Surrogacy and Dating

[TwilightSparklez]

I am curious and trying to get a better understanding of an issue that I've come across while dating and trying to find my perfect partner. I come from a BDSM background and it's not all that unusual to have multiple relationships, and in my local community it is also not that strange to have a surrogate Dominant to take care of you, watch out for you and fulfill some of your submissive needs, if you have them and I do, with the understanding that you're still looking for your perfect partner.

 

The issue I have come across is that when I try to be open about that current dynamic and explain to a potential partner that if I really am serious about a relationship my surrogate has agreed to step back and just be there to offer advice if I want it, they get either really upset and call me a liar and a fake, or they pull away without giving me a chance, or they tell me that they have a standard unlike me or I am really not committed to a relationship. It's sort of getting disheartening because none of that is true or I would not be open about it.

 

So my question is am I in the wrong? Are we as littles supposed to be quietly waiting for our perfect partner while not getting any needs met at all? 

[Nymph]

Sweetie you are not in the wrong, I know exactly how you feel, been there.

 

With girls like us it's a bit complicated, daddies tend to be very possessive. We also don't quite qualify as poly hence if you try to meet someone in a site for it we also stand out as "odd" because you want a monogamous relationship for the most part. Things don't get easier once you are married and decide you need a babysitter/surrogate in case you are wondering! even friends will start to feel awkward if they get a little crush on you :/

 

What you need is to go for more experienced guys that will have a more open mind. A lot of guys here are new to this and do not have the BDSM background so they are just getting their feet wet with this... but they don't even know if they are into it yet. Which is fair, everyone has to start somewhere but it puts people like us in an awkward position because we know exactly what we want, what we need and what we expect out of a relationship.

 

I think that is quite intimidating actually but I am proud of it.

 

A liar and a fake would take the easy way out and keep her mouth shut. Just tell them what they want to hear, you are the opposite. It's no biggie if they can't handle it but it's sad they try to put you down due their insecurities. If anything you dodged a bullet as someone like that is probably not your match anyways.

[Raerwyn Vanya]

I'm currently acting as a surrogate to someone, though I refer to myself as her Mentor.

My goals with  her are to help her learn who she is both in and out of the bedroom, to help her learn tricks to get through troubles in life (Such as coping with fears and calming down when angry or panicking), and to provide an outlet for her. I went into this being clear that  this is  not a romantic relationship. We arent dating. Infact, one of our rules states:
 

- You are free to leave this mentorship at any time

Never will you be forced to stay in this mentorship. I will mentor you in as much as I can and guide you in life. We are not a couple and you are encouraged to find a boyfriend when ready. You are also encouraged to call an end to the mentorship if you feel it is for the best.

 

It all comes down to people setting the boudaries, and intending to keep them. For her and I, I don't see myself becoming attatched. She is a wonderful  girl, and an amazing friend, but not someone I see myself settling down with and starting a family. That said, I have a deep respect for her and when approached on certain topics, I found myself willing to mentor her.

From what you said, it sounds to me like a powertrip dom, as I call them. They are people who  enjoy the power of being a Dom, but ignore the responsibilities that come with it.

[TwilightSparklez]

Thank you both so much. My surrogate and I do have clear guidelines and we both understand he is in no way or form a Daddy or what I need or want long-term. I was really starting to question if I was approaching this the wrong way and if there was something wrong with me. Glad to know I am okay and not a weirdo. And thank you for the warning that it doesn't get easier. This has really been bugging me for weeks and it's nice to get some insight on the issue. Thank you both again.

[Leo_Ascendent]

Are you open about it? Something like that is something I would tell someone right off the bat. If you have, then they have Columbus Complex, "I was here first, IT's mine." My Little's ex partner (not even Daddy) was like that at first until he saw me in person, now I've never heard him saying anything about me or my Little. Weak men, at best. 

[TwilightSparklez]

Always open upfront honesty and transparency are super important to me.

[Guest SUeB]

As long as you are honest about it from your first contact with a potential full time partner, then thats your choice. If someone finds that ok, then go for it. Personally i would have no interest in anything like that myself, i find that concept difficult to understand, but that's me. You are who you are, so that's who you should be! But like i say, you have to tell someone about that straight away, before anything else. Monogamy is an absolute hard limit for many people, myself included.