Pansexual But Scared to Have a Mommy

[minahbird]

So, the title says it all, and I'd kind of like to get input from both littles and CGs about this. 

 

Basically, I'm pansexual and 33 (so an older little) but live with my parents both due to financial issues and looking after them. Problem is, they don't know I'm anything but straight.

 

To be more precise, I did tell my dad a few years back that I was bi (I didn't know pansexuality even was a thing back then or I probably would've used that term) and my dad said, I quote, "Don't tell your mum about this. It would kill her. Forget about it." 

 

So yeah. I can't exactly be open about my sexuality. With that comes a problem: To me, a Mommy or a Daddy are both equally attractive. However, I can't have a relationship with anyone non-male because my parents would flip, so I can't really have a Mommy and be open about it, whereas my mom kind of knows I'm little and looking for a Daddy (not sure how the heck she accepted that...). 

 

I'm not even sure if that explanation makes sense, but the crux of my posting is this: what should I do? The few times any Daddies have shown interest in me, I've either been ghosted or not been what they were looking for (the latter of which I'm fine with, don't get me wrong), and I'd so love to be able to say 'yes! I'm open to having a Mommy too!' but unless it was solely long distance or we just pretended to be friends where my parents were concerned, I don't see how it would be possible.

 

And no, moving out isn't an option right now.

[Meggles]

I am unsure how you feel about this, but maybe if you are interested in the nurturing of both a mommy and daddy, you could look into finding a gender fluid daddy with male parts. As far as your parents would know, he would indeed be a he, but privately with you, you could be mommy's little angel. Just a thought for you. Best wishes in finding a Mommy or Daddy. Also, I think it is really great you are helping your parents out even though it doesn't allow you the freedom you would like.

[Guest Intenso]

I feel you. That is not an easy matter when you feel something true and you need to keep your family safe from bad feelings about it.

 

When I've first read you this morning, the first option thought is as above, so I will skip it.

 

Let me share with you some other thoughts that came to my mind:

 

In one hand, you can either get Mommy and Daddy, both at the same time, which can be a very rich relationship if taken well and they have very clear ideas and feelings. I am sure that if you get a good Mommy or a Daddy (it does not matter), they will know how to appreciate that certain things can take time, specially if adaptation is required. Best things usually require time. And getting along and coop with you and your family is one of them. Very often, there is no clear solution at the beginning of a problem. You need to experience the problem, face it, analyze it and try small, very small things to se how it evolves and then you will know your next step. And step after step you and your Mommy/Daddy/both will know what to do.

 

Again, time and patience is the key as of my understanding.

 

In line with this thought, I can also imagine that you can start with a DDlg relationship behind close doors in private and outdoors act as good and close friends, and then is not only that Mommy/Daddy does not matter, perhaps in the eyes of your mom a Mommy/girl friend can be very well seen.

 

The last thought, but not the least. I have often seen other situations as yours. If your mom loves you, as I am sure she does, perhaps the advise from your dad is just his own vision. Let me explain: your mom loves you, as your dad does. The more they love you, say you don;t say anything, if they see that there is deep love between you and another person, and it is clear, traditional concepts and moral might change, or at least they would give them less importance because they just love to see you happy. Just food for thoughts.

 

I am sure you will find a good special one. You seem to have honest and good feelings and thoughts.

[maxben10]

what does pansexual mean ?

 

also, about intenso's comment, i disagree, even if your mom and dad "love you", that doesn't mean that they can't be assholes, no every parent is made out of the same mold, and some are really good while others suck, so try to judge them by their actions and what they do instead of what name you call them.

[DeathMetalPrincess]

Well, here's a basic and much more psychologically-oriented way of explaining pansexuality: essentially pansexual individuals are attracted to an individual's personality first and everything else second. In more recent terminology, it does refer to the concept of attraction to people regardless of gender. Because there are more than two genders, however, it's not exactly the same as bisexuality (which typically resonates with the traditional gender binary). That being said, you can just explain it as a personality-based sexuality, even though it's a bit more in-depth. As far as dating and the like is concerned, I wouldn't worry about it. You're an adult. Your parents may be more conservative in their mindset, but don't let that get to you. My own parents don't really know I'm a little, nor do they like DDlg (I also live at home so I kind of have to hide my lifestyle). As far as I'm concerned DDlg is kind of on a need to know basis anyway. It's a bit of a kink, but it's a really intimate and endearing one as well. Just be open. You will find a caregiver some time soon. I wouldn't worry about their gender too much, unless you're looking for someone more specific than not. If you meet someone who you're attracted to, but they're not a part of DDlg, that's ok. Just explain it to them as best as you can. I know it's not easy. I was scared to tell my mommy that I was into DDlg and was afraid she wouldn't want to be with me because of it. Luckily she is happy to have my as her little girl. Such may not be the case for everyone, and perhaps not even the first time around, but don't give up. Keep your options open, and when you find someone you want to connect with more, just be honest about it. Explain how being a little makes you feel and why the dynamic is important to you. Best of luck. I know it can be hard, but you can push through it.

Edited September 21, 2017 by DeathMetalPrincess

[Daddy's Lil]

Hi, I'm a pansexual little. I'm lucky as Daddy and I are also swingers. So I can forfil my pan tendasies. If you find a Daddy or Mommy they should accept you for what you are. Good luck.

[Guest SUeB]

What a hideous, cowardly thing for your father to say. You are an adult, your relationship choices are nothing to do with your parents. Yes, i understand the pressure, and how you feel, but you are in your thirties, not a young teenager scared of getting into trouble.

[minahbird]

SO, just a little update. I think I've found a Mommy. She's super sweet, really caring and doting, and she makes me feel soo special. Today, I essentially posed, to mum, the 'hypothetical' idea that a girl might be interested in me.

 

Her response? "If I were you, I'd run a mile in the opposite direction. Things like that can ruin your life." Needless to say, I backpedalled and told her that 'I'm into guys, don't worry.' Not 100% a lie, but not like I told the truth either. 

 

I just... I dunno. I was so, so happy last night. Mommy and I talked for hours and she kept telling me how adorable and cute I was and how she was so glad I was in her life now, and then my mom basically, unknowingly slaps me in the face.

[Guest SUeB]

Unknowingly? Doubt it. Up to you if you allow your parents to control your life to such a toxic level at this point in your adult life.

[Rebel]

Edit: will fix paragraph when I get back home Edited October 5, 2017 by Rebel

[minahbird]

Unknowingly? Doubt it. Up to you if you allow your parents to control your life to such a toxic level at this point in your adult life.

 

Sadly, it's *not* up to me. I don't have the money to move out, have no family or friends I could live with, have severe anxiety and PTSD so can't very well deal with living with parents who don't speak to me, should that be their way of responding if they find out about her. Regardless of what happens, I'm basically stuck here.

[Guest SUeB]

Sadly, it's *not* up to me. I don't have the money to move out, have no family or friends I could live with, have severe anxiety and PTSD so can't very well deal with living with parents who don't speak to me, should that be their way of responding if they find out about her. Regardless of what happens, I'm basically stuck here.

So because you live there, you have to live under their ignorant rules over who you can and cannot date, and cannot be honest about your sexuality? Sorry but no. Absolutely not. i mean it's up to you if you let them treat you like a child.

[minahbird]

I'm not entirely sure how you figure it's 'up to me', Sue. I can't exactly just go 'yeah, I wanna date women so I'll go live on the streets instead'. What other option do I have? Like I said, I have nowhere to go.

[Leo_Ascendent]

Honestly, it's your life, and if your parents don't approve, to hell with them. I know that may be brutal to some, but you are your own keeper, you are in charge of your own life, no one else is gonna live it for you. If either of my parents were against something I did, that wasn't a choice, I would leave them out of my life. If they kick you out, that says more about them than it does you, doesn't it? I wouldn't do that to my kids. 

 

It IS up to you, you are asking for advice, but throwing the advice you receive away. We aren't here to tell you what you want to hear, you may need some fake friends if that's what you are after. Sorry to be blunt, but I refuse to be fake for people, and even more so for people who are supposed to care about me.

 

All that said, you've made it clear that you can only do one of two things, keep it a secret and deal with it, or come out and deal with the results. Nothing more, nothing less.

Edited October 21, 2017 by Leo_Ascendent