my daddy embarrassed me :(

[lil.bun.bun]

i really need some advice. a few nights ago i guess i did something that daddy didn't like. he didn't tell me at the time of the behaviour that he was put off by it. he brought it up the next day, but in a shamey way. he was actually kind of mean about it and i'm so embarrassed now. i felt immediately embarrassed when he was talking about it, but I still feel embarrassed and it's been a few days.

 

i want to talk about it with him, but at the same time i want to run away and hide forever and pretend like it never happened. i'm so confused! it definitely has impacted our playtime because now i'm constantly thinking about it, focussing on making sure I don't do that again (even though I've done it before sometimes and it never was a bad thing, or even a thing at all.. daddy never said anything about it before- good or bad). Also, now im so focussed on any of my behaviours, most of which happen in the "heat of the moment" - im so scared now to do anything that daddy hates and will make him mad. Although, he didn't seem mad, just turned off (I guess) and really mean about how he expressed himself.

 

I need some help. I don't know how to bring up a conversation about it, or if I even want to I don't want to feel so embarrassed about it all forever though.

[Antoinette]

Have an adult conversation about it. It's not fair that he brought it up in a mean way, he should've said it in a kinder manner. If it was something he didn't enjoy he should have expressed that as an adult, not in a childish way - that's not fair to you. Express how that made you feel, how it's currently making you feel. It's unfair of him to do that to you, to make you feel like that. 

[plumflower]

I agree with Antoinette. You gotta talk with Daddy. You can have the conversation in your big space or your little space or both depending on your Daddy.  With my Daddy, I am able to slip in and out of my big and little spaces as well as my other spaces and the conversation remains the same, meaning he takes me serious no matter what. Sometimes it's easier for me to explain my feelings to him as his little than as big me.

One thing you should also ask about is if Daddy likes to embarrass you and if he doe what he means or intends by it. my Daddy embarrasses me a lot but I know now, that it's his way of showing me that he is paying attention to me and he has apologized when it's too much and too far.

 

Good luck.

[DollDirector]

There might be an orange flag here. Self-esteem is something essential. 

Should this sort of situation where you are wary of not being a good girl when you never can predict what is going to be considered good,become common I would call it manipulation ...

[Sweetstix]

There is defiantly a breakdown of communication in this instance on both sides; the lack of communication and inconsistent verbal expectations on your Daddy's end, and your fear of talking about it. 
Fear is a barrier that creates immense levels of ineffective communication. Regardless of if you recognize it or not; you are communicating. Only 7% of communication that you share is verbal, and your Daddy is defiantly picking up on the tension. Attempt to clear the air and effectively communicate as adults. Try not to use 'you statements'. We tell the person what they did or didn’t do, whether it was right or wrong or what he should or shouldn’t be doing. Such statements, more often than not sound like accusations and blame.

 

(Example)

"You hurt my feelings"  

Instead use the phrase
"I feel like my feelings were hurt."

Get in touch with your emotions and share them. They are valid and should not be dismissed.

[littlefae]

On 8/16/2017 at 6:07 PM, Sweetstix said:

There is defiantly a breakdown of communication in this instance on both sides; the lack of communication and inconsistent verbal expectations on your Daddy's end, and your fear of talking about it. 
Fear is a barrier that creates immense levels of ineffective communication. Regardless of if you recognize it or not; you are communicating. Only 7% of communication that you share is verbal, and your Daddy is defiantly picking up on the tension. Attempt to clear the air and effectively communicate as adults. Try not to use 'you statements'. We tell the person what they did or didn’t do, whether it was right or wrong or what he should or shouldn’t be doing. Such statements, more often than not sound like accusations and blame.

 

(Example)

"You hurt my feelings"  

Instead use the phrase
"I feel like my feelings were hurt."

Get in touch with your emotions and share them. They are valid and should not be dismissed.

More so “my feelings were hurt” because she’s doesn’t FEEL like there were. they were hurt.

[Erasmeus71]

One of the reasons as a Daddy. I would want feelings given. Whether it is in verbal or in in writing. One of the reasons I would I like the idea of letting the little take there time processing there emotions, words and put it in writing especially if they have trouble getting the words out. However that is up to you. I personally would not give up a journal to a psych as I don't trust them. Given your thoughts of what you want, needs and feelings is just one way to do it. Yes I know some would not want to write. I don't like to either. How does one suppose to get those thoughts from one head if you just look at you.

[MasterPhotog]

On 8/12/2017 at 10:42 AM, lil.bun.bun said:

i really need some advice. a few nights ago i guess i did something that daddy didn't like. he didn't tell me at the time of the behaviour that he was put off by it. he brought it up the next day, but in a shamey way. he was actually kind of mean about it and i'm so embarrassed now. i felt immediately embarrassed when he was talking about it, but I still feel embarrassed and it's been a few days.

 

i want to talk about it with him, but at the same time i want to run away and hide forever and pretend like it never happened. i'm so confused! it definitely has impacted our playtime because now i'm constantly thinking about it, focussing on making sure I don't do that again (even though I've done it before sometimes and it never was a bad thing, or even a thing at all.. daddy never said anything about it before- good or bad). Also, now im so focussed on any of my behaviours, most of which happen in the "heat of the moment" - im so scared now to do anything that daddy hates and will make him mad. Although, he didn't seem mad, just turned off (I guess) and really mean about how he expressed himself.

 

I need some help. I don't know how to bring up a conversation about it, or if I even want to I don't want to feel so embarrassed about it all forever though.

 

It's sad that your daddy chose to embarrass you instead of helping you learn to do better in future. 
Since you're not the one at fault here, there's no point in blaming yourself for it. Instead it's best to communicate with an open mind to avoid such situations from happening in the future. 
It's also a good idea to not play the blame game, but to simply state how his action made you feel. Keep in mind that while your goal is to avoid this situation from happening in future and is not to make him feel bad or apologize to you. 
If you're not comfortable talking about it verbally, it may be a good idea to send him a short text stating that there's something on your mind that you would like to discuss when it's a good time for both of you. 
While you discuss this matter, it may be a good idea to sit on a park bench to have a change of environment and be sure to not let your emotions come in the way, keep your voice friendly and polite. 
Best of luck!

[littlefae]

11 hours ago, MasterPhotog said:

 

It's sad that your daddy chose to embarrass you instead of helping you learn to do better in future. 
Since you're not the one at fault here, there's no point in blaming yourself for it. Instead it's best to communicate with an open mind to avoid such situations from happening in the future. 
It's also a good idea to not play the blame game, but to simply state how his action made you feel. Keep in mind that while your goal is to avoid this situation from happening in future and is not to make him feel bad or apologize to you. 
If you're not comfortable talking about it verbally, it may be a good idea to send him a short text stating that there's something on your mind that you would like to discuss when it's a good time for both of you. 
While you discuss this matter, it may be a good idea to sit on a park bench to have a change of environment and be sure to not let your emotions come in the way, keep your voice friendly and polite. 
Best of luck!

i guess i’m having some trouble understanding why everyone is asking her not to play the blame game but also saying it isn’t her fault. that seems like contradictory advice. it’s not the blame game if he is at fault, and he should be mature enough to own that. 

edit: I now see this is an old thread! I don't know why it popped up for me.

Edited April 1, 2023 by littlefae

[MasterPhotog]

4 hours ago, littlefae said:

i guess i’m having some trouble understanding why everyone is asking her not to play the blame game but also saying it isn’t her fault. that seems like contradictory advice. it’s not the blame game if he is at fault, and he should be mature enough to own that. 

 

Yes, we all know he is at fault here and it's definitely not her. However, in order to learn from this experience, make their relationship stronger and to avoid such a similar situation from happening, it's best to not play the blame game.
On the other hand, blaming each other may possibly win the argument of who is at fault, but sadly may not be helpful in the long run. Hope it makes some sense now. 

[littlefae]

2 minutes ago, MasterPhotog said:

 

Yes, we all know he is at fault here and it's definitely not her. However, in order to learn from this experience, make their relationship stronger and to avoid such a similar situation from happening, it's best to not play the blame game.
On the other hand, blaming each other may possibly win the argument of who is at fault, but sadly may not be helpful in the long run. Hope it makes some sense now. 

I believe a mature person accepts blame where blame is due. Sometimes we are at fault and to me its a given that when you are at fault within a relationship, you work on resolving the issues in order to repair in the long run. I'm personally hesitant whenever I see someone who has been hurt being asked not to "play the blame game" because it sounds a bit like blaming her and assuming she's immature. Why shouldn't she point out that he is at fault? He's the one who behaved immaturely. It puts a lot of focus on her behavior when there are two people within the relationship. And in my opinion, for him, accepting responsibility for his actions is the most helpful action for the long run. Perhaps I'm reading it incorrectly but to me it feels as if she's being asked to accept responsibility for HIS actions. 

[littlefae]

12 hours ago, MasterPhotog said:

 

 Keep in mind that while your goal is to avoid this situation from happening in future and is not to make him feel bad or apologize to you. 
 

Again, why shouldn't he apologize to her?

[Erasmeus71]

It seems like she feels like she did something wrong. Then the Daddy embarrassed her which is wrong. We still don't have all the story. As my Grandmother said. "The key to the relationship is to talk to each other. However if one does not talk the relationship breaks down." It was why I had a Uncle divorced three times.

Edited April 2, 2023 by Erasmeus71

[beanbean]

.Talk to him communication is the most important thing .make clear ground rules about everything. Even though you did what ever you need to make it clear shutting down is not the way to go as that does not help either of you . Maybe you should agree to talk about things right away some people holding things in can be very bad and you can build up frustration and not get your message across