reinvention of self?

[Literate Little]

Hi everyone! I'm a sad little and I'm going to try to get happy by reinventing myself since I hate myself so much, but I'm such an idealistic perfectionist that I just don't know how to do it. Daddy wants me to be happy and is encouraging me to better myself in hopes that i'll be happier and less suicidal, but he thinks I need psychological help first. i'm convinced I can do it alone, but like... i don't know please bear with me. my ideal self is floating around in my head. I just want to be more delicate and sweet and loving and soft and i just don't want to be so bold and bright and brash and annoying. i want to be surrounded in beauty and then become the beauty myself. i wanna be a pale little black haired angel.

[cuppycakes]

I think that you should work on loving yourself as you are instead of changing yourself. Getting help isn't a sign of weakness, either. It just shows that you're trying to do something that's good for you. Getting medication for my anxiety/depression was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I know a lot of my close friends feel the same way about their therapy.

 

Doing it by yourself doesn't make you stronger or better than if you were to get help, it just might end up making the road harder.

 

You shouldn't have an "ideal" version of yourself, because (speaking as someone who was anorexic), you will NEVER live up to that expectation. I starved myself because I wanted to be skinnier, but one day I realized that I would never be skinny enough. I just wanted more and more and more. Instead of changing myself, I decided to change how I thought about myself.

 

I really encourage you to seek professional help.

[Literate Little]

I think that you should work on loving yourself as you are instead of changing yourself. Getting help isn't a sign of weakness, either. It just shows that you're trying to do something that's good for you. Getting medication for my anxiety/depression was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and I know a lot of my close friends feel the same way about their therapy.

 

Doing it by yourself doesn't make you stronger or better than if you were to get help, it just might end up making the road harder.

 

You shouldn't have an "ideal" version of yourself, because (speaking as someone who was anorexic), you will NEVER live up to that expectation. I starved myself because I wanted to be skinnier, but one day I realized that I would never be skinny enough. I just wanted more and more and more. Instead of changing myself, I decided to change how I thought about myself.

 

I really encourage you to seek professional help.

 

but the problem is that I honestly don't think i can ever like myself the way I am. I'm the type of person i hate.

[cuppycakes]

but the problem is that I honestly don't think i can ever like myself the way I am. I'm the type of person i hate.

Nobody with mental illness ever thinks they'll be able to like themselves. Again, I point to my own experiences where I thought I was fat and ugly and worthless and I would lay awake every night thinking about how awful of a person I was. I hated myself more than I could ever hate a human being because I didn't think of myself as a regular person, I was worth less than a regular person. I was dirt beneath their feet. I didn't like myself, I didn't like what kind of person I was, I didn't like my looks or my habits or my hair color or ANYTHING about myself.

 

But instead of changing who I was, I got help and changed how I looked at myself.

 

First get help for your mental illness, then focus on changing yourself if you still want to. I understand wanting to "surround yourself in beauty and then becoming the beauty yourself" because I felt the same way; however, I did it by wearing clothes that made me feel good about myself, not changing my personality.

 

Please please please listen to your daddy and go seek help. Suicide is not something to be taken lightly, and you won't be able to fix it just by pretending you're something that you're not. The goal is to love yourself, not to love a fake version of yourself. I promise it's possible because hundreds of thousands of people have felt the way you do and have learned to love themselves in the same way.

[Ink]

Couldn't agree more with Cuppycakes.

 

It is the hardest thing in the world to seek help for mental illness. We all know and are told that it's important and yet its so tempting to try to do it ourselves.

 

I'm sure there are a tonne of metaphors out there for this but i'll put it plainly. Trying to fix yourself by yourself is making things a thousand times harder because mental illness seeps so deeply into everything its impossible to judge things clearly. Seeking outside assistance is critical because when someone impartial can look at the situation clearly then you can rely on their judgement.

 

Please seek help. When it comes to suicidal thoughts/tendencies it is just not worth the risk of going at it alone.

[Guest Princessaj]

Be proactive and do it soon. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you and so many more things that are going to require you to be strong and beautiful, mind, body and soul.

 

You will have to make peace with your demons, like I have. I see Mental illness Professionals as tools for my wellbeing. I have used them all my life with my many challenges. When I am sick I go to the Doctor that specializes for what needs healing. When I had cancer, I saw an Oncologist and they saved my life. It's the same case for a Psychiatrist, they heal me mentally.

 

When you have gotten a Psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with, consider working with a Life Coach too. They are trained to help with reinvention, goals, focus.."be more delicate and sweet and loving and soft" is such a splendid plan. You will find someone that will guide you to exactly where YOU want to be. Hugs!!!