My little left me.

[Guest Xastry]

Hi. I'm a 20 year old male who has been in a 8 month long distance daddy/little relationship with a 18 year old girl. A few days ago she has become very quiet and needing time to herself, although she recently opened up to me and said she wanted a break. They've been feeling very depressed and sad, telling me that I couldn't help them with it and that they needed this break. We still talk, but she just doesn't trust me or want me around anymore because I've hurt her. I've never had any intention of hurting her, and there's nothing I can do to fix this. It's even led to her starting to self harm from the pain I've caused her. 

She means the world to me and I hate to see her upset and depressed, especially when it's unintentionally caused by me. All of my time and care has been put into her ever since we met. She deserves happiness, care and support but sadly I don't think I'm strong enough to fix this and work it all out. I don't want to just walk away from her, it isn't right of me to. But I fear that I'll hurt her again, I'm terrified of that. Without her, I have no goals or dreams to work towards. She wants me to be a better man, but how can I when she's the only thing I want in this world?

I feel sad, depressed and overall defeated. She's constantly on my mind, but I'm really not sure what's right to do anymore. I need some help. What should I do DDLG community? Thank you.

[submissiveboyjimmy]

I feel your pain and understand what you're going hrough!  Keep working on improving yourself, I know it's tough but push yourself so that you can better take care of a little in the future.  You may have hurt your little but from reading this it wasn't intentional, the best way to look at it is a growing experience, you learned from this and can improve, that's how we all make progress.  Big hugs!

Edited June 12, 2017 by submissiveboyjimmy

[Guest Mr.Stuffykins]

Hmm, when she says that you hurt her is that solely based on the statement that you couldn't help her with her depression?

 

In any case its very difficult to tell you how to handle this because you know the situation far better than any of us. On One hand, or what I would do based on this information alone, is to make it clear how important she is to you. Tell her that you'll give her her space but to please reconsider being together again. Ask for a chance, hope, nothing more nothing less.

 

On the other hand if she is completely annoyed with you then immediately back away and let her come to you. Don't rush anything and dont pressure her.

 

Lastly, you can't fear messing up again. Fearing it just implies theres a chance of it happening again. And if you love this person as much as you say you do then you won't let there be any chance of failure. You have to try your best and nothing less.

[Hastings]

I have to agree with submissiveboyjimmy. It doesn't seem like you hurt your Little intentionally. So, what you must do is take this as a learning experience and grow from it. People hurt partners. Sometimes very deeply, other times not very deeply. But pain and love often go hand in hand. What we must do is learn from those mistakes. And if the hurt was too much for the relationship to continue then you must accept your former partner's decision, respect it, and seek to become a better person through understanding how you hurt your partner. Right now, give your former Little space. Let them go through the healing process. As much as you care, you don't want to make the pain any worse. The hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go. But, again, since it can't be stressed enough, learn and grow from this experience, so that in the future it will make you a better partner. 

[Guest littleloveslars]

I have no advice than this: it is not your fault that this individual has chosen to self harm. The decision to do such a thing was hers and hers alone, and any attempt to lead you to believe that it is your fault is manipulation and should direct you to promptly exit the situation. Shes not a child. She is aj 18 year old adult woman. If she can't communicate like a normal adult woman, and believe self harming is the right thing to do, she needs serious medical and psychological intervention. This might sound cold, but as someone who formerly self harmed for years, tough love is the only love that saved me.

[Hastings]

I have to agree with littleloveslars. The self-harm is NOT your fault (I'm sorry I missed this point in my previous post, and great job littleloveslars for making this point). Your former Little made that choice on her own. They chose that as their outlet. And thus, while the pain you caused them might have led to them needing an outlet, you are not in any way responsible for the outlet your former Little chose. The self-harm, again, is not your fault. And if your former Little is blaming that on you then it is a form of emotional manipulation. Emotional manipulation that is destructive. 

 

Ultimately what you do is your decision. But the best advice I know is to step away, exit the situation, learn, and grow into a better person. 

[Guest Xastry]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. Your words are all so kind and thoughtful. It was hard for me to see the perspective of someone else on the situation, but now with your feedback I can see it clearly. I'll do my best to improve and be a better man. You're right; It's a learning experience. Preferably I would have wanted to go through the learning experience with her, but due to her choices, I will have to learn from it alone.

If anyone else if having similar problems and needs advice, don't be afraid. It took me quite a bit of courage to write here, but it was definitely worth it. Be positive, take care and love yourself for who you are. You're amazing.

[Guest Xastry]

I left her a final thoughtful goodbye message. It was best for the two of us to go our separate ways. It was very hard for me and I'm feeling quite upset and lonely already. Would anyone like to talk? I just need some one to help me be happy again. 

[submissiveboyjimmy]

I left her a final thoughtful goodbye message. It was best for the two of us to go our separate ways. It was very hard for me and I'm feeling quite upset and lonely already. Would anyone like to talk? I just need some one to help me be happy again. 

Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk or feel lonely.