Daddy/switch in training (L)

[Emporoxis]

Hi all

 

So I guess i’m Starting this thread because i’m keen to obtain a few pointers.

About me: 24 year old male, already have one child, beautiful 4 year old daughter, me and her mother have since separated. My personal relationship desires etc had been suppressed due to me not being able to completely show my true self, until now. My current partner (newly engaged) is an occasional little, and is accepting of my desire to ‘take care’ of her. In this relationship it is sometimes not very easy for me to differentiate between her desire for a ‘caregiver daddy’, and her desire for a ‘dominant daddy’.

I am new to both aspects of DDlg, sexual and non-sexual. In recent weeks, we have also experiemented and found we find ourselves comfortable in occasional DMlb, but only in the bedroom.

The questions I want to ask include; how do I detect which mode she is in, what signs to look for if she wants something in a care based way, and what to look for if her desire is sexual of nature. Any constructive info is welcome, but do bear in mind I am still relatively new to it all.

[Puppy]

First off, I'm glad you're able to begin to explore what interests you! It's always such a nice feeling when you finally are able to be who you want to be with someone else.

You don't have to differentiate between being a "caregiver" and being "dominant." For most, the caregiver/Daddy is also dominant. It's pretty much interchangeable, which is why it's preferred to as DDlg (Daddy Dom). I think I understand what you are saying though, so I'll give advice on what I was able to take away from what you said.

The best way to detect which mode she is in is really to just ask her. That's the most upfront way, and while it may break the scene a little it's a great way for those new to the lifestyle and dynamic to really get a definite answer. A lot of it is going to be action and reaction based. If she's in the mood for something sexual, it will probably be known. If she's in the mood for a non-sexual experience you will probably find her doing a lot more innocent things with innocent reasoning. Sometimes for some people, the sexual and non-sexual sides get linked together. They can go from being non-sexual which eventually evolves into sexual activity, and the other way around. It's really just about knowing your partner and knowing their personal cues. 

 

As I said, a good thing to do is communicate. Ask her the questions you asked here. Together you can settle on certain signs and signals that allow her to communicate how she is feeling and what she is expecting from you as her Dom without even needing to be vocal about it. Communication and setting up certain standards for each other is crucial to any sort of D/s dynamic. Ask her what she wants and what she hopes to achieve by being your submissive, and allow yourself to tell her what you want and what you hope to achieve out of being her Dom. 

[Guest SUeB]

Does she want you to differentiate between the two? Obviously i can only speak of my own relationship and experience, but those two things run organically. He is both my Daddy and my Master. We have been together a few months now, and He can read me pretty well. It's pretty obvious when i need Daddy, and when i am in the deeper sub mindset. Communication is absolutely vital in this world. Well, it ought to be in any relationship, but in certain ways even more so in the world of bdsm etc.

There's nothing wrong with actually saying to her "do you need daddy, or do you need sir?" for example. Or whatever word you agree upon to decide if she needs the softer side, or the more dominant side.

There are no rules here. You are in a relationship. Nothing wrong with asking questions, and coming up with things that work for you both.

Try not take it too seriously at first. Learn together. Have fun!

[Emporoxis]

Thank you for the swift reply

 

I’m not certain that she ‘wants’ me to be able to differentiate, but I worry in case I propose something of a sexual manner, whereas instead she is after something a lot more innocent, so wondered if there were any tell tale signs of this, or if the scope of this is much too broad to evaluate without speaking to her directly.

She does enjoy me being her daddy both inside and outside of the bedroom, though sometimes I feel I don’t break out of my shell well enough to make the most out of the dominant sexual side of me.

There are things that we would love to try inside of the bedroom too that involve dominance on my part, however yet we don’t have the material things required to be able to fulfil our desires...

[Emporoxis]

I could try that though; asking if she would like ‘daddy’ or ‘sir’... that could work pretty well I do worry about breaking ‘the moment’ if I ask this though, but then again, I worry about lots of things like this hehe

[Puppy]

but I worry in case I propose something of a sexual manner, whereas instead she is after something a lot more innocent, so wondered if there were any tell tale signs of this, or if the scope of this is much too broad to evaluate without speaking to her directly.

 

If in the case that you propose something that is sexual in nature, and she for some reason is not interested, she will let you know. You two need to go over rules and guidelines for situations like these, and remember to have a safe word. It won't be wrong or amateur of you if you initiate a certain scene that she is not interested in at that moment. This is where communication is key. Try to talk with her and develop non-verbal cues and signs, or if you want to be safe (as it was already suggested by another poster) ask her what she wants directly. Does she want Daddy, or is she in need of Sir? 

[Puppy]

There are things that we would love to try inside of the bedroom too that involve dominance on my part, however yet we don’t have the material things required to be able to fulfil our desires...

 

Also on this topic, do you mean material things such as bondage items? 

[Guest SUeB]

You don't need "things" to be dominant in the bedroom. Forget all the rubbish you have seen on 50 shades of grey, lol. It's all absolute nonsense.

[Guest SUeB]

And again, i can only speak for myself, but Master and i are in a full relationship that includes a very healthy sexual component. Each "side" of me responds very positively to Him sexually. The sub, the lg, the slave. It's all both in and out of the bedroom. But yep, some lgs are different. Talk to her. Ask her. Don't be so afraid to ask questions!

[Guest Andyy95]

I find it that people thaat are new to the bdsm/ddlg dynamic tend to foccuss too much on the kinks and what not. Those are just tools. You first need to have a good grasp and understanding behind the mentality of it all, and when you do, you'll better understand ur sub and be able to fulfill her both sexually and otherwise. Tho as the ladies above said , communiccation is key when u are just starting off (it's always key, but especially then). 

[Littlest_Bee]

If you have trouble distinguishing her moods you could talk about a clear system for signals like wearing certain accessories for little play compared to other things when everything is "normal".

 

Just talk about it with her, together you can try stuff and figure out what works and what doesn't. You'll get better deciphering her moods over time but communication will always be important.