The Unconscious Bias Against Daddys

[Guest Derptronic]

Premise: In the DDLG community there exists a prevalent unconscious bias against Daddys by other Daddys/Littles. If there is conflict, or misunderstanding presented in this and other forums, this bias is reflected in often severe advice to the little about the unfit nature of the Daddy and sometimes dire interpretations of the outcome for that relationship.

 

To raise awareness to this issue, I'd like to point out what I think the main contributing factors are:

 

1. Daddy's and Caregivers are nurturers, and view littles as people to be protected and cherished. We naturally get defensive if a little is experiencing any discomfort and the blame rapidly shifts to the Daddy in that dynamic.

 

2. Daddy's/Cg's are often assertive, dominant people who are confident that they know the "right way" to meet a little's needs. As such, when a Daddy thinks a little is unhappy with their Daddy, their reaction can be: "he's doing it wrong, here's how it should be done, and by the way I can do it better."

 

3. Jealousy & Desire. It is hard to find a little, and unattached Daddys are prone to caustic advice followed immediately with the mostly transparent "add me as a friend and send me a PM". I believe this is often unconsciously predatory behavior in the vein of: "but I want my own little so bad, it's unfair - I can be a better Daddy to this person."

 

So. Is this real, or an I imagining it? If it's real how can we improve on this as a community? Or... is it even a problem if it's real?

[MrWrongUk]

I think its just tough for real dudes....daddy or not...to find a good girl...its just life...none little women are looking for one thing..meh...but littles...its even tougher...you cant show you are a daddy...on a profile.

Thats why i dont try anymore..if it happens it happens...

[MrWrongUk]

But i do think guys get a bad rap...but that’s because there is so many creep guys.

Most guys would say sure im a daddy to get laid.

Im sure lots of guys on here and fetlife do that.

So maybe thats why guys get a bad rap...its nor fair...but it’s understandable

[Guest pacibrat]

But i do think guys get a bad rap...but that’s because there is so many creep guys.

Most guys would say sure im a daddy to get laid.

Im sure lots of guys on here and fetlife do that.

So maybe thats why guys get a bad rap...its nor fair...but it’s understandable

 ^^^^ this! And some men ARE bad Daddies.  I think people (other littles do this too) look to the caregiver because it is usually the little who is most vulnerable in this dynamic. If someone is asking for advice via a post, people can only form an opinion based on what they are being told by that individual.

[Guest Derptronic]

It's probably a separate thread, but I think the idea of "creep" guys pretending to be caregivers just to get sex (by abusing a little's trust) _does_ happen, and is beyond sad/disgusting. I've run across it enough to say it happens, but not a "lot". I think it just really stands out. Like maybe 1 in 20 "Daddy's" is a complete imposter looking for sex only. Is that 5% enough to justify bias against Daddy's or men in general?

[MrWrongUk]

I think that guy sums up most guys on fet sites..i may be wrong. But guys look for easy options and kinks are a pretty easy option.

I would say over 50% of guys are fake and using the kink for easy sex.

I may be wrong but u feel that way.

[sullenDaddybones]

"Some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you and some of them want to be abused"

 

 

~Repeatedly Throughout History

[MrWrongUk]

"Some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you and some of them want to be abused"

 

 

~Repeatedly Throughout History

This i# just so true.

[Guest Ignea]

Followed this topic and my opinion is that a lot do indeed see it a s a easy pass for sex.

 

Way i see it is like any BDSM relation , a Dominant person is only as strong as his/her submissive. Also the risc lies in how eager is the little or de CG.
Its precair and not transparant. Translate it back to a community and i think in this case the "weakness" should be put to attention of the DD/lg communty to care for all.

For example on this forum, DD/lg unite because thats the only way u can start to prevent "fakes" to rise and pray on the weaker ones. 

 

Prevention of fakers is hard but doable if everyone usues steps of precaution. Maybe setup a list of keywords used by the "fakers" or as i see them "predators".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way i see it is like any BDSM relation , a Dominant person is only as stong as his/her submissive. Also the risc is in how eager is the little or de CG.
Its precair and not transparant. Translate it back to a community and i think in this case the "weakness" should be put to attention of the DD/lg communty to care for all.

For example o this forum, DD/lg unite because thats  the only way u can start to prevent "fakes"to rise and pray on the weaker ones

[boomslang]

I think there is a lot of manipulation and a number of unhealthy relationship ideals in the DDLG community in general.  This swings the door WIDE OPEN for gaming and "fill in the blank" type roleplaying.  (I can be that Daddy/little for you!)  YES, men will say they're a Daddy just to get laid, but how many littles jump right into the arms of any man that pastes the word Daddy onto his profile and shows the least bit of assertion?  The Daddy vs Daddy thing is just an example of how some people work.  In more obvious and direct ways to get to their end point. (Verbally/Publicly knock out the competition)  Littles do the same things, just occasionally in more discreet or roundabout ways. (Present themselves as something to be rescued) 

 

I don't think this is something that can be eliminated or helped.  Just best to avoid when possible.

[Sneakylittle]

I find this issue to mostly be prevalent in situations where the little brings a relationship issue online and doesn't talk to their partner about it. Like all the titles "help Daddy's is mad" "help I did something bad" "help I don't want to do this but Daddy wants me to"... I've perused the forums and see this A LOT. That leads to a lot of misunderstandings and I know this person is just looking for help but she or he will only find it by communicating with their care giver because absolutely no one online will have the right answer for them because no one here knows the circumstances of the root issue. So you definitely aren't imagining the issue

[Guest littlelisafrank]

Yeah, I'm with boomslang on this one. I've seen it from both sides. Littles and Daddies leaving out bait, and other Littles and Daddies taking it in the effort to get into a relationship. Usually, it ends quite quickly (within a month, most of the time) and then they're back online trying to find someone else. I'm not here to say that that's wrong or right,or make any judgements about it, but I cannot lie that I do find it frustrating that it makes the forum feel more like a dating site than anything else. I'm not here for dating. LDR relationships aren't my thing, tbh. I'm here for making friends within the community, because I have no one local to express this side of myself to in any way, and to learn as much as I can about DDlg and BDSM from those with more experience than me. Those are just my thoughts on the topic.

[Guest Urthurs]

Here's the thing. The world is full of creeps and assholes who wants to use you. They will lie to you and try to manipulate you. That will never change, and we can only do so much to keep them away.
However I have seen a great lack of responsibility from a lot of littles (not all of them, calm down)
I am not saying abuse victims are to blame, but I have seen similar situations countless of times on several different sites. Where a little show no kind of personal responsibility and just throw themself into a "relationship".
One day they talk about how lonely they are,
then 2 days later "YAY I FOUND A DADDY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE IS PERFECT"
then 3 days after that "buhuu my daddy left me he wont respond and cheated on me!!! why are there no real daddies!? :( :("
Again, I am not here to blame or shame anyone. You might be a sub and a little, but in the end you are actually an adult. Think with your brain, not your emotions.

[Guest pacibrat]

Here's the thing. The world is full of creeps and assholes who wants to use you. They will lie to you and try to manipulate you. That will never change, and we can only do so much to keep them away.

However I have seen a great lack of responsibility from a lot of littles (not all of them, calm down)

I am not saying abuse victims are to blame, but I have seen similar situations countless of times on several different sites. Where a little show no kind of personal responsibility and just throw themself into a "relationship".

One day they talk about how lonely they are,

then 2 days later "YAY I FOUND A DADDY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE IS PERFECT"

then 3 days after that "buhuu my daddy left me he wont respond and cheated on me!!! why are there no real daddies!? :( :("

Again, I am not here to blame or shame anyone. You might be a sub and a little, but in the end you are actually an adult. Think with your brain, not your emotions.

In all fairness, many of the littles around here are barely adults. Younger ones are often easily mislead. It's not their fault. They lack life experience and it can be difficult for them to discern a lack of sincerity, especially when being manipulated by someone much older.

[Guest Urthurs]

In all fairness, many of the littles around here are barely adults. Younger ones are often easily mislead. It's not their fault. They lack life experience and it can be difficult for them to discern a lack of sincerity, especially when being manipulated by someone much older.

Well they are old enough to go to the electric chair... and many of them are actively looking for someone over 30-40. But it's still not their fault? I don't know. The best thing is just to asume that everyone is a predator until they prove otherwise I guess.

[Guest littleloveslars]

In all fairness, many of the littles around here are barely adults. Younger ones are often easily mislead. It's not their fault. They lack life experience and it can be difficult for them to discern a lack of sincerity, especially when being manipulated by someone much older.

I do not for a second believe that this is a valid excuse for getting taken advantage of. 1- we are all over 18 years of age and therefore need to take the responsibility that comes with being an adult. Little or not, that's what we all are here- adults. And that comes with a personal responsibility to take ownership of our choices, words, and actions, whether we like it or not. 2- there are a million posts on this forum about education forum users on red flags, what to do if a questionable person contacts you, etc. There are resources available to everyone using this forum to help keep them safe. I understand that people can be tricky, but ultimately age doesn't excuse blatant ignorance when there are obvious and well defined resources on here and on the web in general that are here to educate you. Also, common sense. Not trying to attack, its just my own personal opinion. Being a little does not excuse you from using your head and knowing when something seems off. A man contacting you and instantly ordering you to send nudes should set off some alarms. Insisting on being daddy from the first conversation should set off alarms. And there are so many users here that will support you and help you if youre confused.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

Imma tell a story of single little me. I wasn't looking for a daddy as I've never actively looked, I was however looking for friends, littles, middles, kittens, caregivers, daddys, whatever, just people that got me.

I made a friend in chat, we talked in PMs and Skype. He knew I wasn't looking for a daddy. He all of a sudden turned on me because I wouldn't take off my clothes on Skype, saying I was a fake little and too old to be a little (I was 20 wtf), I was fake because I didn't act little, it was horrible. I was like, dude, I can see right through you because I AM an adult. Of course I'm not going to be a little when someone is treating me like a prey online. He knew I wasn't looking for a daddy. So I put up with snide remarks every now and again from him until he disappeared.

Also, let me take you a walk through the personals section, I bet you a fiver you will be creeped out.

And the littles that are like "omg boo hoo I need a daddy" and two days later are like "omg I love daddy so much!" And then a week later writes a forum topic "daddy ghosted me?" Don't help.

Much like what Urthurs described.

And that's the thing, we are all actually adults and even though we're little, it doesn't excuse common sense go out the window. Like, my problem with that creep on Skype could have gone a different way if I didn't have common sense.

So there's not really any bias, just smart littles being careful.

[Untwisted]

Anyone can come on here and call themselves a daddy but they are just a person who has given themselves that title.  It's a title that should be earned by proving to be suitable for that role for someone.  Someone who is a great daddy to one person might not be a great daddy to someone else.  This is what leads to the "he's a fake daddy" responses to every girl who posts here with a concern about someone she's talked to.
Someone on here who isn't fulfilling the role of daddy for someone isn't a fake anything, they've just not found someone compatible (and maybe won't).

I don't think there's anything wrong with being wary or biased against those who act predatory or like idiots but ultimately it is down to personal opinion and it is better to have a bias in favour of common sense and reminding littles that they have the right to choose and be in control no matter what an "experienced daddy" might tell them.  There will be predators, creeps and opportunists here, that's not going to stop.  Yes everyone's an adult here and capable of taking responsibility for their lives, but some are young and still finding their way in the world.  There's nothing wrong with trying to help people have the strength not to be intimidated and manipulated.