The Little Who Runs Away....

[AsleepAndDreaming]

Hi, 

 

I'm wondering if I can reach out to members of this community and ask for some help and advice because I'm in a position where I honestly don't know the best way forward.

 

I'm a 45 year old CG in the UK who, on the face of it, appears to have found the perfect little. She's 20, has said the age difference doesn't bother her, has said she is totally devoted to me, she's said I make her really happy and that she knows I will look after her. She lives an hour away from me, we have a clear attraction to each other and we Kik each other every day, from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. I have sent her little Kik videos of me so she can get to know me better, she sends me photos of herself when she's tucked up in bed and just her cute little face is poking out of the duvet. She calls me Daddy, she wants rules, she says all she wants to do is cuddle up to me for ever and ever.... All this has been going on for over a month now.

 

So all that sounds perfect right? Except for one thing. She says she wants to talk on the phone and she says she wants to meet. This is her proposing these things, not me. And yet, every time we organise something, she finds a reason not to do it. Last night was virtually the last straw. We had arranged for me to drive down to her area after work and meet up for the first time. This was the 4th or 5th time we had arranged this, but yesterday everything was going smoothly so to say I was excited and nervous was an under statement. As I was leaving my work, she said she had a problem and couldn't get away and she was busy. This keeps happening, every time there's a different reason but every time she pulls out of the commitment we'd made to each other to meet up. Instead we made arrangements this morning to speak on the phone (we've never done that before either) but I've messaged her on Kik this morning and got no response. Every time she comes back to me and says sorry and begs me not to leave her. And every time I tell her I'll give her another chance.

 

When I try to talk to her about it, and ask why she keeps running away from me, she tells me she doesn't think she'll be good enough for me, and she says she's scared I won't like her and she says she's just a messed up little. I have tried to explain to her that a good Daddy will love her for who she is and will help her and try to sort her problems out but it makes no difference. I've told her all we need to do is meet for a coffee and chat and see how we get on and that we can take it from there. But that next step, of speaking or meeting, appears to be a step too far.

 

There is a part of me (the cynical side of me) that thinks I'm just being played and that someone is just thinking to themselves there is this sad 45 year old bloke they can take the piss out of and that this is all some sick game, that someone is deliberately and horribly playing with my emotions, and that they are really not who they say they are. But I have to be honest and say that when we are chatting away on Kik I am completely convinced that she is "real". There is another part of me that never stops thinking about her and wonders what I can do to help, and to make her see that we could be magic together.

 

So I'm really looking for advice please. Both from Daddies but especially from any littles out there who may know exactly how this girl is feeling.

 

Or am I being played? Is this fake and a game to someone? If not, what can I do to help her? What can I do to convince her to talk to me or even better, to meet me.... because we live so close to each other that we could see each other on a regular basis and possibly be really happy together? Or should I just walk away? Because this is actually upsetting me now...

[Guest Prat]

Maybe she's just nervous about meeting you and being seen together with a 45 year old, if you're really as close as you are then surprise her.

[Bambi95]

I agree with Prat. While she may have no issue with the age gap, she may be worried of her friends and family judging her.

Also, I personally find it scary to go meet any stranger anyway. Maybe she feels the same. Especially when it comes to meeting a man who is a stranger (practically).

 

I don't believe it's her intention to hurt you. But a big step like that can cause anxiety for both parties but especially littles. Also you said it has only been a month..that seems a little soon to be calling someone Daddy. But that's just my opinion.

[PinkyBubbles]

Honestly, If I was in your position I would have to talk to her and explain your concerns. I'd personally have to take a step back at this point to save my own feelings. Maybe 'taking it slow'  or slower than you have been would be the best option if you still want to move forward. It sounds like shes under pressure somewhere along the line, whether that's you or external influences. Focus on being friends without too many expectations for a while x

[Guest infinitecases]

There are only really 2 possibilities, either she is catfishing you or she really is just very nervous and scared. Perhaps wait a little before you try to meet again. Obviously, no one wants to waste time on someone who could potentially be a catfish, but if there are things really bothering her about how you'll see her or react when you meet, she could just be really anxious that you won't like her afterwards. Not everyone is or can be the same in person and maybe she's never done something like this before?

 

Have you tried video chatting her before you meet, as that might take away the nerves and prove to both of you that you're both who you say you are. If you're having doubts, she could definitely be having doubts too. Whilst I don't think 1 month is too fast to know whether you're compatible when it's online, it might be too fast to meet for some. I think I'd be a bit afraid of going out to meet someone a month after I'd met them online with no real indication that they are who they say they are - everything can feel 'real' when you want it to be, especially when it comes to your emotions and letting them cloud your judgement, but it's not always the case. 

[DavCentral]

So, my first question really is, why are you not using facetime more, skype, these things where you literally sit and just spend time together when you cant be in person?

 

you shouldnt feel like you're going to meet a stranger, in my opinion.

 

I feel like you're slightly being played because you can't fully trust or believe this person.

[Tommybaww]

Dude, she won't even talk on the phone with you??????????? This sounds like a job for Neve and Max. This is no doubt a classic catfish case!!!!!!!! Shoot them an email, they'll get to the bottom of this bro. Good luck

[meiji]

wow, four to five times of cancelled plans says something. pardon these perceptions of an outsider, but i find it rather suspicious that you two have never (not even once?) talked on the phone, despite her being a bit adamant about it. while there's a chance that she is no fraud, the fact that she cancels the plans on the eleventh hour adds up to the stigma that she may be catfishing.

 

leaning towards the possibility that your little just had misfortunes and busy dates come her way,

perhaps you two can put off the idea of meeting up and take it slow, start by skyping a bit and be more comfortable with each other? if she is really who she claims to be, at some point she'll have to stop thinking that she won't be good enough for you, right?

i hope it works out well for the both of you.

cheers!

[dom-bi-cpl-seek-Little-uk]

We a daddy couple and just had one pull away from us from Devon - sounds great till we want a call or meet then the word NO or cant come in to play.There are lots of dreamers and fakes, try skype if not stop wasting time and try again with others. 

Edited October 7, 2017 by dom-bi-cpl-seek-Little-uk

[CheshireNitemare]

Is she shy or does she have anxiety? I have a bit of both and it takes me forever to get up the nerve to talk to someone on the phone or on skype. So meeting someone in person would definitely be a lot for me. I'm not writing off what she did as if she was pushing for it that is a little suspicious at least for me cause I wouldn't push for something that makes me anxious. I'm just explaining that from someone who deals with shyness and anxiety she might have somewhat the same problem I do. 

 

Either way I wish you luck and happiness ^.^

[AsleepAndDreaming]

Thank you so much for all the replies, there's some really good advice there.

 

I have tried to arrange to speak to her on the telephone but she won't even do that, let alone Skype which I also suggested. But she'll send me photos without a problem and the photos match her picture on her Kik profile (I guess they would do huh?). We'll arrange to call (she says she needs to get the nerve up to do it) but then when the time comes she's nowhere to be found and I only have her Kik as a way of contacting her. It's like she just runs away and hides. She does have some (fairly limited in comparison to some) anxiety issues, but here's the thing: whenever she backs out of meeting me or calling me, she's begging me not to leave, she's telling me how much she needs me and how much she wants to make me happy.... is this classic catfish behaviour? I have no experience of being catfished? If she's real and she's got nerves and fear and I can deal with that and accept it and take it as slow as she likes. But why would someone message me off Tumblr just to make me unhappy? I just don't get it.

[Guest Alainnb]

The one thing I find suspicious is how she seems to randomly send you photos but has a problem with Skype.....I actually have trust issues as well BUT it's the same with photos as with video chatting....I'm afraid of both though I don't have anything to hide, I'm just not very self-conscious and my father always told me to be careful online with pictures, which I am.

 

But video chatting and sending photos are like...almost the same...you already know her face so why not using face time when you can also only see her face? The only reason I could think of is that she indeed looks different and that the photos she sends you are not photos of herself.... I hope for you she's just pretty shy tho...!

[dadas.girl]

What I’m thinking is that she is underage and is unable to meet up because she is a kid.

[Guest Urthurs]

or another reason would be,  she is just using you for attention, and dosen't actually want more than that.

[Guest pacibrat]

Ask her to send a pic of her touching her nose with her finger (if she does this, it's really her because there's no way a catfisher is going to have a picture like that).  If she won't, then there's your answer.....not real.

 

As far as talking on the phone and Skype.........I don't like talking on the phone and I don't Skype.  I actually would be willing to meet up with someone in person though because I prefer face to face conversation.  My guess for why she keeps avoiding you?  She's not who she says she is.

[Guest littlelisafrank]

Does she still live with her parents? Maybe she doesn't have the privacy or independence to do video and phone chats or meet up with you anywhere.

 

It could be a number of reasons, and not all of them sinister, but if it's making you feel bad to be in the relationship, then I'd suggest just calling it quits. You could be wasting your time with her, and meanwhile, there's someone else out there for you that you've not met yet, because of this thing that isn't working out.

[Guest littleloveslars]

i met my Daddy online years ago, before we knew what Ddlg was. i had never met anyone off the internet before and was terrified he was gonna try to steal my identity or murder me or something. i also had a young daughter, and some ptsd and anxiety issues. When we finally agreed to meet, it was horrendously nerve wrecking and terrifying. The first time we skyped was after a lot of convincing. It wasn't that i was fake, it was that i was a real person with real problems and fears offline, and it took time- much longer than a month- to build trust. The difference between your situation and mine was that with all my fears and anxiety, i never would have contacted him first. i was shy beyond belief, and never would have sought attention from him. and further, we talked on the phone prior to skyping, but only after taking on the phone at night for a few months and that was only after texting for a few months. It strikes me as sudden because its only been a month, so its possible its just too soon. But you have to build trust somewhere. i like the idea of telling her for your own protection that you need to verify that she is who she says she is by having her put her finger on her nose in a photo. It protects you from emotional stress, but also if she is underage, or something weird is at foot, protects you. Anyone who genuinely cared about you would understand the concerns. If she can be cute and send pics, she can send 1 to confirm she's real. Daddies don't exist just for warm fuzzy little time. Daddies need things too. So even if she is real, if she can't hear your concerns or fears and reassure you, she doesnt have your best interest in mind, and isn't worth your time.

[Sleepless]

I didn't really read all the comments already posted, but I have something to say that I thought might make you feel better. I did this to my Daddy when we were in the earlier stages of our relationship. Now we are living together happily, I wasn't a catfish I was just shy.

 

When our relationship first started it was my first ever relationship and I was VERY shy when it came to men in general, heck I still am...but Daddy was so excited to meet me he want pictures, phone calls, skype dates, everything....but I was too scared. Scared he wouldn't like me and scared he would ghost me after seeing or hearing me. It took so much effort for him to get pictures of me and it took many failed skype date plans (I would make up excuses for why I couldn't like your little does) before he finally got to see, hear, and meet me.

 

You mentioned that your relationship has been going on a bit over a month, she's probably just scared like I was. I would encourage you to Be patient with her and stop pushing her to do these scary your things. If you let her open up you you in her own time things will be so much less stressful for her. Just keep reminding her that you love her for what's on the inside more than what's on the outside and that will help.

 

If after a few months you still are unable to get even a phone call, then maybe I'd be more concerned. But at a little over a month I would assume it's just her nerves. Best of luck to you!

[meows kohai]

Sounds fishy to me. 

Do you ever give her money or anything of the like?

[Littlest_Bee]

I don't have any experience with catfishing but I don't think someone who isn't real would take the initiative to arrange a meeting. Especially four to five times in a row.

 

My first question would have been if she has mental problems. You said she had but that it was "fairly limited".

Cards on the table: I have issues with anxiety and I like to pretend to myself and others that they aren't so bad. No way would I trust someone I met online just a month ago enough to tell them the full extent. I mean, I manage day to day life alright. But the last time I wanted to see a friend that I hadn't seen in a while it took me hours to work up to that when I was very much looking forward to it. I thought I had let this friend down (didn't make it to their birthday party this year) and that we'd never talk again after the meeting because I'm worthless as a friend. Now this was a friend I knew fairly well, not a possible romantic interest that I felt unsure about. So, I think there's a fair chance that she is real and just has a lot of problems you don't know about yet.

 

Maybe a part of her really is testing how far this can go - if you leave her she really isn't worth the trouble and good that she found out before she trusted you even more, it would hurt more then - something along those lines.

 

There are red flags and you have a right to be upset or walk away but it could very well all be part of her. Nobody is perfect in the end and maybe she doesn't want to shatter that perception of perfection - that she hurts you more in the process than whatever you'd find out when you meet is unfortunate. In her mind at least you didn't reject her for whatever she fears will make you reject her when you meet.

 

I hope this makes some kind of sense. It's pure speculation of course.

How have things developed since you first posted. I mean it's been a few weeks.

[AsleepAndDreaming]

I don't have any experience with catfishing but I don't think someone who isn't real would take the initiative to arrange a meeting. Especially four to five times in a row.

 

My first question would have been if she has mental problems. You said she had but that it was "fairly limited".

Cards on the table: I have issues with anxiety and I like to pretend to myself and others that they aren't so bad. No way would I trust someone I met online just a month ago enough to tell them the full extent. I mean, I manage day to day life alright. But the last time I wanted to see a friend that I hadn't seen in a while it took me hours to work up to that when I was very much looking forward to it. I thought I had let this friend down (didn't make it to their birthday party this year) and that we'd never talk again after the meeting because I'm worthless as a friend. Now this was a friend I knew fairly well, not a possible romantic interest that I felt unsure about. So, I think there's a fair chance that she is real and just has a lot of problems you don't know about yet.

 

Maybe a part of her really is testing how far this can go - if you leave her she really isn't worth the trouble and good that she found out before she trusted you even more, it would hurt more then - something along those lines.

 

There are red flags and you have a right to be upset or walk away but it could very well all be part of her. Nobody is perfect in the end and maybe she doesn't want to shatter that perception of perfection - that she hurts you more in the process than whatever you'd find out when you meet is unfortunate. In her mind at least you didn't reject her for whatever she fears will make you reject her when you meet.

 

I hope this makes some kind of sense. It's pure speculation of course.

How have things developed since you first posted. I mean it's been a few weeks.

 

I guess I should update this bearing in mind the recent responses; thanks Gandi_Bee and Macho Princess in particular for your comments because I think you two have hit the nail on the head. 

 

I'm glad to say this is a good news update... some days after making the original post on here I asked her to call me and she said she couldn't, but instead she sent me a little 10 second video via Kik (to say it was cute and adorable is an understatement but that's kind of not the point). On the video she said something we'd been talking via text about, so I knew then that she wasn't playing games and telling me she was someone she was not. And later that week she got up the courage to call me and we spoke for over an hour about all kinds of stuff and then had another long conversation a couple of days after that. 

 

And then, a couple of weekends ago, she suggested meeting up and promised this time that she'd be there. So, nervous as anything and with my heart almost beating through my chest, I turned up a few minutes early and found her already there, standing waiting for me, this small blonde girl who is as cute as a button. And since then, we've met up on numerous occasions and to be honest, she is as close to perfection as I could possibly ask for. I was looking for something quite specific, someone more middle than little, someone who wanted and needed a Daddy, someone who I could help and encourage, someone who would be the centre of my world, but I guess most importantly someone who might love me for me. She's surprised that she's found someone who loves cuddles as much as she does, that I don't mind her clingy-ness (I love it), and that the thought of her sitting at my living room table colouring doesn't bother me one bit. 

 

The initial reluctance to meet or speak appears to have been as a result of the misguided belief that if I met her I wouldn't like her and that she would be, in her words, "a disappointment". A kind of shyness mixed with the fact that she knows she goes into little space quite often and was worried what others would think. I think she genuinely thought that we would meet and that I would not want to be with her. The opposite has proved to be the case. And I think it was also a subconscious reaction on her part to see how far she could push things to see if I would walk away. When I didn't, I think she became ready to make the decision to meet me. 

 

The moral of the story? Always give a little a second, third or fourth chance, and always ask why they are behaving a certain way rather than taking things at face value. Because the rewards for understanding someone's behaviour are immense. I'm just so pleased I didn't walk away from my little Ellie...

Edited October 29, 2017 by Looking4MyLittle

[Guest McLeodLot65]

Awwwww. That's so wonderful! Thanks for the update.

[Guest littleloveslars]

So happy for you!

[Littlest_Bee]

That sounds amazing. ❤

Thanks for telling us. Congratulations and good luck to both of you.

[Wolfycheeks]

EDIT: Didn't see the update, woopsie!! I'm happy for you!

Edited October 30, 2017 by Wolfycheeks