New daddy... advice for feeling appreciated etc

[Learning]

Hi any and everyone,

 

Brand new here, made an account specifically because I really needed some sort of advice/help with this as it's weighing on me emotionally at the moment.

Basically I am also fresh to dd/lg or any bdsm for that matter, and an really enjoying the learning experience, all the subtle intricacies and to be honest loving how what I at first thought was just purely a sexual/kink sort of thing can genuinely be much more than that.

 

The trouble I am having is I have been talking online with a girl that as naive as it sounds, is truly in a 'dreamgirl' tier for me... suffice to say we have a number of things in common, politically radical perspectives being key... so even that alone, paired with her interests in dd//lg puts her in a rarified air for me!

 

To cut to the chase, when we talk It makes me very happy, and she insists the same for her... I think about her constantly, she would have be believe she is the same... and we both have expressed love for each other.

What I am feeling though is that I am sort of being neglected? Like for example a while ago, no sooner had I come online (facebook) she would jump to talk with me then I had to start all the conversations... then she replied slower... sometimes taking days... now I might like her post/s, tag her in something... right to her all with no response, all the while she is online.... but then all of a sudden we will talk, and as much as it hurts me and I don't appreciate her behaviour, I don't want to chance losing her so I just sort of tolerate her..?

 

So frankly I am confused, I honestly believe she cares for me... but I am not sure I trust that.... to be honest if it wasn't this girl I would probably have distanced myself...

I am happy to be the nurturing daddy (that probably comes more naturally than the more dominant daddy), and so I want to pamper her and let her know she affects me, but for me it is very important to feel appreciated, acknowledged, that even is she is busy or anything.... What I did mattered.

 

So if anyone has read this, I really appreciate that!

 

 

[PineappleKitten]

Have you talked to her about how you feel? Have you asked her if anything is going on lately? It could be any number of things, but the only advice any of us can truly give that will work is for you to communicate. Every relationship, especially one like this based on trust, needs communication to work. It's a very basic part of any successful relationship. Edited August 6, 2017 by PineappleKitten

[Guest Mittens]

Alright, So from my experience, the first thing you should do is see if everything is alright. Confront her about it calmly, identify the problems and tell her you don't want to break up and reassure her. If she says nothing is wrong, be inquisitive and always make sure to ask "Is there something i can do for you" Basically offer up something you can do to make her day better, to make her happier. After days weeks months it can have an effect and she might become happier and try to do it back as well. Give it time and patience, and don't stop reassuring her you love her.

[Learning]

First off thanks again for the replies..

 

Yeah I mean I knew/know that communication is ultimately both the problem and solution here... I suppose it was more how then to go about approaching this matter....how to communicate it...

 

I am aware that of course a daddy needs to feel and be appreciated in the relationship, but of course it is also sort of more difficult to address. I don't want to come across as sort of...emasculated so to speak. If she was more actively seeking my attention/affection (which from what info/material I have consumed is usually the dynamic) then there wouldn't be an issue because I would happily reciprocate etc, but because she isn't don't quite know how to go about it.... 

[Learning]

Getting the hang of the site, commented same twice 

Edited July 29, 2017 by Learning

[DaddyStevie]

Hi,

Just my humble opinion but....I know you said you're not so dominant but to me you either need to be a bit more with her so she knows you're in charge or maybe, as she's not really playing the part of doting little, maybe you have to accept she's not the one for you and move on.

It's hard to accept, as a single guy trying at online dating, I've experienced similar and even the other way around, the girl talks more and more and seems more keen, then said she wanted to date others and I should do the same, we're just friends....Hard to hear as she too was a little above my league and I really liked her, but if it's meant to be, it will happen

[Learning]

Hi DaddyStevie, appreciate the advice mate..

 

I think you are, as unfortunate as it is spot-on... and I appreciate the honesty. I probably haven't tried to REALLY assert my dominance so as to let her know, simply because when I have tried that (albeit still reasonably subtly) it was still met with delayed or aloof response.. So probably in an attempt to both protect my own feelings as well as appeal to hers, I tried the more nurturing.. 'daddy is happy when your with me' etc route...

 

It's tough because outside of our dd/lg chat, she is fiercely opinionated and independent (at least for show..), and so that is what makes me reluctant to sort of go all-in as in charge of her so-to-speak...

 

I don't think it's lost, but clearly I'm going to have to know exactly what she thinks it is or what she wants because at this rate It is quite frankly tearing me up inside...

[DaddyStevie]

TBH and people can step in and correct me cos I don't know enough subs or littles but being fiercely opinionated and independent sounds more like she has a dominant personality than a submissive one. And before anyone does jump in to correct me, think about the attributes of your own personality....I can be fiercely opionated and independent when I wan to be and I know I'm more Dom as a result. The littles I've spoken to on here or in recent past have been very sweet and eager to please....What I'm saying is it tends to come down to the personality type and she doesn't have the traits of someone submissive and eager to please, by the sound of it anyway.

[Learning]

Yeah, I've been thinking this through now for a while haha... had a good chat with some friends about it as well..

I think the fiercely opinionated/independent while at first appeared to me the same (that she wouldn't be submissive..) that is is sort of a hard-exterior shell she puts forward so as to not be hurt.. after all, she is a cancer astrologically...

and when we DO talk, she seems to enjoy and embrace the doting little.. unless she is just super manipulative and only playing games, I think it is this soft side she shows me that is actually her so to speak....

 

Because of this, after much deliberation I think I will re-engage her and in some way attempt to feel out what exactly she is and tell her my own feelings etc.. I was naturally thinking I might just let her sit, and surely if she cares she will engage me (after all I have done more than my fair reasonable share of that..). I do feel even if this is her personality and she just can't really help it, being as deeply perceptive emotionally as cancers are known to be, it's very unfair to me as she must be well aware of what I am feeling... 
Despite that, I will have to invest more of myself in the hope of resolving this cycle.. and I think that as unreasonable as it is, that's what she wants/needs...

[Princess-P]

Being independent and opinionated is a wonderful trait in a submissive. Because it makes their submission to you all that much better. Knowing they dont NEED you but rather they choose to give you control.

 

However in the case of the OP I'd ask, how much do you really know not this girl? So you just talk online? Sometimes its very easy to be misled. Some people are just looking for a thrill. Or sometimes they get in over their head and get nervous then back off. You can try expressing yourself but if she's sort of ignoring your messages until it suits her then you might just be wasting your time.

 

Dont worry that as pressing your feelings might make you bless dominant. Even the strong need to face facts, were human. We get hurt, things bother us, and not talking about issues makes them bigger.

 

Go at your own pace and trust your gut. If something feels off say something. Dont think for a second that a CG deserves less care or attention just because the media portrays the little as the one who always receives. Stand up for yourself and your feelings. Your important too.

[Nymph]

It sounds to me that she lost interest, sorry.

 

Since you are new to online dating, you need to get used to the cycle we go through, it's always exciting when you start talking because it's someone you don't know and you put all your hopes up thinking this might be the one... and then you notice it might not be, but you keep talking to them because they are nice. Then you realize they are not perfect, but it's ok because nobody is perfect right? and then you realize you guys are not that compatible but you are lonely and you enjoy talking so you keep at it... see where I am going with this?

 

I can assure you that girl is not as perfect as you make her sound. Your adoration might have scared her off even, perhaps you guys ARE a perfect match but it's bad timing. You are just shooting yourself in the foot by letting her friend zone you. If this girl doesn't appreciate you, move on to one that will. Little's tend to be super loving once they find someone they really really like, sorry if I sound mean but this is obviously not the case.

 

I have a very strong personality and needy daddies are a turn off, it's just a bad combo IMO. So my advice would be to either find yourself a more frail little or start working on being less needy.

[Learning]

Thanks Princess-P and Nymph for your replies!

 

Yes I agree to your first part Princess-P, I was aware of that and that of course endeared her more to me...

I appreciate your words... this was all fresh for me so I think my major mistake was that I showed her my hand (which was my heart..) too soon? to be fair, I didn't instigate any of it... she was the one who began flirting, she was the one who initiated calling me daddy etc, and she was the one who told me she loved me.... at which point I lost sight of where I was with myself...

 

Yeah... you are right Nymph... I am new to this, and I was certainly naive.. I just didn't actually realize people would lie like that? sure, perhaps a convo turns into some flirting, and that could escalate further..sure, but not to say you love someone.

Mmm, I know she wouldn't be perfect, sure. I just meant she was genuinely rare in terms of our specific shared interests. Regarding scaring her off, yeah possible though I didn't swoon over her, just let her know that she was special to me and or reciprocated alleged feelings...

Yeah, I did send her that last message, I was concerned that if she was genuinely going through anything, relating to me or otherwise that she should know I was there for her.... still no response.... I am done now, there won't be a friend zone, unfit to be a friend on mine. 

 

Yeah, interesting. I don't think I was a needy daddy (perhaps I am, and was going to be), I don't think I need a 'frail little' or to 'start working on being less needy'... I am sure you don't mean to offend but that isn't really appropriate. I wasn't asking for a lot, more just to not be left out in the cold confused and hurt on my birthday....

 

But alas, I agree that she's unlikely the one for me, and I appreciate your advice!  

[Guest hydroturningpoint]

Mr. Learning I really wanted to comment on your thread you started and so I read through and got to Princess-P's comments and there is really no need for me to comment now.  She nailed it with the sharpest axe on the planet.  So perfect in fact that I give her 19 gold stars.  For what it's worth I do believe that a CG deserves care and attention just like a little does.   Good luck my friend and hopefully it will all work out. If it doesn't just move on.  It won't be the end of the world and you might just meet someone that will blow you away a few weeks or months down the road.