Help?

[Dadd]

Hi! I'm a very inexperienced person at being a Daddy, and my little has anger issues. Whenever she's mad at me (which unfortunately happens a lot) I just don't know what to do. Whenever i try to make her feel little when she's mad, she gets even more mad. Am I doing something wrong?

[LittlePupRune]

Hate to say this, but it's not your job to fix your partner. Have you talked to her (adult to adult) about what helps/what to do during those episodes? There is no standard "thing" to do during episodes, it really varies person to person. Also make sure she is seeing someone for that as you are not equipped to handle being both her partner and therapist. 

[Guest SUeB]

The only thing you're doing wrong is thinking this is your responsibility in any way. She needs to deal with this herself.

[Guest Fros†beard]

The only thing you're doing wrong is thinking this is your responsibility in any way. She needs to deal with this herself.

I absolutely disagree.

It's easy to brush something like this aside because "lol not my problem," but OP should be supporting her.

That is, if she wants to get better. If she doesn't, well, I don't think I'd be able to put up with something like that for long, personally.

You can always strive to be a better person, but it's okay to ask for help.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Fros†beard

[LittlePupRune]

I absolutely disagree.

It's easy to brush something like this aside because "lol not my problem," but OP should be supporting her.

That is, if she wants to get better. If she doesn't, well, I don't think I'd be able to put up with something like that for long, personally.

You can always strive to be a better person, but it's okay to ask for help.

 

Wanting to support is okay and totally normal. I think what they were trying to get across is that it's not OP's responsibility but rather OP's partner. OP can help, but ultimately its up to her and that OP should not take on more blame than is actually theirs.

[Guest Fros†beard]

Wanting to support is okay and totally normal. I think what they were trying to get across is that it's not OP's responsibility but rather OP's partner. OP can help, but ultimately its up to her and that OP should not take on more blame than is actually theirs.

Yes, of course - he isn't the root of the problem & the first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem.

If she has no motivation to change things, very little can be done.

[Guest SUeB]

I am not saying don't support her, I'm saying don't see it as his problem to fix. And to be fair, no amount of attention or support will fix an aggressive character.

[Guest Fros†beard]

I am not saying don't support her, I'm saying don't see it as his problem to fix. And to be fair, no amount of attention or support will fix an aggressive character.

Maybe there is an actual issue, instead of her just having an "aggressive character."

I know my over-sensitivities and whatnot can make me somewhat short-tempered, but that doesn't mean I can't not react by blowing up in your face.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Fros†beard

[Guest SUeB]

My main point being that her issues are hers to deal with. And I would also say that no, it's not okay to blow up in someone's face because of your own short temper and sensitivities. If that's what you meant? I am a bit unclear with "can't not". Are you saying you can blow up, or you can't?

[Guest Fros†beard]

My main point being that her issues are hers to deal with. And I would also say that no, it's not okay to blow up in someone's face because of your own short temper and sensitivities. If that's what you meant? I am a bit unclear with "can't not". Are you saying you can blow up, or you can't?

I mean that I have learned not to react in that way (blowing up) over time.

Being on the autism spectrum means that I'm getting wrecked by stimuli 24/7, so yeah, I'm a bit cranky sometimes.

The point here being, you can have an almost overwhelming natural reaction to something, but it is very much possible to ignore that potentially very harmful reaction.

[Guest SUeB]

I see, thank you for elaborating. And yes that's true. We can all have an urge to lash out or lose our cool, but we have to take responsibility ourselves for behaviour like that. Should as the case ought to be here.

[Cheshire Kitten]

I do agree her anger issues are not your fault, but I have to ask: when she's upset, does she want to be treated like or talked to like a little? Perhaps that's the time to discuss things like adults. Communicating, like a few said, would be the first step to find an underlying cause, if there is any. Edited September 6, 2017 by Cheshire Kitten

[Untwisted]

Prevention is always better than cure.  Not getting angry in the first place should be the goal, rather than how to calm her down when she does.

 

Does she have reasons to get mad at you a lot?  Have you tried talking to her about that when she's not mad at you?