Combining DD/lg and D/s

[Guest Foxling]

I haven't seen a topic about this around the site, if there already is, my apologies and please direct me to it. 

 

Daddy and I were in a BDSM dynamic before we started getting into DD/lg. He knew a lot about BDSM and quite a bit about DD/lg; when we started out, I knew nothing about either of them. There are two problems that we're running into:

 

- I am extremely busy and away a lot, working on getting a master's degree while at the same time being on the board of a student's association, so a lot of the time I don't have a lot of energy when I'm at home and while rationally I want to do naughty things and be close with Daddy, I find myself hanging in front of the TV instead, regressing into little space as soon as I get home. So I tend to rely on him to initiate things, which he sometimes does, and it's always nice when he does, but it's hard for him to do so when he knows I've had a long day. 

 

- I automatically get into little space whenever I'm alone with Daddy. When we're doing naughty things I vary between a Little and a Middle, depending on the intensity of the situation (the harsher it gets, the older I become, yet it stops at about 14, which is still 10 years younger than I actually am). Daddy loves being my daddy and taking care of me, and being there for me in general. He's also sadistic, though, and wants to hurt me. But he has a hard time combining the two, since they feel incompatible in his head. He doesn't want to hurt his little girl, yet at the same time he gets frustrated because he can't put that part of himself to 'use.' 

 

So my question is, do any of you have any experience with combining these two sides? If so, how do you do it? Also, how do you incorporate naughty time into a busy schedule? 

[pamperedpenny]

Oh man. I hear you about being too busy and tired. I'm a mom, work full time (often from home), and take care of the house. My Daddy helps as much as he can, but oftentimes at the end of the day I'm just bushed.

 

What we do is schedule special play time for during the day when I won't be tired. Maybe you can't do this, but on days when we can't, we just have sex where I'm kind of a pillow queen and we talk dirty. It doesn't take nearly as much energy, he knows I'll enjoy being serviced and that orgasms help me sleep and he gets to have me focus completely on him for 30-60 minutes. Sometimes there's some spanking as well, but instead of being up, I just kinda lie on my belly. It's more relaxing and when he's finished, he just sorta cuddles in behind me. Of course many nights I get my second wind after we start playing and we proceed to a full scene, but on nights that I don't, we still get to do *something* and both feel fulfilled.

 

No advice about what to do for a Daddy Dom who doesn't want to be sadistic with his little girl who is enjoying it. Is he only interested in playing with you as your adult self and you don't want to try to maintain an adult headspace? Have you considered working on offering your adult self to him as a gift? Maybe you two could compromise and trade off or come up with more mild age play style punishments. What are his specific interests? Is he doing anything to try and overcome his discomfort? Do you make it clear to him that you are a masochistic Little? Are you a masochistic Little? How does it not work out? Does he try and then falter? Does he not try in the first place?

[Guest Foxling]

Thanks for the reply!

 

What we do is schedule special play time for during the day when I won't be tired. Maybe you can't do this, but on days when we can't, we just have sex where I'm kind of a pillow queen and we talk dirty. It doesn't take nearly as much energy, he knows I'll enjoy being serviced and that orgasms help me sleep and he gets to have me focus completely on him for 30-60 minutes. Sometimes there's some spanking as well, but instead of being up, I just kinda lie on my belly. It's more relaxing and when he's finished, he just sorta cuddles in behind me. Of course many nights I get my second wind after we start playing and we proceed to a full scene, but on nights that I don't, we still get to do *something* and both feel fulfilled.

 

No advice about what to do for a Daddy Dom who doesn't want to be sadistic with his little girl who is enjoying it. Is he only interested in playing with you as your adult self and you don't want to try to maintain an adult headspace? Have you considered working on offering your adult self to him as a gift? Maybe you two could compromise and trade off or come up with more mild age play style punishments. What are his specific interests? Is he doing anything to try and overcome his discomfort? Do you make it clear to him that you are a masochistic Little? Are you a masochistic Little? How does it not work out? Does he try and then falter? Does he not try in the first place?

 

I don't tend to stay in little space when Daddy gets sadistic, I make the switch rather quickly, the problem is more that it feels wrong to him to (want to) hurt a little girl. So the trouble is initiating it from his end because he worries. I've told him that it's okay, but it's something he's struggling with (on a deeper level also, he feels as though it's not okay to have certain sadistic thoughts, though I've also assured him that it's okay - he's tried talking to a therapist, but that's not the solution for him as it makes him shut down even more, so we're trying to work it out ourselves). I'm not sure how to qualify myself. I think I lean towards being masochistic in the sense that I enjoy spanking and hair-pulling and such things, and I think that if we did SM more often, I'd get used to it and figure out my limits, but for that to happen we need to get to a place where we can do it more often. And the thing is that, there have been periods of time where we've done SM things on a regular basis, and that went fairly well, but it's really the combination of DD/lg and SM that's causing the problem. Just one or just the other is okay, but we can't seem to combine the two, and 'just' DD/lg isn't enough for either of us to enjoy the full extent of what could be possible, if that makes sense. 

 

We talk about it a lot, so I don't think the problem is a lack of communication, I get the impression that it's his own mind that's blocking him (I read something about dom drop? The symptoms of that seem close to what happens to him from time to time after a rough session). He's doing his best to overcome this in that we talk about it extensively every now and again, but we haven't been able to find a solution yet. As for your last two question, he tries in that he will come to my study with the idea that he's going to be firm and rough, but then when he'll see me sitting at my desk and I'll go 'Daddy!' when I see him, he can't put himself to it anymore. 

 

So that's why I was wondering if there were any other people who had come across that mental barrier. 

[LilPetPet]

Idunno if this is helpful, but my husband is concerned about hurting me, too. Maybe it is getting easier for him as well...

But he only gives pain to heighten pleasure and to expand my tolerance so i can experience more. Does your daddy have that mindset? If he just wants to hurt for hurt's sake, maybe he should feel guilty.

[Guest Foxling]

Focusing on that mindset might help him, I'll talk to him about it, thanks  

 

And it's not hurting just for the sake of hurting. He would never dream of doing it if I weren't enjoying it, so that's not the problem. 

[lavender]

Thanks for the reply!

 

 

I don't tend to stay in little space when Daddy gets sadistic, I make the switch rather quickly, the problem is more that it feels wrong to him to (want to) hurt a little girl. So the trouble is initiating it from his end because he worries. I've told him that it's okay, but it's something he's struggling with (on a deeper level also, he feels as though it's not okay to have certain sadistic thoughts, though I've also assured him that it's okay - he's tried talking to a therapist, but that's not the solution for him as it makes him shut down even more, so we're trying to work it out ourselves). I'm not sure how to qualify myself. I think I lean towards being masochistic in the sense that I enjoy spanking and hair-pulling and such things, and I think that if we did SM more often, I'd get used to it and figure out my limits, but for that to happen we need to get to a place where we can do it more often. And the thing is that, there have been periods of time where we've done SM things on a regular basis, and that went fairly well, but it's really the combination of DD/lg and SM that's causing the problem. Just one or just the other is okay, but we can't seem to combine the two, and 'just' DD/lg isn't enough for either of us to enjoy the full extent of what could be possible, if that makes sense. 

 

We talk about it a lot, so I don't think the problem is a lack of communication, I get the impression that it's his own mind that's blocking him (I read something about dom drop? The symptoms of that seem close to what happens to him from time to time after a rough session). He's doing his best to overcome this in that we talk about it extensively every now and again, but we haven't been able to find a solution yet. As for your last two question, he tries in that he will come to my study with the idea that he's going to be firm and rough, but then when he'll see me sitting at my desk and I'll go 'Daddy!' when I see him, he can't put himself to it anymore. 

 

So that's why I was wondering if there were any other people who had come across that mental barrier. 

 

 

could you try asking him to spank you while you're in little-middle space? and like pamperedpenny suggested maybe you could try some more middle sort of punishments? Daddy and I combine DDlg and Ds quite well by starting off with him just straight up refusing to let me orgasm, then gently slapping me when I continue to ask, and slowly building up. Do you think that sort of thing would work for you? best of luck hun!!

[Guest Foxling]

Thanks for the suggestions!