Have Any of You Been Ghosted Before?

[Panda God]

Hello, lovelies. I'm creating this because several people have ghosted on me, and I kind of wanted to talk to someone that knows what it feels like. For those of you who don't know, here is a post about it from Spooky. https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/11758-ghosting-or-slow-fade/ Basically, ghosting is when your significant other seems to disappear into thin air. They stop contacting you, they won't answer your messages, and, if you were seeing each other in person, they avoid you. 

 

GREAT BIG HUGE EDIT: I didn't really make the purpose of this post clear. I would like for people who have been ghosted to share their stories, if they are comfortable. Who ghosted you? LDR or IRL? How long had you been together? When did you notice that they had ghosted you? How did you feel? How did you cope with those feelings? Did they ever come back?

 

For me, it was my LDR daddy/master. We had been together for a little less than a year, and it took me a couple of weeks to realize what he had done. I was devastated. Since we had argued that day, I wondered if it was my fault. I coped with it by burying my feelings, then pouring them out into roleplays. After a few months, he contacted me again, telling me that he had been "beaten within an inch of his life" and that he was "in the hospital". (Basic research proved this to be false.)

Edited October 30, 2017 by Sally M

[Dave1200]

yes... it happens alot on this site and in life

[Guest SUeB]

i would disagree with calling these people your "significant other", because in my opinion that comes from being in an actual, serious relationship. If you get ghosted, it was never anything like that. But yes, it happens extremely commonly in the day and age of online dating. And by that i mean anything online, not just dating sites etc.

Easy access, just as easy endings.

[Guest starsInTheNight]

Yes, it happens. Don't beat yourself too much about it. It's their fault, not yours. It's the modern way of standing somebody up :/

 

Most of the time, the person gets cold feet for various reasons : some just fantasize about kinks, lifestyles,... and when things get "too real" they get scared, others may dislike something (you're not sharing the same kinks, they are not ready for commitment, they fear a long distance relationship, etc.) and they are afraid of your reaction if they tell you,...

 

I am not trying to defend people ghosting others, I think it's a coward way of behaving but I don't blame them too much either, it's their loss, plus I don't have the energy of blaming every person who ghosted me in the past, it would be too time-consuming hehe

 

@SUeB > I think by saying SO, it means that you need some level of commitment with that person, you can't really talk about ghosting if you just started talking for a couple of days.

Edited October 30, 2017 by starsInTheNight

[Panda God]

i would disagree with calling these people your "significant other", because in my opinion that comes from being in an actual, serious relationship. If you get ghosted, it was never anything like that. But yes, it happens extremely commonly in the day and age of online dating. And by that i mean anything online, not just dating sites etc.

Easy access, just as easy endings.

I'm not sure what your definition of a "serious relationship" would be, but for me, talking every single day on both skype and kik, calling each other "daddy" and "baby girl", feeling love and a deep connection with the person, and even planning to get married, counts as one. Sure, looking back on it, I was being played. But at the time, the relationship seemed very serious and real.

[Panda God]

yes... it happens alot on this site and in life

I know it does. But this seemed like a good way to get some of those people together.

[Panda God]

Yes, it happens. Don't beat yourself too much about it. It's their fault, not yours. It's the modern way of standing somebody up :/

 

Most of the time, the person gets cold feet for various reasons : some just fantasize about kinks, lifestyles,... and when things get "too real" they get scared, others may dislike something (you're not sharing the same kinks, they are not ready for commitment, they fear a long distance relationship, etc.) and they are afraid of your reaction if they tell you,...

 

I am not trying to defend people ghosting others, I think it's a coward way of behaving but I don't blame them too much either, it's their loss, plus I don't have the energy of blaming every person who ghosted me in the past, it would be too time-consuming hehe

 

@SUeB > I think by saying SO, it means that you need some level of commitment with that person, you can't really talk about ghosting if you just started talking for a couple of days.

I agree with you. Those do seem to be the most common reasons.

[Guest SUeB]

i wasn't suggesting you were wrong in using that word. It obviously means different things to different people. To me it means someone that you are in a real time, face to face physical relationship with. Someone you have known some time. But if you felt that level of "reallness", then of course i can see why you use the term. Just in the majority of cases of ghosting, it happens after not much time or emotional commitment. In general, it's usually someone ypu have been messaging back and forth for a short time, no physical time together, they get bored and simply disappear. But yep, absolutely, not every case is the same. Obviously not in your case in that situation. Sorry you got treated with such little thought. It's just how the online thing so often sadly plays out.

[Panda God]

i wasn't suggesting you were wrong in using that word. It obviously means different things to different people. To me it means someone that you are in a real time, face to face physical relationship with. Someone you have known some time. But if you felt that level of "reallness", then of course i can see why you use the term. Just in the majority of cases of ghosting, it happens after not much time or emotional commitment. In general, it's usually someone ypu have been messaging back and forth for a short time, no physical time together, they get bored and simply disappear. But yep, absolutely, not every case is the same. Obviously not in your case in that situation. Sorry you got treated with such little thought. It's just how the online thing so often sadly plays out.

Ah, okay. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Guest SamiBubbles]

Many times

[Guest littleloveslars]

I was ghosted on this forum but not by a romantic interest. Edited October 30, 2017 by littleloveslars

[Panda God]

I was ghosted on this forum but not by a romantic interest.

By a friend, then?

[Guest littleloveslars]

By a friend, then?

Yes. Someone i thought really connected with me. Apparently not.

[Panda God]

Yes. Someone i thought really connected with me. Apparently not.

Aww, that's awful. I'm sorry. 

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

I have been ghosted about 6 times. I had a really strong love interest in 2 of them. Then they just did a magic trick and poof I was alone. I felt nothing because I don't start to emotionally invest in someone until I date them because at any moment poof.

[Panda God]

I have been ghosted about 6 times. I had a really strong love interest in 2 of them. Then they just did a magic trick and poof I was alone. I felt nothing because I don't start to emotionally invest in someone until I date them because at any moment poof.

My least favorite magic trick. :/

[✿Space☆Captainʕᵔᴥᵔʔ Lala ✿]

​Sadly I have been told that it dose happen a lot on here and with long distances. I have learned to become more guarded when it comes to finding a daddy. Only out of fear of become so close to someone who has mastered the trick of vanishing at any moment. It sucks.   

[Panda God]

​Sadly I have been told that it dose happen a lot on here and with long distances. I have learned to become more guarded when it comes to finding a daddy. Only out of fear of become so close to someone who has mastered the trick of vanishing at any moment. It sucks.   

It does, indeed. I couldn't really eat or sleep for three days after the guy I mentioned disappeared. I spent all of my time obsessing over him.

[binky-bun]

I've never been ghosted by my significant others, but I've been ghosted by friends before.

 

Usually when something happens and they owe me something (I loaned them some money, or let them borrow something, or sold them something and let them take their time with paying me back,)...then, when I start asking for them to pay me back or return thing I'd let them borrow, they suddenly are never on their phone or facebook or anything.

 

I've lost at least 3 friends this way, but I guess it ended up being a good thing? I lost out on money/items, but at least it showed me who not to invest time in further. It's sad when you think you can trust people.

 

I was only trying to be nice, I even gave them months and months of little friendly reminders and stuff.

 

Anyway I guess the moral of the story is don't loan anything out that you actually expect to get back, lol.

[Amai]

I've lost at least 3 friends this way, but I guess it ended up being a good thing? I lost out on money/items, but at least it showed me who not to invest time in further. It's sad when you think you can trust people.

 

It is definitely a sad eye-opener when people you thought you had a mutual friendship with turn out to only want to take and not give, or in other cases might've had hidden intentions from the very start...

 

As you say you did lose money/items, but on the bright side it is a cheap price to pay to filter "fake" friends out of your life rather than keeping them around and potentially finding out much later with a much bigger loss at stake, be it 20 times as much money or emotional bond, like them not being there to support you when you really need it, etc.

[binky-bun]

It is definitely a sad eye-opener when people you thought you had a mutual friendship with turn out to only want to take and not give, or in other cases might've had hidden intentions from the very start...

 

As you say you did lose money/items, but on the bright side it is a cheap price to pay to filter "fake" friends out of your life rather than keeping them around and potentially finding out much later with a much bigger loss at stake, be it 20 times as much money or emotional bond, like them not being there to support you when you really need it, etc.

 

Oh, absolutely. It was a good learning experience for me. At the time, I had a lot of people I thought were friends, but I wasn't really in a "Good crowd" and most just ended up taking advantage of me since I was one of the few of us who had spending/fun money to spare. I often took my friends out to eat or bought them stuff from time to time (Like, if a new game came out, I'd buy a friend a copy so we could play together as a group!). But in retrospect, I don't think they were all that appreciative.

 

That was nearly 8 years ago now. I've definitely gotten better at weeding out the "bad friends" from the get go. My rule of thumb is never make someone a priority if they've made you their backup option, lol. I try to push a little in the beginning to initiate a friendship, but in the long run I always try to match the effort of the other person. I had to learn it's okay to just have casual acquaintances/friends, I don't have to try so hard to invest in everyone.

[Guest SugarNSpiceSam]

Yes I've had many people do this to me in the past. It sucks and hurts a lot. Usually I end up realizing that they weren't even worth it and all that stress. If someone truly cares about you, they'll always stick around.

[Panda God]

Yes I've had many people do this to me in the past. It sucks and hurts a lot. Usually I end up realizing that they weren't even worth it and all that stress. If someone truly cares about you, they'll always stick around.

Yup yup. 

[bellisle]

I had someone who I shared a lot of my past experiences with, and that I was mutually pretty open with. He was in a relationship, and I thought he told his girlfriend (maybe he did, maybe he didn't, I don't know) about stuff that we talked about, because I did a job for them where I dressed them for a swingers party. So I knew a lot of intimate stuff about them and all, and we were getting to the point where he wanted to bring me out half way so we could meet up finally, but then one day his texting just stopped. And at first I just thought something happened, but now I've seen him active on sites, and on Skype, so I don't know what happened.

It definitely hurts, and I think about him once in a while - like how I want to reach out - but he's honestly not worth it if he couldn't be upfront about why he left.