Fiancé(/daddy?) opinions needed

[Guest Peanut97]

Good morning! This may be a bit of a vent, so I'm sorry in advance, but I would love to know what other littles and daddies think..

My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years. Our wedding is in 6 months. I discovered ddlg about a month after we met, so almost immediately. I knew as soon as I learned about it that it was definitely something I felt connected to. I feel from the beginning of our relationship I have always hinted that I am a little. I will frequently talk in my "little" voice, I love to color, and have frequently slept with my stuffed animals. None of this seems to bother him, and in the beginning he would call me cute and kinda talk to me the way a daddy would. But I've never been able to establish that I would like a ddlg relationship with him. I honestly think he kinda knows but doesn't acknowledge it..

 

He told me about a year ago that he thought the use of "daddy" for boyfriends was weird and disgusting. That definitely made my hopes become crushed. I call him booby a lot, which to me is just another name for my daddy. That doesn't bother him at all. Very recently I jokingly (but seriously) asked if I could call him daddy. He said he didn't care. Im still to nervous to do it. I'm scared to watch my "little" shows, buy onesies or pacis, and suck my thumb (I've subconsciously done that a few times), and do many other things around him with the fear that he will freak out, or judge me.

 

I have tried to show him videos of the ddlg lifestyle, people talking about why they do it, etc.. He usually has no comment or even acknowledges that im watching them. I am definitely a brat, and when I throw a fit or act super stubborn he usually just gets frustrated and leaves me alone to calm down (def not what I want him to do). when I take it the usual "little" way I act a little farther, or regress further he usually says I'm acting weird, and asks if I'm okay..

 

So I guess my question is, what do I do if I ask him to be my daddy and he says no? Would that be a deal breaker for the relationship if it was you? I know I would absolutely be depressed and feel like I can't be myself. I know it's a lot of work that he might not want to deal with. I'm not sure if he just hates the "daddy" stereotypes or doesn't understand what it is. I'm very shy and self conscious about it, so the thought of sitting down and explaining it scares me..

Thank you if you read all of this, you're amazing and I hope you have a good day!

[Guest Arc]

If he says no you can't force him. It doesn't sound like something he's interested in, whether it's because he doesn't understand or because it's just simply not him. Have you tried to have a conversation with him about why he doesn't like it? Maybe he just has the wrong idea about it, like many people do. But there is a huge chance that it's just not a part of who he is, and nothing can be done to change that. 

 

For me, if the person I was with wasn't accepting of a side of me then I wouldn't be able to handle that. If you truely love someone then you love everything about them - every side, flaw, and quirk. I would not shut off a part of me for someone else because having to do that would hurt me, and would mean we aren't totally compatible. But maybe if everything else was great, I would seek compromise. For example, I would want another person that I could go to to explore that side of me with. I know that if I was unable to give my partner something they needed, but I didn't want to give up my partner completely, then I would want him to find that thing he needs with someone else while staying with me as a primary. 

 

I guess your first step should really be having a conversation with him about it. A really blunt conversation so there's no room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation. You need to figure out if he's not into it because it's not him, or if he's not into it because he has the total wrong idea about what it is. And if it's not who he is, there's nothing you can do, but if it's because he doesn't understand, then be patient and slowly ease him into the ideas. I know you say you're shy, but it really needs to be done if you want this sorted. 

[Guest chilldude]

I agree with Arc. He doesn't sound interested in it. Frustration, ignorance and saying you're weird are not positive reactions you want. Although you haven't asked him formally, those signs are very indicative of 'no' in response to your question about him being a daddy

However only you can decide if it's a deal breaker. Is he more important than your little side or not?

I know of one little who has a long distance platonic caregiver that her bf doesn't even know about. I wouldn't go down that route since it's dishonest to me, but perhaps that is an option you could ask him about if he is more important. If he's not, then you might need to consider someone who is willing to be your daddy 

[Mr. Danes]

Good advice from Arc and dude. I will give mine and from the three of us, you should be on your way to happy.

End it now, before marriage complicates it more or traps you in for years as it has for many. 

Stop being a little girl now! You know you cannot or if you do, it will come out at some point, because the hunger or need is powerful, just like you needing  to call him daddy.

You remember when you first heard of LG/daddy..your heart  raced or at the very least, you were very curious and grew more into it as you learned/read. A daddy is the same, it is human. Weird does not compute, therefore your fiance is not a daddy/does not want to be, but also does not want to hurt you and puts up with..

To try to make him into a daddy is unfair, selfish really and he is not stupid, he understands. He may not understand why you are little girl, but he understands the rest. Part of this is your fault for not talking to him. Half your fault. Many couples lie to each other about themselves, until "I'm leaving you."

As Arc  said, not compatible. 

 

He sounds young, because a man would sit you down and talk, getting it all out and then decide to stay or leave. Females are more than males, not better just more. They bring life to a male, so sit him down and have that talk. Continue or end it, the truth will be in the actions that follow.

[neko]

You mention you've known you were a little a month into your relationship.

 

So I'm confused as to how, in the 23+ months you've been a Little, what has prevented you from sitting down, as an adult, and just saying straight up "I am a Little. This is who I am and I cannot change that" instead of letting this drag on for so long trying to figure out if he is okay with this with tiny hints.

Edited October 11, 2017 by neko