Mental Health and Littles

[little_pinkprincess]

Hi 

 

I'm kinda new to all of this. But I am a little that has a history of mental health issues and some abuse/trauma in my past. 

 

When I'm getting to know someone and they're a potential daddy, how do I talk to them about my past? I don't want to scare them away or cause problems, but it's a major part of who I am and how I behave as a little. 

 

Thanks for any advice!

Edited November 15, 2017 by little_pinkprincess

[meows kohai]

Mm I would early on in the relationship so they know what they're dealing with. If you go in without saying anything, then a few weeks down the line they're going to wonder wtf is up. I know I've waited in telling people and it honestly just blew up in my face later. I'd advise letting them know that there is something there, that you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but it is a part of you. If it's a good fit, they'll understand and work with you. ^^ 

My Daddy knows I'm neurotic as hell and does a lot to work with me--even really little things like making sure my foods dont touch when I'm served. 

[Guest JayRingo77]

Early disclosure of the existence of trauma is a good first step.  It protects you and sets appropriate expectations of how someone should approach getting to you know in this context.  There are good/better/best ways to go about it based upon your comfort level and the nature of the trauma.  You'll have to determine those for yourself in the moment.

 

For now, a polite 'I have some skeletons that impact how I start relationships' makes a new acquaintance aware you have questions or topics you'll want to avoid or may be guarded around without causing awkwardness.  It also keeps you in control of how much you disclose at a time.  I would ease any discussions about the past into conversation as it was appropriate and not focus on it right away.  Figure out if the person you're talking to is a good fit with your present mood and personality before putting them to the test of accepting responsibility for what you've described.

 

I hope you find some of this helpful.

Edited November 15, 2017 by JayRingo77

[MrWrongUk]

Just like any relationship i guess just be yourself...if they get upset because bad things u could not control happened to you..then they are not worth caring about.

 

I 100% think honesty is the way to go with kinks...and sex in general..just be honest with what you want and who you are.

[Puppy]

First you have to know that not one person you come across is entitled to know the details of your trauma or past history. That is your personal (and probably very fragile) information that you have the sole responsibility over weighing if somebody can be let in or not. However, you should also always disclose the fact that you HAVE experienced trauma in the past. You do not have to be detailed and you can be as vague as possible, but it's always crucial to at least make sure the other party knows. 

You also do not have to feel required to tell them when you first start talking to them. I would say the best time to tell a potential partner is when things start to get serious. Let them know that you've experienced trauma and set down which lines they can and can't cross. Tell them, "You can/cannot ask questions about it" or "I will tell you more about it whenever I am comfortable." 

 

If they do not respect you, or they continue to push you for information, do not give them one more second of your time. They are not worth your effort and have obviously not reached peak adulthood. Respect is so, so, so important. 

 

For me personally, I let my Daddy know that I had experienced trauma. I also let him know some of my triggers. I have not told him what type of trauma I experienced, and I never once told him why my triggers do trigger me. He responded simply by acknowledging I'll tell him when I'm ready, and that he'll be here to protect me. 

 

Do not let the fear of coming across somebody who won't respect you as a person struggling with mental health keep you from finding a healthy relationship. Trauma and mental illness do not mean you are broken or any less of a deserving person. I hope you and anybody who reads this will see everything they are worth in every positive sense. 

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

First you have to know that not one person you come across is entitled to know the details of your trauma or past history. That is your personal (and probably very fragile) information that you have the sole responsibility over weighing if somebody can be let in or not. However, you should also always disclose the fact that you HAVE experienced trauma in the past. You do not have to be detailed and you can be as vague as possible, but it's always crucial to at least make sure the other party knows. 

You also do not have to feel required to tell them when you first start talking to them. I would say the best time to tell a potential partner is when things start to get serious. Let them know that you've experienced trauma and set down which lines they can and can't cross. Tell them, "You can/cannot ask questions about it" or "I will tell you more about it whenever I am comfortable."

Puppy's response really hit the nail on the head, particularly this part.

 

I only want to add it's important to make sure that when/if you do decide to disclose details, you are really ready. I was once pressured into disclosing too early and it set my recovery back. Be honest about its existence, but remember that you hold the cards.

[Bambi95]

Hi there   First of all, I just want say that there's not much I can tell you that Puppy hasn't covered. I completely agree with everything they say. 

 

I know it can seem scary telling someone that there is deep dark pain in your past, and I know that sometimes I find it scary admitting to myself. I don't know about you, but I often feel guilty for what happened to me because it makes a needy person, and I often feel like a burden. It is only with the help of an amazing friend I have learned that I should never feel this way. And you shouldn't either. It is perfectly ok to need more support for your issues.

 

They only need to know when/if they are invested in becoming more serious with you. And even then, you don't have to tell them everything. However, I would mention it briefly at the start, just so they can be prepared. 

Take it at your own pace. If they genuinely care, they will understand. You should never feel pressured into disclosing every detail. That can take time opening up that much and sometimes it can never happen and that's ok too. 

 

It can be hard on both people in a relationship, so it's best to let them know so they can help to whatever degree you need them to. Make sure they are not a person who will get frustrated at you for things you cannot control. You need to have someone in your corner, fighting these things with you, not someone fighting you for these things. 

Edited November 15, 2017 by Bambi95

[Puppy]

It can be hard on both people in a relationship, so it's best to let them know so they can help to whatever degree you need them to. Make sure they are not a person who will get frustrated at you for things you cannot control. You need to someone in your corner, fighting these things with you, not someone fighting you for these things. 

 

I forgot to touch on this more clearly! Relationships where mental illness is involved can be difficult, especially for the other party. They may feel confused because they do not understand or helpless because they do not know how to help. Find somebody who will listen to you and respect you, and make sure you reassure them that they are doing their best. You want somebody who will work with you, somebody who will know things may get bad and that they will not always be able to fix it. 

[Princesspoopybutt]

As previously stated id say mention it early on and explain it as best you can, i would suggest this was done outside of any dynamic and give them the chance to ask any questions.