How do I get my daddy to be more daddy-like?

[Daddyslove]

Me and my daddy have been together for a year, and he is amazing I love him so much and I trust him more than anything. He's a really good daddy he just struggles to be strict. He has rules for me but he never enforces them or punishes me if I don't follow them, I've tried to talk to him about being more strict and committed and he says he understands and tries to be more strict but it only lasts a day or two. I want to live this lifestyle all the time not just when he feels like it which is only when he's horny and dominant. I want to feel like he cares and wants me to obey him. But it doesn't feel that way and it makes me sad, what do I do?...

[Panda God]

I've been in a situation similar to this before. It sounds like he's just in DDlg for the kink. Unfortunately, there are "daddies" out there that only enjoy the sexual side of DDlg, and don't really want to have the responsibility of being an actual caregiver. If I were you, I would bring this up to him. Tell him that you aren't satisfied, and that you feel like he doesn't really care. See what he says. In the end, you might have to decide what's more important to you: staying with your current daddy, or having a daddy that actually enjoys the lifestyle.

[Daddyslove]

I've been in a situation similar to this before. It sounds like he's just in DDlg for the kink. Unfortunately, there are "daddies" out there that only enjoy the sexual side of DDlg, and don't really want to have the responsibility of being an actual caregiver. If I were you, I would bring this up to him. Tell him that you aren't satisfied, and that you feel like he doesn't really care. See what he says. In the end, you might have to decide what's more important to you: staying with your current daddy, or having a daddy that actually enjoys the lifestyle.

He seems to enjoy the lifestyle though, I dunno... he always tries to keep me in little space because he says he loves when I'm little. He likes having me in little space, but he's just not good with the rest of it I guess. Like he really enjoys me being little and submissive, not just sexually. He'll build forts with me and read to me and color with me and everything I dunno he's just not strict at all...

[Panda God]

He seems to enjoy the lifestyle though, I dunno... he always tries to keep me in little space because he says he loves when I'm little. He likes having me in little space, but he's just not good with the rest of it I guess. Like he really enjoys me being little and submissive, not just sexually. He'll build forts with me and read to me and color with me and everything I dunno he's just not strict at all...

Oh... That's a tough one, then. Maybe he just doesn't want to feel like he's being mean by enforcing rules? I dunno. Maybe ask him about it. Ask "Are you okay with there being rules? Does enforcing them make you uncomfortable?" Or something along those lines.

[Guest Dean]

Not every Daddy wants to be or enjoys being strict. Some have a difficult time being strict. It doesn't make them less of a Daddy nor does it mean that they don't enjoy being a Daddy. It's just the way they are. Again, as with anything in any relationship, communication is everything. Also, not every little or DD/lg relationship needs rules or even have them. Part of your communication has to be why you want or need the rules and why you want or need them enforced. And you need to make sure you listen to why he doesn't enforce them. Figure out what works for both of you and go from there. Maybe even just the most important rule (again, if rules are wanted or necessary) and build it one step at a time. Keep aware that all Daddies and all Doms are not the same. And, that sometimes the Daddy part that is protecting and nurturing you conflicts with the Dom part that wants to own you and have you serve him.

[Guest DaddyCares1]

If you've voiced your concerns about being unfulfilled and wanting changes from him, and he's refusing to act differently, then there isn't much else you can do.

[Baby_Kota]

Most caregivers are naturally are nurturing and want the best for you. You can't force a caregiver to be more Daddy like because all caregivers are different just as all littles are different and don't all need the same things. There are some littles who don't need rules but instead more reassurances and soothing. It sounds to me like you and your caregiver want opposite things. It's essential to communicate, communicate and communicate. Have a sit down and talk or write out what both of you want and need in the ddlg dynamic as well as your relationship as a whole. You may need and want a full-time dynamic but he may not what that. People change  and so does want and needs and relationships change. What you are asking for is valid but after talking to him you will see if what he wants is the same as what you want.

[Guest BestestDada]

Try and remind him that you have rules. Occasionally I slack off and I get reminded that I have someone to take care of. If she's feeling a bit to the side, she'll ask me to feed her or pet her or choke her to get me back into feeling like a dom (I struggle with being confident at times) and it honestly brings me back to the swing of things. Just keep prompting him and ask him what part of being your CG he likes the most. Keep it going from there until he wakes up ready to take care of you. Figure out what you both are wanting and what you both need, you are obviously willing to keep this lifestyle going. So If communicating at least gets the gears grinding a bit, there's a nothin a good 'ol kick in the metaphorical rear can't put some gumption into

[Guest SUeB]

So he obviously isn't a Dom. That's putting it very generally. Some guys are "just" daddies, or Doms. Not all are both. That's why there are at least three different titles. Daddy, Dom, DaddyDom. They are not all the same thing.

[Littlest_Bee]

I think there were a few good points so far, especially what Dean said:

Not every Daddy wants to be or enjoys being strict. Some have a difficult time being strict. It doesn't make them less of a Daddy nor does it mean that they don't enjoy being a Daddy. It's just the way they are.

 

There's a balance to being a care giver and depending on your reaction when you are scolded the desire to comfort you and be nice can easily outweigh any desire to enforce rules.

 

Again, as with anything in any relationship, communication is everything. Also, not every little or DD/lg relationship needs rules or even have them. Part of your communication has to be why you want or need the rules and why you want or need them enforced.

So this is important because from your description you feel neglected and not well cared for when your rules aren't enforced. I can understand that. Having someone enforce rules (that are there to protect me) helps me to feel safe and cared for. It also helps me to let go if I feel guilty over something (and I do feel guilty when I break my rules).

Just being comforted doesn't give me the same outlet and feeling of security. I need to know that I've been forgiven and in this context forgiveness comes after being punished.

 

And you need to make sure you listen to why he doesn't enforce them. Figure out what works for both of you and go from there. Maybe even just the most important rule (again, if rules are wanted or necessary) and build it one step at a time. Keep aware that all Daddies and all Doms are not the same. And, that sometimes the Daddy part that is protecting and nurturing you conflicts with the Dom part that wants to own you and have you serve him.

From everything you said I am convinced that your daddy does care about you and he loves you exactly as you are. Overpowering you or dominating you might be a desire he has but he also respects you and wants to make you happy. So there is an internal struggle from the beginning.

Conflicts are hard and he might feel as if it's just mean and disrespectful to make decisions about the way you "should" behave in everyday life. That's where we come back to you communicating why it's important to you that he does just that. You both need to agree about the rules and why they are important. It needs to be clear that enforcing them (maybe even if you protest) is the same as making you happy. It might seem paradox on the surface but that is at the heart of this matter, right?

Even if you might be unhappy about his strictness while he enforces a rule, it will make you happier in the long run.

He might still be a pretty easy-going, fun-time daddy and tend to let things go from time to time but if he understands that this is a deep-seated need for you then it should be easier for him to act accordingly.

[boomslang]

This doesn't seem to be an issue with the degree of his Daddyness or even his dominant style.  Not all dominants are into rules and punishments.  His style is his own and to want to change him to fit your style seems absolutely unfair.  You could try roleplaying to fulfill a bit of your needs, but incompatibility is pretty straightforward... You can't force him to fit into your mold. Telling him to "act this way" is also a dangerous game.  Do you really want the person you supposedly love and trust to literally act out a fake persona for you 24/7?  Find middle ground or maybe consider letting this relationship go.

[Untwisted]

There are probably as many different "right ways" as there are people.  Different people have different personalities, motivations etc. 

 

He might be like a perfect daddy in someone else’s opinion.  Asking how to get him to be more like a daddy is asking how to get him to be more like someone else, and that's unlikely to work out well in the long term. 

 

People can change, they can find enjoyment in things where they didn't before, and then again, they might not change at all.  Either way, it's not something that you can control.