I screwed up :(

[Catface]

Hi,

 

Brief context (breif because I've already mention it in my introduction post):

I've fairly recently discovered that I'm into the idea of DDLG, and realised that a lot of my personality already fits in to the LG dynamic, and am really into exploring this further.

 

I haven't yet brought up the subject with my partner of 4 years as I don't know how he'd react and I'm a little reluctant. He indulges my Sub side occasionally by taking on a Dom role, but he's not really into it (doesn't dislike it or feel uncomfortable, he just prefers vanilla stuff over it). He's not really into Kink much at all, except for a bit of foot stuff.

 

Today whilst at work I decided to text my partner being slightly "little", apologising and saying that I knew I needed to be disciplined for being 'naughty' (I hadn't helped him tidy up the flat yesterday even though I said I would, because I fell asleep!), and calling him Sir (which I sometimes do when we do dom/sub stuff.)

 

A few texts went back and forth and for 'punishment' he went straight to suggesting sex stuff. To test the waters a bit, I replied (out of character/role) suggesting my punishment could be a mix of sex/non sex stuff, like making me stand in the corner or talking away my 'toys' as if I was a naughty child. He replied back with "what toys?", I answered "well, my iPad I guess because I play on that a lot..."

 

Then he asked "why would you want me to treat you like a child?". I replied back "I don't know, just trying out something new really...I guess its an extension of the Dom/sub stuff".

 

He didn't reply for a while so I text again apologising if I'd 'freaked him out'. He said I hadn't freaked him out "too much"....

 

Now I'm worried that I've jumped into introducing and trying out DD/LG stuff to quickly, I'm worried that I freaked him out and also that he won't be into it at all

 

Some advice would be awesome.....I'm at work for a few more hours yet so I won't see him until later but I'm scared it might be awkward. I don't want to ignore this and really would like for him to at least give DDLG a chance or a try...

[MrBonesWildRide]

I replied back "I don't know, just trying out something new really...I guess its an extension of the Dom/sub stuff".

 

The issue is that this needs to be a larger discussion than simply a suggestion. I don't know if you've ever sat with your partner and actually talked about what your fetishes are, or what some things you want to actually try are, but that conversation is huge.

 

"Here is something I found that I want to try out, this is interesting to me because [your reasons]". Some people just won't be into it, and that's unfortunate.

[Catface]

Thanks guys. I probably should have added that I feel like it's something I'd like to introduce as a whole lifestyle change - more like an occasional thing where we 'play' occasionally, rather than actually living in the DD/LG roles full time as many seem to do.

 

As I mentioned in my first post, we already do some dom/sub stuff (we've played with restraints , bondage etc) so that side of things is not 'new' to him. Again, we only do this now again for play, rather than permanently living in the D/s lifestyles.

 

So, in this context, it's not something that is completely new to either of us....

 

Thought I would clear that up as I didn't really make it obvious from my first post

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

Like everyone said above, you should bring up the entire dynamic to him. Since he's already familiar with D/s, then it shouldn't be too difficult for him to understand. Email him a compilation of articles that you agree with and then have a serious discussion about it. If he knew how it makes you feel, I'm sure he wouldn't be freaked out by it.

 

I wish you well

[tiemeupwithyourlove]

http://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/315-10-golden-rules-for-bdsm-negotiations/ 

 

You are ready to renegotiate the terms of your life and sexlife and you should apply the 10 golden rules. It's a paint in the butt but it's got to be done or you'll have to live in regret. 

 

Good luck.