Dealing with a shy little

[Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy]

Hello all. Both me and my little girl are new to the whole bdsm scene. I've always had a kink in my character and I was taking care of her even when we where vanilla so ddlg seemed a natural fit. So far it's going relatively well but I'm struggling to figure out rules for her. What she really struggles with is shyness. I mean she's beyond introverted. As cute and endearing as i find it, it feels like she's holding herself back from experiencing life and I really want to get her out of her shell without changing the girl i fell in love with and got engaged to. I mean that would be the complete opposite of what i want to achieve. I love the little cutie pie to bits and i want the rest of my family and friends to see and understand why... So any ideas/advice on rules i can set up in this regard? Or am i wrong?

[AliciaCrunk]

Well maybe a daddy would be more fit to answer and i was very introverted myself almost agoraphobic. I took myself to places i adore like build a bear and Dave and busters. And also i could not have done it without therapy

[Nymph]

If the main problem is you wish she could connect with your friends and family, that will happen over time. I am sure if she is as shy as you say it took her a while to feel comfortable around you... and you guys are engaged so she has a lifetime to get used to the other people in your life!

 

Trying to rush things will just make her feel more shy, don't put any pressure on her. If you find it endearing, what is the problem then?

 

Is there any "life experience" you want her to particularly have? is it with you? is it alone? are you sure she wants to at all? sometimes shy littles have trouble admitting they don't want to do something. All you can really do is be there for her when she wants to try in case she needs your support and respect her choice if she ever says no to anything.

[Untwisted]

Is she bothered by it do you think?  Does she wish she was more outgoing, or is she happy the way she is (or does she not want to talk about it)?

 

The only way to conquer shyness is to face it and win little battles (speaking as a professional introvert).

 

But small steps.  Bringing her to a big family party to meet everyone is probably her worst nightmare.  If there's some activity she enjoys, maybe invite one or two friends or family along so she's in her comfort zone and feels a little more in control. 

 

[Guest infinitecases]

Introducing her one on one to each person of your friends/family will be a lot less intimidating than bringing them all at once. I tend to clam up when there's large groups of people and I don't think it helps if you seem very happy and outgoing with them whilst she is there feeling very alone in a crowd. Once she's gotten to know most of them in smaller groups, she'll be more happy when she meets them altogether! 

 

If you love her shyness, then mostly leave her be. Asking her to change to become confident may indeed change her in some ways but it varies on each person and what their idea of confidence is. I'm sure she'll always be the person you got engaged to, just more willing to be the person she's always wanted to be! 

[Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy]

Is she bothered by it do you think?  Does she wish she was more outgoing, or is she happy the way she is (or does she not want to talk about it)?

 

The only way to conquer shyness is to face it and win little battles (speaking as a professional introvert).

 

But small steps.  Bringing her to a big family party to meet everyone is probably her worst nightmare.  If there's some activity she enjoys, maybe invite one or two friends or family along so she's in her comfort zone and feels a little more in control.

 

Well I guess i have to clarify a few points. We've been together for 5 years now. Engaged for a year and a few months and slowly inching into ddlg for about a year. This was a problem even when we we're strictly vanilla.

And yes it is a problem for her, she wants to become more socially involved and take part and so on but the problem I'm having is helping her to achieve that without over pressuring her and becoming a dick about it.

Pressure without force basically

[Untwisted]

So, she's an introvert and while there's nothing wrong with that, in a world where the extroverts are the ones that everyone notices, it's easy to feel awkward and uncomfortable, which in turn makes it feel more difficult to join in.

Been there, still there, a major personality change isn't on the cards and you've got to accept that she's unlikely to radically change.  The thing to overcome is feeling bad about it and the fear of interaction that comes from that; going from being the awkward self-conscious one to being the cool quiet one isn't going to happen overnight.

She needs understanding and reassurance from you.  Certainly encourage some social activities but keep it low-pressure and don't let her feel abandoned but at the same time don't drag her into the middle of every conversation if she needs some space.  There are plenty of articles etc around if you google introvert vs extrovert, which will give you a bit of insight.

Have a look at the test at https://www.16personalities.com/, see how you both compare.

And to sum it up, check out

 

[lavenderxdoll]

If she's really shy then I would tell your family and friends so they don't think she's being rude. If they know then they might make more of an effort than normal to talk to her. When she meets someone new, make sure you tell her that they liked her and tell her if they say anything nice about her (but don't lie). This will encourage her to meet more people. 

 

You may not be able to change her shyness though. 

[Guest dadBADDY]

im a big believer in positive self talk, affirmations, incantations, etc.. something i always do with myself... maybe you two can take five or ten minutes a day and sit together and say nice things about each other and about yourselves... like 'i love for who you are... you are strong and outgoing and lovable... i adore your personality... you make me want to love you every day' and have her say things like 'i am confident.. i am outgoing... people love being around me'... whatever it is you're both comfortable trying to improve. Its okay that it might not be true now, but repeating things like this every day will eventually make incremental changes and even the smallest victories are worth it. just be sure she wants to first. forcing someone to do something they dont want to do will only create a divide. And this should be not only about helping her get over her insecurities, but also about bringing you two closer together by sharing in it.