Kink Shaming

[Sunshine]

Hi fellow littles  I searched this forum but couldn't find anything specific to kink shaming (maybe I didn't search deep enough, but I couldn't find a topic). I know that I've been kink shamed before and it was not a nice feeling, especially since I didn't have anyone (at the time) in the community to tell me the kink-shamer was the wrong one, not me. 

 

So I thought by creating this thread, we can share our experiences being kink shamed and comfort each other. That way, other littles who have an icky feeling because of a mean kink-shamer have people to talk to and pick them back up from it. 

 

I'll break the ice by sharing my experience... I told a friend of mine that I'm a little, and his words were: "Oh, well, congratulations on being a stereotype! You're a little with daddy issues!". Spoiler alert, he and I are no longer friends. But if any other littles (or CGs/daddies) have been kink shamed and want a safe/supportive forum to discuss it on, have at it! 

 

Warm hugs to everyone!

 

http://68.media.tumblr.com/de1043f7a9d5fd75af6396a73a040f9c/tumblr_inline_n96gloCOqH1s93lo1.gif

[Raerwyn Vanya]

I think I've been shaming myself more than anyone I've ever opened up to has. I've recently begun to learn and accept my Little side, and its been pretty  contradictory to a lot of things I thought I knew about myself. I still find myself telling myself I'm bad for wanting something girly or cute or childish. I realize I think "You are a male. You cant wear OTK socks" or I'll see something and think "Thats too childish, act your  age" its been so strange because as a Daddy, I never once thought this about a Little, infact its the exact opposite. I think its adorable and love it. But for  some reason I cant accept myself. I've gotten better over the past few weeks. Accepting that my Little side is who she is, and its  okay to be that. Accepting that I can indeed wear cute or 'girly' things.

[Sunshine]

I think I've been shaming myself more than anyone I've ever opened up to has. I've recently begun to learn and accept my Little side, and its been pretty  contradictory to a lot of things I thought I knew about myself. I still find myself telling myself I'm bad for wanting something girly or cute or childish. I realize I think "You are a male. You cant wear OTK socks" or I'll see something and think "Thats too childish, act your  age" its been so strange because as a Daddy, I never once thought this about a Little, infact its the exact opposite. I think its adorable and love it. But for  some reason I cant accept myself. I've gotten better over the past few weeks. Accepting that my Little side is who she is, and its  okay to be that. Accepting that I can indeed wear cute or 'girly' things.

Captainaether, I'm sorry you're going through this internal struggle! I find myself doing the same thing sometimes. Coming to terms with the little in you can be a big relief though. You aren't bad or crazy for feeling these things, you're a little and that's a beautiful thing! I can imagine that having the insight of a daddy (as you said you are one as well) is something you can use to remind yourself that it's okay to be little. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk  

[Raerwyn Vanya]

I've started by taking advantage of being single and a switch. I promised to follow  my own rules for my little, so I've bound myself to myself for the time being. XD

The toughest part has been accepting that I'm a girl. I'm a male by birth, and a male in my head. But when I go into my littlespace, the way I see myself and Identify shifts dramatically. Being in the bible belt, and religious myself, to an extent, only made this tougher for me. I'm not saying I get hate. So far every person I've opened up to has been wonderfully supportive. Its just been tough to love myself. The way my childhood went made it where wanting to wear 'girly clothing' meant I was 'messed up in the head'. It took some time to combat that.

Infact, I took  my first step in fighting that tonight. I bought some solid black OTK socks to wear at home. And with my normal clothing, I could wear in public at some point too without others knowing any different. Its been....interesting to say the least, but I'm starting to enjoy the Little Girl side of me too now. Its nice to be cute.

[Grizzly bear]

Trying to meet people, and being open about being a daddy dom is tough. People are so cruel when they don't understand a lifestyle. Little do they know, how much love and affection can come out of a ddlg relationship.

[Sunshine]

I've started by taking advantage of being single and a switch. I promised to follow  my own rules for my little, so I've bound myself to myself for the time being. XD

 

The toughest part has been accepting that I'm a girl. I'm a male by birth, and a male in my head. But when I go into my littlespace, the way I see myself and Identify shifts dramatically. Being in the bible belt, and religious myself, to an extent, only made this tougher for me. I'm not saying I get hate. So far every person I've opened up to has been wonderfully supportive. Its just been tough to love myself. The way my childhood went made it where wanting to wear 'girly clothing' meant I was 'messed up in the head'. It took some time to combat that.

 

Infact, I took  my first step in fighting that tonight. I bought some solid black OTK socks to wear at home. And with my normal clothing, I could wear in public at some point too without others knowing any different. Its been....interesting to say the least, but I'm starting to enjoy the Little Girl side of me too now. Its nice to be cute.

It is nice to be cute! If you're ever out and about and want to buy something for your little self but are nervous to, my go-to is to pretend I'm buying it for my little cousin. No one bats an eye at that! Congratulations on buying those socks tonight   sometimes just the small steps make a big difference in the end. A year from now, you'll look back and be like 'why was I so nervous to buy those socks?' as you walk around wearing disney EVERYTHING (for example, lol). 

 

As for the religious aspect of things, I'm assuming that since you say you're from the bible belt, the religion you're referring to is Christianity/Catholicism. In which case,  if anyone says anything to you about your little side being unholy *insert eye roll here* just quote from their favorite text. "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me" Proverbs 8:17, God loves everyone as long as you love and worship him diligently so the big man upstairs loves dom you AND little you! More ammo for you to use would be found in John 13:34-35, "'A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another...'". So, everyone needs to love each other because God literally made it law to do so! Also, if they're judging you, you can throw out there, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you..." Matthew 7:1-2. So let everyone know that the Bible literally states that we have to love each other because it is God's will (so no being mean to kink-ers) and judging is going to get them God's version of karma. 

 

Sorry for the rant, people using the loving beauty of religion and twisting it to fit their hateful agendas reeeeeeeeeeeally gets me heated! 

[Sunshine]

Trying to meet people, and being open about being a daddy dom is tough. People are so cruel when they don't understand a lifestyle. Little do they know, how much love and affection can come out of a ddlg relationship.

It really is a shame that people tend reject things they don't understand. When this happens, even though it sucks, just know that it says more about them than you! They aren't rejecting you or being cruel because you're wrong, but because there's something wrong within them where they feel the need to project it onto others.    

[Guest dadBADDY]

Yeah... I write BDSM fiction for a living and can't tell anybody. It really sucks. But then again, it's kinda cool having a secret that no one knows about. Contradicts what I just said but dammit I can have it both ways!

Edited October 19, 2017 by dadBADDY

[Raerwyn Vanya]

It is nice to be cute! If you're ever out and about and want to buy something for your little self but are nervous to, my go-to is to pretend I'm buying it for my little cousin. No one bats an eye at that! Congratulations on buying those socks tonight   sometimes just the small steps make a big difference in the end. A year from now, you'll look back and be like 'why was I so nervous to buy those socks?' as you walk around wearing disney EVERYTHING (for example, lol). 

 

As for the religious aspect of things, I'm assuming that since you say you're from the bible belt, the religion you're referring to is Christianity/Catholicism. In which case,  if anyone says anything to you about your little side being unholy *insert eye roll here* just quote from their favorite text. "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me" Proverbs 8:17, God loves everyone as long as you love and worship him diligently so the big man upstairs loves dom you AND little you! More ammo for you to use would be found in John 13:34-35, "'A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another...'". So, everyone needs to love each other because God literally made it law to do so! Also, if they're judging you, you can throw out there, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you..." Matthew 7:1-2. So let everyone know that the Bible literally states that we have to love each other because it is God's will (so no being mean to kink-ers) and judging is going to get them God's version of karma. 

 

Sorry for the rant, people using the loving beauty of religion and twisting it to fit their hateful agendas reeeeeeeeeeeally gets me heated! 

I've always been a weirdo in my town when it came to religion. For as long as I can remember, I've accepted others because of those  same reasons you listed!

 

I dont think I can envision the day I wear Disney clothes in the open! Though I did blast Moana on the way back home today....so maybe. But I do know what you mean. I've spent over a week debating buying a single pair of  OTK Tube socks. Solid black. Like.....why is that such a huge deal. Maybe I just want warm legs? Whats so wrong with that? So what if its normally 'girls clothes'? I can just say "Its long. Its black. Its warm. I does what I likes and I likes what I do."

 

hehe....quotes.....

Edited October 10, 2017 by captainaether

[Guest Alainnb]

Definitly what Sunshine says!!

When you are pretty nervous when buying something.....say to the cashier that he/she should wrap it up as a gift and make it cute because it's a present for a [insert approximate little age]-years old girl/your cousin! No one will suspect anything

[Guest Hard-Line]

People who don’t understand the dd/lg dynamic tend to call us freaks, weirdos or degenerates. It’s unfortunate that society as a whole acts like that towards people who are “different”. I am sorry some of you had the misfortune of experiencing this. Edited October 10, 2017 by Hard-Line

[Babudoll]

Once I was scrolling down my FB and I found a a post of a girl who said that it was NECESSARY to kinshame us all, the ddlg community for being "weirdos" and "degeneratesc as Hard-Line said; and eveybody said she was right that was so sad

[Sunshine]

Once I was scrolling down my FB and I found a a post of a girl who said that it was NECESSARY to kinshame us all, the ddlg community for being "weirdos" and "degeneratesc as Hard-Line said; and eveybody said she was right that was so sad

Can you imagine being that ignorant? That's a terrible way to live and it sucks that you were subjected to that 

[Guest dadBADDY]

People are terrified of things they don't take the time to understand. Human nature, unfortunately...

[Raerwyn Vanya]

I'm actually listening to subtle shaming RN and part of me wants to call them out on it. (But I'm way too scared to say anything)They are complaining about how much of the posts in a BDSM facebook group are Little related and that they dont like it. Like....I dont know how to tell them that it  comes across as them saying "We dont want to see that stuff here. Because we arent into it, it shouldnt be here.". And it makes me feel bad that I like it. Like that somehow me being into it is bad.

A feeling I get from her a lot actually, now that I think about it. Just me being me and getting a little bubbly or hyper and she ignores me completely.  ......maybe this is a bad friend...

Edited October 11, 2017 by captainaether

[PrincessPear]

The only time I've experienced outright kinkshaming was when I stumbled across anti-ddlg blogs. They were seriously corresponding our kink to pedophilia. When it boils down to it, ddlg happens between consenting adults. It's not fair to label it pedophilia or to parallel little/caregiver/daddy dom desires as such. Sure, people might think it's weird, but it's our thing and it doesn't make us criminals. Deviants? Maybe, but not predators or attracted to children.

[Hot loving dom]

People have the wrong idea of ddlg so feel kink shaming is ok.

 

I've met many people in my experience and all have a wide range of kinks. Some I like some I don't. But I've never shamed anyone.

[Mr. Danes]

Hypocrite society, because behind closed doors they do or wish similar and worse, yet so easily condemn us.

I was called a pedophile, because my 21 year old gf acted like a little girl and called me daddy.

The meaning of the words is lost, but spitting it out had to have made them feel good.

People don't like different and when they grow up in a certain way, they bring their experiences and beliefs..your way is wrrrrrrrong, this is the right way.

Funny thing is, we hurt no one.

It is all the more reason we should all talk.

 

Great topic Little Virgo

[Guest pacibrat]

I'm sort of the opposite........when people think this is weird and deplorable, I understand.  From the outside looking in, this is strange and can look depraved when we throw sex into the mix. I'm a sexual little and I've had a bit of a rough time coming to terms with it.  I was once told adult pacis are disgusting and they "hoped I wasn't like that and didn't want one for myself". I have to hide my littleness in my household because of who I live with (which is okay, I don't want to be outwardly little 24/7).

 

Do I think it's depraved and disgusting?  No, but it was a bit of a struggle with not feeling "wrong" or "bad" for enjoying this.  The most important thing is that this is all between consenting adults.  Just remember that we've all had time to adjust to the idea because it's who we are.  Other people have not.  There are kinks out there that make me go ewwwww (not going to say what because I don't want to kink shame them), but as long as it's between consenting adults it's all good.

[Sunshine]

I'm actually listening to subtle shaming RN and part of me wants to call them out on it. (But I'm way too scared to say anything)They are complaining about how much of the posts in a BDSM facebook group are Little related and that they dont like it. Like....I dont know how to tell them that it  comes across as them saying "We dont want to see that stuff here. Because we arent into it, it shouldnt be here.". And it makes me feel bad that I like it. Like that somehow me being into it is bad.

 

A feeling I get from her a lot actually, now that I think about it. Just me being me and getting a little bubbly or hyper and she ignores me completely.  ......maybe this is a bad friend...

Someone who doesn't accept you and ignores you when you're being vulnerable and open with her is definitely not a good friend! But separating from a bad friend isn't always an easy thing to do, so setting boundaries and telling her how her words/actions make you feel is a good place to start. I would definitely tell the people in that group on FB how you feel. I know it's scary, I hate confrontation, but if they don't know they're hurting you then they're just going to keep doing it and you'll be the one suffering. If you say something and they react badly, then it says more about them than you and you'll know sooner rather than later that they aren't good friends to have!

[Sunshine]

The only time I've experienced outright kinkshaming was when I stumbled across anti-ddlg blogs. They were seriously corresponding our kink to pedophilia. When it boils down to it, ddlg happens between consenting adults. It's not fair to label it pedophilia or to parallel little/caregiver/daddy dom desires as such. Sure, people might think it's weird, but it's our thing and it doesn't make us criminals. Deviants? Maybe, but not predators or attracted to children.

That's awful that people dedicated a whole blog to hating on something they don't understand! 

[Sunshine]

I'm sort of the opposite........when people think this is weird and deplorable, I understand.  From the outside looking in, this is strange and can look depraved when we throw sex into the mix. I'm a sexual little and I've had a bit of a rough time coming to terms with it.  I was once told adult pacis are disgusting and they "hoped I wasn't like that and didn't want one for myself". I have to hide my littleness in my household because of who I live with (which is okay, I don't want to be outwardly little 24/7).

 

Do I think it's depraved and disgusting?  No, but it was a bit of a struggle with not feeling "wrong" or "bad" for enjoying this.  The most important thing is that this is all between consenting adults.  Just remember that we've all had time to adjust to the idea because it's who we are.  Other people have not.  There are kinks out there that make me go ewwwww (not going to say what because I don't want to kink shame them), but as long as it's between consenting adults it's all good.

I agree, I understand that this dynamic isn't something people are used to so shying away from it or rejecting it is normal human nature. I think where the line is drawn is when people who aren't used to it and don't get it start to be rude and hateful towards consenting adults. And like you said, if it's between two consenting adults, who cares! 

[Raerwyn Vanya]

Someone who doesn't accept you and ignores you when you're being vulnerable and open with her is definitely not a good friend! But separating from a bad friend isn't always an easy thing to do, so setting boundaries and telling her how her words/actions make you feel is a good place to start. I would definitely tell the people in that group on FB how you feel. I know it's scary, I hate confrontation, but if they don't know they're hurting you then they're just going to keep doing it and you'll be the one suffering. If you say something and they react badly, then it says more about them than you and you'll know sooner rather than later that they aren't good friends to have!

Thats just it though. She  stops talking to me for extended periods, and then her "sir" answers me with "She cant handle you in Little Space." and that "She doesnt want to be Mommy Domme and feels like I'm trying to push her into that role". Even though I keep telling her I didnt want that. I literally just went through a horrid breakup with my  Little that killed my Dom side completely and tore me appart. I just wanted someone to talk to. Someone to play and giggle with. Someone to make me feel wanted. I even told her I didnt want a lover or a mommy or a little. Just friendship.

Edited October 15, 2017 by captainaether

[Sunshine]

Thats just it though. She  stops talking to me for extended periods, and then her "sir" answers me with "She cant handle you in Little Space." and that "She doesnt want to be Mommy Domme and feels like I'm trying to push her into that role". Even though I keep telling her I didnt want that. I literally just went through a horrid breakup with my  Little that killed my Dom side completely and tore me appart. I just wanted someone to talk to. Someone to play and giggle with. Someone to make me feel wanted. I even told her I didnt want a lover or a mommy or a little. Just friendship.

I'm sorry that happened to you    She sounds like she isn't ready to be the friend that you need, so maybe some distance will help protect you. 

[Guest mysizeiscute]

Hmms well I shame myself alot bc I am 33 year old little. I see lots of littles younger than me, so I get discouraged and wonder if I belong alot of the time. Plus, I do gey alot of people who tell me to grow up and not act like a kid. It's part of my personality, you know?