(a tinny rant) my talent of pushing people away

[tokki]

okay so im super talented at pushing people away i honestly don't mean to do it to be mean to them but it happens so often that when someone says they no longer wish to speak with me i feel sad and a bit mad at myself but my reply to them is okay i understand and sometimes i just reply with i figured i know they get mad at me it never ends in a good way they ether get mad at me and don't reply or i just stop talking to them

 

i just stop replying i honestly don't now how i have any friends and to be honest i only have 2 friends the rest i pushed away because i didn't feel like i deserved to have friends because i wasn't ready to have any friends and i know it's not what i really want but something in my head always agrees wit the part of me that thinks im not worthy of friendship or to be loved

 

i know that i start pushing people away as soon as i feel they are starting to get close to me i just feel like sooner or later they'll figure out how broken i am and they'll leave me so most of the time im scared to talk about what really is wrong with me because deep inside i still don't want to change i have tried to change before but i know im just lying to myself and that im really 

 

i honestly don't even know why im posting this i just feel like i want to get this out in the open and maybe then i'll feel better or maybe im just been an attention seeker and want people to feel sorry for me which is what i honestly think anyone would think just by reading this i would maybe think the same way 

 

one of the reasons im posting this is honestly cause i would like to know if anyone has ever done this and how they changed this horrible habit because by now it honest has become a habit of mine to just retreat when things get to serious i typed this out so many times and deleted it i just couldn't bring myself to post it but hey why not right haha

[Guest Prat]

You're very much like my little ^^.. We have some bad times and some good but she's doing great overall. She opens up to me more and more every day (little bits though..) and the more she does the more she figures out that she's not that bad on the inside as she thought...

[Somewhatdiscreet]

Okay, so if I had to guess why you tend to stop replying, it's probably due to two main issues.

 

You definitely appear to have low self esteem and because you have trouble with any confrontation instead of replying you tend to shy away, then this becomes a feedback loop where the longer you don't reply. The more anxious you are to reply in case you've upset the other person.

 

You can't fix this with a significant other, it has to come from you.

 

With anxiety, one thing to try and remember is no matter how bad a situation may appear to be in your head, other people are very likely to have not even noticed! You're very likely to not be as broken as you think you are, consider going to a medical professional and seeking therapy or something similar to help you address the route of this problem head on, and try and focus on building your confidence by doing a bit and bit better every day!

 

With anxiety I find the best way to live with it is to catch which thoughts or emotional reactions in your head and examine them and figuring out whether they are or aren't rational. If they're not, they have very little value in reality and you should try your best to discard them.

 

If you'd like any advice further, feel free to send me a message if I don't see it here. I hope you're doing okay and try and take care of yourself!

[Daddybloo]

I know a fair few people abit like this and none are littles!! Tho some say they push for one reason or another it always seems to come down to "pushing them away before they can hurt you" even if you dont know weather or not they will hurt you at all....i see it the same way as any other fear like heights or spiders ect...its not always a bad thing to have but you can both learn to deal with it and even over come it the same as any other....by facing it head on. I can't say it will be easy as every beautiful person is different but I can say that if you manage at least one of those two things you can only make you life better