what you need).

Edited November 30, 2017 by pacibrat

[Guest SUeB]

Nobody is 100% happy. And nobody is 100% content with their body, intelligence or lives in general. But the thing that sets some people apart I believe is two things experience/age and attitude.

 

I'm nearly ten yrs older then you, when I was your age I did things I'm not proud of because like you I had poor self esteem. And Ive spent these past 8 yrs or so building on me. When you get abit older all the shit you are talking about wont matter half as much because hopefully you will have grown and matured abit. Life will have taught you some lessons and you will possibly have a career, family alsorts of things that keep you so busy these major things now will become less important. So firstly give yourself some time.

 

Secondly, you need to think of your body, mind and life as a work in process (and it will always be one). The things you dont like, set goals. Blow the godam excuses out the water before someone else does. I will be most likely crucified for what I'm about to say but hear goes.

Weight. It matters. It matters becuase it is an out ward reflection on how your body is working. Being under or over weight by a small amount does affect your mood, energy and how you function. I have a medical condition which causes extreme nutrional issues and weighloss. I have worked on this for 7yrs now to get stronger, bigger and healthier. And ive messed up alot and been ill. Being underweight is not healthy and dangerous. Being overweight or whatver cute word you want to call it is not cute. It will eventually ruin you too. So well done for making a start on healthier choices (I'm sure loads of ppl can help you on here).

 

The other things, make up, clothing, hair whatever can be easily fixed by watching tutorials. And having fun experimenting (you 20 live a little, try new things out).

 

This whole thing about you feeling not worthy and dumb. You just expressed youself beautiful and eloquently. You are not dumb. Maybe look at things you find interesting and read up on them, meet people differnt to you and push you boundaries a little by getting into new hobbies etc.

 

I can't wave a magic wand, but I can promise you the fact you I have identified your flaws is a great step and the hardest. Now go change them if you want to.

 

You will fuck up. And you have to constantly get back on your feet and try again. And in a small amount of time enjoy your small victories. And in 10yrs time, you maybe something you never thought you would be. Confident.

 

Oh and if anyone tells you differnt, that your not smart, pretty or whatever enough. Remember people are like sandpaper they can scratch and hurt you but you will become polished and they will become used up and useless.

 

So in short. Identify what needs to change. Drop the excuse and set small goals. Then clap for you damn self when you achieve each step. And have some fun, your 20 its time to live alittle.

 

I hope this helped abit.

Listen to this girl right here. She knows what she is talking about.

[Guest Thelittlebear]

I totally understand what you are going through. Im 21 and i have been in the same head space as you. You just have to learn how to love yourself, i know that is hard now but if you find a way to accept and love you things will get easier. Its great that you're working out . Myfitnesspal , is a great app to track your diet !

Makeup isnt easy, just keep practicing, make mistakes and find what is right for you. If you don't know your shades and colors , go to Sephora or Ulta and get swatched.

Yes in 10 years things like how pale your skin is won't matter , but they do matter to you now. Find things that make you feel confident. Branch out , explore the world.

Lift your chin up, and keep going. Youre already doing an amazing job

 

If you need help with make up or working out message me !

[Guest JayRingo77]

Everyone seems to have addressed the emotional talking points well.  Here are some links for individual gym routines and ways to stay motivated when working out alone.  Highly recommend finding someone to work out with here and there; I've found it pushes me through plateaus and the exchange of ideas usually helps me tweak my routine.

 

12 Minute Athlete - https://www.12minuteathlete.com/ - all kinds of great motivational tips, routines, diets and explanatory videos designed to wedge in between busy schedules

 

BodyBuilding.com - https://www.bodybuilding.com/ - I know, hardcore ripped muscle isn't for the beginner; however, the forum is a good resource for all levels and body types and doesn't pull any punches when it comes to supplements, keeping motivated, and setting realistic goals.  It's also a great resource for proper form and how to hit individual muscle groups.

 

YouTube YouTube YouTube - There is a TON of free stuff out there that it's overwhelming.  You can type about anything into the search and get thousands of suggestions.  So how do you trim it down into something manageable?  I typically whittle it down by technique or style of fitness - yoga, Pilates, Tai-chi, Traditional Weights, Cardio.  Next I look for intensity or how much time I can dedicate - 15, 30 minutes, hour.  This usually leaves me with a few top choices I can view and decide if the workout fits my goals.

 

Style/makeup:  I'm speaking from how I approach my wardrobe and grooming as a man; however, I feel the general principles still apply to a woman.

 

Practice and have fun.   

 

Make mistakes, it all washes off and you can start fresh.  Off the rack clothes are made by someone else who may as well be blind - they've never met/seen you.  Trial and error will be part of the fitting process.

 

When it stops being fun and turns into a self-critique, stop and come back when your head is in a better place. 

 

There's a lot of video out there that will walk you through step by step.  Buy quality products as they are typically worth the extra couple bucks compared to the drug store variety.  Hygiene is important as well, a healthy base supports what you put over it. 

 

Most important - don't be afraid to look in the mirror and say 'this isn't me.'  My outlook has always been 'people make clothes look good, not the other way around.'  Don't force yourself into a look because it's attractive on someone else; adopt what works well for your skin tone, color, and facial/body structure.  You have something in your features - eyes, lashes, jawline, symmetry - you can accentuate with a little practice. 

 

Hope this helps in some way.

Edited November 30, 2017 by JayRingo77

[Tonirose]

today i lost a very good friend because he found out about my daddy its wasnt very plesant being told to get help and im sick just because of the way i choose and is more comfortable in a relationship this way. can anyone else relate?

[Guest SUeB]

today i lost a very good friend because he found out about my daddy its wasnt very plesant being told to get help and im sick just because of the way i choose and is more comfortable in a relationship this way. can anyone else relate?

Not sure how this relates to the discussion here? Maybe best to start your own discussion?

[Persephone_Persephone]

today i lost a very good friend because he found out about my daddy its wasnt very plesant being told to get help and im sick just because of the way i choose and is more comfortable in a relationship this way. can anyone else relate?

Huh? I confused!!!

[Guest Mister Grey]

today i lost a very good friend because he found out about my daddy its wasnt very plesant being told to get help and im sick just because of the way i choose and is more comfortable in a relationship this way. can anyone else relate?

 

Yeah I had to read this a couple of times myself:

 

"today i lost a very good friend because he found out about my daddy.

 

its wasnt very plesant being told to get help and im sick just because of the way i choose and is more comfortable in a relationship this way.  (this is a bit of a run on sentence)

 

can anyone else relate?"

 

And yes, probably a lot of people can relate but you have to understand that your life and how you choose to live it, so long as your not hurting anyone, it is your business and not for anyone else to understand and relate and dictate, but they also don't have to agree and that is their right.  

 

Don't take it to heart...they don't know, they don't understand, they don't get it, let them live their lives, you live yours.  The only validation you need for your life is your own.

 

postscript:  a friend does not have to agree with you to respect your feelings, so in that case, how "good " a friend were they really?

[Sleepless]

Thank you all for your advice, thoughts, and views on this. You made me a bit better about everything. I appreciate it more than you know.

[Guest Kaiser]

Deadlifts and squats. Minimal cardio. Low carbs, high fat and protein.

 

 

And I'm still trying to wrap my head around being pale as a bad thing.