need advice!!

[PerilousRainbow]

So I've wanted a dom since I was young (23 now) and I met one but was really scared my anxiety would ruin it for me. I really like him so far and admittedly wanted to feel wanted after my recent breakup(it was just standard run of the mill, pretty vanilla and I was becoming unhappy with certain things anyway). So we had sex on the first meetup in person and it made me want this more. He made sure that it really was what I wanted and afterwards we spent time cuddling and talking about random things before he had to go home to do stuff (I also had to finish college homework) I'm fine with how things are going but I'm worried that it's going too good and things could get weird. He called me this morning before he had to work and we figured out when today we could talk again. He works days I work second shift. Just wanting advice or maybe people who where in similar situations and how it turned out. We've also already talked about our next meetup and he said he'd help me get a vehicle when I have the money (I know nothing about cars and he's a car guy so he'd know how much work needs put into it and if it's worth it) I'm still working on getting my license but hes willing to do the driving until I get it then we'd probably take turns based on what we each have going on. I was feeling insecure and he reassured me he was here to make sure I was happy and feeling good about this and that he wants to help me be more true to myself (I told him how I feel like I'm lying if I'm in relationship is too vanilla)

[Littlest_Bee]

You should always feel comfortable to talk about any doubts or insecurities but maybe just see where this is taking you.

You probably have a lot of theoretical information but that's not the same as experiencing something.

Take this one step at a time. And whenever something bothers you: communicate.

Know that you can change your mind about things. Something that seems nice in theory doesn't always translate well into reality. Safewords are there to use them if necessary and you definitely should have a safeword.

Ah, I bet you know all this stuff but it really is important. I know too many people (myself included) who knew that in theory and still thought it would kill the mood to talk about it at a certain point. Don't ever make that mistake yourself!

Safe, sane, consensual.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Gândi_Bee

[Guest Princessaj]

Oh, I am so happy for you and your Daddy...even if you haven't made it official.

 

I have to say that I have always done what you did in the matter of meeting and engaging...sexually. Yes, most of the time with the wrong guys....yes for so many years and so many guys. I would run my uncertain anxiety thoughts, like yours over and over, doubting and second guessing everything. When I step back and look at the circus I made of everything, I never had a chance, nor did they. 

 

You sound very present and analytical about your DDlg adventure. I now have good friends (vanilla, know nothing about me and DDlg) that have given me feedback about whether I am sounding too emotional, silly stupid (bad) or analytical, measured even if I am so cited (good). Even when things crash and burn, I do have the choice to be analytical and so do all of us.

 

You know your own personal "anxiety signs" so be aware when you are making yourself spin and spin and spin.

 

The best thing I can say right now, because I am in a good space with my anxiety and depression...even if it is for five minutes...is to

 

ENJOY right now!!!!

 

Be present, yes chat chat chat about future things too, like car shopping...me too by the way....I have become so committed to enjoying the moments of each time that I am with Daddy (new Daddy by the way...everybody- Yeah!) or even when I am texting him a random thought or emoji, Skyping and/or talking that before we know it, we will be well down the road into the relationship.

 

Even if, for example, things were to end right now, I have to tell you that lunch yesterday was like in a movie. Time stood still, we were so connected and even when I was shy and quiet, I was jumping up and down, standing on my chair in my mind..I was right there, nowhere else, not in the past, the future or spinning, spinning, spinning in my "script" the silly stupid things I tell myself about not being good enough. That's right, a hamburger, french fries and an Arnold Palmer was like a 5 star restaurant at the top of a skyscraper hotel in Paris. I am objectifying, not bragging. For all the times that things have crashed and burned...I still have the dream of having "The" Daddy forever and ever.

 

Hey, if I can do it at 52, all you youngsters can learn to ENJOY! the now, NOW. Have Fun! HUGS!!!!

[PerilousRainbow]

I'm still spinning a little with my anxiety but it's getting better. Last night he went to the gym late and didn't have time to call me before he had to get some sleep but he called me this morning and said he owed me a phone call at least even if we still couldn't discuss our expectations in more depth quiet yet. Daddy barely slept last night so I can't blame him for wanting to be fully aware for that talk and having to put it off again. The fact that he's at least talked to me a couple minutes at least once a day is really helping.

 

I actually told my best friend, who is into some light BDSM exploring with her boyfriend, that Daddy and I were going to be in a DDlg and she didn't have anything negative to say about it. Of course I used Daddy's first name because, and I told daddy this, if he ever ends up meeting my best friend I would be using his name. I told him I wouldn't use it when it's just us though.

 

Her reaction also helped me calm down about it because she's supportive of whatever would make me happy. I left out a few details though, like we already had sex on our first meeting. I did tell her he picked me up like it was nothing I just didn't mention why I was really on his lap...

 

I've never been picked up like that before. It was the best. It's also why the way he looks and is makes me so excited.

[PerilousRainbow]

So I think I figured it out. When my last relationship ended, or when I've had any relationship end, that's when I'm most in my anxious little space. It just happened that this time I actually met someone quickly who fits what I want. I always want a daddy but I ignore that if I date someone I know wouldn't be for it/has shown no interest in some of what I think are my tamer kinks.

 

And because I actually finally met someone who feels very genuine it scared me. Today I had messaged Daddy asking if he had any idea when we could have our talk and he said "Daddy works a lot and has very little down time" and I liked that he wasn't mean about it and is being so patient with my impatience/anxiety about it. I'm hoping he calls me in the morning again before he has to work. His small amount of down time yet he manages to call for a few minutes at least once a day makes me so happy.