new to the community & things with my girlfriend

[dontwannabecool]

hi. 

 

i recently learned -it has only been a day- that my girlfriend is a little and her current caregiver is one of her friends that she knows online. she told me that there's nothing sexual or romantic interaction between them, and i completely trust her. 

anyway, i learned about little space/ little/ caregiver stuff when she told me about these. and she's new being a little too. i mean, i am a domme but we didn't meet in person yet, so we didn't have any sexual interaction either.  

 

i did my researches of course. but i have a problem. 

i really want to be her caregiver. i'm ready to make her happy and take care of her. she's my everything. but, i dont think i can punish her and i dont know if i like to have an authority over her. 

and i really dont want her to have another caregiver than me. i want her to count on me and i want to count on her too. 
 

i was wondering, could you please help me?

[neko]

This sounds like a bit of a sticky situation.

 

It's fair that you want to be her only caregiver. That's completely justified.

 

What's not fair to your girlfriend is that you don't actually want the authority role which is pretty much the main part of ddlg.

 

What do you actually want out of the ddlg part of the relationship? How are you willing to care for your girlfriend when she is in her Little Space? What does your girlfriend need when she is in her Little Space?

 

All super important stuff that you should really be talking to her about.

Edited October 12, 2017 by neko

[boomslang]

You're going to have to talk it out :/  It's possible to have a caregiver relationship without a typical BDSM power exchange or without punishments.  Any type of relationship is possible, it's just a matter of whether or not you (and she) want that particular style and whether or not your preferences are compatible.  

 

Take some time and think over what it is you want and discuss it with her.  Also give her some time to think about it.  She probably feels very safe with the caregiver she has... Don't rush her to give that up.  If you want to take on that role, you'll have to discuss it and prove you're able to (and actually want to) be that person for her.  And you'll need to be sure that you're getting what you want and need from the relationship as well.

[raptorkitty]

i think what i feel weird about ... is that you're in a relationship and just got told that she has a ddlg relationship on the side. 

I dont know if you got together while they had an existing relationship or the relationship happened while you guys have been together... however its kind of a red flag to me that you didnt know and you're supposed to be committed to each other. Its one thing to be a little, but to have a caregiver and not ask your partner if its okay if she even explores that option. Let alone if you're okay with it.

 

Other than that, if you can't fit what she feels she needs..... maybe if you're okay with it, you both can play a caregiver part to her? 

[Persephone_Persephone]

Can you clarify a few things as I maybe reading this wrong.

You two are in a relationship yet have never met and shes your 'everything'you fully trust her?

Firstly, if these things are true take a step back. You guys need to decide what kind of relationship you both want as this is quite tricky. I would firstly build on knowing each other properly as in in real life if you want a serious future.

Secondly, for me I dont share care. My daddy is mine, id want her to end the other dynamic with the online friend. Thats my personal preference other wise its just messy. Is that something she is willing to do?

 

And lastly the rules....I'm confused your a domme but you don't feel right giving discipline? You really need to both think what you expect from each other. Personally I need the discipline as well as the care. Maybe she just wants care.

 

I think you need to go back to the drawing board. Communicate what you both need both short and long-term and see what steps you need to get there. I hope you can have an open chat because you sound like a decent person.

[Princess-P]

Since your main question is about punishments and authority I'll answer by saying you don't need a power exchange to participate in CG/l.

 

Many couples don't have rules or punishments. Its more about the care aspect. Really its what ever you want it to be and incorporate what works for you.

 

Don't get hung up on what you think it "should" be and focus on what you would both like it to be. And your only going to know what works by talking it out.

 

The rest of your post sounds like issues you need to speak to her about. She might not be OK without a power exchange and might not want to give up her current caregiver. In that case look out for yourself and do what's best for you.