long distance relationship - fussy at bedtime! need help!

[Chicken Nugget Princess]

hi everyone, i'm not sure if this is a common issue so sorry if this has been posted before. 

 

anyways, whenever it's late and my daddy has to go to bed, i always end up feeling sad and he has to stay up longer to calm me down. i feel really bad and i'm not sure why i feel sad. usually we fall asleep in calls together. but he lives on the east coast and i live on the west coast, and with school starting up again he has to be up earlier than me for university most days - which means going to bed earlier than me.

 

i'm not really sure how to fix this. i've never really had abandonment issues or similar before. any suggestions will be appreciated!

[Guest Beardless Viking]

This is very common. My last relationship, my Little was just like you - perhaps worse - but we found a pretty decent solution. It's all about adjusting and getting used to having to go to bed without your Daddy, what helped for my ex was to watch Youtube, a channel that she enjoyed was a Yoga one, where she knew the girl's voice very well, and it was very calming to her. Finding a Youtube channel that you're familiar with, with voices that calms you down and that you're accustomed to, could help you when you feel lonely and sad after he goes to sleep. An audiobook could also work well, maybe even several, as long as it's the same familiar voice reading it. (The Harry Potter books read by Stephen Fry or Jim Dale for instance)

I know it's very hard, but those are a few things that worked for her. You just have to remind yourself that he's sleeping because he needs sleep, and he can't function and be happy and okay without it, and not because he wants to. He'd stay up forever if it was humanly possible, I'm sure. I hope you find your solution to this, good luck! ^-^

Edited November 12, 2017 by Bullettreatment

[Guest JayRingo77]

Good sleep hygiene is important for everyone, Daddies and their wards alike.  These are some tips I give that might give you some ideas where you can adjust your routine to provide a good night's rest:

 

Falling asleep may seem like an impossible dream when you’re awake at 3 a.m., but good sleep is more under your control than you might think. Following healthy sleep habits can make the difference between restlessness and restful slumber. Researchers have identified a variety of practices and habits—known as “sleep hygiene"—that can help anyone maximize the hours they spend sleeping, even those whose sleep is affected by insomnia, jet lag, or shift work.  Sleep hygiene may sound unimaginative, but it just may be the best way to get the sleep you need in this 24/7 age. Here are some simple tips for making the sleep of your dreams a nightly reality:

 

#1 Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, Nicotine, and Other Chemicals that Interfere with Sleep

As any coffee lover knows, caffeine is a stimulant that can keep you awake. So avoid caffeine (found in coffee, tea, chocolate, cola, and some pain relievers) for four to six hours before bedtime. Similarly, smokers should refrain from using tobacco products too close to bedtime.  Although alcohol may help bring on sleep, after a few hours it acts as a stimulant, increasing the number of awakenings and generally decreasing the quality of sleep later in the night. It is therefore best to limit alcohol consumption to one to two drinks per day, or less, and to avoid drinking within three hours of bedtime.

 

#2 Turn Your Bedroom into a Sleep-Inducing Environment

A quiet, dark, and cool environment can help promote sound slumber. Why do you think bats congregate in caves for their daytime sleep? To achieve such an environment, lower the volume of outside noise with earplugs or a "white noise" appliance. Use heavy curtains, blackout shades, or an eye mask to block light, a powerful cue that tells the brain that it's time to wake up. Keep the temperature comfortably cool—between 60 and 75°F—and the room well ventilated. And make sure your bedroom is equipped with a comfortable mattress and pillows. (Remember that most mattresses wear out after ten years.)  Also, if a pet regularly wakes you during the night, you may want to consider keeping it out of your bedroom.   It may help to limit your bedroom activities to sleep and sex only. Keeping computers, TVs, and work materials out of the room will strengthen the mental association between your bedroom and sleep.

 

#3 Establish a Soothing Pre-Sleep Routine

Ease the transition from wake time to sleep time with a period of relaxing activities an hour or so before bed. Take a bath (the rise, then fall in body temperature promotes drowsiness), read a book, watch television, or practice relaxation exercises. Avoid stressful, stimulating activities—doing work, discussing emotional issues. Physically and psychologically stressful activities can cause the body to secrete the stress hormone cortisol, which is associated with increasing alertness. If you tend to take your problems to bed, try writing them down—and then putting them aside.

 

#4 Go to Sleep When You’re Truly Tired

Struggling to fall sleep just leads to frustration. If you’re not asleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed, go to another room, and do something relaxing, like reading or listening to music until you are tired enough to sleep.

 

#5 Don’t Be a Nighttime Clock-Watcher

Staring at a clock in your bedroom, either when you are trying to fall asleep or when you wake in the middle of the night, can actually increase stress, making it harder to fall asleep. Turn your clock’s face away from you.

And if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep in about 20 minutes, get up and engage in a quiet, restful activity such as reading or listening to music. And keep the lights dim; bright light can stimulate your internal clock. When your eyelids are drooping and you are ready to sleep, return to bed.

 

#6 Use Light to Your Advantage

Natural light keeps your internal clock on a healthy sleep-wake cycle. So let in the light first thing in the morning and get out of the office for a sun break during the day.

 

#7 Keep Your Internal Clock Set with a Consistent Sleep Schedule

Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day sets the body’s "internal clock" to expect sleep at a certain time night after night. Try to stick as closely as possible to your routine on weekends to avoid a Monday morning sleep hangover. Waking up at the same time each day is the very best way to set your clock, and even if you did not sleep well the night before, the extra sleep drive will help you consolidate sleep the following night. Learn more about the importance of synchronizing the clock in The Drive to Sleep and Our Internal Clock.

 

#8 Nap Early—Or Not at All

Many people make naps a regular part of their day. However, for those who find falling asleep or staying asleep through the night problematic, afternoon napping may be one of the culprits. This is because late-day naps decrease sleep drive. If you must nap, it’s better to keep it short and before 5 p.m.

 

#9 Lighten Up on Evening Meals

Eating a pepperoni pizza at 10 p.m. may be a recipe for insomnia. Finish dinner several hours before bedtime and avoid foods that cause indigestion. If you get hungry at night, snack on foods that (in your experience) won't disturb your sleep, perhaps dairy foods and carbohydrates.

 

#10 Balance Fluid Intake

Drink enough fluid at night to keep from waking up thirsty—but not so much and so close to bedtime that you will be awakened by the need for a trip to the bathroom.

 

#11 Exercise Early

Exercise can help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly—as long as it's done at the right time. Exercise stimulates the body to secrete the stress hormone cortisol, which helps activate the alerting mechanism in the brain. This is fine, unless you're trying to fall asleep. Try to finish exercising at least three hours before bed or work out earlier in the day.

 

#12 Follow Through

Some of these tips will be easier to include in your daily and nightly routine than others. However, if you stick with them, your chances of achieving restful sleep will improve. That said, not all sleep problems are so easily treated and could signify the presence of a sleep disorder such as apnea, restless legs syndrome, narcolepsy, or another clinical sleep problem. If your sleep difficulties don’t improve through good sleep hygiene, you may want to consult your physician or a sleep specialist. 

 

I hope this helps you get the rest you seek.  Keep us posted.

[Chicken Nugget Princess]

thanks bullettreatment, that's super reassuring to know that it's common!! i'll definitely look into the youtube video thingy because that seems like something that would help a lot. i don't know why i didn't think of this before because it's such a good idea but so simple lol. even when i was sad before i was in our relationship i would watch recipe videos to help me sleep. thanks for this really awesome suggestion!!

 

jayringo77 those are helpful things for people who have trouble sleeping. i don't really have problems with that though - i just sleep later than my daddy most nights. his sleep schedule used to be aligned with mine but he needs to sleep earlier with university having started back up due to the difference in our time zones.

[Guest Beardless Viking]

thanks bullettreatment, that's super reassuring to know that it's common!! i'll definitely look into the youtube video thingy because that seems like something that would help a lot. i don't know why i didn't think of this before because it's such a good idea but so simple lol. even when i was sad before i was in our relationship i would watch recipe videos to help me sleep. thanks for this really awesome suggestion!!

 

jayringo77 those are helpful things for people who have trouble sleeping. i don't really have problems with that though - i just sleep later than my daddy most nights. his sleep schedule used to be aligned with mine but he needs to sleep earlier with university having started back up due to the difference in our time zones.

You're welcome! I hope you figure it out. If you ever need someone to talk to, just message me ^-^

[Guest JayRingo77]

thanks bullettreatment, that's super reassuring to know that it's common!! i'll definitely look into the youtube video thingy because that seems like something that would help a lot. i don't know why i didn't think of this before because it's such a good idea but so simple lol. even when i was sad before i was in our relationship i would watch recipe videos to help me sleep. thanks for this really awesome suggestion!!

 

jayringo77 those are helpful things for people who have trouble sleeping. i don't really have problems with that though - i just sleep later than my daddy most nights. his sleep schedule used to be aligned with mine but he needs to sleep earlier with university having started back up due to the difference in our time zones.

My apologies for misunderstanding where the disconnect was in your sleep pattern.  You're correct, that's an entirely different issue.  

 

It might be worth while to see if Daddy will record bed time stories for you.  This is similar to Bullet's idea of a common channel or voice to soothe you; who better than Daddy?  This way you can spend time with him in a way that doesn't intrude on his off-set sleep schedule and it shows the love and affection you're craving in his taking the time to find the books, read, and record for you.  It could also be a fun activity for the two of you to shop/explore what titles you enjoy and branch out into new authors and topics.  You could also return the favor and make him recordings to listen to when he travels or is walking around between classes.

 

Jay

[Guest SUeB]

You simply have to get used to the fact that this is how it is. i am sure you don't want to negatively affect his health, wellbeing or even his school work. He has a different bedtime to you. If you are ok with having a long distance, non physical relationship, you have to find a way to be ok with what comes along with that. You already know why it is how it is, so that should take away the notion that he is "abandoning" you. And if you can't handle this kind of thing, then maybe LDR's really aren't for you.

[BabyBatty0214]

Even though my Daddy and I are not long distance, just short distance, we often have a bedtime problem. Often times I have to go to bed earlier then he does because I have school and he can stay up because he doesn't have work until late. Or the opposite. I suggest a bedtime routine, going through a checklist of things to do, and lastly have a bedtime story before he goes to bed. You could go to sleep with him or stay up and watch videos that will keep you calm, such as baby music, little space videos, or more stories. Its actually really helpful for the nights with my Daddy and I. I don't think 3 hours is all that bad, compared to a lot of long distance relationships I've had [anywhere from 5 to 15 hour time difference]. Its a painful process, but you have to remember that it will all work out soon. 

[cams]

Have you tried music? I don't have a daddy but when I'm stressed and can't sleep some classical music helps me calm down. There's white noise too, it helps to get you sleepy and block other sounds