Carrot Cake Posted November 14, 2017 Report Posted November 14, 2017 Yesterday I ended my friendship with the closest thing I ever had to a daddy. He has always been so achingly good to me. I've been spending the day reading over some of his messages to me. He has been a comfort, a safe harbor, and a guide. I just couldn't trust him enough. He made me feel tiny. It's a problem of mine, but I don't know how to trust that every time I will have his acceptance. He made me feel like a little girl, and I wanted him to kiss my forehead and tuck me by his side and sit me on his lap. I wanted everything, to adore him and for him to adore me, and I was afraid if I showed him that, he wouldn't want me anymore. It scared me and I ended things. I'm mourning a bit. I'm going to talk about this with the therapist I see. I just wanted to express this. But also, I wanted to know if any littles were the one to end things--amicably. I always read about ddlg relationships being heartbreaking and horrible for littles, so I was just wondering. Thanks.
Guest SUeB Posted November 14, 2017 Report Posted November 14, 2017 So you dumped him for giving you what you want, and because you didn't want to admit you had feelings for him? You really need to find a way to work through those issues, because that's very negative "coping" strategy. That's like smashing your car up because you're afraid it might end up in a minor crash someday. But to answer the question, yes i have ended relationships. Mostly because of how incompatible or "pointless" we were together, or because they treated me badly. 1
Guest cocobunny Posted November 14, 2017 Report Posted November 14, 2017 Yes, I had to end things Each day does get easier but I still feel like there's a hole in my heart without my Daddy. I had to end things because I still currently live with my parents. 'Their house, their rules'. They found out about my Daddy and I was 17 at this point (recently turned 18). I had to explain to them about DDlg and they immediately dismissed it as 'wrong' and 'paedophilic'... (even when I was 17 it was all legal...the age of consent here is 16). So they urged me to break contact but said next year, when I leave the house, I can then do what I want but for now they expect me to respect their rules. I've decided I'll do as they want me to, otherwise I know they'll just make life difficult for me. Immediately after the ordeal I lost motivation to do anything, even simple things. I know I was depressed. However it's getting better now and I'm accepting it for what it is. All in all, I want my Daddy to be happy so, if by next year he has moved on I'd be happy for him. If not...then we can finally see each other again without having to sneak around. I'm taking it one day at a time right now. And I'm sorry about your split up, I know how hard it is but it will get easier, I promise you. Best wishes! xo
Carrot Cake Posted November 14, 2017 Author Report Posted November 14, 2017 (edited) So you dumped him for giving you what you want, and because you didn't want to admit you had feelings for him? You really need to find a way to work through those issues, because that's very negative "coping" strategy. That's like smashing your car up because you're afraid it might end up in a minor crash someday. But to answer the question, yes i have ended relationships. Mostly because of how incompatible or "pointless" we were together, or because they treated me badly. Thanks. It is a bad coping strategy, I'll agree to that, and to what you said about smashing up the car... But I was scared. And I'm scared that I'll never have enough, that I'll never believe that he cares for me unconditionally, and I'll ask him to prove it until it exhausts him. I don't know if it's normal for me to be so needy. I worry that I'll do more harm than good. And imagine this--he's married, with children, and says that he wants to be a father figure to me. He "applied" for the job to "be on my side and help me calmly and gently." He said I'm always worthy in his eyes. He said he likes me unconditionally, that he's proud of me... I worry that I'm confusing myself about the role he wanted. I asked him if we are parent and child, and the conversation ended up with me saying that I was insecure about the fact that he liked me for me, and would believe his affection more if it were offered because he was filling a role in my life. I never confused this with anything romantic or sexual. I never told him I was into ddlg. I did tell him that it hurt me that I would never actually be his child. He said that it hurt him too. I wasn't sure of things. Ultimately, I didn't believe or understand why he wanted to be a dad to me, or why he wanted to support me. So I stepped back. I was scared that I was fooling myself, and ending up addicted to him, living for whatever kind words he would offer me. Edited November 14, 2017 by Carrot Cake
Guest SUeB Posted November 14, 2017 Report Posted November 14, 2017 None of any of of that matters after reading one single thing amongst what you've written. He's married? Does his wife know? If he's cheating on her with you, and you are OK with that, then i am afraid i can give you no more advice. So you say you've broken up with him, but none of the reasons for that was anything to do with him being married?
Carrot Cake Posted November 14, 2017 Author Report Posted November 14, 2017 I was not dating him. I said it's not romantic or sexual. We never talked about sex; our only discussion was started by me about sexual dynamics in a TV show, and he never responded to that. And I also said I was jealous of his kids, because I'll never be one of them. I was jealous of his kids, not his wife. Also, I didn't "break up". I "ended the friendship," I "stepped back".
Carrot Cake Posted November 14, 2017 Author Report Posted November 14, 2017 (edited) Maybe this is the wrong forum for this conversation. This isn't a romantic relationship with a father daughter dynamic. This is platonic friendship with a father daughter dynamic, that I doubted because I too desperately wanted him as a father. I just happen to also be a little. (And this is something I doubt too. I don't trust enough to let people see me little, so there's no point in publicly identifying as one here.) I guess I skipped the step where you have to be in a sexual relationship first before having a dynamic or finding a mentor that heals you. Now that's nontraditional... Edited November 14, 2017 by Carrot Cake 1
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