Daddy Doesn't Want to Actually Meet Me

[Thea834]

Hey everyone, 

 

I am rather confused and a bit hurt. I would really like some advice with my situation. 

 

I met my Daddy online (FL) about 8 months ago. In the very beginning, I had always told him that I wanted to find someone local to me because of how important it is for me to have the physical contact and in-person interactions. And that I wanted a real, romantic relationship that would be long term. He was honest about his own situation, but told me that if this were to lead down the right path, we would discuss then what to do next. We're in different countries, so I was very hesitant to start anything. But even after the first conversation, things were just so natural and comfortable between us, I couldn't help myself. 

 

It's been more amazing than I ever thought it could be. We've grown so incredibly close to each other. Sometimes I forget we're so far apart. 

 

My work requires me to travel overseas quite often. A few weeks ago, I became aware that I had an assignment in the exact same city that Daddy is in. I was so excited! I didn't want to wait for a second to tell him the good news. So I told him, but I did it my 'big girl' way, rather than my beyond excited 'little girl' self... I said it in a way where I wasn't pressuring him about anything. Basically just "I'll be there. If you are comfortable with meeting, I would at least like to see you for dinner or something". I thought he was going to tell me I was being silly, and that of course he'll see me and want to spend every ounce of time with me... But I was very, very wrong. 

 

He got kind of quiet. And didn't really say anything at first. So I again pulled back a little and made it clear that it was entirely okay if his circumstances didn't allow it right now. All he said was that he'll think about it. And then deflected the conversation to something else. 

 

Well, that was a month ago. And he hasn't said anything more on the topic. 

 

I was expecting maybe a little hesitation from his end, but not this. I'm extremely hurt. And just confused. I was envisioning an actual life with him... He knows how much I love him, and I thought I knew how much he loved me. And I just cannot comprehend how he doesn't even actually want to spend time with me. How is what we have even a 'real' relationship otherwise? I've grown so attached to him, so dependent already... And this was just a slap in the face. 

 

A few days ago I also brought up the fact that I feel like one day I am just going to lose him because he doesn't seem to want to sustain this forever. Or essentially, take it to the next step. Again, he tried to simply deflect, and tell me how I mean everything to him, and that "right now" I make him so happy. It breaks my heart a little more each time I think about. He tells me I deserve everything, to be happy, but how I am supposed to feel that way when I now realize I'm just a temporary outlet for him? He became my world, and the worst part is that he knew it. 

 

I don't even know what to do from here... I don't want to hurt him. I want to continue making him happy. And I cannot deny that he does make me very happy... But that happiness was much greater when I had hope of an actual future with him. 

[Guest Dominik]

Hey Thea,

 

I think that there are many possibilities for his reaction. Maybe it is something small like he just fears that you won't like him anymore when you meet. Maybe he already had such an experience in the past. There are also many other reasons possible.

 

But I suppose that you only have one possibility to find out: and this is to ask him. This is not easy of course, but when you do not ask you will not get an answer.

 

Best of luck!

Dom-inik

[Guest qtpie]

This sounds really complex. Have you had a Skype videocall? One of the reasons why people in online relationships don't want to meet could be catfishing. Or he isn't that interested in you as an irl partner (sad but it happens). You should talk to him about exactly why he doesn't want to meet you and then go from there. If you really really need that human contact aspect of a relationship you will know what to do next.

[Guest StarFlower]

^{Thea! I am so sorry you are going through this! My heart just broke more and more after every line...I can't imagine what it must be like for you.}

 

^{I, like you I'm sure, is one who believes that "anything is possible" and that "wishes can come true" for the princesses that we are!} 

 

^{I hate to say it, but it sounds like your daddy is not truly available for you. You deserve so much more! Look at you--willing to meet someone a half a world away. So what if it happened to be convenient? If you didn't care, you didn't have to say anything about it, at all!}

 

^{My only advice is to look inside, *and* look from the outside-in, at the situation. Is this an equal relationship (as equal as it can be?)? Is it fair what happened to you? Does a daddy ignore his little girl?}

 

^{I don't know what the entire situation is, exactly, but it seems to me he could spare a few hours for you, minimally, take off some work if needed, etc. for this very special occasion. ::sigh::}

 

I hope it all gets sorted out, Thea, and you can get back that special feeling, whether with your current daddy or if you need to find a new one.....

 

~~~HUGGGS~~~

[Guest Kali]

You didn't say how old he was. There are some rather unfortunate possibilities in that he may actually be in a real life relationship already, or married. Sorry if that's painful.

[Thea834]

Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate it. 

 

We Skype all the time (video and call... so I actually "see" him all the time), he messages me all throughout the day and night, and he really does give me all the time and attention that he can. Always letting me know when he will be busy or not able to be in contact, for however long... He's supportive of everything I do, involved in every aspect of my life, includes me in as much of his as he can... He has children from a previous marriage and he is the primary caregiver. Even so, he has never hid anything from me and always does his best to keep me a part of his life, from a distance anyway. I was so careful with how I brought it up mainly because of his responsibilities as a parent. 

 

Of course, there are times where I feel he's a bit distant, figuratively. But he is human, after all. 

 

I have brought it up a couple more times. Each time, he has simply told me he needs to think about it and then moves on. I guess I need to be more direct about it and try to coax a response, not let him evade it. 

[Thea834]

I'm in my late 20s and he is in his late 40s. We are almost twenty years apart. 

 

He was married, but divorced. And as I mentioned earlier, he has two children from that marriage that live with him. 

Edited July 8, 2017 by Thea834

[Guest sour.angel]

have you seen him on videochats? if not, it could be a catfish situation or perhaps he's just very shy? nervous to meet irl? communication and straight up telling him you feel hurt and confused is probably the healthiest route. honesty is key! if he really has no genuine reason for not wanting to meet, then you deserve better!! I know that's hard to hear :/ but every Little deserves a Daddy who can be there in person, cuddle them, reassure them of their love & importance.

[StefanC71_UK]

Hi Thea.

 

There's plenty of good advice above.

 

I'm a daddy, and have 2 children, they spend most of their time with me. So im looking at your question from your daddys perspective. Obviously this is my experience and may not apply to him at all.

 

As I'm single, I usually expect the mention of children to put off any prospective partner, especially in the ddlg world where littles need and deserve attention. I would give them all the time I can, but the children come first. Ignoring relationships just for a moment, in any circumstance when I'm invited out by friends, I sometimes end up saying no or maybe because I know that I may have to cancel if I can't find a babysitter. It sucks but that's what I do.

 

He may be stalling or deflecting as he doesn't want to commit only to disappoint you later, should anything arise.

 

He may also wonder if you'll be comfortable being around them. Not being able to be the ddlg partnership while they're around, and that would be a lot of the time.

 

These are thought that go through my head, that worry me about any little if we decide to meet and get serious.

 

The one thing that I would have expected from him though is to say this out loud. I certainly would.

 

It sounds like he's really into you in terms of time spent with you, so I'm not convinced he's married if you Skype all the time. That's why I'm thinking it's the children concerning him, in terms of how you'll react if he cancels, or if you weren't able to be little you while with him.

 

I hope you work it out, I hope you both meet, and I hope it's wonderful for both of you.

Edited July 8, 2017 by StefanC71

[Guest StarFlower]

That is a tough situation for sure. Being a single parent comes with all kinds of trapdoors and life curves. Otherwise it sounds like he is attentive, just strange that he doesn't just answer the question head-on, though, from what you've said. 

 

How old are his children? may I ask.

[Guest daddy's_little_shadow]

He might not have told his children about you. How old are they?

 

The reason I'm suggesting this is because my mom was having a long distance relationship with my stepdad, and she never really told us until they agreed to meet in real life. I guess she was just a little hesitant to mention it because she'd been always been single, no dating, up until that point. I guess she was just worried at what our reaction would be or something. In the end, we just explained that it's her life, and that she deserves to be happy, and that if he makes her happy, then we are happy with it, too. I mean, it's just a guess. I have no experience with this sort of thing.

 

I hope it all works out for you, though. Everything else about him sounds great!

[Thea834]

Again, thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

 

To answer some of your questions...

  

He has two teenagers. And yes, I have actually even talked to them. About a month back, he was comfortable enough. He said they caught onto the fact that he had to be in some sort of relationship, so he told them. We've had a few video chat conversations, all four of us, and I've even been helping the elder one with college application stuff. Little things like that... 

 

It's actually one of the things I admire about him. He's an extremely attentive father that is truly always there for his kids. 

 

Maybe he is just concerned about how it will affect his home life there... I don't know. Maybe I'll just be patient and see if he eventually opens up. 

Edited July 8, 2017 by Thea834