How do you explain ddlg to someone who doesn’t know?

[Guest Cutie-Patootie]

How do you explain what a ddlg to someone who’s never heard of it?

How do you explain what a daddy is and his role?

[MrWrongUk]

I dont think i would even try...I mentioned to a gf one time maybe she could call me daddy? She looked at me

Like i just shit in her cornflakes lol...so never again.

[Puppy]

Sometimes, you just don't. I wish there was a way to get everybody you come across to understand it, but some people are way too vanilla and closed minded to get it. You have to gauge those factors about a person before you know how receptive they'll be to your explanation.

 

Now, if it's somebody who is open minded, knows a little about non-vanilla things, or for some reason it is just really necessary, there are a few things you can say and do to help them understand. You'll usually want to start by prepping them and letting them know DDlg does not involve incest in any way. You'll also want to explain that for most people in the dynamic it has nothing to do with having "daddy issues." 

 

I think the best route to go for most people is first explain what a typical D/s relationship is. You have a Dominant, and you have a submissive. In a DDlg relationship, it also typically follows that Dominant/submissive ratio. A Daddy Dom is usually somebody who takes on a dominant role that is more revolved around care taking and guidance. A little takes on a submissive role that is more revolved around regressing to any given age and participating in childlike activities with childlike qualities. 

 

If you have to, stop at explaining what a D/s dynamic is. They do not need to know all the details about BDSM unless it's something they're trying to get into, and for most people (family, friends, etc), explaining what D/s dynamics contain is more than enough. 

[Guest SUeB]

Unless it's a current or potential partner, there is never any need to.

[Puppy]

Unless it's a current or potential partner, there is never any need to.

 

Sometimes there is a need to though. AKA an employer/employee finding your social media and seeing it and needing clarification, or family. 

[Untwisted]

I would say don't unless it's someone who needs to know, and then don't present it like a technical manual with labels and definitions. 

 

Talk about some of the things you like to do, and some of the things you like people to do in relation to you.

 

A bit at a time, see how they react.  If they're interested and think it sounds fun, explain a bit more, if they're getting weirded out by it, back off and have a think about whether or not to say anything else.

[Guest SUeB]

Sometimes there is a need to though. AKA an employer/employee finding your social media and seeing it and needing clarification, or family.

Maybe be a bit more careful what you share on social media etc. Anonymous accounts are used for good reason. Vanillas will never get it, as a whole.

[Littlest_Bee]

I dont think i would even try...I mentioned to a gf one time maybe she could call me daddy? She looked at me

Like i just shit in her cornflakes lol...so never again.

To be honest, I think it can be hard to react appropriately when a new kink is introduced and I'm not sure how someone would have described the look on my face in that situation (especially before I spent time looking into the whole DDlg dynamic).

It's not automatically a rejection. People figure that kind of stuff out at different paces.

 

Edit: As far as explaining it to someone who hasn't heard about it: I wouldn't start with labels and it would heavily depend on the reason why I'm having the conversation in the first place.

In general I think it's intimate between the people in the dynamic. If I were to bring it up with a potential partner I wouldn't start with labels but with my specific needs and wants and if those are compatible with that partner's.

If it comes up with a friend I would start out saying that it's an intimate thing between the people in the dynamic and go from there.

Edited November 16, 2017 by Gândi_Bee

[meows kohai]

I wouldn't. 

Unless someone asked me specifically, I don't see a need to.

[Guest bunnybear11]

I've always been pretty open about my life, and in my senior year I actually told my best friend about it, even before I told my boyfriend (now daddy), she reacted pretty well and I did a good job explaining what it was, but now I see that it was totally uncalled for, and they'll usually never understand the dynamic like we do, so honestly there's no need to tell friends in my opinion, it's something very intimate and personal, I don't think I'd do that again.

 

Now when it comes to telling a partner about this I would say do as much research as you can, you have to understand as much of it as possible in order to explain it to someone, also make sure this is what you want, consider all the risks (things could not work out, he/she could end up telling others about this, putting you in a weird situation).

 

The most important thing in my opinion is knowing the person you're telling this to, do they already have daddy-like characteristics? Are they open minded/a little kinky? Like people said in the comments, there's certain things in people's behavior that let us know how open they'd be to this dynamic.

 

For example my boyfriend, before he was my daddy, was always super protective, loved to be a dom, and would always say daddy-like things, like one time we passed by a playground where there were many nannies/parents playing with their children, and my bf looked at me and said "omgg, look, they're like us".

 

I'm not saying your partner has to do these things in order to react well to the "ddlg talk", but these small things r sure good signs.

 

Another really good thing to do is act little when you're with them and see how they react, I used to always act little when around my bf, so to us "ddlg" was mostly just a label that guided us to a better relationship dynamic honestly.

 

Overall, there's really not a way of knowing for sure until you do it. I'd say just go slowly, do research, tell them you'd like to try this out, and explain how important this is to you (do you need this for the relationship to work or not).

Edited November 19, 2017 by carobear

[Magpies]

Sometimes there is a need to though. AKA an employer/employee finding your social media and seeing it and needing clarification, or family. 

I would be terrified if my employer somehow found out about any of my online life. Like, why and how did they find out my connections to these things? 

[Puppy]

I would be terrified if my employer somehow found out about any of my online life. Like, why and how did they find out my connections to these things? 

 

I go by a completely different name and was always really careful about social media, and employees from where I worked still found my social media. I didn't post anything bad really, mainly selfies, however they were extremely confused as to why I wore ears in all my pictures.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

.

Edited July 31, 2018 by Sachita

[Soulmatesearch]

My answer would be,  dont bother.

I dont think you can have a true DDLG relationship unless its two people that truly want/need it.