ddlg shame

[little_n]

My husband has accepted my kink and has taken on the role of daddy dom. It has been a gradual process but now we are at the point where I should really be opening up more but i am finding that i am still uncomfortable. I am not sure how to deal with these feelings i have that my sexuality is shameful and i feel so guilty for being this way still even though my husband has embraced it and said its ok. Has anyone else battled with themselves like this? I find it hard to just relax and enjoy things because i find it hard to accept myself. I often think that my sexuality is much 'worse' than other peoples even though that probably isn't true.

 

 

[tiemeupwithyourlove]

I suggest you talk with a professional. Why do you feel like your sexuality is shameful? Try to nest into the question. This is basically what happens when I get a "sub drop". I start thinking about what I'm doing and how wrong it is. And then my Daddy just rub my back until I realize that nothing that feels this good can be bad and that I don't give a shit about what others think. I don't think it's going to be that easy for you, but I think it's worth thinking about. And you might want to remember that there are people who gets turned on by things that are illegal; pets, children and dead people. 

[Xia]

I haven't particularly struggling with DDlg, but we all experience shame at some point, and I'm sorry you're having troubles. ><

I hope you can learn to accept it.

Also, I guarantee your sexuality isn't much worse than others, in private everyone has their own things, and once you can accept it, you'll see that.

 

I know my post isn't much help, but I just wanted you to know, that we all have a "weird" side and that it can get better.

[The Perennial Princess]

I've actually wanted to write up a post for a very long time on tumblr that addresses the amount of kink-shaming ddlg receives in general. This thread makes me want to so do all the more. There's nothing wrong with you.  Everyone has their own preferences and desires and so long as you aren't harming another individual, who cares how you live your life? If what you do brings happiness to yourself and your lover then that's all that matters. There is no set way that we must operate and our likes are entirely our own. Don't invalidate yourself for the sake of someone else and don't tell yourself that what you are doing is wrong when your pursuits are in many ways, purer than a lot of the fetishisms out there.  If more adults were in touch with their childlike innocence, this world would probably be a better place. 

[MrBonesWildRide]

I've actually wanted to write up a post for a very long time on tumblr that addresses the amount of kink-shaming ddlg receives in general.

 

I'm telling you right now that you're not going to get much luck out of that. While I'm all for the supporting of this lifestyle within our community, expecting people to accept it otherwise is a losing battle. The fact that this community skates a fine line with actual pedos and already has to deal with Daddy Doms who completely shit on our ideals on Tumblr and make the entire community look bad, it just doesn't look like our community is going to actually garner much support.

[The Perennial Princess]

I'm telling you right now that you're not going to get much luck out of that. While I'm all for the supporting of this lifestyle within our community, expecting people to accept it otherwise is a losing battle. The fact that this community skates a fine line with actual pedos and already has to deal with Daddy Doms who completely shit on our ideals on Tumblr and make the entire community look bad, it just doesn't look like our community is going to actually garner much support.

 

I'm pretty indifferent to the opinions of others. I would like to make it for myself. I wanted to explore my own origins in the post itself. Whether someone approves or disapproves of the content is their prerogative. I would like to do it for the followers who could garner some insights and validation, if possible. I'm not interested in changing anyone but in navigating my own belief systems and pulling in others for the ride if they are so interested. I don't expect anything from anyone.

[MrBonesWildRide]

I'm pretty indifferent to the opinions of others. I would like to make it for myself.

 

Your exact words were that you wanted to address "the amount of kink-shaming ddlg receives in general". If you don't care about their opinions, then you wouldn't need to address "kink-shaming". But to each their own.

[The Perennial Princess]

Your exact words were that you wanted to address "the amount of kink-shaming ddlg receives in general". If you don't care about their opinions, then you wouldn't need to address "kink-shaming". But to each their own.

 

I suppose I should have worded it better for your approval. My sincere apologies. I'm interested in being my own soapbox, addressing public opinion but not in such a way that I seek validation, or any sort of concrete response. If I receive backlash, which I doubt since my blog is pretty small, so be it. Thanks for the input. 

[DelilahDream]

I can relate to this sooo sooo much. Hell, for a long time I was even ashamed to admit I liked the idea of calling my romantic partner "Daddy" in bed which honestly, is almost a vanilla thing. Haha. Let alone ever admit I was interested in DD/lg. I was terrified when I opened up to Daddy about this dynamic. I thought for sure he'd think I was some kind of freak. But no, he totally went for it. I still have trouble asking to try things for fear he'll be disgusted, appalled, freaked out, etc etc. He literally never is though. Even if it's not something he's interested in he never makes me feel "wrong" for wondering about it. That helps a ton. But something else that helps too, I keep a journal. I'm so much more brave when I'm writing than I am speaking in person. So I write things down and Daddy reads them regularly. We do this for lots of things I'm scared to talk about. He reads everything and then we discuss it after. It's already out there by then so I don't have to be fearful of his reaction and we can just discuss it like adults. You might try that.

[DaddyJsPrincess]

I was ashamed for a really long time. my first really serious relationship thought I was sick because of it. He was a fairly submissive and also vanilla guy so I shouldn't have been that surprised but his disgust was so strong that I kept that piece of me hidden for the following 8 years. It took Daddy close to two months to convince me that he didn't think I was sick or pathetic for wanting what I want. Heck I still have a hard time believing how lucky I am that it interests him enough to want to be my 24/7 Daddy. But I'm definitely not ashamed anymore. At least not around him or around you guys

[Guest curious-babydoll]

I feel like a lot of my shame with this has to deal with the fact that I've been told by multiple therapists and other mental health professionals that this is not safe or healthy for me and that I am sexualizing my trauma and reliving it/ fetishizing it through ddlg and abdl. Without listening to my side or even considering that this has helped me heal so much. I was outed to multiple therapists by my mother (who found out by completely invading my privacy and has lost all trust from me) and telling them stuff she's found online about ddlg and abdl (which was pretty much that I am fantasizing all this with my bio dad who abused me) my therapist told me I am just transferring everything with my dad as reliving it through Papa... He won't listen to me or any of the research I've done or anything. I'm excited to switch therapists... Sorry this was long

[olithecupcake]

I feel a lot of shame about being a little sometimes. I just feel like it's weird and abnormal and people wouldn't like me if they knew about it. But I've always been childish. It's not much different really. I'm not in a relationship with anyone so it's just being little by myself. Still, I can't help but feel really ashamed sometimes. I actually just saw some really horrible things about ddlg on tumblr just now and I almost responded but I'm feeling super anxious and upset and I know I shouldn't let other people's ignorant opinions affect me so much but it's hard. We're not pedophiles or hurting anyone, we're just trying to be ourselves and be happy. I don't see why that's so wrong.

[tentativelolita]

I'm super ashamed of it. I just told my bf last night and he said we'll try it but he doesn't seem super into it. Maybe he will become more into it as we go along and it'll make me feel less ashamed

[boondoggle]

Shame can be a vicious beast. However, it can be conquered. Usually it takes time and lots of baby-steps to get there.

 

I like humiliation. A lot. It's one of my biggest turn-ons. Because of this, I've thought a lot about where it comes from and how we interact with it. Shame is humiliation's evil twin. While humiliation stems from the feeling that someone else will look down their nose at you because of what you did, shame internalizes that so that someone isn't looking down on you because of what you did, but because of who you are: someone who likes that thing you did. And the basis for all of that judging comes from societal standards.

 

To help illustrate this, I like to use the example of an adult woman wetting her panties while sitting on the grass in a park. I think everyone would agree that there is nothing inherently bad or harmful about that action. However, most women in that situation would feel incredibly embarrassed by doing so. This, in my view, is because she would be afraid of other people seeing her and causing her to lose social status. Now, if I'm the one making her wet her panties, she's probably going to feel humiliation. This feeling comes from the fact that I have the power over her to impose that embarrassing situation upon her.

 

Now, lets assume she gets sexual pleasure from the humiliation of being made to wet herself in public. That pleasure may also cause her to feel shame. The shame comes from an internalized belief (that she was taught by society) that she "shouldn't" enjoy having someone else leverage their power to make her feel degraded.

 

The best way I've found to fight unwanted shame is to engage in the activities that cause it, but in a limited, controlled fashion where you can still feel self-confident and self-assured that what you're doing isn't causing any harm. Because, if no one is getting hurt, who is society to say that you "shouldn't" do that thing you enjoy?

[SargeantCuddles]

I was ashamed for a while until found out about the community ad what my love for diapers and such was called. A professional would help.  

[babygirl12]

I do still feel shame a bit about it. Seeing as so many men don't really understand it. Many don't understand the full depth of ddlg. And I have to hide this part of myself  from my husband who would never understand. 

 

So I try to find subtle to be myself. Big enough to feel good but subtle enough that non ddlg people wouldn't be able to tell. 

 

l feel a bit of shame because its confused with pedophilia and molestation. Its sometimes hard to embrace that part of myself without feeling bad.