Why does loosing your 1st little hurt so much?

[DaddyKaya]

Age: 39
Little age (If applicable): 
Name: Chris
Role: Daddy Dom
Years experience (If applicable): 
Location: Seattle
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Looking for: Someone to talk to
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Since the chat is gone. I thought I might find some new friends. I am a different type of daddy and I am sure everyone has heard that before. I am not just physically attracted to any sex, but I can not say that I am gay or bi-sexual. I can not picture myself with a male and at the same time I don't picture myself being with a female. I get along with females better and I am attracted to the person not a body or a face. I have dated all shapes and sizes and every one of them I thought was the most beautiful person in the world. My most recent and first little, took advantage of my kindness. I got her everything I she wanted on my days off I dropped everything I was doing to drive one hour just to do things like take her for ice cream. She didn't care about how I felt and everything was about her. I know I wasn't the best at being sympathetic or empathetic with her and she really needed that. My brain is just not wired most of the time to handle emotion and I get very logical and rational. When I do have negative feelings it is an emotional storm and my brain needs to catch up to tell me I am being ridiculous and stop. My negative feelings turn off like a switch and I once again become rational and logical. Maybe I am just not daddy material, but why does loosing a little that didn't even respect or trust me hurt more than any other relationship I have ever been in? Can someone please answer this for me? Please? I am dying inside.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

Ddlg is one of the most intimate relationships I have ever had and I have dated/been with a good number of women but loosing my first little hurt the most for me also and not only did I loose her once she actually came back then I lost her all over again but it's because you that person depended on you and​ you made them happy even if it was just for a moment but that's what mattered to you was making that one special lady happy didn't matter if it was an hour drive for ice cream or a cuddle session on the couch because it made both of you happy and personally I like ddlg because littles will let you know when you are doing a good job as a daddy which helps a lot but sometimes things happen and one won't feel the same way anymore granted it does suck and hurt like hell but there a lesson to be learned and that is what you want from your partner it's not going to be easy to get over for me and I don't recommend this but I told my self repeatedly over 2 weeks "she never cared about me" or "she never loved me" then I followed it with some other things but it takes time to heal just as any other break up

[DaddyKaya]

She never told me when I was doing something wrong. Except for accusing me of hiding and lying about things. I never did. She accused me of talking to other girls, because I work with them and have customers that are female. I never was intimate or even considered any of them to be attractive. She is really good at makeup and couldn't afford nice things, so I always bought her all the make up she wanted from Sephora and Ulta. She didn't like her skin so I took her to Lush for bath bombs, skin healing soaps, and lip scrubs. Everything she didn't like about herself, I loved. Because I loved everything. She hated how she looked when she didn't wear makeup, but I loved her even more. I got her a new cell phone and am still paying for her service because she can't afford it and she blocked me on everything, because she thinks I am lying and hiding things. I don't even know what I did to make her think that way. She never told me anything. Even though it is my first DD/LG, I have always naturally been a Caregiver. I would wake up to iron my ex wifes clothes and make her breakfast after getting home at 2am from working a 16 hour day. Warm her car up in the winters then from only about 4-5 hours of sleep go back to work another 16 hour day. Whenever I had days off with her, I would randomly say pack your bags and we would take a road trip and I would get us a a queen suite at a hotel to spend the night at. Take her to a spa. Or whatever else just to show her I cared and me working so much was to give her, her dream family life. Even for my only little. I gave up buying my house, so I could buy a house where she and her family moved, so they could live there rent free. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am just being to nice and too hard on myself....

[DaddyKaya]

I just tossed out all the things she made me though. I am taking the first steps to healing. I just don't know if I can ever stand to lose a little again. It really wrecked me. I know I am not the best guy in the world, but I try my hardest. I never give up until someone proves to me they don't want me.

[Little_Twinkle]

I am so so sorry about your loss and losing a little or a daddy is never easy it is more of a presence thing. And the attachment. I remember letting go of my first daddy because we wanted different things even though I walked away I felt like I was dying inside each day knowing that what we had I could never take back and telling him how much I missed him never moved him or maybe and he didn't allow himself to show it. One of the things is being selfish whilst you were being selfless. It will hurt for a while but remember that you did more then best. Some little don't even get spoilt like this.

[LollyPoppy]

this is genuinely so heart breaking to read. kind people always get taken advantage of and the worst part of it being we don't even realize it or we choose not to see it as it's happening. i'm so deeply sorry for what you're going through. i think like all first loves they hurt the most, but especially in ddlg where (i'm very new to this lifestyle but i've frequently been told) that this is one of the most open and intimate relationships there are. sometimes people just don't work out though and that's okay. daddy's dont always have to put on a brave face; let yourself grieve and hurt but don't let this stop you from finding the perfect little for you that will absolutely love, adore and appreciate every single thing you do for her! i'm here if you wanna talk at all about it but regardless i hope you pretty please don't stay sad for too long. smile smile smile 

[Guest Loki]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I don't have any advice that hasn't been said - may you get everything you deserve and need.

[DaddyKaya]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am not use to being this vulnerable. It is really awkward for me. I even know what she did to me was wrong, but I really tried to give her an unconditional love. I myself was adjusting to the lifestyle and when she hurt me by saying things, I started to rationalize and tell her how I am going to fix it. I blame myself as well, when she needed me emotionally, I just didn't know how to respond. I do have a difficult time being empathetic and sympathetic. I try my hardest though and sometimes, I just don't think it comes out right. I apologized everytime though and then would take her on a shopping spree! I stayed up all hours of the night just so she could have her little time with me even if it was via SnapChat. I would be exhausted, but I always tried my best. I just wish sometimes, I knew what else I could have done. I don't know why she kept thinking I was lying to her or hiding things from her. I apologized for everything else in the last moment except those two things, because I was not going to apologize for something I didn't do.

[DaddyKaya]

Again, I want to thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement. I took my first step today to moving forward. I went on a journey to the places that meant a lot to me to say goodbye. I went to the place where she first took my hand. The first place she first called me daddy. The place where we first kissed. To the park where we first played together on the swings. I went to the last place I made her smile while she ate her ice cream. I sat in the last place that we were together and wrote out her birthday card and then dropped her birthday gift on her doorstep. Of course she replied to me with mean things, but it is okay. I am saying good bye to her! 

[Guest Loki]

Wish you all the best! And don't let the experience damper your look on love

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Your first cg/l relationship can be as intense as your first love. Its an evolution in yourself and how you view romantic relationships. It stings when it ends and it may take time to get over. Vent; dont bottle your emotions. Its okay to be upset but don't dwell and be unhealthy about it. Use it as a learning experience and Remember you have to go through the storm to appreciate a sunny day One day you'll get your sunny day and all this will be a distant memory. 

[DaddyKaya]

Again. Thank you all. Today I took the final step to saying goodbye. I went to the place where I first met her and said my very final goodbye. I even sang happy birthday to her voice mail. Since it will be the last time I can talk to her voicemail since she has me blocked, I am turning off her service since I will no longer be paying for her phone. Again. Thank you all. I won't be on here for a while now. 

[PINKLILLY]

You took such good care of her!

[Guest Kali]

I feel your pain. Truly - I felt pretty near jumping off a bridge when my 1st serious little ended things, and that was an LDR - My own stupid fault but the heartache has been exquisite. I agree - any kink based relationship is deeply intimate in ways vanilla relationships rarely every achieve - even after many years. You bear your deepest insecurities, your pain, and reveal the ways in which you deal with it - the kind of stuff usually reserved for the therapist's armchair - but you don't enjoy the added layer of physical intimacy with your therapist, or spend so much time with them.

 

Your final goodbye made me shed a tear. Thanks for sharing.

Edited June 28, 2017 by Kali

[chubbylilwolfcub]

I think it's becauae of the extreme intimicacy of a ddlg relationship. I myself have had countless partners are relationships, and my first ddlg relationship only lasted 3 months and he was actually absuive. But losing my first Daddy was devistating and emotionally exhausting. I had never given so much of myself to one person, and even though he was manipulative and abusive and the relationshio was short lived, I grieved over that loss for 2 years. I also just want to say that I don't think being logical and less emotional than some means you are not Daddy material, rather it is an aspect of caregiving you may want to put some work into. Some people are emotionally driven and some are logically driven, and that has nothing to do with your ability to love and care for a little. I hope you find some peace soon.

[DaddyKaya]

Thank you. For that. I thought I met someone and suddenly she stopped talking to me for now its been about two weeks. I just hope she is okay, but since she won't respond to my texts. I am just sad again.

[chubbylilwolfcub]

Ghosting sucks, and anyone with an ounce of courage woukd break things off honestly. I'm sorry you are having these troubles, but I believe things will turn around eventually.

 

Hit me up if ever jusy need to vent, I'm a good listener.

[Guest bubbles__]

I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost Daddy's who were abusive I still felt hurt even though I knew they weren't good Daddy's. In time it will get better, you'll find the little that'll make you happy and everything will be worth it. Best of luck.

[DaddyKaya]

YEAH

Edited July 9, 2017 by DaddyKaya

[Guest Lace and bows]

[Guest Cavscout]

... Edited July 28, 2017 by Cavscout

[Guest Spookycupcake]

I'm sorry to hear you have had such a bad experience, I have had some bad experiences myself but with daddies or fake daddies, really. I hope things have gotten better for you. I know I have been crushed before by a daddy leaving me and I am sure you had experienced the same.

[Guest Maccyx]

I lost my girl 15 months ago after being together for two years, and it took every bit of those 15 months to get through the entire ordeal. One minute she was there, living with me, and the next minute she moved out and we never really got to talking it out as we were supposed to. Devastating does not even begin to cover it, and I spent a lot of time analyzing the situation, blaming myself and beating myself up over it. Roughest year of my life...all I can say is that time eventually heals all wounds. I know exactly where you are coming from, what you are feeling. It'll get better, eventually, but between here and there it certainly will not feel like it will. My best advice is to find something you can absorb yourself in - something healthy...and just get lost in yourself for a while. Do not rush into something new until you really feel you have moved on...