not being interested

[andpie]

I'm so jaded from people ghosting me I find it so hard to have any expectations anymore.

 

Its so tiring.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

It happens to me very often. I do not usually add people, nor do I usually start conversations by sending a message. But whenever you send me one, I try to keep the conversation and be as expressive as possible, I try to do my best. But there comes a point where I do not know, maybe I'm not what other people expect, and they start sending me small sentences until I finally do not know what else to respond and the conversation dies.

jajaj maybe the problem is me, I get too excited when I have a message, but maybe it's me who does not know how to carry a conversation, I do not know.

[Untwisted]

It's just the way it is I think with online chat with strangers, it's harder to make a connection than when talking to someone face to face, and If the spark's not there on both sides, the conversation will just die off.  The last message is probably not intended as the last, and it takes an effort to go back and formally end it.  I find I tend to have the last word more often than not but it bothers me less these days.

[Guest Plebian]

It can be a plethora of things tbh!

 

Expectations not met, anxiety from one or either party, neediness (some people like it, I'd argue most don't), overconfidence (people might get scared of you if you appear too confident, the ol' being out of someone's league phenomenon), and yeah I'd also agree that creating that *spark* is quite difficult in digital spaces.

 

In a perfect world people would just tell you when they're simply not interested, but alas. Some people don't want to hurt your feelings, though being ghosted is obviously worse. Funny how that goes. On top of that they could be scared of getting some hateful message in return or whatnot, so it seems easier to cut the cord beforehand. Understandable, but ultimately leaves people worse off I think. I mean, if you have doubts about a person and you tell them, it'll only validate your doubts if they proceed to be an a**hole about it . And the other person could learn from their mistakes if they make an effort to. I know I've had to plenty of times.

 

TL;DR It can be many things, but I'd suggest trying to figure out if it's them or you. Sometimes it's both.

[Guest Lucio]

It can be a plethora of things tbh!

 

Expectations not met, anxiety from one or either party, neediness (some people like it, I'd argue most don't), overconfidence (people might get scared of you if you appear too confident, the ol' being out of someone's league phenomenon), and yeah I'd also agree that creating that *spark* is quite difficult in digital spaces.

 

In a perfect world people would just tell you when they're simply not interested, but alas. Some people don't want to hurt your feelings, though being ghosted is obviously worse. Funny how that goes. On top of that they could be scared of getting some hateful message in return or whatnot, so it seems easier to cut the cord beforehand. Understandable, but ultimately leaves people worse off I think. I mean, if you have doubts about a person and you tell them, it'll only validate your doubts if they proceed to be an a**hole about it . And the other person could learn from their mistakes if they make an effort to. I know I've had to plenty of times.

 

TL;DR It can be many things, but I'd suggest trying to figure out if it's them or you. Sometimes it's both.

i like how you take the time to see things from both perspectives. thats why its kinda hard to judge someone  for ghosting, yet its still ass when it happens.

[Guest Lucio]

It's just the way it is I think with online chat with strangers, it's harder to make a connection than when talking to someone face to face, and If the spark's not there on both sides, the conversation will just die off.  The last message is probably not intended as the last, and it takes an effort to go back and formally end it.  I find I tend to have the last word more often than not but it bothers me less these days.

yea i find that at some point you just get used to it and it doesnt really come as a surprise anymore.. too bad, man.

[Guest Lucio]

 

It happens to me very often. I do not usually add people, nor do I usually start conversations by sending a message. But whenever you send me one, I try to keep the conversation and be as expressive as possible, I try to do my best. But there comes a point where I do not know, maybe I'm not what other people expect, and they start sending me small sentences until I finally do not know what else to respond and the conversation dies.

jajaj maybe the problem is me, I get too excited when I have a message, but maybe it's me who does not know how to carry a conversation, I do not know.

 

Exactly! i also get excited pretty easily when i get a message because usually im the first to send one. and whenever i do get one, just like you said, you wanna come off as interesting and fun as possible. its a shame people usually resort to ghosting..

[Guest SUeB]

It happens to pretty much everyone. Just part of online anonymity and on-tap interaction. Edited September 5, 2017 by SUeB

[Guest Lucio]

It happens to pretty much everyone. Just part of online anonymity and on-tap interaction.

Sad but true

[DavCentral]

So I just had another one this weekend lol.

 

Persons personal sounded like they were sweet and one key thing was they needed lots of reassurance and attention. So we talked, said they understood I'm looking for something serious, swapped pics, talked a bit more, said goodnight, next we spoke was very slow contact and 1 word replies after, you know when you can just tell they were not interested..?

 

So I gave them the option to say I'm not for them and it's ok, got told no I want to talk to you. Tried to make conversation and got short uninterested 1 word answers still so I offer the option again - even gently explaining why I felt that was the case... got a 1 word reply which didn't relate and was deleted from contacts (including here) a few hours later.

 

Now I mean, if I didn't say hey it's cool if you don't want to talk, TWICE, I'd be less bothered but yeah. Being lied to and misled is not acceptable.

 

Not being interested is fine, but politeness and manners to say that seem to be VERY hard to come across.. As has been said, it's a huge peril of the modern world and online interaction these days.

[Guest Lucio]

So I just had another one this weekend lol.

 

Persons personal sounded like they were sweet and one key thing was they needed lots of reassurance and attention. So we talked, said they understood I'm looking for something serious, swapped pics, talked a bit more, said goodnight, next we spoke was very slow contact and 1 word replies after, you know when you can just tell they were not interested..?

 

So I gave them the option to say I'm not for them and it's ok, got told no I want to talk to you. Tried to make conversation and got short uninterested 1 word answers still so I offer the option again - even gently explaining why I felt that was the case... got a 1 word reply which didn't relate and was deleted from contacts (including here) a few hours later.

 

Now I mean, if I didn't say hey it's cool if you don't want to talk, TWICE, I'd be less bothered but yeah. Being lied to and misled is not acceptable.

 

Not being interested is fine, but politeness and manners to say that seem to be VERY hard to come across.. As has been said, it's a huge peril of the modern world and online interaction these days.

Just reading this kinda pissed me off, knowing how damn relatable this is at times, while it really shouldnt be.. ive done the same where you let them know that if they dont want to talk, its okay and you wont be offended etc. but nope.. rather lie and bail anyways.... so weird..

[DollDirector]

They are worried that they can't attract,and use you to check if something would be possible. But the day after is another day. The mood has changed and they just don't want to hear about it all,and be reminded that you are a real human being somewhere. They can't tell you the truth; The whole thing has nothing to do with you ! Anything they would be telling you they would also be telling to themselves,coming out of denial.

[Guest Lucio]

They are worried that they can't attract,and use you to check if something would be possible. But the day after is another day. The mood has changed and they just don't want to hear about it all,and be reminded that you are a real human being somewhere. They can't tell you the truth; The whole thing has nothing to do with you ! Anything they would be telling you they would also be telling to themselves,coming out of denial.

hmm.. really well said.. does make a lot of sense when i think about it.

[Guest Arc]

Ugh, I get this all the time. I have people add me, send me one or two messages, and then un-friend me and stop messaging me. Like if you're not willing to put effort into a conversation then why bother starting it???

[Guest Lucio]

Ugh, I get this all the time. I have people add me, send me one or two messages, and then un-friend me and stop messaging me. Like if you're not willing to put effort into a conversation then why bother starting it???

I fail to see the logic behind it.. i mean i have no clue what they expect!

[Guest DeOriginalMittens]

Well for starters you're a genji main.. I mean..... come on.. lol J/K Sometimes they want something more than normal conversation. Try talking about something about them, scout their profiles, watch them in the chats, check their posts, see their interests. It can get boring if you talk about things you don't like very often, or things that you aren't excited about you know?

[Guest Lucio]

Well for starters you're a genji main.. I mean..... come on.. lol J/K Sometimes they want something more than normal conversation. Try talking about something about them, scout their profiles, watch them in the chats, check their posts, see their interests. It can get boring if you talk about things you don't like very often, or things that you aren't excited about you know?

The hate for genji mains has gone beyond overwatch.. oh god.. Anyways, as you said, i like to headstart conversations with something interesting too. just something to get the conversation rolling, whether it be a remark on something on their profile, something punny, whatever it may be. just stuff to keep someones interest. but hey, i guess some people have a certain personality in mind and ghost their way through it until they find someone they like haha

[Guest DeOriginalMittens]

The hate for genji mains has gone beyond overwatch.. oh god.. Anyways, as you said, i like to headstart conversations with something interesting too. just something to get the conversation rolling, whether it be a remark on something on their profile, something punny, whatever it may be. just stuff to keep someones interest. but hey, i guess some people have a certain personality in mind and ghost their way through it until they find someone they like haha

I know the feeling to be honest. Personally, I like to talk about things about them. If it's littles, I talk about their stuffies, how many, their names, and their personalities, whether one protects and another loves or they all share common duties, ect. And just talk about little space things hehe. For daddies, I see if they have littles, and if they do have them talk about them. Sometimes they are distant towards their littles, and I think maybe they aren't getting along or having problems ect. And I like to ask and question things, maybe help. Some people want help, but don't want to bother others, so I try to do that. If they don't want to talk, they won't. I'll find other interests, and see if we can share common interest.. I.E gaming or collections of sorts, or other things. It usually keeps interest, but people have established friends that help them feel better and take their stress away that they know, are comfortable with, and enjoy talking to. So they will devote their time and attention to them, rather than a stranger which is kinda strange. For loners like me, who hardly have friends, it is a breath of fresh air to meet new people and talk. Even if it doesn't last long. XD