feeling super confused

[prettylittlerainbow]

I'm sort of new to this, and at the beginning when this started I was asked to called my dom Sir. I had a really hard time doing that, actually I hated it because it gave me bad feelings and made me feel like I was being controlled in not a good way, so I refused to do it.. Anyway, he said I could call him Daddy then instead. Which felt so right, and that's what I done ever since. He calls me babygirl or little girl, which I love too. I don't ever feel ... "little" per say not like a child. More like a teen I guess if anything under my actual age. I also have anxiety and depression so sometimes I can't cope with his requests and when he pushes me to get past my fears.

...Well, I'm confused on the difference between simply d/s and DD/lg. He says we're just in a d/s relationship which means he has the right to expect things from me and punish me if I disobey. It also means that if I don't trust him enough to do something, then us in this relationship won't work anymore. But he is my Daddy and I'm his baby girl? Is it the same thing or am I somehow confused... We are long distance and haven't met in person so we talk over Skype phone calls, with some photos and video once n a while.

I want to talk to him about this and ask what exactly we are doing, but I also want to make sure what he is telling me is correct so I don't just believe it naively. Some advice please!!

[Guest DaddyCares1]

This guy sounds like a jackass. Both D/s relationships and dd/lg involve submission, but there are differences of course. He sounds like he doesn't care about your issues like depression, and just wants you to do whatever he pleases. That isn't any type of safe relationship. Even a dom won't treat his sub like that. He is also manipulating you with the threat of a break up if he doesn't get what he wants. 

Leave him. 

[prettylittlerainbow]

I just don't know whether I'm allowed to say no to things I'm uncomfortable with? He doesn't force me to do something if I say I can't cope with it right now.. But he does always tell me if I'm not going to trust him then this can't work. I just don't know exactly why dynamic I'm in, and how to respond to it.. He helps me so much in other ways, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't always listen to why I'm saying no to something.

[Guest McLeodLot65]

You don't use the word "limit", but it sounds like you're telling us about your limits and that he isn't respecting them (he may even be deliberately pushing them when he finds about them). Could this be the case? If so, that's something that does need to be addressed. Edited October 22, 2017 by McLeodLot65

[Guest SUeB]

It's a fine line between D/s and Dd/lg. Yes, submission is USUALLY involved in both, but not every time. Not every lg/babygirl is a sub, and not every Daddy is a Dom. You sound very frustrated and down about this, and for whatever reason, you simply sound to be incompatible.

You want a Daddy, possibly without the Dom side, he wants a sub who will do everything he says.

Trust is essential in any kind of relationship, but only comes with time, not with someone demanding it.

i don't necessarily think he's doing anything wrong, you just want different things.

[Poppa Bear]

It sou ds like he just wants a sub and not a true baby girl.

[Untwisted]

He says we're just in a d/s relationship

 

This is what it boils down to.  You want to call him daddy and he's ok with that but it's just a word and doesn't change his expectations of the relationship.

 

You need to understand each other's limits and expectations and see if they (and you) are compatible.  What he's telling you might be wrong for you, but right for somebody else.

Edited October 22, 2017 by Untwisted

[Guest pacibrat]

Baby girl is just an endearing term if you aren't actually a baby girl.  A baby girl in DD/lg is usually a little who is little. I mean, everyone has the right to define terms to their own needs, but your dom isn't treating you like a baby girl and you don't seem to be a baby girl (think pacis, stuffies, onesies, blankies). I think you two really need to have an adult talk about what you want (think it through before the talk) and what he wants and see if that dynamic can even exist between the two of you.  You might not be compatible.