How to tell someone is a "Fake" caregiver?

[Guest bubbles__]

Hi! I had a bad 2 year relationship with my first Daddy which caused me to take a 3 year break from the ddlg community. Now that I've opened up to it again and decided to carefully search for a Daddy I'm kind of oblivious to the signs of fake caregivers. I mean I know ones that start being sexual off the bat are rude. But what else can I look for? I'm just so scared to get hurt more or get too attached to someone I shouldn't. Because I've run into so many of them ;-;

[LittlePupRune]

It's really hard to say what makes someone "fake" or not because that can be different from person to person. Caregivers are different, and just because someones wants don't line up with someone elses doesn't make them fake. 

 

Now, if you're looking at avoiding certain kinds of people you need to be clear in what you want and keep an eye out for red flags. That's just common sense in any kind of relationship and is not cg/l specific. Don't be afraid to set your own boundaries and stick to them.

 

 

Highly suggested you take a look at this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/20071-fake-daddies/

[Princess-P]

I agree with the above post. Fake is a term most people use for a caregiver or little who doesn't fit their ideal of what that roll should be.

 

Yes asking for sex or nudes right away is rude, because they dont know what your interested in. But some people are interested in casual encounters, so we can't really call fake on that.

 

Be clear, make a personal stating what you are interested in, some personal interests/hobbies, what kind of little you are, what you enjoy while not being little if you have a defined little space, why you make a great partner and what you expect a potential partner to bring to the table. The more details the better, so you HUD a clear picture.

 

Now the best way to weed out Tue undesirables is to bote who does or does not relate to things you've posted about. Or who ask you questions that are already specifically answered on your personal or profile.

 

Be cautious and aware and dont rush anything.

[Mikaitaku]

someone who does not bother to get to know you or what you want is probably a pretty good indicator that they are fake. 

[Guest Prat]

Bad cg will be manipulative instead of influential, deceiving instead of honest, sheltering instead of nurturing, isolative instead of protective and abusive instead of dominative. Narcissistic, ignorant, egocentric, disrespectful, impatient, insecure. They will call you names without permission, they will try isolate you from others, they will try threatening you, they will not respect safety or boundaries, they will not admit they need improving or even try to, they will demand submission instantly. These are some examples, not all,but some that could help you out. What else might help is to check their profile, usually they'll have all their posts in personal (just my opinion).

 

If you need help dealing with someone like that, don't be afraid to speak up to the forum, you will find help here for sure.

 

Also the ignore feature is great.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Prat(Praetorian)

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

I agree with Prat, and would add listen to your gut. If something about the person makes you uneasy, tell them 'thanks, but no thanks' and move on. Your instincts will never lead you astray.

[Guest thepoet]

Find who you like. Walk away from who you don't. And give up on the labels.

[Strongbad456]

My interpretation of the question is how to differentiate between Daddy's, even ones whose practices are different from the OP'S, and people who are trying to exploit the dynamic and manipulate people. To me it comes down to people who respect your limits, are open to discussion, and don't go straight for the sexual side of things. This people are more likely to be "real" Daddy's, and not predators.

[Daddy_Shaw]

Personally, kiddo, I believe a GOOD Daddy takes your feelings into account before their own. They understand when you may be uncomfortable with something. They show you attention even if doing so is inconvenient or embarrassing. A BAD Daddy is reluctant to do those things.

[Foxcatcher]

I cannot say what constitutes "fakery".

But if a dd/cg doesn't support you in life, he cannot be a DD.

He should encourage you in your endeavors.

Comfort you when sad.

Give positive reinforcement.

Take delight in your joys.

Be happy for you when good news comes.

[Guest Scottist]

Let them ask the questions about you, if he takes the time to learn about you, then he really cares. Hope the responses you got helped, Ive been hurt in a similar manner.

[chubbylilwolfcub]

I don't think taking things so a sexual place very quickly constitutes a fake. Some people are looking for a casual encounter, and some people want a deep and meaningful relationship that is also highly sexual. How fast you are willing to take things sexual is really up to you.

 

I think a good indicator of a fake is in their reactions. If someone asks you for nudes and you say you arent ready and they are understanding they are likely very sexual but still legitimate. If in the same situation the person gets angry or rude its a good indicator they are not a Daddy and likely don't understand what it means to truly be a Daddy.

Unfortunately, its very easy to get caught up in the emotional aspect of a new relationship before any abuse or manipulation takes place. The best thing you can do is set your own limits and STICK WITH THEM!

[Untwisted]

Nobody is Daddy unless you decide they are.

 

Until then, they are just a person, not a fake anything (unless they turn out to be a robot or something). 

 

If they want different things to you and are not what you're looking for, you don't promote them to Daddy. 

 

Only when you've taken the time and everything feels right do you decide they are Daddy.  And if it then turns out they misled you about themselves, then they're still not fake-Daddy, just a person who lied to you.

[Subtleties]

Every caregiver is different.  Some go for sex right away, while others prefer a more nurturing relationship.  Trust has to be established in any relationship.  The internet has made many of us more cautious as many people don't share the same intentions, and it's difficult gauging ones intentions or personality.  

 

Asking engaging questions to weigh in on their intentions is always the best way.  Even when meeting for the first time; do it in a public place if you're still uneasy or unsure.  That way if you find out the care giver doesn't have the intentions you're comfortable with, then you can always say no. 

[LacesXo]

People that try to be controlling/make rules straight away are a big one I find a lot. A decent caregiver won't try and control you from the word go and it's easy to get wrapped up in it especially if they're also showing you lots of affection

[babyleerah]

i definitely agree that it's gut feeling ! if you ever feel uncomfortable on the inside or like you're being mistreated, it's not a good sign. i had to learn that -- i talked to a lot of people who wanted to give me rules and punishments right away, and that really scared me at first. i'm very much about getting to know people, and people getting to know me. i had to take a break from this community because of it, and it is kind of scary, since ddlg is a little... taboo? but, hopefully, there is someone out there who wants the same things that you want -- you just have to keep your eyes ( and heart ) open and be willing to communicate! 

[Dominari]

Submission is a gift you offer to a person you have learned to trust over time. They don't take it; you give it. The Daddy should not force/push you into being his little. It takes patience and an opportunity for the relationship to blossom. 

 

Take your time with it. Don't rush into needing a Daddy in your life. Make an emotional connection with someone. Everything should come together naturally. 

 

I hope you find the happiness in a DD/lg relationship. You deserve to be treated in a loving and caring manner.