Punishments when little is sad?

[jakooluo]

Hello my little sometimes does not listen to my instructions and I have to apply punishments. I try to apply even more harsh punishments since it's summer break and we are in our hometowns and she tends to be more disobedient when we are far away from each other.

 

My little also gets sad now and then, but at the same time she becomes disobedient too, what can I do at situations like these? In one hand I want to show her that she can't do whatever she likes and there are rules but on the other hand she is sad and I want to take care of. This happens frequently and I always give in and I try to see what's wrong, which is why i think she does not always listen to me.

 

any opinions/advices on what to do in situations like these? 

[Antoinette]

You do provide adequate aftercare, correct? I hope so. 

 

If she's becoming sad and plays out more because of her sadness perhaps lack of attention is the reason she's acting out. She may just want some attention. But, also I find that if a little is sad they're going to have a tougher time following through with rules and the punishments may even just make them sadder. I think you just need to discuss this with her. Ask her what's wrong/if she's okay, why she's being so disobedient. But, have the discussion as adults not as daddy to little - that's important. 

[Little Illy]

In my opinion - as a little is frequently disobedient (I don't mean to...) as well as one who has depression - I think you need to remain firm, but gentle at the same time. Keep the rules and punish as previously agreed upon, but do so in a gentle tone and over explain the process. 

 

You: Sweetheart, you know you broke the rules. I know you aren't feeling good right now, so I am going to help you through this, okay? We are doing this together, but you have to deal with your punishment. Daddy is here for you, but I can't let you keep acting out. So lets get this pesky punishment out of the way and then we can cuddle.

 

You: *Administer punishment* Baby girl I am only doing this because you misbehaved. Daddy loves you very much. You are doing very well. Just remember, if you don't break the rules, Daddy doesn't have to punish you. Good girl, almost done.

 

You: Sweetheart you did so well. I am so proud of you. I know that wasn't fun, but Daddy is here. *all the after care and all of the reassurance possible*

 

You can even downplay the punishments - instead of writing 20 lines, let her only write 5-10. Instead of spankings, maybe just a quick time out. Instead of a time out, maybe just no tv for a bit. Make the punishments less, but still there so she knows you are firm.

 

This way you are able to put your foot down, but at the same time you are reassuring her constantly. Sometimes you really need to treat a little, well like a little kid. Explain over and over in a gentle tone why you are being strict, but at the same time reassure that you still love her and that she is being a very good girl for handling her punishment like a big girl. 

 

Sometimes you may need to be a bit more strict depending on the level of disobedience, but during the punishment be just as "present" so she knows you are with her. And after the punish ask her - "Baby girl, do you know why you snapped at Daddy like that? I know you don't feel well, do you know why you are feeling icky? How can Daddy help?" This allows you to be the firm Daddy all littles needs as well as be there for her and help her work through her problems.

 

Those are just my thoughts on what would work for me - but every little is different, obviously. Hopefully it helped a bit. Good luck to both of you!

Edited August 11, 2017 by LittleBree

[Guest StonerBaby]

Maybe a change in vocabulary might help her...I know I get scared n sad when I'm told I'm being punished but I learn from discipline... Punishment is just to make you feel bad for what you've done wrong..discipline is to help you see why the way your behaving is unacceptable... And something I found that helps me know the difference is when I'm asked if I understand what I did and why I'm behaving that way..its hard to answer n make the words come out so try to be patient n talk it out with her...the stern voice helps a lot too..not yelling cuz thats scary..just that tone that let's her know your serious Edited August 12, 2017 by StonerBaby

[Sweetstix]

It sounds like there may be underlining issues here. Have you asked her and communicated what she is feeling? Do not take the effects of proper communication and understanding lightly. Ask yourself "Am I understanding, or am I listening?"

Sometimes it may take a few different ways to say it until there is actual understanding. Be patient. At low points; even people who are well have a hard time describing emotions and knowing what they need.
As patriotic princess said; aftercare is vital, even after an emotional exchange. There are usually strong emotions when punishment is unavoidable and if there is an underlying issue, it may be contributing to some blue feelings.
And yes, I totally agree, you must have a conversation as adults.
There is a possibly It may not be something you are doing; it may be something she is personally going though.
As a medical provider I also want to include, you may want to rule out a chemical imbalance (such as depression) as well. if these 'sad spells' are becoming more frequent or intense, that may be a place to explore if things are not improving.
And if it is something you can perhaps influence, talk it out. Hug it out. and love one another. Sometimes a good hug makes all the difference.

Best wishes.

Edited August 16, 2017 by Sweetstix