New Daddy needing advice!

[BovinDaddyDay]

Hello everyone!

I have a few questions. I am sort of new to being a daddy dom. My wife and i have been together for 13 years. During this time, we have always had a DD/LG relationship. It has come naturally to me and her and we both enjoy it. It was not until here recently did she open up about being a little. I knew it was there for a while. She enjoys role play online all the time so i figured it was the time we take it up a step. Now she has a lot of knowledge on the whole DD/LG setup. But i do not know if she is willing to commit to it fully, or just wants it to be in certain places of our relationship. I have expressed my feelings on it, it is still a little bit awkward to me tho. We have 3 kids and i have always had a nurturing and caring side. I'm a big softy! My wife usually lets her little come out all the time, which i love about her. I love to care for her so much, it makes me feel like im doing good. The problem is, she is not easy to get to sit down and tell me exactly what she needs, how far she wants to take it and when she does not want it. I know some take it as a 24/7 job. But with us having 3 kids and both of us working, that's impossible. I am sure she understands that. I am having a hard time getting her to listen from time to time. She is a stubborn lil, and has a HARD time understanding anyone else's point of view. With her coming out and asking me to be her daddy, i have asked her to not be a lil for anyone else then. I kind tend to be more of a dom when it comes to our love. She knows i would take a bullet for her, flog myself 24/7 for her, or do anything to show her i love her. But the restrictions i have placed on her really upset her and make it difficult to get her in line. She likes to role play online with other men, and usually, it involves little/sub/sexual play. This tends to bother me because it is with other men than myself. Should this bother me? Am I being too controlling, or should she be made to understand why it would bother her daddy? 
The DD in me wants to punish her and remove her connections to this behavior, but i know for certain she would resist it and cause us to have more relationship problems. We recently split up for 3 months and almost divorced when i ended up walking in on her video chatting with another man, whilst being completely bare showing him her lil parts. Now we had our problems at that time, none of it being sensual tho. We have since worked them out and have been back together for 2 months. Things seem to be working out well. She thought that since it was all "online" that it was not considered cheating. That words are just words and have no true meaning. She has had an experience with a friend that was just words on a phone, but they hurt her deeply, that i used as an example as to why words can, in fact, hurt. And how the sexual Roleplay, with other men, can hurt your significant other. I do not mind the role play at all, just not the sexual role play with people i do not even know. 

So i guess i have so many questions that i really need some advice from experienced DD's and spouses alike! The DD experience is something me and her have had in our relationship pretty much the whole time! I have had so many of my friends and family (who know nothing of a true DD) tell me that i treat her more like a child than a wife. I always knew we had the DD/sub/LG in our life the whole time. I am just glad that she has come out and admitted that she likes it a LOT, especially in our play scenes, and in the bedroom. 

Another thing is the punishment, particularly spanking. She REALLY enjoys it. I'm not sure if it is in just a purely sexual way, or both sexual and mental. Last night was my first time fully acting it out, and i am sure i was akward as hell. I noticed tho, that it really really turned her on. I do not know, tho, if i should let her use it as a sensual thing all the time tho. How should i handle it? I have asked her to set-up a safe word, but she does not want to, she says that me being the DD, it is up to me when i think she has had enough. But i do not even know what her tolerance is to it! I know that she REALLY enjoys it a lot, and nearly enters subspace upon receiving them. This is so new to me, that i do not even know how to being! You would think after 13 years, i would have seen this before. Maybe she just did not know it about herself? It really excits me tho and scares me a bit too! I do not want to push to hard and end up making it a bad experience for her.

Another thing that i have mentioned to her is the fact that i am such a child at heart. I know when to be serious, but im such a kind natured and loveing guy, that i too have noticed i enjoy being a little at times. I know that i am a switch. I like being DD about 95% of the time, but i also REALLY love being a little for her. But when i have brought this up, she kinda just ignores it, or says that she don't think i am. She acts more like she wants to be a little all the time, and never allow me. I do not know what to think about this either lol! I am hoping that she can be open to my feelings and needs as much as i am to hers. 

So i guess i need some of you DD/LG's to pitch in and give me some advice on how to handle all of this? I like hearing other peoples experiences and opinions on things, and this would help me so much. I know she LOVES being a little so i would like to be a good DD for her, as her happiness is absolutly the most important thing to me!

Thank you guys/girls!

 

[Nymph]

Hi there, I am married to Daddy and we are 24/7. We have a 3.5 year old monster, we have been married for 4 years.

 

I have had nothing but DD/lg relationships as that is what comes naturally for me, the relationships never lasted long enough for me to be comfortable with labels and talk about lifestyle. In fact things happened so fast with Daddy and I that I didn't brought it up until after we were married, he is my one and only official Daddy. He was in the same situation, except he didn't know about the lifestyle.

 

First things first, it is not impossible to be 24/7 just because of kids and/or work. Of course the ages of the kids will affect a bit and the type of job, but sometimes it can actually help you stay in little space. For example when your kids are toddlers you can play with them and do little things together, same if you work with kids or pets. Hell, even in an office environment it can be pulled off, you will just be seen as the sweet/girly type of woman. Of course if she has a job where she has to be in charge and take decisions then is best to keep her little side out of it or if the kids are teenagers and she is a baby girl craving a paci best to do that in private.

 

She sounds like she is a bit of a brat and I think she would benefit clearly from being taught a lesson and what is ok and what is not. You already explained it clearly to her so if she keeps doing it then she is just craving your attention. To feel wanted by other guys is a way to both make up for that extra attention she craves and entice you to discipline her.

 

I enjoy spankings too but Daddy has learned to give them as either rewards or punishments as he sees fit. For punishments they are hard and he uses certain angles that know that really hurt, he will use his serious voice and make me answer questions about what I did wrong to make sure I understood and I have to apologize. For "FUNishment" he is a lot more playful mixing up some fondling and praise, maybe some tickles, etc.

 

Don't force her to set up a safe word, if she doesn't feel that she needs it's probably more of a way to see how far you would go. She might think her limits are a lot further than yours and that is why she is not worried. Obviously is not a good idea to try to prove her wrong and going very far without a safe word, but perhaps you need to start being a bit more daring so she realizes that a safe word is necessary.

 

I understand where she is coming from by "ignoring" your little side. She is a bit in denial or hopes you are wrong... which I think you might be btw... you can be sweet and playful without being a little, how would a CG enjoy playing with their little if they didn't enjoy it somewhat themselves? could you explain a bit more about how you enjoy being a little for her? why do you think she has to become a caregiver for you to be a little? couldn't you just become a playmate to her?

 

If she has slave/pet tendencies like I do, you are strong and perfect as far as she is concerned. You are her Master, the Alpha among everyone she has ever met, yes, she idolizes you a bit. So of course the last thing she would want to hear in the world is you calling her Mommy... now don't get me wrong, I love taking care of Daddy and do things to please him and make his life easier... but is not the same as a caregiver if that makes sense. I do not need to adult to take care of him, he is still in control.

 

Rules do not have to be set in stone, they can change and adapt with time, so do keep that in mind. So it's not like you can't make them without knowing her limits, a lot of times littles don't really know their limits themselves. Maybe you should do a few BDSM tests together and compare results, it's fun and you will learn a lot from it. Make sure to look up terms you don't understand before answering and confirm with her if she answered something thinking it was the same thing.

[BovinDaddyDay]

Thank you! The night before last night was the first time she had to be punished. I am pretty sure she did it on purpose to get punished. I think she was wanting to test me like you said. See how far i would go. Since i really am still new to this, i myself don't know my limits. I know i do not enjoy spanking her to actually hurt her, not in the least bit. She has suggested that as a reward, i playful spank her. We did that last night, and it was a very good experience for both of us. We have talked about a lot of these things we have had problems with and i think that she will follow the rules i set in place. 

 

The bad thing is that since what happened to make us separate for a bit, there have been a few repeats of almost the same thing (the sex-role playing). She says that she will not do it anymore, and i hope that she don't, but i have severe trust issues from her sneaking about and deleting the convo's she has had with other men. Me being a computer tech, i know everything that happens on my computer. But i honestly think she is mine 100% now and i know i will make her the happiest lil princess in the world!

 

As far as me being a switch, it's not so much in the little sense when i actually sit down and think about it. More so in the sense that i do enjoy playing with her, even on the smallest things! I am such a kid at heart and love the fun nature of our relationship.

 

It's just so funny that i have been with her for 13 years now, and she is just now coming out with this. I think she has just come to terms with it. She has allways known that i will support her with ANYTHING! i do not care what it is, she can come to me and talk about anything. thank you for the advice!

[Princess-P]

I have been with my Daddy for almost 10 years, we are (almost) 29 and 41, and have a 6 year old. We both have full time, demanding, high stress careers. AMD we are 24/7 lifestylers.

 

Having careers and kids does not mean you can't be 24/7. And I personally dont think the age of your children really matters. If your both functioning adults your dynamic will work its self out.

 

In my case I dont have a little space or a little age. I'm just a little and my partner is my Daddy. I dont play with toys, I dont have rules, and I most certantly dont have punishments. But thats me, I dont need them, so that stuff doesn't interfere with our daily stuff because they dont exist.

 

If your wife wants rules and punishments then thats fine, punishments should however not be something she enjoys. If she likes it then it will not correct the behavior. Your not going to punish your real children by giving them treats and letting them stay up late are you? No, because thats dumb. Then they would be bad all the time. So if she likes spankings or whatever you have uses... Then maybe try taking away TV or phone privileges. Turn the WiFi off or change the password. If she fights it or acts out in a temper tantrum then extend the length of th punishments.

 

As for the online roleplay.. if it makes you feel hurt then she should stop. Why would she even want to do something that she knows hurts you? And going on camera naked for another man? Yes she knew it was wrong. if you have to hide something then its wrong. Common sense.

 

If she doesn't want to act like a caregiver for you then tell her thats OK. But you need to explore your little side as well if thats what makes you Happy. You can both be little together or you can tell her you need some alone time to be little in your own. Partners obviously do not have to participate in everything together but being understanding and supportive is a must.

 

Hope this helped a little and best of luck to you.