Age Insecurity within DDlg

[Antoinette]

Hello everybody. I decided I'd make this topic as it's something that's often spoken about but never quite explained fully and in a meaningful way, I hope to do that with this topic - or at least spark the interest of others that may be able to do so.

 

First and foremost I should start off by saying that I am nineteen, almost twenty years of age. This does in fact mean that I am a 'younger' little - this means that while I can't relate to older littles I feel it's important that I at least give my viewpoint on a few of these issues. (Also just as another note, not that it should need to be said, but none - absolutely none of this topic will discuss anybody, CG or L, that is underage - this topic is not discussing underage littles/daddies/mommies, so please don't mention them, despite however innocent it may be). 

 

Older Littles / Daddies / Mommies

 

A common complaint from the older littles in the community (I would say from about 35+) is that they feel unwanted. Whether this emotion surfaces due to rejection, envy or whatever else it is there and it is extremely common for older little to feel this way. I want to start off by saying that despite your age (as long as you're 18+) you are not any less little - you are not any less valuable. There is always somebody out there for everybody. With age comes many struggles and while I haven't experienced these and I find it impossible to relate to these struggles I will say I am beyond amazed at how strong a large portion of our community is for dealing with these struggles that they face on a daily basis. 

 

I will also, however, note that many older littles take personal offense to the fact that Daddies or Mommies tend to prefer younger littles. This often leads to conflict within the community, and older littles can become (sorry that I have to say this) jealous of younger littles. It can create ugly scenarios and a lot of unnecessary hostility to the community and I have seen it happen. Not to mention Caregivers are often made out to be bad people for simply having a preference. This isn't fair.

 

When it comes to older daddies I don't find that they have as much of a hard time as older littles (for obvious reasons) but I will acknowledge that, like older littles, the feeling of being unwanted can also be overwhelming for them. Perhaps because when you age you feel more of a desire to find somebody and settle down it is even more of a panicked-overwhelming feeling that can be intensified as loneliness sets in. This is normal. Many people feel this way and it's why I think a lot more of the older community should get together and mingle, away from the younger side of the community - not in a disrespectful way to us younger people, just as a way to speak to others that can relate to your personal struggles and issues. 

 

Younger Littles / Daddies / Mommies

 

I am in this category of people, I am a younger little and let me tell you something - I have experienced discrimination due to it. I have been told that it is just a phase, which is obviously more common to call younger people out for going through phases. I have been told that I do not have the life experience and knowledge needed in order to fulfill my partners wants and desires and I have been told that I'm not a little, I'm simply still a child - due to my age. While none of this really phases me due to my thick skin and nonchalant nature I can see how it would effect other littles, specifically littles that don't have thick skin or are sensitive people. 

 

On the other hand, I have seen younger littles disrespect and shame older littles for simply being older. As though they're better simply because more people want them - which, to be honest, isn't necessarily something to be proud of. I think it's fair to say that there can be and is hostility on both ends of this whole thing. I have also seen younger littles use this community as a way to simply avoid their adult life altogether, while this is more popular with younger littles I can probably imagine it happens with older littles but it is definitely not as common. Younger littles can be enticed by the idea of having a daddy look after their every need and hold their hand through life to an almost unhealthy degree - and to a point I do agree this idealistic view may be caused by lack of life experience. 

 

When it comes to younger daddies (specifically Daddies, I haven't seen it so much with mommies) I find that a lot of older Daddies seem to disprove of them quickly and use that oh-so-beloved term of 'fake daddy' simply because they aren't old and somehow lack the experience that a Daddy seemingly needs. This causes younger Daddies to lose confidence, it makes them feel as though they can't be a part of this community purely because they can't fulfill the whole 'giant age gap' stereotype that a lot of people, even in our community, seem to believe is necessary in this dynamic; WHEN IT'S NOT.

 

Conclusion

 

I believe wholeheartedly that this community as a whole contributes to this problem we have. We all do things that can hurt others, that is detrimental to the well-being of others mental health without even realising it. Young or old. It's an issue that I've seen for a while now and one that I fear will create a division in our community. You are not a bad person for wanting a young little, or and old little - just like you're not a bad person for wanting a young caregiver or an old caregiver. We're all a part of this wonderful community and it's about time we just accept each other for how we are, despite our preferences, despite our ages (as long as we're 18+). That's the only way we avoid division and it's the only way we tackle the older littles/cgs feeling unwanted and the only way we tackle the younger ones feeling attacked. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a dumb kid at the end of the day.

 

 

[Little Illy]

Beautifully done. I was going to write a piece on this, but Im currently in the works of a Safe Words topic. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to write this - every word is true. Every little and CG is valid regardless of age, but this whole "us" vs "them" mentality is literally tearing our community apart. And its horrible to witness. I hope it stops soon.

[Frog]

I agree with the part about older daddies being overwhelmed by feeling unwanted. (I'm not actually a daddy, since I'm single.) I don't necessarily prefer younger, but many will immediately jump on that. We're accused of robbing the cradle, being "fake," told we're only in it for sex, and so on.

 

I've even seen it here, and this feels like the only possibly safe place for some of us. I've been turned down at other places solely because of my age. That's partly why I don't even actively seek a little anymore.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Frog

[DaddySweetDaddy]

I have been hurt in this community.  There have been two littles who have hung up on me and unfriended me with no explanation.  It made me feel unsafe here.  Things were going very nice, and this being a supposedly safe place to talk about kinks and sexual notions and feelings, all I did was ask, ask mind you, in the middle of a wonderful talk and connection, about a sexual feeling, and was shut out and down.  Why is that? Why can't intelligent articulate little's just say, ''no, lets not talk about that yet", or " I'm interested in exploring with you but......."and share what they're feeling? I mean, I am a true gentleman, but yes, a very sexual daddy and sometimes a vulnerable little boy too.  I don't get it. 

 

Just say what you feel, don't be rude. That's my message and feeling about being a relatively older daddy who is into younger littles and mommies who has had two bad experiences here. I've also met some wonderful littles and even though we didn't move forward into relationship, friendships have formed and beautiful things shared. 

[Antoinette]

I have been hurt in this community.  There have been two littles who have hung up on me and unfriended me with no explanation.  It made me feel unsafe here.  Things were going very nice, and this being a supposedly safe place to talk about kinks and sexual notions and feelings, all I did was ask, ask mind you, in the middle of a wonderful talk and connection, about a sexual feeling, and was shut out and down.  Why is that? Why can't intelligent articulate little's just say, ''no, lets not talk about that yet", or " I'm interested in exploring with you but......."and share what they're feeling? I mean, I am a true gentleman, but yes, a very sexual daddy and sometimes a vulnerable little boy too.  I don't get it. 

 

Just say what you feel, don't be rude. That's my message and feeling about being a relatively older daddy who is into younger littles and mommies who has had two bad experiences here. I've also met some wonderful littles and even though we didn't move forward into relationship, friendships have formed and beautiful things shared. 

 

The fact that your first paragraph is a reference to a conversation we engaged in via Skype which you took too far and made me feel uncomfortable is quite rude. I will not disclose what you said or how it made me feel, all I ask of you is that you stop mentioning it and don't act as though you are the victim in the situation because I made it clear to you that my desire was to get to know you as a person first rather than engage in that type of conversation or activity. 

[DaddySweetDaddy]

I will, and I'm sorry.  It did hurt though, I truly didn't mean to overstep.  I really enjoyed our talk and singing for you.  I just wish we could talk about it. Thanks for all the great stuff you talk about here, you're awesome for real.  I'll not mention it again. 

[Dr_Disco]

If it's happened twice, it may be time to consider a new way of approaching the subject of sexual kinks while you're still getting to know people. Sometimes it's best to just ask if you can talk about something like that before you do go into anything detailed. Sexual compatibility can be something you might feel tempted to ask about right away, but many littles feel nervous and uncomfortable talking about such things with people they've already been getting to know for a while, but especially with strangers.

 

As a(n older) Daddy, it is your responsibility to make your little (whether she is "yours", or just someone you are having a talk with) feel safe and comfortable, and if they are hanging up on you, it is because they do not feel safe continuing contact with you, and you absolutely MUST put their need to feel safe above your own ego. I know it's tough, and I know there's always the "it takes two sides to do -----" argument, but as the least vulnerable of the two in the conversation, you have to understand how many predators are out there trying to take advantage of young girls, and when a little hangs up it is for his/her own safety. And that's a good thing. It may not always be the right thing to step away (doesn't mean you are a predator) but its important to not make a little feel bad for protecting themseves as they are still growing and learning how to handle meeting new people online. As the more experienced one, you should work on trying to make it as easy and comfortable and safe as possible, even when things get tough.

 

I know that may have sounded harsh, but I hope you dont take what I wrote too tough, and even Daddies have things left to learn. Some of what I wrote may not apply to your situation but I hope it helps.

[damnstraightdaddydl]

I remember being a younger Daddy and searching for a little felt impossible. I was told on several occasions, by Littles, even younger than me at the time, that I was not old enough to be a real daddy. I tried making conversations on several websites but it was really difficult and strained, when I did get an answer back. However, with age, it has gotten a lot easier. I now know plenty of websites and places where I can find like-minded people. I have experimented and that means I know much better what I am into and looking for. The one thing I regret is that I didn't keep looking, or that I settled for someone 'not really' into the scene. To the younger Daddies out there, you are and will always be a Daddy, don't give up searching for your little one no matter what people say and remember that time is your friend. (the same goes for mommies and all CG's!)
 

[Guest McLeodLot65]

Beautifully written essay, and lots to think about.

[Guest SUeB]

To be honest you ask for less division whilst at the same time saying there ought to be more of one. You specifically say we should be kept apart. How should that lessen any perceived division? Kind of doing the opposite if you ask me. That's my first point on everything you've written. Another is that i haven't experienced the things you claim to be a common thing in the community. If you are 19, and make a point of saying it's only for adults (which is one thing i actually agree with, there is no such thing as underage ddlg), how much real time experience can you possibly have? A year maybe?

[Guest pacibrat]

This is a bit presumptuous. How do you know that younger littles are more popular? Is it because a few older littles have complained? I see younger littles here complaining about not being able to find a Daddy or Mommy all the time. I also see Daddies of all ages who can't find the right little. The bottom line is that it's hard to find someone within this kink if you're looking for someone close by. The older men who go for the barely legals.....well I'm not going to spell it out, but two plus two always equals four.

[Guest SUeB]

I have been hurt in this community.  There have been two littles who have hung up on me and unfriended me with no explanation.  It made me feel unsafe here.  Things were going very nice, and this being a supposedly safe place to talk about kinks and sexual notions and feelings, all I did was ask, ask mind you, in the middle of a wonderful talk and connection, about a sexual feeling, and was shut out and down.  Why is that? Why can't intelligent articulate little's just say, ''no, lets not talk about that yet", or " I'm interested in exploring with you but......."and share what they're feeling? I mean, I am a true gentleman, but yes, a very sexual daddy and sometimes a vulnerable little boy too.  I don't get it. 

 

Just say what you feel, don't be rude. That's my message and feeling about being a relatively older daddy who is into younger littles and mommies who has had two bad experiences here. I've also met some wonderful littles and even though we didn't move forward into relationship, friendships have formed and beautiful things shared.

 

Do you honestly feel it appropriate to air your dirty laundry here, actively targeting the OP? Whilst i pretty much disagree with almost everything she has written, i still find it abhorant that a so called "gentleman" would stoop so low. Very childish behaviour.

[DollDirector]

When you think about it,this debate about older or younger is a bit strange. For example,shouldn't "an older little" mean: a middle ?

 

But let's be realistic,everyone has preferences.

This being said,lucky people are people who beware of their own preferences; If you are searching for someone,every preference about biological age is one less chance of finding.

[Guest SUeB]

When you think about it,this debate about older or younger is a bit strange. For example,shouldn't "an older little" mean: a middle ?

 

 

No, an older little is someone of an older biological age, that identifies as an LG.

[Persephone_Persephone]

Lets cut to the chase, at age 19 you are in a totally different mind space to some of these so called 'older' people. That automatically doesn't mean you cant relate to mature littles.

You will attract certain people in life and as you mature you may realise attraction and value is much more to do with how compatible the people are not biological age.   I am hoping you can learn that it isnt a very friendly thing to do to put people into boxes due to age. Let alone suggesting older people are less preferable or envious of younger ones or have more problems due to ageing.

 

I would like to point out two things you have overlooked. One, there are many posts on this very site from younger members looking for advice. They are often answered logically by the more mature (and therefor lived alittle bit more) members. This creates variety and ive never seen much drama or 'ugly scenarios'. Repeatedly saying younger littles are more popular amongst daddies will probably rub alot of those mature members up the wrong way because its simply false. I recently found my daddy on here, I have had several other daddies too and I'm nearly 30 (getting to the old age you suggest).

 

And secondly, I see your in the Uk too. What you may not have realised is the ddlg communtiy goes way further then this website. There are events, munches and the national little/ageplay event and that is where a huge amount (including some littles from abroad) come to meet in a safe environment and play. Its organised and ran by 'older' littles and caregivers. Frankly because it takes alot of work, money, business savy and dedication the younger littles couldn't manage  (I know I was a 18yr old little myself once). You wouldn't have that facility if it wasnt for over 30s, 40's, 50's and indeed 60's yr olds who have worked to make that a reality. So suggesting the mature oldies are insecure about their age and attraction would probably get laughed at if you suggested it to them.

 

And one more thing...I'm 28, I don't fit the younger littles or the olders what about me. Should I just be a 'middle aged' little.

Sorry if this offends anyone but frankly this whole post seemed very unnecessary. The suggestion older people should go and 'mingle away from the youngers littles' is pretty offensive.

Maybe you were trying to open a discussion by on one hand saying we should involve everyone then pretty much told mature people to go away.

[Littlemolly]

^^^^ this!!!

[Persephone_Persephone]

^^^^ this!!!

It's funny because the 'older' daddies and littles I know felt they should retire to a cave somewhere as they were clearly past it, ugly and apparently jealous after reading this thread.

I'm not quite ancient yet but I'm certainly past my sell by date at 28 lol.

[Littlemolly]

I'm a new little and im 31, i couldn't disagree more with the OP. Best way to get everyones back up and cteate a divide is to have an attitude like the OP.

And no way are you past your sell by date dont be silly xx

[Guest SUeB]

Yep, as a 46 year old with a Daddy in His late sixties, i could have said a LOT more here than i did. But I guess that's one good thing about maturity sometimes, lol.

[Guest SUeB]

It's funny because the 'older' daddies and littles I know felt they should retire to a cave somewhere as they were clearly past it, ugly and apparently jealous after reading this thread.

I'm not quite ancient yet but I'm certainly past my sell by date at 28 lol.

Hey, don't worry. You can borrow my zimmer frame

[Persephone_Persephone]

Nice to meet you LittleMolly! It's normally pretty nice on with some good members Ive got to know.

I just feel like it isnt really an issue. Ive been to some lovely events and never heard such utter twaddle.

And yes...I may have been alittle sarcastic I'm in no way past my sell by date!

Lovely profile pic by the way hope you find what you are looking for on here!

[Persephone_Persephone]

Hey, don't worry. You can borrow my zimmer frame

Hahaha Oh good plan that way we can shuffle off to mingle with the other OAPs

[Guest SUeB]

Hahaha Oh good plan that way we can shuffle off to mingle with the other OAPs

Oh i dunno, at my age it's a wonder i lasted this long. But i will certainly leave it to you in my will. It's a cute one, got little pink socks on each of the feet! Wait, you're under 35. Should we be even talking to each other?

[Persephone_Persephone]

Hang on hang on! The question is are the pink little socks non-slip? Because you know about my dodgy knee, one fast shuffle and I'm ringing for life support.

 

Hmm well I am a rebel. So yes tell me more!

[Guest SUeB]

Oh crap, so THATS why i keep falling on my backside! Non slip socks now on the shopping list! Who knew? Thought it was my wizzened old joints and brittle bones refusing to keep me upright. Feel a bit better now! Edited October 18, 2017 by SUeB