Little need help with bad daddy!!

[Bubbles97]

I wanna start of by saying I love my daddy very much... But he's a useless dom and an even worse daddy!

I'm really rarely punished and the when I am its a half hearted slap on my butt (like sometimes I can't even feel it) he won't stick to the routine THAT I HAD TO WRITE!!! I'm aloud to do what I want when I want and all rules THAT I HAD TO WRITE are ignored unless it suits him (even then he hardly bothers) I suffer with really bad nightmares due to PTSD and he just let's me stay up all night while he sleeps and when I do have a nightmare and I wake him up he just says it'll be ok and goes back to sleep hell sleep all day if I let him and I mean all day!! 3AM FFS!! I'm aloud to swear eat junk food all the time he never plays with me unless its tickles to the point where I feel sicky and I don't like that he won't let me wear diapers I'm aloud to smoke and smoke weed and drink with no moderation and he NEVER cleans up after himself or gets me to do the chores so we basically live in a mess until my big side can't take it any more and I end up doing it all by myself by choice because when he does it he just bundles things up and sticks them in a corner! He's even agreed for me to get a mommy cos he's "fed up of having this argument"

I've explained to him again and again and again what I need out of this relationship but he puts in about 30% effort for a day after I tell him I'm not happy and then its back to the same old bull!!

I'm at my end here but like I said at the top I do love daddy but I can't take it anymore

SOMEONE HELP!!

[Guest DaddyCares1]

He sounds totally lazy. A daddy needs to actually want to be a daddy. Is it simply just sex to him or what? If you really have explained your needs to him repetitively, and his behaviour hasn't changed, then I suggest finding someone who takes the role seriously. Maybe let him know that if he doesn't get his act together, you're done with him. Right now he probably thinks you're going to just stay with him no matter what, and you're being treated like a doormat. 

[Bubbles97]

P.s he's a part time bar man (4 hours once a week.. If that) and boii does he complain when he had to do that!! He did 8pm till 12am tonight with a 30 minute walk there and back and when he got back I told him well get up before 12pm tomorrow because his brother is coming down and I was just told no so tomorrow I know I'm going to end up doing all the cleaning plus cancel on his brother while he sleeps till dumb o'clock because "he's had a long day" :/

[Guest TrueDaddy]

I understand that you love him. However, your needs aren't being met in this relationship. Based on what you wrote, he isn't enforcing the rules you two agreed upon. I don't see a reason to continue, unfortunately. You deserve better than this. Edited November 19, 2017 by TrueDaddy

[Bubbles97]

Its not as easy as walking away we live together and we're both on the tenancy I keep threatening to leave but he never gets any better if I move out I'll be homeless :'(

[Puppy]

If you're not happy with the way he treats you in the dynamic, you should communicate that to him. We cannot make him a better Dom. What makes him a better Dom is communication. Let him know what you like and dislike. If you want him to spank you harder, tell him. It sounds like he is not very knowledgeable in the lifestyle, and that's not his fault. You have to help him understand and learn. 

 

From everything I'm reading, it honestly sounds like he doesn't want to be your Dominant and that you're expecting more out of him than he wants to give. I think you should really sit down with him and ask him if this is what he wants, and if so, how you two can come together and create a better dynamic. 

 

If he really isn't doing everything you would like him to do, and you've already communicated like I suggested previously, I would say it's best to leave the relationship. Is a DDlg dynamic more important to you, or him? Some people are just not fit for the lifestyle, and that is okay. They try for their partner but it just never clicks, and they never really get into that D/s sort of groove and dance. 

[Puppy]

I would almost feel the urge to defend him if he wasn't a seemingly a slob. I can understand him not being Daddy good enough, because as I said some people are just not fit for the role and that doesn't make them any less of a person. But him never cleaning and putting all on you is uncalled for. That has nothing to do with the dynamic. That's him being lazy. 

[Bubbles97]

 

I have communicated non stop for the last 3 months he keeps saying he's guna try and he never does :'( I love him so much but I can't function without the rules I end up getting sick and depressed and I completely shut down I've told him all of this I don't wanna loose him but I'm starting to think I might have to for my own sake :'( even now I've been sat here in tears for an hour before I got the guts to ask on here for advice

[Puppy]

 

I have communicated non stop for the last 3 months he keeps saying he's guna try and he never does :'( I love him so much but I can't function without the rules I end up getting sick and depressed and I completely shut down I've told him all of this I don't wanna loose him but I'm starting to think I might have to for my own sake :'( even now I've been sat here in tears for an hour before I got the guts to ask on here for advice

 

If the lifestyle is that important to you (I get it, it is for me too) and he is not willing to change, it's best to leave him. I understand how much you care about him, and love him, but you shouldn't ever have to sacrifice your happiness. He keeps making empty promises. If he was actively trying to be better for you, that would be one thing. But if he's made no progress, you're hurting yourself waiting around for him to change. I'm really sorry hun, I'm sending hugs your way. 

[Guest Zephy]

He doesn't seem to have his shit together and his unwillingness to work towards and maintain a healthy relationship. It seems like you've already talked to him countless times to the verge of things just turning into arguments. All I can suggest is to get a stable job and work towards moving out. This doesn't seem to be healthy for you. :/

[Bubbles97]

If the lifestyle is that important to you (I get it, it is for me too) and he is not willing to change, it's best to leave him. I understand how much you care about him, and love him, but you shouldn't ever have to sacrifice your happiness. He keeps making empty promises. If he was actively trying to be better for you, that would be one thing. But if he's made no progress, you're hurting yourself waiting around for him to change. I'm really sorry hun, I'm sending hugs your way.

Thanks puppy.. I guess I've got some serious thinking to do.. I really wanna wake him up and try talk but I have a feeling he's just guna ignore me if I do that... Its 3am here and I hasn't been to sleep in nearly 4 days :'(

[Bubbles97]

He doesn't seem to have his shit together and his unwillingness to work towards and maintain a healthy relationship. It seems like you've already talked to him countless times to the verge of things just turning into arguments. All I can suggest is to get a stable job and work towards moving out. This doesn't seem to be healthy for you. :/

I'm too sick to work I have been since I was 11 my mental health is completely unstable if I have to move out I'll end up in a homeless hostel

[Guest pacibrat]

He's not a Daddy.  He's a man that you desperately want to be a Daddy, but he's showing you he isn't into it by his behavior.  The role of Daddy is a serious one and takes lots of energy and input.  I know for a fact that I couldn't be a Mommy even if I wasn't a little.  You have to decide if you love the man enough to stay with him without getting the Daddy role from him (or find a suitable Mommy to take the CG role like you mentioned and still stay with him or just learn to care for yourself...single littles do it or leave him entirely and start new with someone else).  It sounds like he might be depressed too.  

[Guest pacibrat]

I'm too sick to work I have been since I was 11 my mental health is completely unstable if I have to move out I'll end up in a homeless hostel

 

Do NOT move out into homelessness.  If you have to, make a plan to follow in the future when you can get your own place or have a roommate, etc.  Homelessness won't help your situation.  Unless he is abusive or you aren't safe.

[Puppy]

Thanks puppy.. I guess I've got some serious thinking to do.. I really wanna wake him up and try talk but I have a feeling he's just guna ignore me if I do that... Its 3am here and I hasn't been to sleep in nearly 4 days :'(

 

I would say wait until he organically wakes up on his own. If you wake him up now, he's just going to groggy and unreceptive. I would wait until he can wake up real good and actually be able to process everything you're saying. 

[Guest McLeodLot65]

I assume you've seen this, but just in case you haven't - they may have some support for you in an emergency... http://www.homeless.org.uk/homeless-england/service/grimsby-and-cleethorpes-area-doorstep-0

[meows kohai]

Girl, kick HIM out. If he's only working 4 hours a week, I'm assuming he's not paying the bills anyway.

He's a deadweight daddy. Cut the fat and get yourself someone better. 

Honestly, it might be the kick in the ass that helps him get his shit together. Right now there's no consequences for sucking. 

Edited November 19, 2017 by meows senpai

[Tinka]

Sorry if my message comes out as rude, but i hereby clarify there is no intention for that. All of my thoughts are purely outcome of the things you stated.

 

You , Little one, are a lot to deal with. You are a 24 hour baby, a greedy one.

If you don`t wanna smoke weed, then dont do it . Don`t just smoke because it seems wrong and a daddy should stop you.

If the house is messy don`t wait until someone tells you to clean it. Get up and clean it. Its better to be in your little space when everything around is clean.

And ofc not only you but your partner/roommate needs to do some chores also. And this is out of discussion! 

 

You cannot write a list of the things you want someone to do for you, and be angry because he doesn`t. 

He is not a lazy daddy as i heard from someone. He is just not into it! Not into it the way you are, or how much you are!

I can`t even imagine having to learn by hard a full list on how to treat my partner, no , hell no. 

Partners shouldnt come with a manual. It shouldnt be so hard to keep someone satisfied. And this for him is clearly hard because he doesn`t like it.

If it doesn`t come naturally then it will never happen! or it will happen with a half-heart as you said , or usually neglected things on the "must-do- or-i-will-leave-you" list

Let`s all stop accusing this man and focus on the real thing, which is you. 

If you want some other kind of relationship then you need to stop force-asking it from this man who you clearly saw on multiple occasions that he is not gonna live up to the task(s)!

Do not accuse anyone else for you smoking weed or not cleaning.You should do your parts and he should do his parts as regarding the house maintenance. 

Since you guys have no connection / communication at all even at these mandatory things, eh well.... you should move on with life, searching some more suitable partner. 

[TampaDaddy]

Find a new daddy, someone who will give you what you need and who gets what THEY need from actually BEING a daddy.  There are plenty of daddies out there (way more than there are littles, if I'm not mistaken), so it's far from an impossible task.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Untwisted]

I'm trying to understand "useless daddy".  That label should earned by being the person that you need your daddy to be, and as he doesn't appear to be that, why is he "daddy" at all.

Either he said at some point that he was a daddy and you just assumed he would be everything you dreamed of, or you wanted a daddy and you decided that's what he would be.

Maybe he's lazy, maybe he's depressed, maybe he's perfectly happy living his life the way he wants.  If you're not compatible, it's not just his fault.

[Guest Namsoejones]

How long having u been together and how has the relationship changed since you 1st met

[Wolfycheeks]

It sounds like you're WAY to dependant. Do you love him or are you afraid to be alone? Also not everyone is capable of being a Daddy. Not everyone wants to give out rules, punishments, or give out orders.. He doesn't sound like a useless daddy, he sounds like DDLG isn't for him. How do you still not see that? You can't just force him to live your perfect lifestyle if he clearly isn't gonna /want to/ do it.. You just sound like a very whiny brat to me.. If you're not happy with him not being a 'real' Daddy just leave him. And if you love him, don't force it on him and have a 'normal' relationship instead. It's one or the other. Not that difficult.

[Tinka]

It sounds like you're WAY to dependant. Do you love him or are you afraid to be alone? Also not everyone is capable of being a Daddy. Not everyone wants to give out rules, punishments, or give out orders.. He doesn't sound like a useless daddy, he sounds like DDLG isn't for him. How do you still not see that? You can't just force him to live your perfect lifestyle if he clearly isn't gonna /want to/ do it.. You just sound like a very whiny brat to me.. If you're not happy with him not being a 'real' Daddy just leave him. And if you love him, don't force it on him and have a 'normal' relationship instead. It's one or the other. Not that difficult.

Amen.

 

(because liking your comment was not enough.)

Edited November 19, 2017 by LunaTinka

[Guest SUeB]

So he is clearly neither a daddy nor a dominant. Just because you want him to be something, it's not going to happen if he isn't that thing. It seems that he's had no input in any of this, it's just you making demands then criticising him for not following them. Sorry, but i see no fault from him. Why are you with a vanilla guy with none of the qualities you want? It's not his fault he's not a daddy or dom. Neither is it his responsibility to bend to your will.

[Guest Arc]

You can't make someone into something they're not. You are being a little unreasonable expecting more than he is able or willing to give. A relationship shouldn't be like that. Partners are supposed to compliment each other and their needs, and not be like that at all. He is not a bad Daddy, and I think it's super unfair of you to say that about him. He's not a bad Daddy, he's just not a Daddy. 

 

I understand PTSD and nightmares but I would never expect someone to always be up with me. It's a lot to ask of someone. And as for the rules? Take some responsibility! If you don't want to eat junk food, don't. If you want to wear diapers, do it. If you don't want to drink and do drugs, then don't do it. Those rules aren't something he wants, so putting responsibility on him for what you chose to do is really not okay. You need to grow up a little and take care of yourself a bit more until you find someone WILLING, and you need to have an adult conversation about his mess too. 

 

If you think getting an outside partner who meets your needs will work then do that. Don't keep trying to force him to be something he is not. Either move on to someone who does meet your needs or if you can't leave him then work out another situation with a caregiver. What you are doing is not healthy and you will end up resenting each other.