Boyfriend said ddlg is "disgusting"

[lilbee233]

Hey guys...so last night I made my bf take the bdsm to see how he scored, and when we got to the question about engaging in childlike behaviors, he said it was unnatural and "taking it too far."

 

For some background, I had asked him before what his thoughts were on ddlg, and he said it's fine. Apparently that's because he thought ddlg was literally just calling someone daddy during sex.

 

Then he started freaking out and was like "you're telling me you dont think that's gross?" And I agreed with him just because I was afraid he would find out and freak out more.

 

The thing is, he does some things that I thought meant we were making progress. He calls me names like sweet pea, pumpkin, and lovebug. After a surgery, he said I was his brave little warrior. He thinks I look cute in a onesie and doesn't seem to mind my childlike playfulness.

 

Granted though, the question mentioned coloring books and playgrounds, and im not that much of a little. Like I don't use pacifiers or anything. I really just like acting younger than I am. So I wonder if that would make him think any differently of it. Also he once called me out for using little voice, which I hadn't even realized I was doing. But i just kinda laughed and brushed it off.

 

I guess I just wanted to vent and see if I should try to talk to him, just keep acting the way I do, or what. I'm at a loss now.

[Alcee]

I think the worst thing you could do is simply ignore it. Communication is key, and when he essentially insults who you are (albeit unknowingly) you shouldn't just sit on it. I would tell him everything you just wrote here. Explain everything in detail.

[babymeegan]

i agree ^^ talk to him but you want someone you can completely be yourself around, where he wont judge you or think its gross

[Guest PrincessMim]

I think he probably doesn't know all the variations of a ddlg relationship. He's probably stuck on the link some people think it's about : a grown man possibly blood-related daddy being sexual with a young person. Communication is always key maybe you guys should start talkign about it, explaining to him all the ways ddlg is not that and maybe if you asked what exactly he finds disgusting about it , you could see if it's just he has some conceptions that aren't totally right or maybe he's not into really young littles and abdl type things. 

You guys shoulld talk and emphasise on his caregiver characteristics he seems to already have ! 

And if it ends up it really just isn't his thing, don't ignore who you are & go for someone who loves all your facets <3

Best of luck to you xxx

[Guest JayRingo77]

I think Mim really hit it on the head.  There are a lot of permutations of this lifestyle, as I'm quickly learning, and he sounds ignorant of how broad DD/lg can be.  I would encourage what the others have suggested: talk and listen = communication.  That's what people in relationships do.  The listening half is always the hard one, especially when it might challenge existing ideas and perceptions.  To me, good listening skills are the hallmark of a good relationship regardless of whether it's a friend, partner, or just a peer at work.

 

Whether this is something worth ending the relationship over is really your call.  How/If you balance and compromise will determine that.  I wouldn't let it go until you're not yourself anymore or so hemmed in by 'if I do this he won't like it' and anxiety gnaws away at your self confidence.  I've come across a lot of threads from Littles that are unhappy because of acceptance anxiety even with their caregiver.  It's rather disturbing and what has me cautious about who I adopt as my ward.  I want as best a fit as possible so someone can be themselves, big and Little, and feel comfortable.

 

My only other advice is talk it over sooner rather than later.  In my experience and opinion, history piling on top of an issue only makes it harder.

 

Best of luck.

[Guest bunnybear11]

I'm so sorry :c

 

I couldn't say bc I don't really know ur bf, but by what u said maybe he just doesn't understand ddlg very well and is a little scared of it at first, like when I told my daddy about ddlg I explained it as simple as I could, and I told him explicitly I wasn't into pacifiers and diapers (because I didn't want to scare him off, and really, I wasn't ready for all that at the time).

 

Ddlg can seem a little different and scary at first, but there's different "levels" to it, not all littles r into diapers of pacis or coloring books or bedtime stories, there really is no true way, so maybe you could try to explain that to him. You said he doesn't mind ur childish ways so chances are that he could accept this kind of relationship, tell him things you do like and things you don't, establish limits, so both of you can feel comfortable in the dynamic.

 

It really is very important that you two talk about these things, bc it can be very sad and very hard to hide and repress these feelings from your loved one.

 

xx Hope it all works out for u two, good luck <3

Feel free to message me if u need any help/advice w this ^-^

Edited November 13, 2017 by carobear

[Guest SUeB]

None of those behaviours or words show any sign of a predisposition towards ddlg. They are generic terms of affection and well used phrases. Nothing wrong with that, it's nice, but in no way does it have anything to do with this dynamic.

Listen, he doesn't like it. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that. You have two choices. Accept you aren't going to get this from him and be happy with who he actually is, or end the relationship and be patient in finding a man that is interested in it and you are compatible with.

[DollDirector]

Maybe you are rushing things ? When was it you came out to yourself as a Little ? Any relationship is a sort of "contract" I mean an understanding,not necessarily something actually written. It seems DDlg was not part of this contract. At this point,I think he is perfectly entitled to the reaction he has.

[Untwisted]

There are aspects of ddlg that don't appeal to me, although it doesn't bother me that those things are important to other people, it's not all or nothing. 

 

To someone who doesn't know much about it, saying you're into ddlg probably implies you're into everything, and chances are you're not.

Take the label off and just worry about the things you are into and see how compatible you are then.  If it's still not for him, then you need to have a think about what you want.

[lilbee233]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll be thinking it over for a while and it might take me some time to get the courage to talk to him about it, but I can see both sides. I really appreciate the input <3 you guys are the best.

[meows kohai]

There's a chance he just doesn't understand what it's about, man. Being into DD/LG doesn't mean you have to take it to extremes on the first try or even engage in behaviors that other littles do. Remember the "your kink is not my kink" phrase. You guys can take the parts you like that work for you and leave the rest. You want to dress in onesies and be cute? Fine. You don't want to wear diapers? Also perfectly fine! 

 

And if does understand it and isn't into it, there's not much you can do about it. You can ask him to still call you by those cute names and obviously keep wearing your onesies (they're popular with teens and adults outside of DDLG so it's not strange). Maybe you can can come to a compromise? 

[Guest DaddyCares1]

There is never anything lost in trying to communicate your needs. This is what I'd recommend. However if he maintains his resistance towards it, then you know a ddlg relationship with him is not possible, and if you want one you'll have to find someone else. Alternatively you can get into little space when he's not around perhaps and continue your relationship. It all comes down to what you want. 

Edited November 14, 2017 by DaddyCares1