A 'Little' Stress Relief

[MistahJay]

My life right now is pretty fast paced, I currently work 3 jobs, and attend school. With this plus trying to keep my finances and trying to keep somewhat of a social life I can get extremely busy at times. With this being said would it be wrong to have a little in this mix? I want her around so I can at least have someone to pull me back into reality because at this point, I've been isolating myself by running from place to place with little to no time to myself, and because of this I have had 2 anxiety attacks within the past month. Would this be considered a selfish usage for a little?

 

(Sorry for the pun...Couldn't resist)

[Guest DaddyCares1]

Just be upfront when communicating. Everyone has different circumstances, so there could well be a little out there in a similar situation. As long as they're not left wondering why there is silence from you, I don't see an issue. 

[Panda God]

Ehh.. I think it would be fine for you to have a little... You just need to make sure that, even with your busy schedule, you give them the attention and care that they need. Remember, one of the reasons that they are in this community is because they want to be loved and cared for.

[Guest SUeB]

Yes, to me that sounds pretty selfish. You are looking for someone simply to ease your stress. No mention of what you might give in return. Do you really think that's good or healthy for the other person?

[MistahJay]

Yes, to me that sounds pretty selfish. You are looking for someone simply to ease your stress. No mention of what you might give in return. Do you really think that's good or healthy for the other person?

I plan on providing for them. I'm not thinking about situation where i only talk to them if i can't cope on my own. In my mind having a little would force me to come back to being social, right now I am neglecting my social life and it's bad. It's giving me a bearing so I don't get lost in my own mind, in return a caregiver with indivisible attention.

[Guest SUeB]

Yes OK, that sounds a bit better, but it still sounds like it's a tool to get you out of something. As in you're using her to get out of the house more. Just think about your true intentions. Do you want a real relationship, or do you want someone simply to accompany you to feel less awkward in social situations?

[Guest Auroraa]

It’s natural to desire companionship so that you can share aspects of your life and experience something other than the normal stresses of the day-to-day. As some others have said, it doesn’t seem selfish if it’s a true desire that spans beyond a distraction or bringing you back to reality – maybe wording it a bit differently, like you want a little more happiness, there’s something missing from your life and you feel like finding a little would help to make you feel more well-rounded, balanced, healthy, and happy…and you hope to maybe provide that for someone else too at the same time. Given what you’ve said, I feel like this is what you mean? How you see it?

 

Do you feel like it’s selfish?

 

Take a gentle and an honest moment and answer for your own heart… that will probably give you the right answer. You know yourself, your limits, intentions, desires and needs best.

 

I do know what it’s like to have your life so full at times that you don’t know how to make room for yourself let alone another and yet still, you want to bring someone in. I know that can make some feel guilty or question whether it’s right or not.

 

Sometimes it’s a good idea, sometimes it isn’t. You’re the only one who can really decide what’s right for you, and hopefully you have a responsible heart and mind about you.

 

Some littles often turn to their relationship, or search this sort of relationship out because they know it’s what helps them and makes them feel happy. For caregivers, I’d assume it’s something of the same. It’s relieving and enjoyable (hopefully) for the caregiver as well.

 

Being up front about your situation is important so that whoever you may find understands. Make sure they’re okay with it and that they’re okay working with you to find a schedule or flow that works for both of you. If you genuinely want a relationship of some kind then it’s okay, as long as you’re both on the same page.

 

Do what you need to do to feel better, as long as whatever or whoever is involved isn’t intentionally being hurt. It’s okay to have needs and to search to have them fulfilled.

 

I’m sorry about your anxiety attacks, I know they can be hard, especially when there’s so much else going on.

 

That being said, do what you *need* to do. I’ve turned to relationships before to fill a void, or to try to provide help/relief/to have someone bring me back down, and it doesn’t always work. Make sure you’re really longing for companionship and not just an escape. Do your best to balance as you can and tend to yourself and your needs. You deserve to be cared for too, even if it’s just by yourself and finding the little things that help.

 

I hope you find what you’re looking for, and that your life finds a little more peace and joy.

 

Take care

[MistahJay]

It’s natural to desire companionship so that you can share aspects of your life and experience something other than the normal stresses of the day-to-day. As some others have said, it doesn’t seem selfish if it’s a true desire that spans beyond a distraction or bringing you back to reality – maybe wording it a bit differently, like you want a little more happiness, there’s something missing from your life and you feel like finding a little would help to make you feel more well-rounded, balanced, healthy, and happy…and you hope to maybe provide that for someone else too at the same time. Given what you’ve said, I feel like this is what you mean? How you see it?

 

Do you feel like it’s selfish?

 

Take a gentle and an honest moment and answer for your own heart… that will probably give you the right answer. You know yourself, your limits, intentions, desires and needs best.

 

I do know what it’s like to have your life so full at times that you don’t know how to make room for yourself let alone another and yet still, you want to bring someone in. I know that can make some feel guilty or question whether it’s right or not.

 

Sometimes it’s a good idea, sometimes it isn’t. You’re the only one who can really decide what’s right for you, and hopefully you have a responsible heart and mind about you.

 

Some littles often turn to their relationship, or search this sort of relationship out because they know it’s what helps them and makes them feel happy. For caregivers, I’d assume it’s something of the same. It’s relieving and enjoyable (hopefully) for the caregiver as well.

 

Being up front about your situation is important so that whoever you may find understands. Make sure they’re okay with it and that they’re okay working with you to find a schedule or flow that works for both of you. If you genuinely want a relationship of some kind then it’s okay, as long as you’re both on the same page.

 

Do what you need to do to feel better, as long as whatever or whoever is involved isn’t intentionally being hurt. It’s okay to have needs and to search to have them fulfilled.

 

I’m sorry about your anxiety attacks, I know they can be hard, especially when there’s so much else going on.

 

That being said, do what you *need* to do. I’ve turned to relationships before to fill a void, or to try to provide help/relief/to have someone bring me back down, and it doesn’t always work. Make sure you’re really longing for companionship and not just an escape. Do your best to balance as you can and tend to yourself and your needs. You deserve to be cared for too, even if it’s just by yourself and finding the little things that help.

 

I hope you find what you’re looking for, and that your life finds a little more peace and joy.

 

Take care

Yes i would agree with that. Right now it feels like with 'vanilla' relationships are not truly me. I feel like I'm faking a lot of the time, versus with dd/lg relationships it just clicks better.  I don't think it's meant to be selfish. Like you said, I am relying on companionship to feel more complete right now, which I don't feel like I'm finding my place yet, I'm saying this without trying to pour my heart out on forums. But I do want to find that stable balance, with a little I know I'd carve out the time to be with each other, that I have yet to genuinely promise witha 'vanilla' relationship.

[Guest Auroraa]

Yes i would agree with that. Right now it feels like with 'vanilla' relationships are not truly me. I feel like I'm faking a lot of the time, versus with dd/lg relationships it just clicks better.  I don't think it's meant to be selfish. Like you said, I am relying on companionship to feel more complete right now, which I don't feel like I'm finding my place yet, I'm saying this without trying to pour my heart out on forums. But I do want to find that stable balance, with a little I know I'd carve out the time to be with each other, that I have yet to genuinely promise witha 'vanilla' relationship.

I understand. I don't work well in vanilla relationships either. I'm glad that you realize what works for you. Thank you for clarifying your feelings. I really don't think you're being selfish I know you don't really know me but if you need or would like someone to talk to about things, to just vent or get a break I don't mind being here for support - you can message me.

[MistahJay]

I understand. I don't work well in vanilla relationships either. I'm glad that you realize what works for you. Thank you for clarifying your feelings. I really don't think you're being selfish I know you don't really know me but if you need or would like someone to talk to about things, to just vent or get a break I don't mind being here for support - you can message me.

Thank you very much for your empathy~