Moving in... with my Little?!

[Enigma]

So, this post serves as actually a dual post, one side is asking if anybody else has done a particular thing, and the other is asking for advice.

 

So, as the title suggests, I'm actually planning on moving in with my Little and his parents (who don't know he's a Little) in December, so we can be together. We've been dating LDR since January, and we're both sure we're ready to move in together. I was curious. Has any Daddies or Mommies moved in with their Littles, rather than the other way around?

 

Now for the longer part:

 

 

So, I'm 20. My Little is..also 20, but he'll be 21 during the move. I'm currently a college student, and after I finish this semester, I'll have only one more to go to get my associates. When the move happens, we will be dating for 11 months at that point.

 

Here's where it gets complicated.

 

I'm living with my parents. Both of whom treat me like my two smaller brothers. They constantly ask me what I'm doing and they're always butting into conversations between me and my Little. My brothers have no sense of privacy and will very often be eavesdropping and so on. Without going into to many details, my home essentially does not feel like my "home", if that makes any sense. Which is why my Little doesn't want to move in with me, and frankly, I don't want him in this environment. Now my parents have never met him, and to make matters worse, I'm Bi, he is a FtM trans, and my parents are apparently worried that "He's not really trans, he's just pretending to turn you", or "But if you love a person who isn't a male yet, does that mean you aren't straight?" because apparently being Bi is a crime.

 

He's visiting for the first time in literally 10 days for their first meeting of him.

 

Now here's the hard part:

 

A week or two after he moves out, I'm going to tell them I'm moving in with him. Chances are it will not go over well. They will try everything possible to keep me there and make many excuses. While I have answers to most of what they may say, I have a few other concerns.

 

1. They bought tickets for me, them, and my little brothers to go to plays that occur AFTER the move date we have planed, which is directly after my semester ends. Which is December 14th. An example is that they have dine-in theater tickets for the next Star Wars movie, which I want to see, but I would rather move.

 

2. The move date falls the day AFTER my brothers birthday. 

 

3. Obviously, I'll be spending Christmas with my Little and his family.

 

I'm just really worried because I really want to make this move happen when we have it planned, and I don't want to have to stay and deal with this stuff anymore, but at the same time I need valid reasons to pass over these three things so the leave can be as smooth as possible for myself.

 

I recognize this is a lot to take in, but any advice is amazing, thank you.

[Guest McLeodLot65]

Item 1 and 2 may seem like a big deal now, but a year from now nobody's going to remember them. Item 3, though....from the sounds of it, this will be a big deal with your family. That being said, "anything that happens twice is a tradition" - by the second or third Christmas at a distance, you not being there will be the new normal.

 

But that doesn't help you *now*. . So, the only advice I can give is, make sure you have everything arranged (money, passport if applicable, etc) including a place to crash for a few days if the alternative is nonstop fighting until your moving day, *before* you tell anyone, and be prepared to walk away on a bad note (they'll get over it, parents always do, and your younger siblings will have a much easier time moving out when the time comes for them). An look forward at what you"re going to, not what you're losing.

[Tinka]

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Edited May 13, 2018 by Tiny_Tina

[Enigma]

you seem to have let them spend some money while you knew (or know now) that you will not be attending these dates / activities with your family.

Why?

Why cant you just go? 

You just move in with your partner, you dont start a job with a company that has a deadline and you cant avoid the date of it happening.

You can wait, go to the movie, attend brothers` birthday , spend christmas, and then go and move in with your partner. Why rush things when you both know that you want it?

 

Now lets be straightforward, your parents can and will cause you some problems. And i dont know what is the legal age, but still , they will not like it.

If legally you can move in, be prepared for any kind of reaction. Because overly attached parents have been seen doing some pretty embarassing things.

Come and cause a scene outside your new house, cause negative situations in general that are repetitive and ruin the mood of you two. 

Before you move, if i was in yourshoes, i would introduce them my partner, have a long discussion with them about my intentions, and then if its needed again, bring my partner again for any kind of questions that they have. My mother was calmed down when she met my LD partner. They couldnt have time or freedom to say much, (ok i was older than 20, but still she needed to do this, for her to be calm) but it really helped her. I also gave adress and phone. (dont know though how good advice would be this for your kind of parents).

 

Anyway either you will be willing to be patient , calm and willing to explain and answer stupid repetitive questions of them, until you will close the door behind you and say " bb suckers"  or you will storm your way out , agressive and defensive and cut all ties that would allow them to "control" or "bust your balls".

 

I would suggest to avoid answering any kind of questions about why this FtM person. The answer is always BECAUSE. Just because. Just because you happened to love this person and thats it. No why, no reasons, no tears because they dont understand, no emotions. Nothing. Just because. 

 

And last thing that i want to really really really advice, MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARTNERS HOUSE ASAP. 

Take your partner, and move out. Parents, no matter if they seem better than yours, are almost always a destructive force on someones` relationship. 

You cant and will not be free to live your life and love as you wanted and dreamt, in someone elses` house. 

If you wanna shower naked and tickle each other and laugh hysterically at your silly games, this cant happen in a house where someone else hasnt applied your image into his routine vision. There is a chance that living with them, will cause tension for both couples, and instead of letting a chance of them ruining it, you should be focus to work, earn money , rent a small appartment for you and your lovely partner. You would not believe the stories i have heard from people, about moving in to their partners` parents house.

 

Anyway , good luck, and when you decide and do whatever, write to us again and tell us how it went.

To your first part, the plays they bought tickets for, they told me about them BEFORE the offer to move in came from my partner. Months before, in fact. The announcement that they bought tickets to go see the Star Wars movie came about a month after we decided to go for the move, and to be totally honest, my parents keep saying we're on a huge budget, so I never expected them to say "HEY WE PAID FOR ALL THIS AMAZING STUFF", and it comes completely out of right field.

 

My partner will be here in my house 10 am on Friday, so I know they'll all have time to talk and get to know one another and the like. As it is, I'm planning on just telling them a week after he leaves that I'm moving, because there's not really much to do in the way of reasoning with my parents, especially my mother. She's a little bit psycho (about two years ago, my father attempted suicide. He survived and is still alive now, but for months after, she constantly used it to guilt trip him, saying she doesn't trust him, instead of being there for him to comfort him. When I stood up to defend him, she outright hit me. She's not exactly good at being reasoned with.)

 

As far as living with him in his parents house goes. We're constantly in a VC or a call together. He's damn near home-alone constantly with nobody around but his cat and his dog, and even then we've both agreed that we're going to both get good jobs and get our own apartment. His parents work pretty late and go to sleep pretty much immediately after getting home. I've made him laugh loud enough to the point of causing the dog to bark and they still don't budge, so I'm not to worried about his parents. We won't be there long anyway.