very confused little

[babygirlari]

hey guys. me and my daddy have been together for about 3 months. he suffers with depression and and anger issues. he gets very overwhelmed when i want attention and get little, like its too much for him to handle. he told me the other day we should take a break, so i thought we were breaking up but he said we weren’t and he just needs space. i dont know what to do because i feel like he doesnt love me anymore. i feel like he doesnt care about me even though he hates when i say that. this is my first relationship ever and im so hurt and confused and i just want someone to take care of me. can someone please guide me and tell me what to do? i want to wait for him to evaluate his mental state and his life in general as its very hard for him, but i miss my daddy. i miss the attention and how happy i was. im just so lost...

[DreamingDesire]

Let's take this from the top, to see if I understand it correctly.

 

- You would be happiest to go back to how you were, where you feel loved and looked after.

- He states he needs some time apart, not to break up, but as someone with depression/anger who needs to figure things out for himself.

 

Neither of you is unreasonable here, so the reason you still feel bad is that it sucks to be incompatible with someone we care about. It used to be that if you both do what you want, you make each other happy. Now, you're not. It's up to you to decide how you handle the next step. If it's temporary and you feel like it's worth to wait for him, you absolutely should. It's useful to have someone like you at his side to help him evaluate when he needs someone to talk to. If at some point he keeps his distance for too long, or isn't fulfilling anymore down the line, then consider other options.

 

For now though, good luck. It's not easy to stand by someone when they can't be there for you, and you have my respect for doing so <3

[Guest Mr.Stuffykins]

Seeing as how I dont completely know the details of your relationship then I can only give you a one sided opinion. From what you've told me there is only 1 sensible solution: Give him the time and space to re-evaluate his mental state. However, do not stay in limbo for as long as he chooses. You need to give him a reasonable amount of time to reflect. If after the set amount of time he still says he "needs his space" then you leave because obviously his "space" is simply a way of saying "I like you but not enough to commit". You have to make it exceptionally clear that this whole situation bothers you greatly. That the longer he goes without making up his mind the harder it is on you. A little needs her daddy to reassure her and tell her that everything will be okay - if he is not doing that then you need to let him know how all of this is impacting you! After all, in this type of relationship the little should ALWAYS be the priority - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

 

My thoughts on the matter all stem from the belief that you have a great deal of attachment to him. That is the ONLY reason why Im telling you to wait it out. That is the ONLY reason why Im telling you to stay calm and give him his space. Continue to be there for him but do not make the habit of seeking his attention because he has made it blatantly clear that he can not handle it. If you personally feel that you are not getting enough attention, love, guidance, and support then you must look for someone that will give it to you. It is a decision that only you can make because only you know how the situation really is. You know him and everything that is going on far better than anyone of us do. So YOU must come to the decision. You must decide and think: "is this the best I can do?" 

 

Take this time to think of what you really want as well. Take into consideration the idea of having a platonic baby sitter. Someone to look after you while your daddy is unable to do so.

 

Lastly

just remember that your feelings are important. You need to be happy and be with someone that will treat you the way you deserved to be treated - like a princess.

 

With that being said I wish you the very best. Take care and good luck!

Edited November 2, 2017 by Mr.Stuffykins

[babygirlari]

thank you guys for your advice i appreciate it so much. ive been trying to find a caregiver but its just resuting in guys wanting to help me jack them off and its just making it even harder for me to handle. i just miss my daddy so much. i feel like i never was his first priority.

[DreamingDesire]

i feel like i never was his first priority.

 

Of course we're internet people working with very limited information, so I want to emphasize this is based on the few things you've told so far. But that's really not a good feeling to have. Especially given your past experiences with guys just wanting you for sex, it's easy to think of this is as "well, at least it's better than THAT", and you're not wrong. Personally, I don't want to settle for anything less than someone that makes me truly happy on every level. I knew this meant I may be single for quite a while, and had to suffer through many incompatible people, but the end result is worth it in my mind. If you want someone that makes you feel a certain way, I wouldn't want to compromise on that. It's hard work, but the reward of seeing this beautifully amazing person every day rather than someone "who isn't that bad" is more than worth it.

 

This is not to say you should dump him right now and get what's yours, but consider it food for thought. Especially now that he keeps his distance, it's a perfect time for you to also figure out what YOU want in a relationship. Then, when/if he arrives at a point of time to discuss the relationship with you, you could also talk about what you desire from the relationship. It may lead to you two finding a relationship together where you can both be happy, or you could both go out and find someone that matches you better.

 

And in the mean time, there's plenty of people here who empathize and care for you just the same when you're feeling bad <3

[Guest DaddyCares1]

Give him some space. Also realise that depression is tough to deal with. However there is no excuse for anger issues. If he can't control that anger, that's concerning. Be careful

[Tinka]

me me me...my my my.

 

i can`t highlight this enough, the man told you about depression.Depression. 

It should never be taken lightly. 

I understand its your first relationship, but you cant have a relationship solo, so stop thinking only about yourself and how things affect you. 

you are two and you need to also take care, if you wanna be taken care of. 

 

He has depression. Thats a fact. 

Question1 ---> Do you wanna stay through this, yes or not? 

 

It might be for long time, it might be forever, it might be over in a few months regarding the source of the depression. 

A depressed person can be hopeless, seem soulless, empty zombie.

Question 2---> Can you handle it, yes or no?

 

He mentioned he needs space and that you should take a break. You said its very overwhelming for him and thats its too much for him to handle.

Even when you are an actual dad, you need some space to relax from your kid.

Question 3---> Do you know if your partner wants to be a daddy with breaks so he can relax?

Question 4---> Are you a non-stop needy greedy baby ?

Question 5 ---> Did you consider discussing all these things mentioned above with your partner? 

Question 6 ---> Do you know what he wants trully? His terms? His boundaries? 

There is a chance he wants to be a daddy under specific circumstances, and not full time. Do you know it? Can you propose it?

 

A little one doesnt always have to be a needy bratty princess that constantly asks for caring and attention. 

Question 7---> What do you provide for your daddy?

Can you comfort him? Make him smile a little? Hug him and be silent while cuddling after a long hard day?

A depressed person need to find reasons to fight. Love is a reason to fight. 

Question 8---> Do you make him feel loved?

 

I had answered in a previous post about depression in a relationship. If you can go and find it if you want, if you find it helpful that would be great. 

Answer the questions that i made , to yourself, not to me. See what you want to do and what you dont want. 

3 months are 3 months. for some people might be little time, for some enough time. 

Doesnt matter what he is, he is still a person, and we people need to help each other. 

Also considerate a lot the part that you spoke about anger issues. This is not good. 

This person has issues that cause him anger and these things take time to learn and to handle. And some of us, reach the end of our days and still haven't found a way to deal with our issues. It happens...

But i want you to be careful. 

Either let it go or try and be a partner. Your life, your choice

[babygirlari]

excuse me, thats very rude of you to assume that when hes depressed all i do is nag him for attention. thats never happened once. every single day i ask him how he is MULTIPLE times a day. whener he says hes not okay i always ask him if there’s anything i can do to help and even if he says no i try to help anyway. it just makes me sad bc i specifically ask him for attention like once a day and sometimes not even that, AFTER i ask him how hes feeling and sometimes he still doesnt give it to me even if hes okay. it makes me upset bc ive done everything to help him, so you dont have the right to tell me im just always a brat no matter what.

[babygirlari]

also he lives almost an hour away so i see him only once a week, sometimes not even that bc it depends how hes feeling. yes, i make him smile constantly when were together. yes i provide love and caring to him too. just bc im a little doesnt mean its all about me. it has never and will never be all about me and im okay with that. i treat him with respect and love and kindness and idk why im defending myself right now bc it doesnt even matter. im just offended bc ur making it sound like i want it all to be about me and thats like the exact opposite of what it is. i just feel disrespected.

[DreamingDesire]

Regardless of the tone, I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. Luna's post is so detailed it comes across as someone who's had to deal with this issue a lot, so she really just wants to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. It's great that you're already so aware and don't need to be told most/all of it

Edited November 3, 2017 by DreamingDesire