Why is being a bigger little such a big issue to some people?

[littlekittygoesmew97]

Hello everyone! So I've been wanting to post about this for a while now, but didn't know how to write it out.

 

What I wanted to talk about, is why curvier, or plus size littles, whether that be female or male, transgender or nonbinary etc, are not what a lot of people are looking for?

 

I understand that to a lot of people appearance and a persons attractiveness in their future partner is a big deal breaker, but why should it be? Every person whether you are bigger or not, should be given the same opportunity to have a chance with someone.

 

What I find too often is that people I've talked with have been so cold hearted to me because I am in fact a bigger person. I'm not gonna lie, I am over 260 something pounds at this current moment in time, but why should my weight have anything to do with me being an acceptable suitor for someone? The way people think is so backwards sometimes. 

 

I once had a guy who I met on here that I was talking to, that was a potential daddy for me. One day we finally decided to skype. This man had no knowledge of my weight at all. I rarely ever tell someone my weight, because it doesn't matter to me. I answered his skype call and we talked for a good five minutes or so, and he had asked me to stand up, so he could see all of me, so he could know what I looked like more.

 

I kid you not, this guy took one look at me, and literally said,"Wow I wasn't expecting you to be obese.." "I don't like fat people.." And after those words were exchanged to me, he told me he didn't want me, and that no mommy, caregiver, or daddy would ever want a obese little like me. 

 

It's truly disheartening when something like that happens, and it really has made me not want to look for someone anymore, but I try to keep trucking on, and not letting it bother me. I hate also that when I start to read a personal and get to see what kind of a person that specific person is, I end up reading the whole "I would prefer someone who is skinny.." or something along those lines, and it just automatically gets me upset. 

 

I'm sorry if this post is a little long, but I wanted to make it, because I've felt very uncomfortable with how I've been treated on here, by several daddys now, especially that one skype call incident. I wanted to voice something, that maybe a few others might not have the courage to do. 

 

I'd love to hear what others have to say about this or how they view this topic. 

 

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this

[hisangel]

JMO but a good daddy will look at more then just your weight. My daddy is my husband and I'm overweight and probably pretty close to same weight as you are and he doesn't care. Not everyone has the same body shape nor is the same weight and maybe for a huge variety of reasons. (health issues or whatever)

[Guest Loki]

He's a butt and you deserve better.

 

This is slightly off topic, but I believe most people are incapable of finding love because they only go for what they deem perfect, which of course does not exist.

 

Keep looking, be honest, and try not to let a bully tarnish your life. You're beautiful.

 

Edit: a lot of people are actually brainwashed into liking unrealistic and often unhealthy body types due to advertisements and other media.

Edited June 11, 2017 by Pinkyellowblue

[Princess-P]

As someone who is also plus sized I see nothing at all wrong with someone being not interested in a person because of weight.

 

I also see nothing at all wrong with someone finding out you are obese and deciding you no longer suit them.

 

There's nothing at all wrong with image preferences. I have them. I wouldn't date a man who was short and skinny. Thats just not for me. Im also not attracted to extremely muscular men. So what? That doesn't make me a bad person.

 

Most people want to be physically attracted to their partner and if they aren't its a deal breaker because the relationship doesn't feel complete. Why settle for less than everything you want?

 

Now in your situation then potential Daddy should not have said no one would want you. He should have been polite about it and just let you know he's not physically attracted to you and doesn't think it will work as a romantic relationship. If he was polite maybe you could still be friends with no expectation of anything more.

 

As a rule I would not try to develop anything more than a casual friendship with someone who does not share pictures. Unfortunately you will probably run into more people who will not be attracted to your weight. Maybe consider sharing that you are over weight, or better yet sharing pictures, with people you are getting to know before you become attached to the point your feelings get hurt.

[DollDirector]

" I rarely ever tell someone my weight,because it doesn't matter to me "

 

This may sound bizarre,possibly me seeing things too professionally,but what about applying some marketing here ? I think you should,lightly at first,mention weight,and then if things appear to be moving on,mention it more precisely. You only risk attracting guys who have nothing against curves while loosing those who deserve getting lost.

Anyway you win !

[StefanC71_UK]

I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. I can only speak for myself of course but size has never been an issue for me. Likewise with colour, height, age etc.

 

It's the connection that counts.

 

There has to be more out there like me, so don't give up.

[littlekittygoesmew97]

JMO but a good daddy will look at more then just your weight. My daddy is my husband and I'm overweight and probably pretty close to same weight as you are and he doesn't care. Not everyone has the same body shape nor is the same weight and maybe for a huge variety of reasons. (health issues or whatever)

 

Thank you so much for replying And yes very true. No one will ever have the same body shape. That's whats so unique about all of us 

[littlekittygoesmew97]

He's a butt and you deserve better.

 

This is slightly off topic, but I believe most people are incapable of finding love because they only go for what they deem perfect, which of course does not exist.

 

Keep looking, be honest, and try not to let a bully tarnish your life. You're beautiful.

 

Edit: a lot of people are actually brainwashed into liking unrealistic and often unhealthy body types due to advertisements and other media.

 

Thank you I know I deserve bettter, but that happened a while ago, but its still prevalent to me. 

 

And I completely agree with that. A lot of people have such high expectations for their future partner, and I'm not downing anyone who does, but sometimes it too unrealistic to be honest.

 

And thank you again love. I don't see myself as beautiful, but I really appreciate the compliment  

[littlekittygoesmew97]

As someone who is also plus sized I see nothing at all wrong with someone being not interested in a person because of weight.

 

I also see nothing at all wrong with someone finding out you are obese and deciding you no longer suit them.

 

There's nothing at all wrong with image preferences. I have them. I wouldn't date a man who was short and skinny. Thats just not for me. Im also not attracted to extremely muscular men. So what? That doesn't make me a bad person.

 

Most people want to be physically attracted to their partner and if they aren't its a deal breaker because the relationship doesn't feel complete. Why settle for less than everything you want?

 

Now in your situation then potential Daddy should not have said no one would want you. He should have been polite about it and just let you know he's not physically attracted to you and doesn't think it will work as a romantic relationship. If he was polite maybe you could still be friends with no expectation of anything more.

 

As a rule I would not try to develop anything more than a casual friendship with someone who does not share pictures. Unfortunately you will probably run into more people who will not be attracted to your weight. Maybe consider sharing that you are over weight, or better yet sharing pictures, with people you are getting to know before you become attached to the point your feelings get hurt.

 

I never said that anyone who has specific image preferences makes them a bad person. But I understand where people are coming from. 

 

I like blue eyes, and really tall guys, but that's just physical traits that I like, but a person I meet doesn't have to look like that.

 

I always go for a person with a good personality, and if they happen to be attractive, then that's awesome, but appearance has never been a deal breaker for me. 

 

And yes that guy could have been a lot more polite and just said I'm not his type, but he didn't. He obviously has no sense of morale, and doesn't have respect for people. 

 

I'm always hesistant with people who won't show pics to me.

 

But thank you for taking the time to share your perspective. I really appreciate it

[littlekittygoesmew97]

" I rarely ever tell someone my weight,because it doesn't matter to me "

 

This may sound bizarre,possibly me seeing things too professionally,but what about applying some marketing here ? I think you should,lightly at first,mention weight,and then if things appear to be moving on,mention it more precisely. You only risk attracting guys who have nothing against curves while loosing those who deserve getting lost.

Anyway you win !

 

I've never thought of that to be honest. When you phrased it as marketing, I had to reread what you meant lol 

 

But i totally get what you mean. It'd be better to tell my weight right off the bat, to avoid any daddys or mommys that dont like that certain body type. In the end I won't be pouring my heart and soul into someone that doesn't even want to be with me.

 

Thank you for commenting

[littlekittygoesmew97]

I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. I can only speak for myself of course but size has never been an issue for me. Likewise with colour, height, age etc.

 

It's the connection that counts.

 

There has to be more out there like me, so don't give up.

 

It's truly okay to be honest. I just have met and seen so many wonderful people who are bigger, and people never give them a chance, simply due to, "I don't like your size.." 

 

But I also do understand why people have image preferences, but I'm more for personality and a connection with someone, like you said is what counts.

 

I'd rather be have a good connection with someone, versus meeting a somewhat attractive person and then have them turn out to be a complete asshat. Or it could go both ways.

[Guest Sephi]

Oh, honey. I am so sorry that that dick bag said that to you! There are lots of daddies out there who like curvy and lots of people out there who are attracted to who a person is and sees their body as an extension of the awesome person they are.... people who body shame you or ghost you after deciding you don't meet their physical ideal are weeding themselves out.

[Guest bubbles__]

This is kind of tricky. I'm also curvy naturally but I battle with a ED so my weight can fluctuate. I think it's definitely important to be up front and honest about what you look like (not just head shots ect). I think it's okay to not want to be with someone if you don't find them physically atttactive but if you're rude about it or treat them like less of a person then you're just scum. Essentially weight is just a number. I personally am bisexual and I like curvy girls as well as smol girls but I focus more on the personality. But still I have to be attracted to the person ya know? I do agree that people make weight a big issue when it really isn't. I do want my partner to be healthy so like morbidly obese I'm not okay with. I want my partner to be around for a long time. But being on the "bigger" side in my opinion isn't that big of a deal. If people have preferences that's fine as long as they aren't rude about it I guess is how I see it.

[littlekittygoesmew97]

Oh, honey. I am so sorry that that dick bag said that to you! There are lots of daddies out there who like curvy and lots of people out there who are attracted to who a person is and sees their body as an extension of the awesome person they are.... people who body shame you or ghost you after deciding you don't meet their physical ideal are weeding themselves out.

 

It's alright love! Things like this happen to me all the time actually lol I know not everyone is put off by someone who is bigger, but it's so hard to find accepting people nowadays.

 

They are weeding themselves out, and it hurts, but at the same time, if I can't meet their needs or they meet mine, then we are wasting each others time.

[littlekittygoesmew97]

This is kind of tricky. I'm also curvy naturally but I battle with a ED so my weight can fluctuate. I think it's definitely important to be up front and honest about what you look like (not just head shots ect). I think it's okay to not want to be with someone if you don't find them physically atttactive but if you're rude about it or treat them like less of a person then you're just scum. Essentially weight is just a number. I personally am bisexual and I like curvy girls as well as smol girls but I focus more on the personality. But still I have to be attracted to the person ya know? I do agree that people make weight a big issue when it really isn't. I do want my partner to be healthy so like morbidly obese I'm not okay with. I want my partner to be around for a long time. But being on the "bigger" side in my opinion isn't that big of a deal. If people have preferences that's fine as long as they aren't rude about it I guess is how I see it.

 

I also suffer from an ED myself, so I understand completely what you mean about weight fluctuation. I'm very upfront and honest about what I look like and my weight, but most of the time, I don't say it right off the bat. Especially if I don't know what that persons alterior motives are with me. 

 

I completely agree that not everyone is going to want to be with another person. I just don't want them to necessarily think that I'm just being some pompous asshole who is insulting people who have image preferences. I'm just trying to say that weight shouldn't matter, because everyone is beautiful no matter what. And that more people should be given a chance. 

 

For myself, I'm not particularly happy with how much I weigh, but this is my body right now, and it's very difficult for me to lose weight. 

 

As long as people are curtious and kind, and just say, "Hey I think you're a great person, but I can't see myself with you, because I am not attracted to you physically..", then I would be fine. It's just after getting used to so much negativity over the years from people, based on my weight, it really has been offsetting to me. 

[submissiveboyjimmy]

I'm sorry you've gone through that, I understand since I've been a bit chubbier from high school on, and I've found that when I was skinnier which I have been for years at a time women flirt with me more or will literally start touching me.  The sad truth is that people judge other people and it's the way our society functions. 

[Guest BabyG]

Hey beautiful!

 

I can so sympathise, I'm a bigger little with an ED, and outside the ddlg community when I was dating I've had weird encounters! One guy messaged me saying "Hey, so you're gorgeous and your face is thin, but in the other pictures your body looks kinda fat. Is this real or an illusion?" I was like erm I definitely like pizza now and then, is that a problem? Another guy I was dating a while said I'm 'nice' but I'd be gorgeous if I lost some weight. Basically, you deserve way better and fuck guys like that.

 

I usually drop in that I'm on the curvy side and have a couple of full photos so people can't act all surprised, if people have a preference thats fine but there's no need to be rude about it. When you find the right person, you won't worry trust me   You're beautiful and your daddy should make you feel that way all the time, I know my daddy does Also when it comes to guys my weight isn't a 'thing' up for discussion, my daddy emphasises healthy eating (Because I ask him too) but thats about it. There are plenty of guys and potential daddies who aren't just looking for a specific body type, and bear in mind there's so much more to you than your shape or size, avoid the shallow guys and you'll hopefully wind up with someone way better anyway xx

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[TeddyBearDaddy21]

It all falls on the fact that most people... Men and women alike, have some sort of delusion that the opposite sex should be perfect. The stereotypical stuff like you should have a small waist or you have to have big boobs or guys need to be jacked with huge muscles and a large "censored* or some other nonsense. These are stereotypes that the world has enforced on us by the media (pop stars, movie stars, idols and celebrities) all have what they call the "it" bod'. It's wrong and is one of the major causes of depression and suicide. It's cruel to say that you can't be yourself because you don't "fit" the part and people end up shutting themselves out or fall to the dark voice inside their head. To make matters worse is that even tho some have seemed to find the right one, they make stories about how your unhealthy and ugly. The ones who'd dare try and force their gf, little or sub to lose weight just because he doesn't approve of your physical aspect, should be run over by a bus. The only time you should feel the need to change is because you want that change for yourself. but the main thing is to be comfortable in your own skin. Big or not everyone is a treasure to behold.

 

PS to the guys who say women need to be big breasted... You try walking around with a toolbox strapped to your chest all day and see how you like it... The stereotyping needs to stop.

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

Well, on thevplus side (no pun intended), folks reply back after you tell them your well got. The one who berated and body shamed you, however, was a total jackass.

 

I'm your size, & ive had folks drop off the face of the earth after finding out my weight. One Dom I met in college (back when Dino's roamed the earth) talked about reconnecting last summer; he came out for a visit & did everything he could not to be seen with me when we went out.

 

My Daddy cares about my weight, & my tasks include exercising every day. He requires it from a health perspective, not a standard of beauty.

 

They're out there...don't give up.

[Hastings]

Everyone has their preferences, and that's okay. What's not okay, ever, is to make someone feel unworthy of love or hurt because they don't fall in line with a preference. A lot of why a person's appearance comes into play with a partner comes from media portrayals of the physically 'ideal' partner for what members in a society should find 'sexually appealing'. Media has a strong influence on the mind in terms of what is 'good' and 'bad', or 'desirable' and 'undesirable'. That doesn't mean it affects everyone, though. A lot of people learn to look beyond the norms that society tries to push through subliminal messaging and images. 

 

Overall, though, just be yourself. I know it hurts to be rejected. Even more when you feel the person has been rude about it. But I do promise that there are people out there who would love to be with you, no matter what your size. Keep smiling. Keep your head up. And best wishes and luck in your search. 

[Guest blumonkey]

You are not alone. Women find 80% of the male population below average in appearance. These guys also face rejection and can definitely can sympathize. Not only appearance, but a guy can be too tall, too short, too big, too skinny, too old, too young, too this... too that...

[Little Illy]

Okaaaay. So I have a rather unpopular opinion on this topic:

The original question - Why should weight be a deal breaker for anyone?

 

In my opinion, when it comes to attraction, weight is just like any other physical feature. Some people prefer blondes, others prefer blue eyes, some need a guy who is super tall, some want a guy with large arms, a petite frame may be preferred, or long/short hair is a necessity, etc. Same goes with body type.

 

People have different reasons for liking different body types. And over the years I have seen that those who REALLY "NEED" a fit girl (just going with basic genders to save space/time - but this is all inclusive regardless of the pronouns) is because the guy leads a fit lifestyle. A really good buddy of mine (a Daddy on here, actually) is like that. He is SUPER fit and takes that lifestyle very seriously. He eats only healthy stuff, drinks nutritional shakes, goes to the gym regularly and so on. Now if he was to pair up with a little who only ate junk food, never tries to work out, nor cares all that much about her health - his lifestyle is now severely compromised. It would not be fair for either person to get into a relationship - they would both feel pressure on how they live and what is expected of them from their partner. Which isn't right on either end.

 

Going away from the super fit - attraction is a big issue. I'll use myself for example; I have a body preference of curvy, but not obese curvy. But that natural curve of large breasts, a healthy butt and shapely legs. If she has a tummy that's okay, but nothing massively unhealthy. That is what I am physically attracted to. I don't care for girls who are really big, and that doesn't make me a bad person. I would NEVER be so rude as that jerk off daddy was to you. And I would never instantly dismiss a girl because she was heavier - but like any other physical trait of attraction (eye color, hair, height, nose, lips, hands, etc) weight/body type is a consideration.

 

But that doesn't mean all is a loss! If a person genuinely cares about you, if he (she) truly is invested in getting to know the real you (and not just the superficial aspect society has dolled out to be best) then he will see past body type. Typically the deal breaking (when not including the fit lifestyle vs the unhealthy lifestyle) comes when a person is only vested in getting to know you as a sexual object. Which, in my opinion, helps you weed out those who don't want something serious. 

 

I personally, in another unpopular opinion, feel like we need to understand that a lot of people will not like our weight. Maybe because we are too big, or too small, too tall, or too short, or our shape. That is just a fact of life an I don't think that is a bad thing. When we look in on ourselves, we have to admit we all have those physical traits that can be deal breakers. And just because weight might not be ours, that doesn't make those whose deal breaker is weight, bad people. Its basically an orientation - you are attracted to what you are attracted to.

 

HOWEVER - We can ALL, and SHOULD, go about explaining ourselves in the most respectful way. I remember when my Daddy and I started talking. He told me outright what his physical preferences were (to which, I didn't fit) and I let him know of mine (to which, he was someone I never thought of being with) but we did so in such a direct and polite fashion that neither of us were offended. We explained ourselves, but we also were just putting our cards on the table. And we continued to talk with them there. Now, 8 months later we find we are a perfect fit. Why? Because we handled the issue politely and like adults (despite me being little!) and that - in my opinion - is how it should be. You shouldn't receive backlash because you have a physical preference. Just like you shouldn't receive hate and slander because you are of a certain body type. Rather - everyone should be more understanding of everyone else's situations and realities.

 

At the end of the day - we need to treat everyone with respect. That way when these discrepancies do happen, they're not traumatic. 

[Taken101]

I myself have a little who is a bit on the curvier side. To me it just means there's more of her to love.

 

Hold your head up or your tiara will fall off. Find someone who makes you feel confident and comfortable with your body and you'll command respect from all.

 

Oh and as for the daddy that shamed you, well shame on him. He needs a punishment for that IMO. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

[Daddy_Shaw]

From the point of view of a Daddy:

 

Honestly, I do like a slight build and shorter height. I find that cute. But that's personal preference, like being attracted to dark hair as opposed to blonde. Having said that, for myself, personally, I'm not put off by a bigger build. I don't know, I guess I'm attracted to the shyness; vulnerability. Maybe that makes me a bad guy, I don't know. It's not like I exploit someone who is weak or anything. I just feel empathy for someone who isn't confident; isn't comfortable with themselves. I'm compelled to show that person special attention just because my heart goes out to them. I guess that's why, in the past, my littles have been slightly larger. 

 

I can think of only one reason why I might even in the absolute slightest be put-off by a heaver girl... I like to hold my little's ankles up in the air to lift their tush up and slide a dip under them. It's tougher to do on a larger pair of legs. That's it. That's my only issue. 

[Ricky Harleman,]

My little a plus size and I don't care about it at all. It not about size of her body. She have a great heart and amazing person. And that what matters the most. She bratty and doesn't like to listen alot but again I would not lover her any less. 

Guys or females say weight matters and make fun of you for it or how your lifestyle is, is mean and just want to change to how they like and not like you for you. That not a caregiver or a little should be and I would report them, seen if they did it to you, he could do it to other girls on this forum. 

Daddy/mommy post to help you grow, even if you stay or no longer need littlespace after words. But every part is never to make you depend on them and feel like they need you to live. If they want to feel that way to feel safe, that one things but being mean and doing things just for that  Purpose is wrong. 

Made me mad just to read someone doing that to other people, grown up with a person like that and hated it. So it makes me mad all the time.