Tired of Fake Daddies

[PrincessMoses]

     I know I am not the only one who is sick and tired of SO MANY FAKE DADDIES!!! I have been through 3 daddies before realizing that they are all fake. I don't know what is wrong with me....How do I know if I found a true daddy dommy even if he lives far away.....?  

[scarlettemoonxx]

I think it could help if you establish in the beginning what they are wanting, I have already had some guys add me trying to be my daddy without saying anything else first V_V

[Guest Mr.Stuffykins]

You'll know its a real daddy by knowing what his intentions are. No daddy should be bringing up anything sexual upon meeting you nor should the conversation always gravitate to that topic. If he genuinely cares for you then it'll become apparent in the small gestures that he does. You'll see the effort he puts in making you happy and you will notice that every time you talk it should always be about you. His job is to care for you and make you his priority. Any good daddy should be doing this and if he isn't putting the effort than he isn't the right one for you. 

[tayiie]

I am sure that there are caregivers sick and tired of fake littles. Because theres on both sides.

 

Now I believe there is a rather good post about this topic already. This one, for example, takes up red flags https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/20510-red-flags/?hl=flags

This one is good too https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/19983-fake-doms-warning-signssafety-etc/?hl=flags

 

Really the forum has a lot of this already just search "red flags" and you will find most of it.

[Guest thepoet]

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/20062-the-term-fake-daddy/?hl=fake

 

There's an interesting topic that came about not long ago about the prevalence of the term "fake Daddy." I think it's interesting that the community pushes the idea that there is no definition of what makes a little, but there seems to be a preconception of what a Daddy should be, and if you don't tick the right boxes then you're labeled a fake. Sure, there are predators in this dynamic, as there are in all aspects of life. Be wary of predators. But we're all unique individuals and to say someone is a fake because you have a different preconception as to how a relationship should play out is dangerous and not always fair. To say "No Daddy should do this, or that" is ridiculous. A Daddy should be respectful, as should a little, and as long as people are respectful of each other I'm not going to judge another human's manner of action or interaction.

[Guest Kali]

I am in total agreement with the sentiments... Respectfulness has to come first - and no matter how sexual you are/not - things should start out in an adult manner, so you communicate your needs (non sexual and sexual), kinks, and limits. It is entirely wrong to start pretending to be in a role that you have no right to assume - the same goes for littles and caregivers. The rest is really up to the couple concerned, and nobody has the right to make judgement call thereon.

 

Additionally, I have to disagree with Stuffykins - or at least clarify the statement that it's all about the little. It isn't. At the most fundamental level it is about both of you. There are layers of BDSM and CG/l that are wrapped around two consenting adults so that to the outsider, it may well superficially appear to be all about the little - on the other hand it may even look sexually abusive and all about the Daddy's gratification. But the observer would be wrong in both cases.

 

I call it black-hole syndrome - the event horizon is all you see - what's going on inside, between two consenting adults, is anyone's guess unless you ask them - but rest assured - if it's healthy, then both parties are enjoying it. It's dangerous to draw assumptions about any BDSM relationship from a superficial observation.

 

Fake Daddies, and fake littles are generally people who have seen representations of DDlg that appeal to them for whatever reason, and think they can exploit the dynamic to selfishly satisfy their desires. Sometimes these folks are benign and just misinformed and willing to learn - other times they are, as has been pointed out, dangerous predators.

Edited June 8, 2017 by Kali

[Guest Stainedblack]

There are a lot of people in the kink community looking for one thing. Men generally look for nudes or a quick get off, and girls normally look for attention and verification. These generalizations aren't always true, but you'll find these tropes outside of DDLG too. I have seen a lot of "fake littles" ones just looking for attention, sugar daddies, presents, ect. That aren't willing to put effort into a relationship or try to make it work. Also so many littles get this idealized vision of what ddlg is and forget everything in between. It isn't 24/7 coloring and attention, and you still have obligations. Your partner still has needs.

The best advice is to not send nudes (that weeds the creeps out fast), be guarded, and be willing to put in effort. But also be aware of when to call it quits.

[Guest littleloveslars]

1- little or not, we are all adults here. If a relationship is not started with an understanding of expectations, boundaries, and mutual respect, the relationship is not viable or worth pursuing.

2- labeling people as fake is not productive. There is a wide variety of personality types between cargivers and littles. For example, there are littles who refer to themselves as nymphs. By saying a little with a high sex drive is acceptable, but a caregivier with a high sex drive is not, it creates a double standard. Just because you disagree with their methods doesnt mean that everyone does. I am sorry that you have had bad experiences. But you can not go into a relationship in full little mode expecting to instantly have the perfect dynamic. You have to communicate and build trust. And if the other party cant do those things, move on.

[Raphael]

I have seen a lot of "fake littles" ones just looking for attention, sugar daddies, presents, ect. That aren't willing to put effort into a relationship or try to make it work. .

One time I was asked for a Little to write down the things I would offer to a DDlg relationshp with her. I complied and gave her a detailed list of over a dozen things I would do for her. Then I asked her what would she bring into the relationship, expecting a detailed list as well, she replied with this: "love and glitter?"

[tayiie]

One time I was asked for a Little to write down the things I would offer to a DDlg relationshp with her. I complied and gave her a detailed list of over a dozen things I would do for her. Then I asked her what would she bring into the relationship, expecting a detailed list as well, she replied with this: "love and glitter?"

wow, that sucks! Yet, its something I would say during my days when I can't form words at all XD

[Magpies]

This is a partial reason I won't give somebody the time of day if they refuse to put some basic effort in first and foremost. I've had a handful of "daddies" add me or try to talk to me, but they haven't given a single bit of information about themselves or their intentions anywhere I can see. Communication is crucial in relationships like these, and if somebody isn't willing to communicate early on? Well, I'm just going to personally assume they're a fake. 

Fake to me is somebody who is in it only for the sex or for their own personal gratification.
The role is called "daddy"; I think it's safe for me to assume that means I expect a daddy to be somebody who wants to nurture and care, and in return, they get affection, adoration, attention and absolute trust once that bond is formed.

 

Make sure your intentions are clear upfront when you add somebody or first start talking to them.

Watch out for manipulating red flags where you're the one that needs to put in actual effort {saying nice things is not real effort - especially when they're just trying to get pictures or money or something}  or you're the one that needs to go out of your comfort zone only. Ask questions and don't be afraid to drop somebody if they refuse to answer or their answers make you question them. 

 

c o m m u n i c a t e!

[Alice18]

hmm.... i think it will be worth it to be patient.

 

you'll never meet anyone if you never try communicating with them.

everyone is awkward at first, but in time you'll start the see the signs.

 

In my case, i think it was very helpful that i didn't get into full-Little mode during the early stages of communicating with my Daddy. You can both clearly state what your interests are, and talk about how you want your relationship to progress. you don't have to stay when you aren't comfortable. that way, you can develop your relationship or end in good terms. either way.

 

there is nothing wrong with you, but maybe you just haven't met a compatible partner.

don't lose hope and don't be afraid to try!

Edited June 11, 2017 by Alice18

[HisuianLilligant]

I went through this for a while, and dealt with many fake daddies from the ages of 19-20, I'm 21 now and ended up with the best daddy I could ever have imagined, without really even looking- don't worry, there's hope Edited June 14, 2017 by xxbenzadrinexx

[Zenmackie]

As in any relationship, especially online, chances are you'll have to wade through a lot of fakes and wannabes to find the real thing.  (See Tayiie's post above with 'red flag' links, definitely.)  But in general, if a self-proclaimed 'Daddy' doesn't show much interest in getting to know you as a person, or letting you get to know him, and just wants to jump right into the sexual aspect, disengage immediately and run for the nearest exit.  

 

Any true Daddy will have your happiness, safety and well-being as his absolute top priority, and will understand the necessity of earning and being worthy of your trust and affection, no matter how long it may take.

[submissiveboyjimmy]

There have been a lot of good responses on this topic, I think it goes both ways for both daddies and littles, it all depends on what you're looking for, it boils down to looking for red flags while building a connection over a period of time to see if you're compatible with the potential daddy/little/whatever.