Guilty for saying not nice things to Daddy...

[curlyheadspace]

Hi.

Long story short. About two months ago I said to my Daddy that he could lose some weight. It was about a month after we started our relationship. He said he'll do it and he really does. Hut the problem is, that he keeps telling me he does this and that and the other thing in order to be more attractive for me. He works hard (he has a physical job), eats less and healthier. He recently got a new job (not physical anymore) and he says that everyday after the job he'll go to swimmingpool and still be on diet and maybe will start exercising. And he reminds me all the time that I said to him to lose weight and it makes me feel awful and quilty...

Am I just overreacting or should tell him to stop reminding me of this not nice thing I said?

[boomslang]

It sounds like he's either pretty insecure/bitter about it and taking it out on you orrrr he thinks he's doing a good thing by telling you that he's trying to make you happy.  Have you told him it bothers you when he brings it up like that?  

 

You can explain to him that it's not totally about appearance.  Obviously, you started dating him before he even started to try to change his weight or life choices.  Tell him that you want him to be healthy!   Talk to him and see if he can better explain why he feels the need to bring it up so often.  As if he's somehow blaming you.  (Or at least tell him that's how you feel, even if that's not how he intends it)

[Guest Ginger]

I'd say sit down and talk to him about this. It's obviously bothering you and it's something he's holding onto for whatever reason (bitterness? Insecure? jealousy?). 

[Sparklefrosting]

There are 5 love languages gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. People that communicate through acts of service tend to tell a person over and over about something they have done for them and can become saddened when their acts go unnoticed or underappreciated (at least from their point of view.) Also if you complain about acts it can be devastating. My Daddy's love language is acts of service and mine is words of affirmation so I make (act) him a thank you (words) card if he carries on about something it's a good bridge of communication.

[Guest dadBADDY]

Someone's physical health/appearance is a very tricky subject to attempt to communicate a change is in order. I've tried, succeeded and failed, and I continue to use the lessons from those attempts as life goes on.

 

As a Daddy Dom who lives a relatively healthy life, I find myself drawn to caring for my s/o in ways that initially may not seem very caring. Weight is an example of this. It isn't just a body, it's evidence of the lifestyle you're living. So when I find my partner out of shape, I *carefully* attempt to encourage a more healthy lifestyle. It has always been met with an opposing force of disdain. But to give in and allow the unhealthy lifestyle to persist is not the way I love someone.

 

When I find love again, my s/o will likely be right along side me, running every day and cooking/eating healthy foods. I enjoy doing these kinds of things together. It's not only a way for me to be sure she's taking care of herself, but also a way for us to spend more time together.

 

Encouraging someone to take care of themselves sometimes requires tough love. But love better be in there. If it is, you don't have anything to feel guilty about.

Edited October 19, 2017 by dadBADDY

[Guest SUeB]

Maybe he is trying to pass the buck to you. If he tries to make you feel bad for comments you made (that you hopefully spoke out of genuine concern, and not in an offensive or insulting manner), it takes the emphasis off him. He knows his shape is unhealthy and carries lots of risks, but the subject of being overweight is a very tricky thing to talk to a partner about. Especially if he is as insecure as he appears to be.

You did nothing wrong. But you need to tell him to stop with the guilt trips andwhining. Either he needs to take responsibility for himself or just shush. His size is down to him, not you. But you also need to know that nobody can change their eating or exercise habits just to please someone else. And they shouldn't have to. You need to seriously think about if this is something that will change your feelings about him. If he was big when you met him, you aren't in a very good position to suddenly say you aren't ok with it.