struggling with trust issues

[raptorkitty]

So i feel like i should explain from the very beginning. 

 

anyways, Me and my daddy (boyfriend for over a year now) were having issues back in last october based on him not giving and only taking. definitely when it came to sex. The issue because such a huge thing that one night before going to a halloween party at his friends place, we had a fight. He refused to finish me off after (i had gone like over a month without an orgasm, we had sex 4-5 times a week, and i was upset he wasn't thinking about me). We extended harsh words and he said some really shitty things. I said that any time he gets an orgasm i get one too! and he replied with "looks like we are never having sex." it took quite a toll on me. 

 

well we went to the party not talking to each other.... i didn't want to go anymore but he said we were going. right when he got there he pretended like we weren't fighting.... i was having a hard time fitting in and didn't want to drink because when im hurt and drink , i act in a poor manner. anyways, a guy and me were talking and he said (while my boyfriend was next to us) that he broke up with his fiancé and how he's happy because after 4 years she refused to give him a blow job and he didnt know why he was willing to go the rest of his life not getting anything back from her but she always made him go down on her. at this point I'm looking at my boyfriend trying to hint to the reference. he ignored it. He started trying to get me to drink even though i said i didn't want to and ended up getting pressured into it... right after my boyfriend left me alone with all the people i didnt know. i tried making friends but at this point I'm so loaded with tequila everything skippy. i remember the guy, that was talking to me about his fiancé, talking to me and at one point his hand was on my ass. After that i went down stairs because i sensed that something was wrong and tried getting my boyfriends attention.. he brushed me off, so i found myself back upstairs. at this point i dont remember anything at all, but apparently me and the guy kissed and my boyfriend saw. 

 

when my boyfriend got me home (i must have hit my head) he had to call an ambulance because i would stop breathing. i still dont remember anything and everything that i know has pretty much been told to me... but i ended up with a concussion and passed out. apparently my boyfriend was so mad at me .... that he slept with my body while i was passed out as revenge.... (not really sure if thats raped or not :/ )

 

after that whole incident, whenever my boyfriend is mad he brings up that he doesn't trust me and my cheating, even though we've talked it out and he told me he forgave me. 

 

now the  actual issue is that my boyfriend and i were fighting a lot and it was starting to get bad again, telling me that he doesn't know if we will work, doesn't know how he feels about me, and that he's not "attracted to me" but in the sense that we have been fighting a lot and thats why he's not. so i guess i understand. while we were fighting one night i left to go stay at my friends for a night. The next morning he tells me that he went on my face book........ because he doesn't trust me... and went through my conversations with my friend.. even though i asked him when i first gave him my password that he doesn't look through my close friends conversations and my family's because i go to them about things i can't talk to him about ( i find it hard to confide in him) however he's gone through them anyways multiple times. This time he went through my conversation with my best friend. so when i got home he accused me on flirting and being in love with her..... just because when she says " bye love you" i say love you back. which is normal when you've been friends with someone for 12 years.... after that i changed my Facebook password. i was tired of him breaking his promise with going through my friends and family's conversations just because he couldn't find any dirt on me when he was feeling insecure. 

 

whenever he does something that Ive talked to him about (looking at other girls on Facebook, girls he's slept with or had some sort of intimacy, liking girls on facebook, porn) after he does something like that, he usually starts picking fights and saying that he doesn't trust me, ect. i feel like its him deflecting that he's done something that I've asked him not to do because to me its cheating and feels guilty, so he acts out. Well he's started to say he doesn't trust me after the night i went to my friend's. because i changed my password, even though he has access to my Facebook through my phone or laptop, just not when I'm not around. He changed his password on his phone and his iPad. its gotten to the point where if he leave the room he doesn't leave either devices around me. he's like a hawk with them. and if he's on his phone around me he makes sure i can't see the screen. before i left to my friend, he barely used his phone but all of a sudden he's always on it, texting...... and puts his phone face down when i walk into a room. i commented on the changes passwords and he said he deserves privacy. i can't tell if he's acting this way out of spite or if he's actually hiding something since he's going off that he doesn't trust me, which he usually does when he's deflecting. 

 

because of this behaviour I've felt very distance, every day i ask if we are okay, because when even i walk into a room where he is he usually just stares at me or glares and says "what?" he got mad at me for asking if we are okay and told me that if i dont believe in us we won't work and that I'm making him feel like we aren't okay.... but when ever i try to communicate my feelings clearly he shuts me down. The last week I've had really bad days and i really needed him and he was distant and acted like he didnt care. when i tried telling him about it he said that sometime he just can't be there for me and I'm gonna be alone and have to deal with it.

 

i can't tell if I'm feeling this way because of my cheating in october or because his behaviour is actually shady. i could really used some help on how to deal with this. i know communication is important but with him shutting me down, i can't talk 

Edited June 11, 2017 by raptorkitty

[Frog]

.... that he slept with my body while i was passed out as revenge.... (not really sure if thats raped or not :/ )

 

This part scares me. You can't consent while unconscious. There is no excuse to do this. Ever.

 

He's dangerous, and you need to leave. Everything else is bad, too, but he did this without your permission. He does not respect you.

[submissiveboyjimmy]

There are tons of red flags, I've only read half way through and having sex with someone while they're passed out is defintely rape!

[Daddy's Meg]

This part scares me. You can't consent while unconscious. There is no excuse to do this. Ever.

 

He's dangerous, and you need to leave. Everything else is bad, too, but he did this without your permission. He does not respect you.

 

Honestly this sums it all up.

[*Firefly*]

this man is dangerous.

you CANNOT give consent while you are unconcious. that was RAPE.

furthermore, if he forced you to drink to an extent that you dont remember things and events that happened (i.e. not remembering kissing someone) he cannot blame you. NOTHING THAT HAPPENED IS YOUR FAULT.

you need to leave, he is dangerous and toxic.

if you need help getting away, i can help you. just please, he is a dangerous human and you need to find a way out for your own saftey

[Guest Loki]

I couldn't finish it. Run from him! He is toxic and you are being abused! You deserve so much better. He's not a boyfriend and certainly not a Daddy!

 

He raped you, he doesn't care about your emotions, mental health or your body. He has an utter disrespect for you.

 

I cannot stress this enough. Leave him, cut all contact, do not even be in the same area as him. He is dangorus!

 

And you are not wrong in any of this. He is!

Edited June 11, 2017 by Pinkyellowblue

[Ami29]

Ok,first you didn't cheat on him if you were not even in your right mind under the influence,that's someone took advantage of you so instead he should be haunting the guy down if he really cared.second,omg RUN AWAY..that has toxic written all over it. And it would only get worse..sorry about telling you what to do,but really I believe your life and mental well being is in danger.and he just started,that's how most abuse cycles start by making you feel like it was your fault and that you deserved it,so that you would accept and live with it then it escalates.stay safe and you deserve better ..hope you all the happiness ❤️

[Ink]

I need to say this right up front - the relationship you have described is emotional abuse and it is not the behaviour of a stable, loving caregiver.

You have tried to communicate with him about something that is important to you on a number of occaisions and were brushed off. It shouldn't matter what it is that you need as a sub, the fact that it's important to you should be enough that any caregiver would do everything in their power to give that to you.

I can only assume there are parts of your relationship that you have left out because nothing you have said about him sounds like caregiver behaviour at all.
  1) Doesn't reciprocate during sex.
  2) Leaves a Little alone at a party.
  3) Encourages her to drink when she doesn't want to
  4) Doesn't look after her when she does.
  5) 'slept with' your body whilst uncontious as 'revenge' (I will come back to this)
  6) Constantly putting-down your relationship and saying it may not work.
  7) Logs on to your accounts and reads your private things
  8) Accuses you of things you haven't done (I'll get back to this too)
  9) Does things you've explicitely stated you are hurt by
  .. the list goes on but honestly I'm getting to angry to continue the list.
 
My point in that is your caregiver should want to look after you. It's in their title. But this list - it is all petty and cruel and the exact opposite of what DDLG is at its core. No one is perfect right away and certainly all relationships have their hard times - but this is something else entirely. If you had spoken to him about this and he changed his ways to provide for you then that is caregiver behaviour. What he has done however is unacceptable. I want to use harsher words but - it is not my place.

Getting back to point 5. That is indeed rape. No question about it. You did not consent, and you were not given an option to consent. It sounds like you are still unsure about how to feel about it and no one will be able to tell you how to. But in the context of your post, how any caregiver could willingly do that to their sub and still call themself a Daddy afterwards... I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Please reach out to this community if you need it.

Regarding point 8 - at this point when one partner begins suspecting the other of being unfaithful and they go looking for it whilst acting suspicious themselves it is quite often because they are looking for a way to justify their own behaviours. Not contiously mind you, but it is something that happens a lot. They are unfaithful or they want to be with someone else and so rather than ending things they try to find a way for it to be the other persons fault. I'm not saying thats definately whats happening but at point 8 in your story things definately start to sound that way and only get worse.

You say he's your Daddy of over a year but the party he took you to was back in October - so you have been living like this since then? That is more than half of the relationship. Thats a long time to have been dealing with is on your own.

Okay last point because I'm becoming ranty - As you have described it, you have tried to be open and honest, communicate often about your needs and are certainly quite giving yourself. He on the other hand has been closed off, secretive, selfish and regularly questioning the relationship. Now I'm not a sub, but if I was I'm not so sure I would want to give myself over to someone like that. I don't think they deserve your submission, your respect or your love.

But that's just me.

[TeddyBearDaddy21]

This is from the books themselves.

 

"It is illegal to engage in sexual intercourse with an individual who is unable to give their consent, such as when they are unconscious from alcohol or drugs or from a medical condition or other reason

 

If an individual engages in sexual intercourse with an unconscious person, they may be charged with rape and/or additional sexual abuse offenses."

 

Put it short... Yes he did... And deserves to spend the rest of his days in a 9x9

 

Who ever this guy is. He's trouble.

Edited June 11, 2017 by TeddyBearDaddy21

[Guest Stainedblack]

He raped you, call the cops, make a police report and get a restraining order. You need to leave the situation as soon and as safely as possible. Your happiness means more than trying to force an unhappy relationship with a rapist.

If you need to talk or advice. I'm available.

[I Love Pinkie Pie (Daddy)]

Hello RaptorK, it is good to see you again.

 

As everyone stated, this is a very dangerous relationship to continue with. I also would like to stress that he was planning on raping you from the beginning because he was pushing you into alcohol in order for you to lose conscious, and who knows, I personally believe that he is the one who hit your head to be sure you doing gain conscious during the process and later he brags about it that he slept with you.

 

This is a very sickening psychopathic behavior, it made me super upset and mad what he done to you. I also worry about any other sickening plans that may pop up in his mind.

 

On October night, you went to the hospital and you could recover. Who knows how dangerous would it be the next time. Please get out of this relationship for your safety. Also try to warn friends and family from him because I believe he will do even worse in his next relationship.

 

Take care and be safe

[Princess-P]

Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean he can't rape you. He did. If you can't say yes then you also can't say no. Thats fucking disgusting.

 

Now if you choose to date someone who has very clearly raped you then expect that things are always going to be this way and will never get better. You dont rape someone you love. And he will continue to treat you like a doormat if you let him.

 

Its obvious he doesn't love you. Its obvious your afraid to leave him and be alone or you would have after being raped. So not sure there's anything we can do for you. Leave him. You could call the cops but since you didnt and this was months ago more than likely nothing will come from it. But it doesn't really sound like you want to leave otherwise you just would.

 

He's a rapist. Either leave or continue being a victim. Its your choice because it doesn't get better.

[raptorkitty]

thank you for all your comments I'm currently in the middle of leaving him 

[DMDaddy]

Thank goodness, please be safe. He doesn't deserve your submission, or your love.

[TeddyBearDaddy21]

Good stuff. You don't need him and deserve so much more then that. if it makes it easier to get rid of him. A simple three number telephone call will do. (911) if ever you want to talk don't be shy, everyone here for you

[raptorkitty]

thank you guys for all you help I'm moving to a different province and starting a new life and I'm super excited and terrified all at the same time. you guys really helped a lot 

[LittleBitofSunshine]

please be safe! Keep us updated! Edited June 16, 2017 by LittleBitofSunshine