Need advice. Heartbroken

[Guest shievadawn@gmail.com]

I am going to apologize for the length of my post, but I feel the background is needed.

 

My husband and I have now been together 16 yes. He is 44. I am 40. About 8 or so years ago I got extremely interested in the whole D/s lifestyle. I got brave and suggested it to him. We tried it for a few months but wasn't really his thing. So it just sorta disappeared. I however always had a strong desire for it, felt like I was missing.

 

About 4 yrs. ago his sex drive was quickly dropping and mine went into hyper drive. This became a huge issue for us. I felt unwanted and undesired. He would turn me down night after night. This became more than I could handle so I decided to leave. We split up for 6 mos.

 

During that time I did see someone else. I wasn't honest when we got back together because I feared he wouldn't want me. Right when we got back together he presented being my Daddy to me. I wasn't too familiar with it, but once he explained, I was so excited. I felt so special, he wanted this with me.

 

2 mos into out new relationship, I was on cloud nine. Soo happy to have a Daddy. But he then found out about the guy I was with. He was beyond hurt that I had lied, he was is convinced I was seeing him when he and I were still together. But we love each other so we were going to work this. He told me however that I was no longer allowed to call him Daddy. That I would have to earn that back. I was crushed. But determined to show him he was my world.

 

Now what he failed to tell me was that when we separated he had started an online relationship with a little from California. And that he had maintained it even after we got back together.

 

Soo long story short. He had given us the same exact rules. I found out about this and there are no words for how I felt. I wasn't special. I wasn't his one and only princess. I wax 2nd.

 

He however does not see what he did as cheating as it wax all online. But it tore me apart. Again. We were determined to get through this. He quit talking to her. He was my Daddy again. We were slowly getting back to us.

 

But then we got into some financial troubles. I didn't pay some bills I was supposed to. We got into a horrible fight and he decided I was not respecting him, therefore he was through with being my Daddy. And well it's been that way since.

 

I'm Soo lost. He won't discuss it. Any suggestions how I let this go?

Edited October 7, 2017 by Heartbroken princess

[TwilightSparklez]

In my opinion, it's not fair he is maintaining a double standard. You are in trouble because you were seeing someone while you were separated but because he was online it wasn't. A good Dom/ Daddy owns up to their mistakes as well and does not try to direct blame on their sub/little. It's also not right he said he doesn't want to be your Daddy anymore because an error was made on your part. Mind you a huge era but again a good Dom/Daddy would help you see the error of your ways so you could learn from it and not make that error again. Financial troubles you can recover from but a broken relationship you can't.

 

Again, in my opinion, he sounds like he is keeping you around because your comfy and familiar and he's giving you enough of what you need to keep you engaged in the relationship. It's very worrying that he is not open to discussion. A good dynamic is nothing without communication. It's not for you to let it go, it's time to move on and find someone who makes you number one.

 

Again this is all my opinion, I don't have enough information to be a fair judge. But some very alarming things that a good Daddy would never do; keep secrets, punish you for the same thing he was guilty of, and refuse to communicate. That's borderline emotional abuse.

[Guest infinitecases]

He can't punish you for being with someone else during your separation if he himself did the exact same thing. Online or offline, what is the difference? He became a Daddy to another little, and actively kept that close relationship with her even when you two got back together - surely that's worse than what you did? If he can't come to terms with what he himself did wrong, he will never be able to see the right side of things - I just don't think he deserves to be your Daddy if he cannot even give himself to you completely in that way. Your relationship doesn't sound polyamorous and he needs to accept his wrongdoings. Being a Daddy doesn't mean he gets to be assertive whenever and wherever even though he is wrong - that promotes dishonesty and lack of integrity which can damage the trust and ability to even have this kind of ddlg relationship - or just your marriage in general. 

[Guest chilldude]

What a mess

First up, both of you could do with being a lot more honest. Secondly, you should tell him that whether off/online the fact is both of you had a plaything without the other's knowledge. If you want to make it work, then tell him you're going to commit to him and only him and expect the same in return. Nothing else

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

Hello pot, this kettle. An emotional affair is just as hurtful & damaging as an actual affair. If he can’t see that, he’s not worth it.

 

Yes, you both need to learn to be honset, and accept the consequences of what occurred when you were separated. I’m not trying to be hurtful, judgmental, or mean; I’m speaking from experience. It’s a hard lesson, but well worth learning. This also sounds like some textbook emotional abuse.

 

If he’s still talking to her, there’s a 90% chance it’s both sexual & complaining about how you “misbehaved” while you two were separated. Rules for you apply to him. Submissiveness isn’t a right, it’s earned. So let him think he’s punishing you by not being your Daddy. Next time he brings it up, tell him it’s the other way around; he hasn’t earned the right to be your Daddy.