New Relationship... Already Feeling Neglected

[borgia55]

Hey everyone... 

 

I'm new here and am hoping that you all can give me some advice. 

 

My Daddy and I were in a LDR for about 3-4 months, knowing that I would be moving to his area. Neither of us wanted simply on "online" relationship from the beginning. So for those 3 months, I was always dreaming of how amazing it would be when we were finally just under an hour away from each other. 

 

I shared/share each and everything with him. He has become someone I am entirely dependent on, need in my life. It has been the most beautiful, open and raw relationship I have ever had. 

 

Now that we are close to one another... I have literally seen him under a handful of times in almost a month. And some days, I don't get more than a one line message from him. 

 

We both work in very public professions, so we keep this to ourselves, but he still has yet to even give me his phone number. We only email. I have given him every ounce of information about me that I could divulge. Even being as private and careful as I am, I let him into my home... Almost gave him a key to show him how much I trust him. 

 

Anyway... I feel like he contacts me less now than he did while we were apart. When we are together, it's absolutely magical. Our connection is so strong, we get along like best friends, and when I'm with him, I forget that I ever felt neglected or taken advantage of. Even our "intimacy"... he has only focused on me thus far. Taking things very, very slowly. Which I respect, tremendously. 

 

It's just hard because I've never heard him actually call me "babygirl" or "little one"... He has a nickname for me, but he's only written it out in an email once or twice. He still isn't comfortable holding my hand in public, or even hugging me... I know it must all sound silly, but I am head over heels for him already and I feel like he's not reciprocating the amount of love I want to give him. I'm clear and open with him all the time... Always telling him that I am willing and ready to move things forward... But he just stays stuck where he is. 

 

Even the first long weekend we had together... I admittedly was expecting him to plan something for us. But he did and said nothing. I didn't even hear from him until midnight both days. 

 

Lastly, he made it clear towards the beginning that he is not "monogamous". That he has expected too much in the past and will not make that mistake again. I remember when he told me that... It just crushed me because I am very much a "one man" kind of little girl. But I already cared and loved him so much, I thought I could try and push that aside and accept him the way he is... 

 

Okay enough rambling... Any thoughts or support would be really appreciated. Thank you all! 

Edited May 28, 2017 by borgia55

[Nel-Chan]

That would really bother me...it seems,he isnt being true to,himself and thus true to you. How can he be so distant and cold deapite wanting to be your Daddy? :\ Have you talkeds to him about it?

[Guest Prat]

Seems to me you 2 aren't very compatible at all.. If you're unhappy, tell him about it, if you're still unhappy after that then he either can't make you happy or doesn't want to.. Either way, you have to think of yourself and your needs. He's not the only Daddy out there.

[borgia55]

A small update...

 

He tells me to write him all the time, so I did. But this time I made it clear about how unhappy, and basically confused, I was. 

 

Instead of saying anything or responding, he picked me up for ice cream about an hour later. Yes, it was sweet, but it made me even more frustrated because I felt like he thinks one small outing for an hour makes up for everything. Even when he dropped me off at home, I asked if he wanted to stay with me but he said he had to help a friend with some things... That hurt. I felt very rejected. And just... I don't know. Sad. 

 

Maybe we aren't as compatible or good for each other as I thought. 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well. I won't say if you're compatible or not. I don't know either of you. Here's a couple observations.

 

A) what was he doing before he picked you up for ice cream? I doubt he felt the small 1hr outing fixed everything. My guess is, he thought it would help. I would also guess he was trying to be nice and was probably doing something as well, that he probably stopped to come see you.

while I understand WHY it hurts that he didn't drop his friend to hang out with you the rest of the day.... I don't feel it's fair if you to expect, either. If he already had committed to hang out with his friend, then you can't expect him to drop that commitment.

 

It's still a very new relationship. My husband and I have been together for nearly 5yrs. We have two children together. And still I don't expect him to drop things for me. Now, I DO expect that if I'm feeling lonely, he spend a day with me. That's reasonable. You need to flat out tell hom 100% what you want. Do you want a day a week that's just you two having fun together? A couple times a month? A few hours each day? Explain this! Some people are more needy than others. Maybe in past relationships his partners have felt smothered by attention, so he's afraid to give too much. Heck I don't know. But I'm guessing his probably would.

 

Now, then there's the possibility that you just aren't as compatible as you once thought. But I'm concerned that you're hanging in the towel very early. If that's what you choose to do, it's your relationship and life. But if you enjoy your time together as much as you say, there may be something worth saving.

[Lokilove]

You said he has expected too much in the past and won't make that mistake again. Depending on how much got changed when you paraphrased what he actually said, dude has been seriously burned before and is afraid to or is incapable of opening up to that kind of hurt again. Some of us bounce back and try again, some of us shut down and protect ourselves from that pain at all costs.

 

I think this should be a focus for a serious conversation before you give too much more. At least know where you stand so you can decide if it is worth the risk.

[Guest Princessaj]

Dearest Borgia,

 

My heart bleeds for you. I see so much of my past life in your situation. I was the utmost artist in attracting unavailable men or shall I say boys. I have had the most wonderful fantastical "relationships" that I manufactured at my own expense in my head. I was my own jailer in my toxic dreams and blinded myself to every and all excuse they made. They fell off their pedestals of which I placed them all the time and I used strength I didn't have to place them back in such a lofty position. I moved heaven and earth to be available at the drop of hat looking flawless while I let many things go that were needs not wants. I was a late bloomer to my "self." The "self" that I murdered so that these dramatic romance novellas could blaze on only to permanently burn my soul to ashes.

 

Although you have agreed to die to your dreams and wishes to be with only one man that would give you the respect of only being with you as his one and only. I beseech you to save yourself. Save yourself for yourself, because they won't do it for you or anyone that would make them not have their cake and eat it too.

 

They are not our friends no matter how golden the moment seems. I had "moments" that I tried to sew together with the same thread that the tailors used to sew the "Emperor's New Clothes" and it went on for years and years that I will never get back.

 

No this is not some ravings of a hard cold hearted bit!! God is good and I can say that He sent me my Daddy. The one and only Daddy that wants only me. He puts my happiness first and wants to take care of me. He would move heaven and earth just to see me smile. I have to say that things look pretty nice from up here on the pedestal he has put me on.

 

Start now to live the rest of "your" life. You can thank me later, but not too much later. Hugs

[brownskindaddy96]

Borgia55, I am sorry to hear that your daddy is neglecting you and failing to keep up with his promises he made to you.

 

I am wishing you the best and I hope that he at least try to repair the damage. 

[borgia55]

Thank you all for your replies. I genuinely appreciate it. 

 

It's been a tough couple of days. 

 

We hadn't seen each other in a while and he was saying how busy he was with work, how he had all these issues with "friends" of his (which, I believe he was referring to his other 'littles') and so on and so forth. I decided that I wanted to just put everything aside and cheer him up. I told him to come over, I would cook his favorite food, and just pamper him a little. 

 

I was surprised when he actually said yes, I had been so sure that he wouldn't even want to come at all. That got me excited... I will admit. Just being able to spend time with him. I know, sounds a little pathetic saying it out loud, but it's how I felt. 

 

I went all out. This city is still new for me, but I walked all around finding the perfect ingredients, making him something that was reminiscent of his childhood and home... Got his favorite drink... Made myself all pretty for him... I tried to make it special. 

 

When he came, he was in an odd mood. Kind of made some odd remark that I made the "wrong" type of rice. Also made some slight remarks, well insults, about my home in general. As I said, I literally just moved a couple weeks ago and haven't had much time to make it "home-y", but anyways... Not the point. After he ate, he asked if I could give him a massage. I did as we talked. Literally for almost two hours... My hands were genuinely sore... He also brought up a sensitive topic about someone I lost in the past. I started to get really upset, almost cried, but didn't only because he didn't even let me feel comfortable enough to. If that makes sense at all. He didn't console me, didn't even try and hug me or anything. Just kept his distance and told me I needed to get over it. In a nutshell. 

 

I have an autoimmune disease that I have to monitor and I told him about my new doctors appointment coming up in a few weeks. As of right now, I don't even know exactly how I am getting there and admittedly, there was a small part of me that thought he would offer to take me since he suggested I go to the further place as it was, and I made it on a weekend. But when I mentioned it, he didn't even bat an eye and told me where to rent a car for the day. The thing is, I can manage just fine on my own. I've been independent for as long as I can remember. Have lived and bounced around in many different countries... I can eventually work things out just fine. But just the tone and way that he didn't even think to offer... Maybe I'm expecting too much... But it hurt. I've been viewing him as my "Daddy"... And I always felt that something like this, well, that he should at least want to be there for support or attempt to act like he cared. 

 

I felt kind of frozen the rest of the night. He had left without trying to be intimate, without even trying to be "with" me.... I felt just like a sounding board for him. Like I could have been anyone to him. It's hard to explain. Now when I'm around him... I'm always careful with my words, even my actions because he doesn't like when I'm playful... 

 

I really just don't know what to do. Yes, he has his sweet moments and gestures... But I'm always left feeling sad and uneasy. That I'm just a time pass when he has his free moments and doesn't want to be alone. When I, on the other hand, started to see him as my whole world. I feel like I need to end it, but I don't even know how. I'm almost afraid to. Sounds ridiculous, I know... But it's the first thing that comes to mind. 

Edited June 4, 2017 by borgia55

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I'll be the bad guy here.. You need to leave. He sounds like a Manipulative butthole. This isn't a healthy place that will enable you to grow - This guy kinda sounds like a black hole for happiness. Reading your post about the stuff he does made me sad by Osmosis - Move on my dear... Find yourself and then find someone who will love that self more than the waking world. There's a perfect person out there for you.. but this arsehole isn't him. 

[Guest Panda.Princess]

Unfortunately, I'm with Lil'Miss Dolly.  There is no growth that's going to happen and staying will only show him you're willing to put up with the garbage.  Make yourself the PRIORITY, not the option. 

 

You are gold and the right DD will recognize and not let it go or ignore it. 

[LittleRae]

I agree with everyone else. You are your hugest priority. If he doesn't appreciate or respect that, then it may be time to look for someone who will.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

After getting more information, I am going to agree with the above. Leave, run away quick, and don't look back. Things aren't going to get better, they'll get worse. You've uprooted your entire life for this man, he should be there to support you through the process.

 

About 18 months ago I had quiet the health scare. I had a major cyst on my ovary, and based on size, shape, and location, they were thinking cancer. I was very sick, unable to pick up my daughter, and even walking was a struggle. My Daddy (and husband) was on second shift at the time, and that's when I could get blood work scheduled. He took a vacation day to be there. It was blood work we wouldn't have results from for a few days, but I was tearful and terrified to go alone. Then, we went to see a specialist to discuss surgery or what not. He, again, took a vacation day. There was no cancer, and all ended well. But it would have been so much harder without him by my side. I didn't need to tell him I needed him there, I didn't ask him to be there. In fact, I encouraged him to go to work because if it was cancer I would be unable to work for awhile.

 

No one in the world should make you feel the way he does.

[borgia55]

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words. 

 

It has helped give me some strength and clarity with what I need to do. 

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Sending you lots of positive healing vibes, Borgia! You deserve so much more and when things get tough you always have all of us to vent to! You will be so much better off, Lovely <3

[chubbylilwolfcub]

I agree woth these last few commenters, after reading about your struggle you need to run. He isn't attentive to your needs and wants and that is a big no no. And what kind od Daddy doesn't like when his little is playful? I understand that there is a time and a place but private time in your own home is perfectly appropriate. And he made comments about the food you made for him and criticized your home... Those are terribly things that no self respecting Daddy would ever do to his little.