Rules for Self Destructive Habits

[BakedPotato]

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Hi you guys! I've been reading whole bunch of peoples rules they and their little have made together. Among these, I've noticed some people have listed things similar to:

 

no self harm

no drinking

no drugs

etc

 

While these are lists both people agree on, I can't help but question if those are healthy to put on the list. Rules are made to have punishments. However, self destructive habits really kinda are a punishment in themselves. I feel it makes more sense to have a rule listed as if you do any of those bad things, you must tell daddy/mommy/cg/little. What do you guys think? I myself have issues with self harm, sometimes drinking emotionally, and different other types of self harm. I myself feel that being punished for those things will only make things worse. I already feel awful and like a failure. If I were punished for it, I would more than likely feel worse and do it again to cope with that. I'm kinda making this post so I can see other peoples opinions on this, and also to bring attention to caregivers who may not be used to littles who do these things. It might help give more of a perspective that these self destructive things cant just go away by telling someone they aren't allowed to do it. This is a much deeper issue that cant be fixed by simply someone loving them and asking them to stop. Unfortunately.

 

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What are some good rules to have that aren't just "don't do it."?

 

 

 

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[Guest Princessaj]

What a wonderful question. Thank you for making me really take a think.

 

Ok, me, self destructive/self harm...I am a type 2 diabetic

 

Rule: Eating ice cream is allowed twice a month.

 

If I eat sugar/carbs above the amount allowed...I am hurting myself. I break the rule, I am punishing myself.

 

BUT, if Daddy and I agreed that this is a rule for MY GOOD, what is the punishment? A punishment for MY GOOD.

 

The next month, I only get ice cream once.

 

Daddy/Mummy/CG is/are in our lives for OUR GOOD.

 

Consider making and agreeing to rules and punishments for YOUR GOOD. Hugs!

[Antoinette]

A lot of times I feel like when a little breaks a rule it hurts the little almost as much as or more than the daddy. The self-destructive habit doesn't have to be punished necessarily, or at least not in the same way 'eating too much candy' would be punished. It's more so about the knowledge that breaking said rule will really disappoint your cg; and for me if the rule is there it's almost like a constant reaffirmation that your cg doesn't want you to do that - that somebody cares.

[BakedPotato]

A lot of times I feel like when a little breaks a rule it hurts the little almost as much as or more than the daddy. The self-destructive habit doesn't have to be punished necessarily, or at least not in the same way 'eating too much candy' would be punished. It's more so about the knowledge that breaking said rule will really disappoint your cg; and for me if the rule is there it's almost like a constant reaffirmation that your cg doesn't want you to do that - that somebody cares.

That's the part that does help me is knowing my daddy cares and to try not to disappoint him. Sometimes though, it seems like a burden, like I'm not doing it for myself. Which is in a way unhealthy. >×< It's a difficult topic. Especially when a cg doesnt really understand self harm. Though making daddy proud of me does motivate me. ^^

[WildChild]

BOTH OF THESE. SO. FRICKIN'. IMPORTANT.

 

If your Little or CG has problems with destructive tendencies you need to talk about it and cuddle/comfort them. Just be there for them. Always. Hold onto them and love them when they feel they are unworthy of any love. You need to watch carefully without being overbearing, because there are some of us who try to hide what they feel, so you have to be carefully attuned to there emotional/physical health. And don't you EVER brush them off or say that what they're going through is nothing.

 

If they want to sit in the dark and listen to sad music, you need to get them outside or with their friends, and listening to music that always helps cheer them up. And not just those things, where these issues are concerned, as Gandalf said, it truly is the little things that help keep the darkness at bay.

 

Tell them how much you care about them at every opportunity, tell them that they're perfect, that they mean the world to you. Always show love and affection to them. Be understanding, patient and kind.

[Guest infinitecases]

I feel the same - when I do something wrong that is breaking a rule, I end up going to a state worse than I was in and punishing myself. Having a daddy really doesn't fix any or all of the problems but it would help lots if they understood it more. The only problem is they're trying to make the rule for your own good and when you break it accidentally, you feel so bad, you end up just breaking it again by feeling worse about yourself.