Fake - It Needs to Stop

[Little Illy]

*waves* Hiya. I want to write about something that has been bothering me for a very long time. What I am writing is strictly my opinion and my observations from the forum and interacting with friends here. I am not saying I am right, but I am saying maybe this is something to think about. This is a fairly controversial topic and I do understand that what I am putting forth does not fit in every case. So I hope we can all keep an open mind with it. Thanks, guys.

 

The Term “Fake” Within Our community

 

“He is a fake Daddy.”

“Only fake littles do that.”

 

How do we define “fake” in regards to people? When do we have the right to call another person “fake” in regards to their exchange? To be simple - we really shouldn’t do it… at all. Just hear me out for a moment:

 

On this forum (and many other websites) the term “fake” is thrown around so candidly that it is losing it’s true meaning. Think back in highschool when you had all of those annoying people who would hop from a 3-day relationship to another 3-day relationship over and over again, yet claimed they loved each partner. That term, “love” really lost it’s meaning when that person said it. Same goes for this community and “fake.” But the issue with throwing “fake” around is that it starts to become offensive and damaging to someone’s reputation.

 

Why do we (as a community) label someone a “fake” in regards to this dynamic? In my opinion, it should go back to how it was originally used - or at least the way I saw it used years ago. Back in the day (heh) the term was only used for those CG/littles who were literally using the dynamic as a way to purposefully hurt their partner. In short - they were a predator searching for prey. And that went both ways, littles were predators to inexperienced or overly trusting CGs. But the point is that these people were literally (dictionary definition of literal) trying to harm the other person by taking advantage of them for sex, money, or just to hurt them. They did not have any relation to the dynamic other than the fact that this community trusts VERY easily and overall VERY quickly. They had no CG tendencies and they had no little tendencies - they just saw an opportune community to prey on.

 

So why are there suddenly so many “fake” members of this community now? Why do we see the term “fake” thrown around so much more now than ever before? I have a theory on this and it all relies on compatibility. There are, seemingly, certain reasons why people are labeled as fake, and my goal right now is to debunk these.

 

1. Personal Expectations - Compatibility 

 

One of the main reasons I see people being accused of being a fake is because they don’t meet the expectations of their partner. Mainly, they don’t meet the relationship expectations of their partner. But this can be anything from CG/l to the most vanilla aspect of their lives. In this case, the partner is aggravated because the other cannot meet their personal checklist. Does he/she do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, etc? Let’s say they do all except B and E. I have seen where a little has accused a Daddy of being fake over something so small, yet he was fulfilling her every need (her words). She accused him of being a fake because he wouldn’t buy her a stuffie whenever she wanted it. She wasn’t looking to use him for his money, but that is something she wanted, a new stuffie every week or every few days. And he put his foot down. This landed him the label “fake” because he wasn’t “taking care” of his little. “He wasn’t being fair.”

 

Now I am sure y’all are like, Bree… that is one case. But look, I only knew that he was treating her so well because I was her friend. To everyone else she told, he was a neglectful Daddy. And everyone believed her. Now he is left with this reputation because he didn’t meet this expectation she had for Daddies. This is more common than we would like to think. What about the partner who does not like facetiming (for legitimate) reasons but will call, text, email, visit (when possible), etc. Just because this person wont visibly call their partner, I have seen them called a “fake” because they were “hiding” something. This mindset is so damaging because it shows how unfair this label really can be.

 

If a person isn’t ticking every box on your Dream Daddy/Mommy or Dream Little check list, they are not “fake.” And claiming they are isn’t right in any sense of the word - they simply are not COMPATIBLE with you, it has nothing to do with being a “fake” CG or little. Not everyone is destined to be with everyone else. Not all preferences are the same. And just because a relationship fizzled out, that doesn’t make the ex a “fake.” It simply means they were not compatible. And there is NOTHING wrong with either partner because of it. It means they had different needs/wants and didn’t get that fulfilled from the other. No one is to blame and no one is fake.

 

2.  Unrealistic Understanding - CG/l 24/7

 

Another issue that seems to cause this title to be thrown about is when a partner cannot partake in the dynamic as little/much as the other partner would like. This typically happens when one person is busy with this thing called Life and simply cannot be in the headspace of CG or little as much as they both would like to be. Whether it be due to stress, mental illness, physical illness, distance, work, children, or anything else - it seems when a partner isn’t getting enough CG/l activity from their partner, that partner is now a “fake.”

 

For example - I have seen MANY relationships break up because the Daddy was a “fake” due to him not being able to be on call 24/7. In these cases these Daddies were depressed, working, sleeping or sick, yet their little felt neglected and ended it. Once they were over, the littles then claimed their ex-Daddy wasn’t a real Daddy. This mindset really harms the community because it shows that people aren’t ready to realize that their partner has to balance not only the relationship, but their life as well.
 

Even lifestylers (of any dynamic) cannot be “in” 24/7 due to some reason - so to expect those who are more casually into the lifestyle, or new, or inexperienced is simply unfair and almost selfish. They aren’t a fake CG or little because they can’t be accessible or “in” at the drop of a dime. Life happens, and things become complicated or difficult - they way to work past that is communication, not being frustrated that you’re not getting your way right then. Don’t get me wrong - ghosting, catfishing, fading and such are all very real issues because of this being a forum on the internet. But those are cases I am not talking about - and if I were, doing these things don’t make that person a fake, because you truly don’t know the situation behind this happening. Maybe they had a literal personal emergency, maybe you were coming on too strongly and they didn’t know what else to do, maybe they were new and confused and scared, maybe they didn’t understand, maybe there wasn’t proper communication, etc. Even ghosters and faders shouldn’t earn the right of “fake” because we only know the one side of the story. All we know is they stopped communication.

 

But the situations I am talking about are the ones where the other person simply isn’t -enough- for their partner. This doesn’t make them a fake. This means, yet again, they are simply not compatible. Or they could be going through a hard time and a relationship isn’t a wise decision at the moment due to the responsibilities it entails. We need to realize that CG/l (ESPECIALLY Daddies) are real people, they have real life issues and are not machines to dole out affection and attention 24/7. And when they are not compatible in the time you need in a relationship - they aren’t fake, they simply are not the one for you. And, again, there is NOTHING wrong with that person (or you) because of it. It just means you two need someone else.

 

3.  Cookie Cutter Standards

 

Let me preface with this - using the phrase “cookie cutter” doesn’t hold a negative connotation. I am simply using it for lack of a better phrase for the characteristics one has come to association with a CG or a little. These CGs and littles enjoy what we would expect them to due to what the internet has led us to believe is “typical.” And there is nothing wrong with that, or wrong not falling into this category.

 

This reason is a real issue from what I have seen in this community. And it happens more than we probably realize, and not just from opposite ends (littles calling CGs fake and vice versa). There is this inherent mindset that if a CG or a little doesn’t act as “expected” from their status, then they are fake. I will give you personal examples that have happened to me on this forum alone. I have been told I was a fake because:

 

• I didn’t call him Daddy right away (from a CG)

• I didn’t identify as a kitten (from a little)

• I didn’t like pink (from littles)

• I didn’t like glitter (from both)

• I liked horror movies over MLP (from both)

• I prefer blue (from boy littles)

 

I was also informed that only real littles would:

 

• Follow their CGs without question (both)

• Speak in little speech (from a CG)

• Color every night (from littles)

• Send their Daddy whatever they wanted - sext, pictures, erotica (from both)

• Have sex with their Daddy whenever the Daddy wanted it (from both)

• Love Daddy no matter what he did - even if it hurt me (from both)

• Use pacis, sippies and stuffies (from littles)

• Trust their Daddy and use a diaper (from CGs)

 

And so on. Do you see how all of these things are typical behavior of what the internet has decided is a “real” little? But all of these almost directly go against who I am. Does that make me a fake little? Hell. No. That means I am simply Me and I am a little. End of discussion - and the same goes for CGs. In this category we don’t really use the word “fake,” specifically. What we use is the phrase “well a real little would...” or  “a real Daddy/Mommy would…” and this is just as bad. A reall CG and a real little does exactly whatever makes them happy, comfortable and who they are. There is no mold to fit, no build-a-little or build-a-CG to which statistics are required to be met. Every person is different, which means every little and every CG is different. That is how we are able to have Mommies and little boys - because a DADDY isn’t the only caregiver and GIRLS aren’t the only littles. These differences don’t mean we aren’t real - it means we are all unique individuals who like different things.

 

IF you need a little of CG who matches the cookie cutter form - so what?! Good for you! But that doesn’t mean those who don’t mean that checklist aren’t real. Just like if you need a little or CG who ISN’T like the cookie cutter form, that doesn’t make the others “stereotypes.” It means they simply like things that we would typically associate with that status. Again, no one is fake here. And we need to realize doing something (or not doing something) does not make you more real than any other little or CG. It just makes you, You.

 

----
 

As we can see, a lot of the issue is when two people are simply not compatible and the relationship ends. Someone’s needs are not being met and they feel their partner was not being true to their role. We need to change this mindset because we are harming the community we love so much. Imagine how a little feels when he/she is told that only fake littles can’t get into little space (I have been told this from many people from this forum). Something they want to do, desperately, now has become a weapon against them because they struggle with it. How is that helpful to our community members? How is the being supportive? It’s not. And neither is calling someone fake because they don’t live up to what you want or expected.

 

And the biggest problem with the whole “fake” thing is to the detriment of the CGs, particularly the Daddies. Daddies are accused of being fake more than any other status in our community (across all sites and social media). And there tends to be so much support when a little is upset with their ex and everyone agrees “He wasn’t a real Daddy anyways.” No matter what happens, it comes down to the ex not being a “real” Daddy. And most times, no one takes the time to even try to understand why the Daddy acted the way he did, but instead comfort the little and banish him. Yet when a Daddy claims a little wasn’t “real” (which is just as bad, but still) he is instantly scrutinized and seen as too harsh.

 

An immunity has developed for littles, as a whole, from blame in the relationships in a lot of ways. Am I saying no one understands littles can be just as bad? No - I am saying that in a majority of the cases, people tend to sympathize with littles over Daddies as an initial reaction. I suppose it is understandable because people tend to want to protect littles in general, but that doesn’t give them the right to slander their ex-partners just because it ended badly. And, still, this goes for any CG - they have no right to slander their ex-littles. But we need to realize this massive double standard because I have seen too many Daddies leave or become depressed because of the reputation they have unduly been given.

 

All in all we need to truly take a look at these accusations we, as a community, are allowing to be thrown around. We need to support one another and help each other because our community is already so misunderstood - we don’t need this turmoil coming from within. We need to take responsibility in our relationships that fail, in so much to admit that it simply was not a good match instead of lashing out and hurting others. We are all adults, we all have preferences and needs. And if we are going to try to act on those needs and expectations, then we need to be adult enough to understand when things don’t go our way. And it isn’t because someone is “fake” but it is because it just didn’t work out. And look, there are fake people out there and there are bad people out there - but not nearly as many as what has been accused.

 

At the end of the day, would you want someone claiming you are a fake CG or little just because you don’t like pink or don’t want to be super strict? No. So why do we allow others to accuse partners for the same, frivolous reasons? This needs to be a community wide effort (not just on the forum, but in person and with friends) to stop these slanderous accusations, but instead help each other understand why something happened the way it did.

 

In my opinion, if you cannot own up to the fact that you didn’t work with someone because the compatibility wasn’t there or because you/they couldn’t handle the type of relationship you all were in, then you’re not ready to have a relationship of this magnitude.

 

CG/l is such an intense dynamic, we need more understanding and less hostility. This is a dynamic of love and affection, let’s help keep it that way.

 

 

 

[This has not been proofread - my apologies for any errors]

Edited July 22, 2017 by LittleBree

[Guest D͛r͛a͛g͛o͛n͛sP♡ptคгt®]

I very much agree with this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's given me a little bit to think about too. ^.^

[Ink]

I wholeheartedly agree and good on you for writing this.

 

I've thought similar things along these lines but never this cohesive and well thought out. Very well put.

 

I also feel this message is much stronger coming from a Little in the community.

 

How do we get this added to 'Resources'? This deserves to be in there so direct newer members to if necessary. It can't be said enough.

[Guest thepoet]

Well-written and well-considered. This needs to be said, but even more so it needs to be read.

[Guest Dominik]

Thank you for your thoughts. I didn't know that so many people here are accused to be fake, but that's maybe because I am still a newbie here.

 

I like what you were writing, not only because it comes from a little, but also because you study psychology, so you know what is going on in our heads better than I do.

 

And you are right: I read some postings here and then I thought: uhm, do I as CG now have to like this also? Or to to this? Like you wrote: "Only real CGs would...". So what you wrote is very encouraging me that I do not have to do and like everything.

 

Thank you for the time to write this down. I am sure you were thinking already for a long time about that.

[Untwisted]

It does need to be said again and again, and well done for taking the time to do it so thoroughly.  Thank you.

[Guest littleloveslars]

I love this. Very well thought out and articulate.

 

In addition, i think it is very important to note that being a little does not exempt you from responsibly. For example, being a little does not mean you play all day and do not have to work, clean, or adult in some way. It does not condone bad behavior, laziness, or rudeness. I have noticed a certain type of "fad little" that is usually new to the community, and seems to really want to live the lifestyle because they have gotten the idea that being little means they dont have to accomplish anything. With or without a partner, it is very important that the littles of our community empower themselves to be brave, strong, and accomplished. Not only because littles need to be able to stand on their own two feet before entering into a relationship, but because the stigma surrounding our community is that we are all sugar babies and sugar daddies with an incest fetish. The truth is, we are a diverse group of open minded, open hearted individuals. We are here to encourage and help eachother. So while I agree with Bree 150%, I want to challenge the community to grow more together, to accomplish more together, and to help eachother more. This lifestyle is not just about babytalk and spankings. It is so much deeper and more meaningful than that. Thanks again Bree!

[Guest daddy's_little_shadow]

I think it's also worth pointing out that, in some cases, when people refer to "fake Daddies", what they really mean is abusive. We cannot deny that there are abusive people out there that get into DDlg to take advantage of the control they get over a person. Whether or not the term applies is up to the community to decide, I guess. I would just call them what they are: abusers, but that's just me.

[Guest littleloveslars]

Im not sure that calling anyone a certain label is productive. If you come across a person in the forum who absuses you or mistreats you, my opinion would be to talk to forum staff and provide them with proof in the form of screenshots or photos. That way the individual can be removed from the forum if need be. It is always okay to ask for support from the members of the forum, because we are here for you! But ultimately we cant do anything without staff intervention.

[Guest daddy's_little_shadow]

Im not sure that calling anyone a certain label is productive. If you come across a person in the forum who absuses you or mistreats you, my opinion would be to talk to forum staff and provide them with proof in the form of screenshots or photos. That way the individual can be removed from the forum if need be. It is always okay to ask for support from the members of the forum, because we are here for you! But ultimately we cant do anything without staff intervention.

I was speaking in terms of relationship abuse outside of the forum. I'm sorry. I thought this was speaking about the community as a whole. I must've misunderstood. : /

[Guest littleloveslars]

Oh no it was prob me lol i just woke up!

[TwilightSparklez]

100% agree with everything very well said and very well spoken. Littles we are adults it's up to us to use our common senses and own up to our faults too and vice versa. It always takes two to tango and a relationship doesn't always have to end badly due to incompatiblity. Which I have to agree incompatibility is the reason most relationships end, not because one persob, CG or little was a fake.

 

Incompatibility in a relationship could also be viewed as a great opportunity for learning and growing. Sorry if that's all a bit jumbled, just woke up lol.

[Dfsemina]

Thank you so much for this. It needed to be said and I've yet to see anyone do it as clearly as you have done it here.

[Little Illy]

And you are right: I read some postings here and then I thought: uhm, do I as CG now have to like this also? Or to to this? Like you wrote: "Only real CGs would...". So what you wrote is very encouraging me that I do not have to do and like everything.

 

Thank you for the time to write this down. I am sure you were thinking already for a long time about that.

 

I'm glad this helped - That is the point of this post, you liking what you prefer and disliking something doesnt mean you are not  a valid CG, never forget that!

 

 

I think it's also worth pointing out that, in some cases, when people refer to "fake Daddies", what they really mean is abusive. We cannot deny that there are abusive people out there that get into DDlg to take advantage of the control they get over a person. Whether or not the term applies is up to the community to decide, I guess. I would just call them what they are: abusers, but that's just me.

 

You are absolute right - which is why I brought that up in the beginning. Any abusive Daddies would be considered fake - because they are predators looking to hurt and take advantage of a little. And why I mentioned there are legit fake people and bad people that come to this community I just wanted to point out that a lot of those accused really aren't bad/fake but rather the situation is misunderstood. I completely agree with you.

[Little Illy]

I love this. Very well thought out and articulate.

 

In addition, i think it is very important to note that being a little does not exempt you from responsibly. For example, being a little does not mean you play all day and do not have to work, clean, or adult in some way. It does not condone bad behavior, laziness, or rudeness. I have noticed a certain type of "fad little" that is usually new to the community, and seems to really want to live the lifestyle because they have gotten the idea that being little means they dont have to accomplish anything. With or without a partner, it is very important that the littles of our community empower themselves to be brave, strong, and accomplished. Not only because littles need to be able to stand on their own two feet before entering into a relationship, but because the stigma surrounding our community is that we are all sugar babies and sugar daddies with an incest fetish. The truth is, we are a diverse group of open minded, open hearted individuals. We are here to encourage and help eachother. So while I agree with Bree 150%, I want to challenge the community to grow more together, to accomplish more together, and to help eachother more. This lifestyle is not just about babytalk and spankings. It is so much deeper and more meaningful than that. Thanks again Bree!

 

To be honest - I have been itching to write about the fact that some (NOT ALL) littles see this lifestyle as a way to never need to take responsibility in life. But... ya know, only  one controversial topic at once. Heh...

[Guest LordEmtheDinosaur!]

I agree with this 110%

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Been saying this for months! Lol

[Little Illy]

Been saying this for months! Lol

 

Me too, Dolly. And a lot of people I know have as well. Thats what gave me the final push to write it. Its so annoying to see it happening so much...

[Guest Maccyx]

I have only been involved in THIS little community a few days but the term fake likely has a universal, though potentially ambiguous meaning depending on who you ask. In my opinion, you nailed it when you referenced your 'original' usage of the term - someone with ulterior motives from the getgo who doesn't actually care all that much if at all about the person they are aligned with. I personally never thought of using it as a term to describe baby girls/littles/subs etc. and assumed it to be an almost exclusive term to be used against Daddies/Doms/CGs. From what I have seen thus far it appears on the surface that people are indeed more genuine in this community, but I have seen it countless times in others. Have I had encounters with women who have been less than genuine or forthcoming? Yes, I have, but I'd likely use less PC terms than fake to voice my opinion of them.

 

Where it starts rubbing me the wrong way is in the examples you set forth concerning unrealistic expectations and the application of said label when those expectations are inevitably not met. As a Daddy Dom I cannot be 'on' 24/7 and to be honest I never want to feel as if I have to be. First of all and most importantly I want my girl to be a best friend and confidant, and I don't rush things. I do not want to be referenced as Daddy on day one - I want to get to know you as a person. Yes, I have had relationships come to a quick ending before they even got off the ground because of that and I'm completely fine with that. According to your checklist that could lead to me potentially being labeled a fake. It's my opinion that if either party is trying to falsely accelerate the process of building rapport and trust that it is absolutely destined for failure. Secondly, Daddies/Doms/CGs are people too as you pointed out. My last relationship broke down after nearly two years together because I hit a rut and got depressed. After everything I had done for her she bailed when for once I needed a little care and understanding. Pardon the language, but that seriously fucked me up for a long while. Does that give me the right to call her fake? No. It never entered my mind. In fact I have silently forgiven her for it. She just wasn't built to handle what I was going through at the time. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it doesn't make her a fake.

 

Predators...they are the fakes, and I'm actually glad you used that term because there are predators on both sides of the fence. Men typically get the bum rap and deservedly so. It can make things difficult for more genuine guys after a girl has had one or two bad experiences(or more), and frankly who can blame them?

 

In closing I would agree with the notion that there are indeed plenty of 'fakes' out there, but I'd also agree that the term gets thrown around to the point that it diminishes the true meaning.

[angiexbear]

I'm new to this whole Little thing. But umm.. this kinda just intimidated the heck out of me. >.<

[Guest littleloveslars]

I'm new to this whole Little thing. But umm.. this kinda just intimidated the heck out of me. >.<

What specifically intimidated you?

[navelgaze]

I agree with the original post, sometimes things don't work out and publically calling someone out as "fake" is an easy way to seek revenge.

[Guest Mister Grey]

I think these thoughts are very important.  

 

I see the phrase “Alternative Lifestyle” stamped on this community and other, referring to how we are outside the norm, problem is I don’t feel outside the norm, since this is normal to me.  

 

I have the right to feel this way, other have the right to feel that way and in reality, “the norm” is actually a pretty small group because every person has their own quirks, their own desires, their own kinks. 

 

I know a little that doesn’t like to color.  She doesn’t use a paci.

 

is she any less a little because she doesn’t hit every usual little characteristic?  Is she fake?

 

I dont think so.  Just because she is different from another little doesn’t diminish her feelings, just like being part of a Master/sub relationship/ or a Daddy Mommy/ little relationship doesn’t diminish someone else from a “norm” relationship.

 

not adhering to every facet of a lifestyle doesn’t make a person fake, it just make them who they are.  And it that is not compatible with who you are, thats ok, just move on, respect each other and go out and find someone that is much more compatible with your own thoughts and feelings.

 

[Little Illy]

I'm new to this whole Little thing. But umm.. this kinda just intimidated the heck out of me. >.<

 

I'm sorry this intimidated you, that is the last thing I ever want anyone to feel from one of my posts. 

 

I just want to reassure you that there isn't anything to be intimidated by, just things to be on the look out for. And in every relationship, we need to be on the look out for things. This community, as a whole, is a very loving, caring, supportive and all-encompassing one. There are just a few quirks here or there, but that doesn't diminish it in any way. Just like any other community

[DeepSpaceDaddy]

That was epically awesome, or awesomely epic, or both!

 

I've been promoting this same general idea in other areas of life. As a society, I feel we've gotten too quick to judge and label each other. We've lost the basic respect for each other as fellow humans. All of us are unique, and yet, if someone isn't just like us, or just like we think they ought to be, we judge them to be inferior and label them as such. Someone who parents differently is a bad parent, someone who drives differently is a bad driver, someone who worships their God differently or not at all, has different political views, different educational goals, life goals, etc., all labeled as something derogatory and condescending. Being different doesn't mean they are stupid, dumb, ignorant, or fake.

 

None of us are perfect in probably any category, let alone EVERY category of Life. We need to forgive others as we want them to forgive us, often for transgressions we are each are unaware we even committed. That "bad driver" that cut you off, might have realized it too late and feel very bad about it. That might be the first time in 5 years they've done that. Guess what, at some point in your 40-60 year driving history, you're going to accidentally cut someone off too. We all need to stop assuming the worst about each other, in every aspect of life, online AND offline. :-)